Stolen Passion (Stolen Heart Chapter 2)
Stolen Passion: Chapter Two of Stolen Heart
Often times I dream of her
Often times I desire HER
Stretch my hands out
A touch of bliss
Bare my tongue out
To share a kiss
I am a dreamer
A love-struck fool
A hopeless dreamer
Used like a tool
Yet I love her
haughty vanity
And I desire HER
The love for me
But she has cursed I
In a hasty flurry
But she has spurned I
In an angry hurry
I am the lonely dreamer
The simple fool
The lonely dreamer
Who lost the duel
The lonely dreamer
The lonely dreamer
Yet I desire her
She who rejects me
Yet I love her
She who spurned me
The lonely dreamer...
Of unicorn
So very near
Yet I am lost
There is no compass
For my dearest cost
What good is touch
When her heart's away
What good are these words
That I have to say?
How can I show this
This lovely maiden
My stern resolve
What do I say then?
Does she hear me
Is her heart deaf
Could it be that
Her soul has left
So I sing for you
A litany of my passion
No matter you don't listen
I'll carry on in this fashion
And when you
Come about to see
My arms open
There I'll be
I once learned from a wise colleague, a friend who saw things a little differently, something interesting.
He was a Mahayana Buddhist identifying with ch'an (pronounced chun), the Chinese version of Zen (and actually started before Zen).
The story went like this; I was frustrated by being subjugated by hostile equines, and subsequently asked him how I could become free.
Impatiently, he asks me to show him my chains.
I, of course, respond that I have none.
He inquires as to why I am seeking freedom, then.
It makes me wonder about what chains we bear in life; the physical and psychological.
And if the psychological should really have the power to deny me choice.
"My, little Philip! You are FULL of surprises!"
I part one eye, yawning, as I look at her from my lotus position on the floor.
Naked.
"Meditation. Lotus position. Buddhism style enlightenment?"
I nod uncertainly.
"Boring. I did that for two lifetimes and never became a Buddha."
I would have pointed out that it was probably because there were no equine Buddhas. For those of you unfamiliar with the concept, those who practice Buddhism believe that by clearing the mind of all distraction, of all egotistical thought, we could become 'awake', reach enlightenment and become a Buddha.
I do remember there being a female Buddha. No horses, though.
I smile wryly.
"Do you follow the four noble truths?" I muse.
I laugh smugly.
Of course she didn't. Not if she owned a house like THIS!
Although, for my love, I was no better.
The four noble truths pertain to suffering caused by attachment to objects and notions.
Objects like your Porsche-until it crashes into a tree. Like your house, until it burns down.
Notions like vanity-until you become decrepit. Like love-until she dies;
And I am alone.
"What is enlightenment?" She muses.
"Are you avoiding the question?" I demand.
"Not at all. I'm seriously asking you what it is."
"Don't be stupid. We all know what it is."
"And?" Duchess prompts.
"And what?"
"And what is it?"
I think about it.
"Enlightenment is a lack of ego towards the next stage of life."
"Is it?"
"What else could it be?"
"I had two hundred years to contemplate this notion. With only eighty or so years, your masters barely scratched the meaning."
"Okay, smart ass, 'Enlighten' me."
"I failed. I hit a spiritual brick wall. I ask you, already knowing you do not have the answer, so what right to you have to judge me in regards to my lax conduct in regards to the four noble truths, and subsequently, the eight-fold path?"
"Your Dharma (teachings) are false, unicorn. You cannot decide the appropriate way for all. We must find that ourselves-even if we do not take the advice of those before us."
"That's idiotic human talk! I told you that Buddhism is spiritually ineffective!"
"People said that the cult for Epona, the mare goddess among the Pagans and Roman cavalry, was spiritually ineffective."
I smile.
That certainly shut her up!
"Hmmm. True. It's different on the other hoof to bring up such things. Horses did not create Epona the divine mare, but our culture is thankfully that much more enriched by the inclusion of some quite agreeable human concepts."
"Worshipping horse as a god? Your kind are no more perfect than my kin."
"On that point, Hindus and the Koran would disagree with you."
"I do not know those religions. Where does it say that your plow horse is more sacred than a crucifix?"
She giggles.
"A horse, a horse! My kingdom for a horse!" She declares in an annoyingly mocking voice.
"That's Shakespeare."
"You deny intellectuals of your past had important things to say?" She accuses.
"I deny that I should go into more detail in this farce than I have any right to."
"Does that mean I win this duel?"
"Only if you claim the nobility and arrogance of equus as your birthright, for both are inseparable."
"I do not catch the meaning, Philip."
"Horse has pride. YOU have arrogance. You think you are better because your wisdom is intensely comprehensive. YOU cannot transcend as you are. You failed to see your greatest weakness; that to become a Buddha, you must have NO ego, and NO pride. AT ALL. Ego is self-there is no self in enlightenment. There is no 'one' in the pattern of Hinduism's Sansara (revolving door of life and death). We are all everything eventually through the cycle of reincarnation, and if we do not conquer attachment, we will continue to live many more lives until no object or feeling draws us back down."
"Philip...asking a unicorn not to have pride is like asking a rich man to give away all his wealth; it just can't be done."
"Spoken like a true egomaniacal bitch." Declared a haughty masculine voice from behind.
I look back to see the feminine and lithe sight of a unicorn stallion in some ridiculous, almost outdated frilly Victorian clothes.
"Big brother. Your presence enriches us." Duchess praises.
"Big? I am only forty years older that you!" He protests.
Only?! To me, that was a HUGE difference, if you only lived for a century.
"Yes, they say that if you were born only ten years after me, we could be considered twins."
Now he appraises my naked form there on the floor with subtle interest, which I am unable to interpret.
"I know what you're thinking, and I wouldn't bother trying to ask. It was hard enough to convince him I was okay."
"Perhaps if I share my singing talent with him?"
"He'll hate you, despise you. He's not like others in your employ. He does NOT like to be coerced. My best success has been in asking, and I know how forward you are, if you fail, you do it anyway, and think nothing of it. You may take Jonathen for your purposes, but until my lover shows ANY interest in the other half, I will not stand idly by as you try your prurient tricks on him, even if you DO have the reputation for the gentlest lover of the land."
The stallion nods stoically, smiling.
He didn't hear a damn thing she said.
But I did. Her brother is gay, and he wants to fuck me. Wants to badly, and enough to go behind her back. I can see it in his eyes, the lust, the desire, the annoyance of the insult upon him by his subordinate.
"Yes, love. Bless you. but may I ask who your new mate is called by?"
"His name is his to give, Bernard, or have you forgotten that if a human tells a unicorn his or her name, it as if he has signed his soul and body to them in pledge?"
"Why, I believe I have. Rest assured, I merely wanted to assuage my curiosity over the new creature in the menagerie. Every decade I visit, you have someone new for a slave or lover to replace those of yours that die."
"And every time you come by, why is it that I find that you have enchanted and broken in my new servant, when I told you not to?"
"Because I love the virgin studs, and...because you told me not to. Playing hard to get is a fetish of mine."
Duchess turns away from him, disgusted.
"You'd think I'd have learned better than to have told you no." She muses.
"But the error, whether you say I can or not, I would still do it."
"Then there is no point in threatening you."
The stallions' ears are forward in mildly rapt attention.
"Does that mean, I can have him, then? I promise I won't be rough, and it will only be one night. I'll even be the submissive!"
"Did you catch all that Philip? My brother wants you to have your way with him. Don't forget that your name is mine, as is your body, so if you tell him your name directly or indirectly, in our conduct, he will then own you instead."
I caught the hint. She was saying that Bernard would try to trick me into telling him my name, and that he would immediately own me, dead to rights, to do whatever he wanted.
Clever bastard.
"Philip? Hmmm. Amusing. Did you tell him that it means, 'a fucker of horses?'"
"Huh? Wait, I thought Phil-"
I pause carefully. The sneaky stallion almost got me.
"It means what, Philip honey?" He pleasantly asks, as if he hadn't tried to trick me into becoming his little slut.
"Nothing, I must be mistaken. You're probably right."
He nods carelessly.
"Yes, my sister is not as accurate as me in some scholarly matters, but fear not, such a name is not perverse, when you realize the entire world is covered by horses more than eager to be...er-hem...accosted by those of the tailless kindred?"
"Bernard, Sir. I am Homo Sapien, not Homo Erectus. Please do not mix up the two."
"Your name is Homo Sapien?"
"No, it's-"
Pretty sneaky, unicorn.
Bastard.
"It's not mine to give." I finish.
"Are you satisfied, brother?" Replies a vexed Duchess.
"So rude, sibling? Do not forget that I stay for a year."
"How contrite. Where is my etiquette? Everything that is mine, is yours."
"Your slaves as well?" He inquires with great interest, looking at me.
"My slaves as well. But Philip is not my slave, he is my lover. Among unicorn conduct, if you'll remember, a mate is one thing we are not obligated by courtesy to share."
He sighs, defeated.
"So true, Duchess. Pity. The only way I could have him is if he was MY slave."
"Or if he were amiable to your whims, if you hadn't forgotten, I merely bar him from your lust because he doesn't appreciate the 'musical' talents."
Musical? Did she mean the enchantment?
"Pity Philip is not sociable to me plying musical conduct upon him."
No, there was a different meaning, here.
"I do believe our conversation confuses him. He's not musical himself, if you'd remember." Duchess points out.
Bernard smiles wryly.
"Musical or not, I'd still care for a duet and a blow on his horn, if you understand the vernacular." He adds with a elegant wink.
Now he looks at me with his kind blue eyes.
"Philip honey? Musical is a polite way of saying that someone is homosexual." Bernard offers.
"I'm sorry, but I dance to the beat of a different instrument."
"Yes. Strong-willed, but shy. Assertive, but not discourteous. Others I know of with a non-musical background I would compare to a bagpipe, with their shrewdness, bawdiness, and of course, coarseness. But you, little Philip...You do not offend when you do not understand. You are an open vessel, accepting all. Masculine, authoritive, and you want your head, Borrowing a head-strong equine term. Hmmm. Am I being too presumptive by saying you are either like a Trombone or Snare drum?"
"If I am a Trombone, you must be a Clarinet."
"Polite of you, love, but not quite. My boyfriend compared me to a Tuba."
"What? How very unbecoming!" I protest.
"But he's right. I am loud, obnoxious, and too impolitely forward. I am too old to care of trivial things such as shyness. I go boldly according to my lust, much to the dismay of my quarry! But that is only part of the reason why my lover gave me this designation. The other is because-"
Then he paused briefly.
"I play my lovers like a Violin, but it is I who call out like a Tuba when we make love!" He declares with a jubilant horsy laugh.
Then he takes a serious look at me.
"Still, we could make such lovely music together. You could be the conductor and show me how um...your horn must be properly played?" He replies, licking his muzzle in a horny, unsated way.
"You flatter me, unicorn, but I prefer a duet with a harp." I muse, glancing meaningfully at Duchess.
She blushes coyly from the praise.
"It is not uncommon for a musician to play many different instruments. I played a few ballads on that harp myself."
My eyes went wide in shock. He just admitted to me that he not only had a curiosity for hetero, but he had committed incest with his sister!
"How could one forget?" She replies mirthfully.
Unicorn incest! I never thought that uni-kin would engage in such a thing!
Bernard laughs amusedly at my uncertainty.
"Calm yourself, love. We both admitted we were bored and thought that this might be an -enlivening-concerto." He muses.
"And?" I prompt nervously.
"Am I still gay?" He responds.
Definitely. He's chasing my ass, for starters!
"It was just a one-time thing to break away from the dull everyday of brain-dead stallion partners, and simple-minded men. I'd rather have tried my sister, than any other bunch of insincere little mare whores."
"Blood's thicker than water?" I offer.
"Exactly! I knew SHE wouldn't blackmail or insult me. Not many others will put up with my playboy attitude of love 'em and leave 'em."
"So why do you want me, if you'll just forget about me afterward?" I inquire.
"Why do you want gold or money, or jewels? You don't really want THEM, you want what they bring you; a car, a house, a nice vacation in sunny Florida. For my part, I don't truly care for you as a permanent lover. I want someone to take me from the dull annoyance of my near immortality. Philip, when you live for centuries, maybe millennia, eating a bullet is a tempting notion. What it comes down to, is that right and wrong-ethics-lose meaning. So some great unicorn philosophers have put forward a code of conduct for those generations that follow. Not necessarily for good or ill, but just to keep us on our toes, to keep things sufficiently interesting. When you play a video game through a dozen times, it gets boring unless you come up with ways to make it interesting; kill all your enemies with the weakest weapon only, play a driving game with the worst car, and highest difficulty setting. Things like that. Anyway, eventually, I hear stories where, when a unicorn loses interest with life, the only thing that can hold their attention, is the way they kill themselves."
My mouth is agape. This is NOT what I expected to hear.
"That is both our blessing and curse Philip. We envy you. You are like a child who finds the whole world interesting, but we've done that too many times. We lose interest in the affairs of the world. What's another war, when you've seen hundreds already? Who cares about the suffering of others? We have had uncountable friends and love's die before us."
I regain my composure.
"You couldn't have tried EVERYTHING!" I protest.
"Afraid so. We worked in the sewers, even. Had a stint as assassins, interrogating prisoners captured by our peacekeeper's, computer engineering, recording artists, we even ruled our own country once, my sister and I."
"What about learning to fly a plane?"
Bernard flashes me a mischievous smile.
"Which one?"
Which one?! This answer makes me delirious.
"Drive a tank?"
"In the Cardigan war, five decades ago."
"Went into space?"
"Eight times." Duchess yawns boredly.
"Had foals to raise?"
"I had three-hundred sixty-five. She had two-hundred ninety-five. Boring."
I sigh, exasperated.
"I give up."
"Exactly. So do we. We've been fine-tuning the plans for our suicides this past decade."
"What?! No! Don't be so stupid!"
"Philip honey, you have a lot to live for, but for us, there's no point, no purpose in carrying on. Would it amuse you to know that the first goth was a unicorn fed up of life? And would it also amuse you that we entertain the notion of killing ourselves with fireworks like you see at those fancy shows? Why not go out in a bang of pretty color? That seems to be the elegant, over-the-top, way for a unicorn."
"Wait, please don't."
Bernard sighs.
"Our passion for life has been stolen, I'm afraid."
"Give me a year to change your minds. I MUST PROVE that there are things yet to do with life." I protest.
"One thing I can do with my life is end it."
"No...Don-" I stop uncertainly.
"Honey, please, before I die, could you tell me your name as a last request?"
God! I was overcome by the horror, the hopelessness. I valued life, even life considerably cheapened by a lack of purpose, of PASSION.
I had to look in those kind, elegant eyes.
I had to look into the lonely, derelict soul of a lovely, defeated unicorn.
I had to tell him my name.
I HAD to.
"Philip, my grace."
His ears swivel toward me.
"Damn it! Do you realize what you've done?!" Duchess snarls.
A growing shiver envelops me.
"Yes. I know what I've done."
I rise from the lotus position, still naked, looking at the stallion with the gold horn.
I gaze deeply into Bernard's eyes, becoming ensnared in his masculine charisma, and whisper,
"I've done enough."