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Disclaimer: This work of fiction is written by me, Zekay, all characters and events are therefore copyright of me. Any character similarities to anyone/any fur is purely coincidental unless otherwise posted. 18+ readers.

Without further delay, Chapter 4: Numb

I was a little overwhelmed, to tell you the truth. Just yesterday, I hadn't a friend in the world, and now I'm the one who has to take control of a incident between my friends. I had to do a little planning before a talked with Tennial, but that could wait, Shadow needed me right now. After we were walking down the sidewalk, he finally composed himself enough to talk to me.

"He just took off like that after I told him."

"Well, it is a shock to find out someone likes you, even more so if they're a orientation difference."

"It's not that he left that I'm upset, well, it's not the only reason I'm upset."

"So, what's the other reason then?"

"He had to have heard the jock behind me after he turned around, but he just left me to deal with it alone. I thought we were cool enough tha..."

"Hey, don't let it bother you," he looked at me and I paused. "well, for the moment." I said meekly. I'm sorry you have to deal with that all the time, I sorta know how it feels."

"How could you possibly know how it feels? You're not gay." he said, and he sounded a little irritated too. But so was I.

"I know cause I've been beat on every place I've moved to since i was little, hell ever since I can remember! They didn't even use that as an excuse to do it either, they just did it for the hell of it. I never did anything wrong, just like you, that's why I know how it feels." We pretty much just stayed silent for a most of the walk. I told Shadow when we had reached my street and the tension had cooled off by then.

So then he asked, "Shouldn't you tell your rents you're having a friend over?" At the mention of being called his friend, I couldn't help but let my tail wag. But I kept my cool and said, "I doubt they'll care, I've never had a friend over before."

"Never? Really?" I guess that wasn't something you tell someone.

"Um, no."

"Well, why not?"

"I've never had a friend to invite." I said looking down. He was dead silent, then he shock his head and gave me a hug again, this time for my benefit.

"That's messed up man," he said still shacking his head. "I mean you're smart, brave, and loyal. Why wouldn't anyone want to be buds with you?"

"You mean that?"

"Course I do, you probably just saved my life, that's a good friend. That's a friend everyone should have."

"Thanks Shadow, Oh we're here. Good, I didn't get us lost." I was going to open the door but Shadow tapped me on the shoulder.

"Wait."

"What?" I asked. He looked pretty nervous actually, scared really. "What's wrong?"

"Would they be ok with me being gay?" I hadn't thought about it, what would they say? My mom would likely be okay with it. She just wants me to have friends, she wouldn't care, as long as he didn't hurt me. But, dad, I don't know, he has a quick temper, but he's normally pretty cool with me, not being the ideal son, (sports jock)(good looks)(good work/money). But he's getting more angry with us lately, maybe I'm just not seeing something with him. Regardless, it's not a very good thing to bring up when you bring someone home. What do I say? Hi dad, here's my only friend and he's gay. Know that sounds kinda bad but that's just about how it stands. I know my dad loves me, but I'd rather not test how much right about now. So...

"I don't think it should be mentioned right away, I'm not really sure how they'd react. I'll ask some questions or something to find out. Then you can feel more comfortable later. That alright?"

"Sure."

"Am I aloud to open the door now?" I asked him jokingly.

"Yeah ass hole, go ahead." he said laughing. So I go to open the door, only to have it open before I grab the handle, mom was standing in the doorway with a confused look on her face. It was kind of awkward actually. No one said anything for about 5 seconds.

"Uh, Hi mom, sorry I didn't call, but something came up, so we came here."

"What came- never mind, who's your friend Jake?" she said, half distracted half excited.

"Shadow," he said stretching out a paw, "It's nice to meet you."

"Very nice to meet you Shadow!" she said shaking his paw and smiling warmly. Then she continued, "Sorry boys, I have to go out, stay out of trouble, I'll be back soon!" Before I knew it she ran to the car and drove out of sight. I was just thinking about how cool it was that I was having a friend over, actually, I was overwhelmed. But, what do we do, I've never had to be the one to make the decision.

So, we're walking through the door way and Shadow says, "She seems real nice." I closed the door and said "yeah, so what, do you want to do?"

"I dunno, I'm good for whatever." hmm, some of my video games have multiplayer, and I've seen guys goofing off and playing games on those TV shows, and it's pretty fun when I play them with dad. What guy doesn't like video games? Okay, that's settled. So, we make our way to the living room where my ps3 is set up. "Whatcha' want to play?" I ask.

"Wow, you got 007 Howling-eye!"

"Cool, let's play that." So, we started playing for a bit,

I beat him every round, like I usually do with my dad, but he never seemed to mind. We talked in-between rounds but most of the conversation revolved around things like, dude you cheated or, that was retarded you should of died. After a while, we both sort of sat back, expressing that we were both done playing.

Then, out of nowhere he asks, "Hey, do you mind if I stay over, I was already kinda prepared for Tennial's but, well ya'know." I was hesitant to answer. something was making my mind wonder. I know we were friends now, I don't know why I thought it really. But I was actually starting to wonder if I was okay with him being gay. I saved him yes, and I'd never hurt him, and he's been nothing but nice to me, no a friend to me. So, why am I uncomfortable. I don't want him to stay, but I do at the same time. Does that make any sense? When I didn't reply right away, Shadow started to look worried,

"What?" he asks, "You don't want me too?" he asks laughing a bit. But I still didn't answer, I didn't know what to do. I'm scard actually, he's gay what if he comes onto me, what if he tries to... do something. "You, really don't want me to? Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry if I did something." his words felt like ice, I just kept feeling worse, but I couldn't say yes to his request. But I couldn't say no either. I was frozen, I still said nothing.

"Jake, you gotta talk to me, what did I do? I must of done something." But he didn't do anything, nothing but confess his orientation, actually I found that out from the jock, but it doesn't matter. I already accepted him, I can't just not have him around, he is my only friend, maybe that's why I was okay with it initially. Anything to gain a friend. But, I don't think I am okay with it. I had always thought that gays crossdressed, acted girly and stuff like that, but now that I've been hanging out with him a bit, that's just a stereotype. Why the feeling of being uncomfortable around him hadn't come up before, I don't know. It's gotta be the staying over part. I don't want him to onte onto me. Argh, answer him you idiot, or you're gonna lose a friend.

"N-, no I don't want you to stay." I said softly. What did I say?! Tell me I didn't say that.

"It's because I'm gay... isn't it?" he asks me, his ears flattening to the top of his head. No, this has happend to him before. I can see his eyes layered in clear liquid, the pain of losing a friend. I don't know the feeling, but I know it when I see it. I think I'm starting to get that feeling. I don't want to lose him either. Why am I even doing this, I'm throwing my newfound friendship out the window cause he likes guys? How stupid is that?

"I guess I should go then," he said sniffiling as he said it.

"Wait," I say, only to be cut off.

"What?! You've made yourself very clear. You don't really want me here, this was all just a pity party wasn't it?"

"No of course no-"

"Save it, you just wanted to humiliate me, and you succeeded." he said harshly, still with tears in his eyes. Then he started to walk towards the door. What have I done? Shadow's my only friend, so, that makes him my best friend right? Yeah, he's my best friend, and I'm his... at least I hope I still am. I can't just screw this up, I have to do something!

"No I didn't!" I was almost screaming and my voice cracked a bit. That at least got him to stop. "Please wait, I don't know why I thought it I was just scared! Please forgive me. I want you to stay." I was shacking and I felt cold. I couldn't bare for this to end. We should be lifelong friends, I felt it. Why did I screw this up?

"You can't just change your mind in an instant Jake," he said coming over to me. "I know you aren't okay with it." he just stood in front of me his ears still pressed to his head. My vocie returned to its normal volume.

"I know, but I'll get over it, you're too important to me then to just let you leave. I want our friendship, you being gay wont get in the way again, I swear." he seemed to think about it for a moment.

"Okay," he said, "tell you what, i'll stay a while longer, but I won't stay over. We can talk and sort this out, I want to stay friends too.

"I'm sorry." I said and I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into a hug.

"I'm sorry too." he said revieving the hug, smiling like the whole incident never happened.

After that rough patch between us, we were inseperable and the best of friends.

During freshman year it was just me and Shadow. I helped him with homework, and he showed me how to actually gain muscle instead of just burn fat. It turns out, the more you do one exercise, the less effective it gets. That actually made sense cause I had only ever done crunches and pushups. After that jock was found paralysed by one of his teammates, they knew better than to mess with me or Shadow. That made me a little popular, but I didn't rule the school by any means. I was just upgraded to middle class student, i mean, if you want school to sound like a section on a travelling plane or train. I did manage to get a few more sessions with the cheetah, you know, of the awesome nature, but she doesn't even want to be friends beyond that. So, that sucked.

Everything was going great though, but I couldn't shake the feeling something awful was about to happen. So I finally had a friend over, everything went okay, my parents were happy, I was happy, Shadow was happy, and school and life continued for me as if I had always had him for a friend, we'd go to movies, have each other over, order pizza, play video games, go swimming, life was great. I found out that Tennial just up and left too, that was really weird to find out. We'd only just started school, and he moves. I mean, I did that a lot, but that's because of the senseless beatings. Never bothered asking where that coward went. I know he just left Shadow to die.

Somewhere down the line, my string of awesome luck just shaddered with my worst nightmare. Let me explain. Somewhere down the line, not really sure when, my mom would just start crying, like literally, just start crying while driving me, my lil sister, and Shadow. not even trying to hide it, or explain it, she just cried out of the blue without warning and acted like we weren't there. Shadow asked me why she was crying, and I always told him I had no idea. I really didn't either. I don't know if my friend remembers all those times, as they happened more than once, but if he has no memory of that, that would be best. Later on, my mom pulled me into my room and said she needed to talk to me. She told me "your dad has a girlfriend, and that is why we are fighting, and I don't know what to do." WTF. Now, I dont know WHY my mother thought I could handle this all at once, and why she didn't seek therapy or something, but I was defenceless. This was just thrown in my face out of nowhere. She gave me every detail of everything too, the woman's name, where it happened, that he was having sex with her, and that she didn't know what to do at all. Why the heel would you ask your son, who by the way, has only had one friend let alone a steady relationship be the best person to tell about your marital problems. We kept living together until my mom FINALLY decided to get a divorce. She got full custody of me, but that didn't make things any easier. That was not the end of it, my dad turned into everyone's psycho ex. That was when I had lost all the love and respect for my father. My mom would do things like leave certain objects in certain specific places, ya'know so she can remember where she put them. Then all of us come home only to find them all rearranged, which was impossible because no one was in the house during the work day as we had school, meaning: my dad would show up when he knew we weren't home to go through ALL of my mom's things, reading every note or paper or letter for god knows what. Then he would call each of our phones while drunk and say things like "your mom is at some strangers house and left you." mom was upstairs asleep....and he was drunk of course. This next one is gonna throw you for a loop. So one night, he gets into the basement suit we had all pitched in to help decorate renovate and get ready to rent it out so we can help pay bills. Not just my mom, him, me, Shadow, even he worked on that suite, and there was going to be sent a share of the profit from the renter every month. So guess what he does? He Fucking Floods it! Can you even imagine what that felt like, we'd worked on that suit for 2 years. He plugged up the drains of all the sinks baths and showers and left water running while we were out. This place was fully furnished too, and we had sunk in a lot to make it sellable, and appealing to some bachelor that wanted to move in. The worst part of this, is that my mom was showing the house and had picked up the guy from work so she could show him the suit right away. So she comes downstairs to find all that. Some stuff was missing like the TV, and some sports DVD, but everything else was on the ground and sitting in water, this came out to be about 48,000$ in damages in the wallpaper/flooring alone, (laminated flooring does no mix with water.)

That was the last push off a cliff, so to speak, so she eventually got a restraining on the ass hole, so he had to stop hanging around us. We still hear from the psycho every now and then, but if it ever gets annoying, which it always did, we'd just threaten with the restraining order and he'd shut his face and leave us alone for a few months. I heard my mom yelling one day and I figure it was him going at it again. But, after that one, I never heard from him again and neither did my sis (her name is Casey). Hope the bastard is rotting in jail.

So, since I wanted to skip this screwy part of my life, I wanted to give a brief summary, so nobody gets lost. I don't really remember what was said really anyway so I can't really create a sense, nor do I want to.

So, fastfoward, my rents are divorced and, I'm left heartbroken, because I feel I'd caused my dad to do it. I know with all of the moving moving from town to town, my dad was growing more distant. And, I know that it's my fault they divorced, that night I cried myself to sleep. I've never felt so defeated in my life. I sat in my room for the next few days, didn't go to school, just listening to sad music in my room, I got texts from Shadow, but I didn't even reply, I was numb.

Author's Note: Okay, let me know what you think of this chapter and what i need to improve on. I don't just like comments and faves. I like critique too!