He's Gone, will someone take his place?
Hi! It's me. It's been awhile now since I last updated the series. Here it is the next chapter to my still unnamed series. Since the previous one was short I decided to make this one longer. So, if you have any questions or opinions, please comment. Rate too if you want.
The past few weeks have been hard for me. Ever since Kyle left, I felt like I wanted to die. I spent the entire Christmas break, crying and grieving over him. I know, I sound pathetic don't I? But that doesn't matter to me. Not anymore.
You're probably thinking, "Why don't you call him?" But I can't. Why? Because I'm a fucking pussy! Yeah, I don't have the guts to talk to him now. I know he thinks that I'm just a friend but, I know deep inside that I want to be more than that. That's why I don't want to talk to him. I know it's hard for you to understand. And I know I sound really stupid right now, but like I said, that doesn't matter to me anymore.
Again, I sound really pathetic, I'm aware of that. Somehow I can't get over him. I rarely go out of the house anymore because he's kind of the only one that I hang out with. I fall asleep every night crying over him. Also, I didn't get the chance to enjoy Christmas knowing he's gone. Even New Year's Eve was sad without him. So far, my life has just gone down.
Matt finally found out about him and helped me feel better or at least, tried to. He keeps telling me that I should move forward and make friends with others. But no matter what he says, I just can't stop feeling sad.
One day, however, I was almost driven off the edge. I was looking at Kyle's Facebook wall (yes, I'm a stalker now) and I found something that caught my interest. There was notification saying that he was tagged in a photo. I clicked the link and I couldn't believe what I saw. It was a photo of him and some female wolf. The picture looks like it was taken from a party or something. I read some of the comments. This female wolf (her name was Angela) is now Kyle's current girlfriend. You're probably thinking that I'm exaggerating. I thought I was too, until I saw more photos of them together. And well, I guess that means they are in a relationship. I was filled with both anger and sadness (but mostly anger). I was so angry that, if I could, I would have thrown my own computer out the window. I didn't of course. Instead, I logged out of Facebook, shut down the computer, and slammed my head on my bed, repeatedly. After that, I just fell asleep, crying.
So, it's around January now and I'm in my room, still crying. Its 3 am in the morning and school starts in a few hours. I barely got any sleep last night. Come to think of it, I never had got any proper sleep ever since Kyle left. I always wake up in the middle of the night, crying out loud. Yeah, I know, I'm a pathetic, still aware of that by the way.
I didn't really feel like sleeping and went downstairs to the kitchen. I opened the fridge to see what I could eat. It looks like there's some leftover pizza Matt ordered for dinner last night. Meh, this'll do. I took 3 slices and went to the dining room and ate them. Yeah, this is how it was almost every night. I wake up late at night, I go downstairs to the kitchen, get whatever food I can and eat it. I don't know why I keep doing it and I probably gained a lot of weight since last year. But, you know, whatever. I went back to the fridge and took out a can of Pepsi. I went back to the dining room table and drank it. And drank it, and drank it, and drank it. After that, I threw the can away, didn't really bother aiming at the trash can so I just threw it.
"I thought I heard something." Matt said.
I turned around and saw him. "What's wrong?" he asked.
I turned away from him and laid my head on the table. "Nothing's wrong." I lied.
Matt sighed, "Listen, it's almost a whole month now since you're friend Kyle left."
Yeah, sure, friend...
"But you got to really let it go." He continued. "I mean, you've been crying every night. You just stayed inside the house the entire Christmas break. You even go downstairs to eat for no apparent reason."
Actually, I eat 'because I'm hungry. And I'm hungry because I'm depressed. Huh, never mind...
"Look, school starts in..." he stops and looks at the wall clock. "Okay, a few hours. Colin, please promise me that you try to do something else other than cry. Go make friends with some other kids in school. Hang out with them. Do anything other than staying by yourself."
I turn to him. "Is this just another attempt to make me feel better?" I asked bluntly.
"Uh, yeah." Matt answered.
I sighed. "Fine..."
"Good, now go back upstairs and get some sleep."
I go back upstairs and back to my bedroom. Maybe tonight I'll get some sleep.
I woke up at 7:30 am. At least today I'm feeling a little better than yesterday. I looked out the window; it wasn't snowing that much today. But it was still a little cold. I got up from bed and did my regular morning routine. Matt offered to take me to school today. I didn't really feel like walking so, what the hell.
During the drive to school, neither of us talked to each other.
He parked at the usual place, near the football field.
I got out from the car.
"Are you sure you're okay today?" Matt asked.
"Yeah, I'll be fine." I lied.
And at that, he drove off.
Walking down the football field was kind of nostalgic. It's been a while now since I last walked down these fields. Like I said, it's still snowing today. And I forgot to bring a jacket today. So I hurried towards the school building.
Not much changed really, school was just boring as always. I kind of ignored Matt's suggestion on making friends, didn't really feel like it anyway.
Our last period for the day was Math. Just before I went to class, I bumped into Ray. Or rather, he approached me while I was at getting stuff from my locker.
"Hi Colin!" he greeted.
"Hey..." I replied.
"Aw, still sad that Kyle left you?" he teased.
"Look, what do you want?"
"Well, seeing how sad you are today, I thought maybe, we could hang out after school."
Is he serious?
"Okay, why are you asking me this?" I asked.
"What? I'm just being friendly. After all, since Kyle's gone, you don't have anyone else to hang out with, do you?"
I didn't answer.
"Well?" he asked.
"I'll think about it." I said.
And think about it I did. During Math, I couldn't really focus on what the teacher was explaining. I just kept thinking. Should I accept Ray's invitation to whatever it is he's inviting me to? Or, maybe not? I don't know.
After Math class, I went back to my locker. I bumped into Ray again.
"So?"
"Fine," I sighed. "Let's go."
And at that, we left the school together.
So tonight wasn't that bad, he took me out to dinner, which surprised me cause I never that he would be such a gentleman. And then we went to watch a movie. I forgot the title. I think it was "Friday the 17th" or something like that. He told me that it was some comedy film and the title was just to mislead you. Unfortunately, I believed what he said and watched it with him. Obviously he was wrong. God, I'm gonna get nightmares for months.
"I hate you so much right now." I said as we left the theater.
He laughed. "I can't believe you're that gullible."
"Well, you made it sound so believable."
"Oh really now, so you think someone would title a romantic comedy "Friday the 13th"? Wow, you really are gullible, aren't you?"
I didn't answer.
"Don't be mad, you look kind of cute when you're gullible."
"Stop calling me that. I'm not cute!"
"Okay, okay, whatever you say..."
Then there was a short awkward silence.
Ray broke the silence. "So, where do you wanna go next?"
I looked at my watch. Crap, it's already 8 pm.
"Um, well, it's getting late. I should go home now."
"Alright, let's go."
"No, it's okay. I can go by myself."
"Come on Colin, I know you hate being alone."
He's though. I do hate being alone. I'm just good at hiding it.
"Look, I paid for dinner and the movie; the least you could do is let me take you home. Please?" He begged.
I can't believe he's doing this. Ugh...
I rolled my eyes. "Fine, let's go."
And so, we began our long walk back to my house. It's still snowing but not that hard. It was colder than before since its night. I started to shiver a little bit. My own jacket wasn't enough to keep me warm. Then I felt Ray got closer to me.
"Are you alright? You're shivering." He said.
"I'm fine." I lied.
I didn't want to lie to him. But I didn't want him to get too close to me either.
A few minutes pass by and we reached my house. As we made our way to the door, it was locked.
Damn, I forgot that Matt was still probably at work.
"Ugh..." I said. "I can't believe this."
"How long do you think before your brother comes back home?" Ray asked.
"I don't know. He usually comes home at around 9:30 or 11." I replied.
I tried opening the door again, still no luck.
"Damnit..." I said to myself.
I turned to Ray. "Thanks for hanging out with me tonight. I had a great time."
"No problem, that's what friends are for."
Friends, yeah, sure...
"Listen, you could stay at my house tonight." Ray offered.
"Oh no, you already did a lot tonight. I don't want to be a burden. Besides, I don't mind waiting." I lied again.
"It's freezing out here. You'll get sick. Come on, I'm sure your brother won't mind."
I'm sure he won't.
I thought for a bit. "Are you sure you're okay with it?" I asked.
"I'm sure."
I took a deep breath. "Alright," I finally said. "Let's go."
We both left my house and went to Ray's house. I didn't know where he lived so he pretty much led the way. I didn't say anything along the way, neither did he.
We were a few blocks away from his house when I started to feel uneasy. I don't know why. Was it because I was cold? Or something else? I found out why. I noticed Ray has been staring at me for the past few blocks we've been walking. Why is he staring at me? I looked down at my clothes, there's nothing dirty on me or anything. It's hard for me to just ignore him because I felt uneasy.
"Ray, why are you staring at me?" I built up the courage to ask him.
He thought for a minute. "Don't take this the wrong way but, did you get fat during Christmas break?"
What did he just say?
I looked away from him and blushed. "Okay so maybe I ate a lot during Christmas. That's none of your business."
He started laughing.
"Oh shut up! I bet you ate more than I did!" I said.
"Heh, I guess you're right."
We finally got to his house. He opens the front door.
"Are your parents home?" I asked.
"Well, my mom is but my dad's probably still at work." He led me inside. "Come in."
I went inside his house. As we got inside, well, I'll just leave the rest for the next chapter.