Tender Hearts
*** This is a prologue to a story I may write about a lonely male feral fox and his pursuits of friendship and love. Deeply paralleling my own life, I honestly wrote this bit here as a way to vent my feelings and emotions I have recently experienced over the past year or so. I then go on to explain my current views on the nature of love and friendship, and explain my tactics for obtaining those most meaningful bonds in life as a result of my dwelling on such topics. I do believe it is the ultimate way of going about doing it... And if my words move anyone at all, or if they go as far as to allow people to form meaningful friendships and love bonds! Then, well... I don't think anything could make me happier than that. >^.^<*** (This story is not designed with yiff in mind, it WILL get to it however if I ever form it into an actually story.) Light male fox/female vixen matings I've never really cared about finding a vixen to love until recently, but now it's all I can think about... It happened earlier this spring. Watching a pair of mated foxes nuzzle and cuddle with each other so affectionately... Watching as the male slowly trotted around to his vixen's rear end with eyes locked on hers before then burying his muzzle in her crotch to lick at her female parts and make her quietly howl in delight... Watching as he mounted to hump into his female while he bathed the neck of her neck and head in long, drawn out, soothing licks... I've never seen such passion in the act before, such powerful emotion and vivid dedication to each other... And I don't know... It's kind of hard to explain... But I as I sat there in their presence, spying on them from afar and hidden out of view, I could sense how truly bonded they were to each other. And not just bonded in the physical way as
his knot finally proceeded to swell and enter inside his vixen's form...
I could tell that these two foxes belonged to each other, lived for each other... Their hearts, their minds, their very essence and being entirely interwoven and embedded within one another... As I continued to peer intently on their location, the male's constant hindquarter thumping finally ceased as they both began to pant heavily; undoubtedly emptying a mess of seed into his vixen's womb as he hugged her even tighter and she turned her head back over her shoulder to collide their tired tongues before locking their muzzle lips together. Knotted and tied, they shifted to lay on their sides with stomachs and chests touching, forelegs remaining gripped around the chest of his vixen all the while as she slowly wrapped her own around him to return the embrace; both vulpine now hugging one another while continuing to kiss passionately, tongues licking and licking inside each other's maws as the ends of muzzle lips gently rub. Finally stopping their mutual mouthing motions, forelegs and genitals remain deeply intertwined as heads move to nuzzle and tongue at each other's necks and heads affectionately, streaking one another's fur with loving laps as he slowly began to grind his hindquarters against her to begin mating for a second time.
My chest felt warm and glowy as I watched these proceedings... A subtle sensation at first, but one that slowly spread to every inch of my body. 'I want... I want what they have...' I thought to myself, feeling what it would be like to obtain something as beautiful as they had as I imagined what it might be like to give my heart and soul to another fox like they had done... 'Could any vixen ever like me enough to do something like that in return though? I've never even mated before... Never gotten to truly know a vixen at all really...'As I thought on this matter of love, this concept of giving my heart away and living for some other fox entirely... I quickly felt all warm fuzzy good feelings drain from my body as I realized how very alone I was in this world, and how very alone I've been my entire life... My body shivered as a cold chill replaced the promise of love with that frigid realization, and a dark feeling of loneliness barraged my heart with shards of ice; pointed tips repeatedly prodding my core like a pair of sharp, unforgiving, gnawing fangs.
Tears began welling up and streaming down the base of my muzzle as it became blatantly apparent now that no one had every truly loved or cared for me... My entire life equating to some kind of sick joke with no punch line... I know I'm mostly the one to blame for it though, I mean I've never really purposely approached or interacted with many other foxes, especially vixens. I've always pretty much been a loner and kept to myself, too shy to approach a female really... I mean what would I say?! I have no idea...How is it exactly that two vulpine can form a bond so deep? How?! Well I left that scene of intimately cuddling, affectionate, mated, entirely in love foxes, and licked the fur under my eyes to dry my tears as I became dead set of finding something like they had. And since then, I've been thinking on this topic of love and just how I might go about being able to achieve it! But I've ever even met a fox that I would consider a friend in this life, let alone a vixen who might consider being my mate...
Well, that may be a lie... As a cub just reaching adulthood I HAD fallen head over hind paws in love with this one vixen. I thought she had felt the same way! Until I found my "friend" humping her behind some bushes... But I didn't get angry at either of them, or even remember it hurting at all during the time. I don't know, It's all so distant now, it seems like a dream almost... Maybe I had numbed myself to those kinds of emotions and sealed them away within myself as a kind of defense mechanism. If that were the case, it was a seal entirely broken when I
witnessed those two mated fox; revealing beneath it the weakly beating, malnourished, unused heart inside me...Love... Love? Love! I can't get that damned word out of my head! It's all I think about anymore! And every time I do, my form shakes with that feeling of frosty solitude! At least... I have come to many conclusions about love now, and even know how I might go about forming a bond so very deep! Only... Only It's entirely hard to find a vixen who will so much as talk to me for a moment... No vixen seems to even be searching for love like I am! I mean... They might sometimes act like they are, but they aren't... Not really... I don't know! It's kind of hard to explain! If only you knew the vixens I've tried to befriend! Hehe... I'm somewhat of a good vulpine reader I'd like to think! And I feel as though I can truly get a sense what kind of a fox someone is within only a short time of knowing them! Perhaps an ability I gained in my loneliness... I seem to be hyper in tune with essence of the foxes I do happen to encounter. Their presence and subtle behaviors seem to speak to me with a voice all their own.
Oh my! I don't mean to ramble on! I'm sorry if I'm boring you at this point... Please don't! Don't leave... Here! I'll share my secrets of love and how to bond with another fox! I could really use some friends... And I'm actually growing quite fond of you ya know... Err... Right! The secrets! They are really quite elegant and simple once you know them! Just basic things we forget to do when caught up in our own busy lives. Right! So!When approaching another fox you'd like to befriend, don't pretend to be some kind of vulpine you're not! Always be completely and fully honest. Do this, and you will never run the risk of becoming friends with some fox on a false pretense. That is! They won't end up becoming friends with a version of you that you are projecting for them, but with the very fox that you know you are in your heart. In order to make any sort of true friend, you're going to need to let them close to your heart and show them you who you TRULY are inside... Now I know it may sound scary and make you feel vulnerable to do such a thing! But you'll never be able to bond on a deeper
level, and never be able to feel the warmth of their heart next to yours unless you steer them on the right path to reach it!
Now on that subject of honesty, and probably something even harder to do... Is always speak your thoughts and emotions when you feel inclined to do so! Don't keep things bottled up and worry about rejection or what may come of it. Now, this is only really recommended for some fox who you see as an actually potential friend mind you, and some fox who you really feel you can trust! Doing this recklessly with foxes who you don't know very well yet may indeed get you very hurt you see... So you should only do this with a fox you really notice something special in, because this IS something you will have to do to deepen your bond and begin to take your relationship further.Okay so! Yes you do these things! You try to connect emotionally and mentally to a fox! But you still don't seem to be becoming friends with any, and still don't seem to be bonding with any of them whatsoever! This is either because they don't genuinely care to return your sentiments, they simply don't realize they are not returning the same sentiments, or becauuse they are a afraid to do so... If the first is the case, then well... It's entirely impossible to develop a meaningful relationship with a fox who is self centered and egotistical! They will not put any thought or feeling into who you are because they are too concerned with what will benefit themselves... But such a fox is not entirely horrible! We all do this to some extent, we can't help it being a living breathing vulpine who needs to maintain their own body in order to live.. But we CAN train ourselves to be aware of that ego and not feed into it so much, and we CAN realize that our friends and loved ones are the ones who truly deserve our thoughts and emotions. Especially even more so when they are sad or depressed and need cheering up!
Just as those foxes who care only of themselves are invulnerable to any attempts to befriend or connect on any sort of meaningful level, there is another type of vulpine that is, while not impossible and infinitely rewarding if you can accomplish it, very, very hard to form bond with... A kind of fox that has been hurt so very badly by others in the past, that they
have closed their heart to the world in an attempt to not be harmed again... Such a fox, if you find one... You must do everything in your power to try and help them! Pour your heart and mind into this distraught vulpine to flood them with your sincere emotion and thought in an attempt to make them feel loved and cared for, because they have retreated their true selves to a cold, lonely place deep within, and this is the only thing you can try and do to save them. With all of their senses numbed, they have slowly formed a wall of sheer ice to block and protect themselves from any incoming foxes trying to connect to them... They have retreated to a place where they feel if they stay, they will not be harmed or hurt again. And they indeed can't be harmed while there... But neither can they feel the warmth of another's heart while there, and nothing makes me sadder or more empathetic towards a fox when realizing that about them...
Such a fox as I described needs and deserves love more than any other in the world, and you must do your best to try and thaw their heart from its frigid prison. You may never get any sort of meaningful friendship or love in return from them, and it's almost a guarantee you won't get any for the longest of time while being with them... But still, you must try and help! Even if it is in vain, there is no more noble or honorable thing a fox can try and do in their life then to just try! They are just simply unable to love back because of how they are ya know! It's not their fault... To invest love and put their trust into any fox again simply makes them feel vulnerable, and so they are entirely afraid to do such a thing. So who can blame them? Showing another fox who you truly are by expression your thoughts and emotions and investing them in who they are, it's often a hard thing to do for any fox in the first place! Let alone one who has attempted such a thing and had their heart be mistreated in a horrible way...
So yes there! These are the conclusions I have come to while dwelling on the topic of friendship and love, and take it from a fox who has been alone all his life and thought about them in much detail... There is nothing more important in this life than the special bonds that two vulpine can form and share with one another, and living for others is the one true ideal that can give anyone infinite, unending meaning in this world...