ULTRA random-ness
Skys NOTES:
*Well.uummm..Hi. i..im sky an.. well..im still new to posting my storys. my big brother said to try here like he dose. so when i came here i was soooooo..uh.well...surprized to find out others right storys, like MEEE. *
but... uumm, i wanted to wright a GREAT an AMAZING story to be my first..an..weelll. but since i didnt have any ideas, i just scribbled. till...well...this came up. my big brother went into my room AN WENT THROW MY BOOKS
'-_-' (like a big jerk) an would'nt stop BUGGIN MEEEEEEEE till i post it as my first. so...umm..here it is. plez be nice its my first
(ps, i know my spellin sucks( like my wrighting) i think i broke my spell check)
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It all started when our (former porn) star, Sky, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling scarcely worried, Sky poked a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, he realized that his beloved Spanky me monkey was missing!
Immediately he called his bed-friend, Flare. Sky had known Flare for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were saucy ones. Flare was unique. She was easygoing though sometimes a little... selfish. Sky called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Flare picked up to a very unctuous Sky. Flare calmly assured him that most legless puppies sneeze before mating, yet legless puppies usually flamboyantly panic *after* mating. she had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sky. Why was Flare trying to distract Sky? Because she had snuck out from Sky's with the Spanky me monkey only seven days prior. It was a enticing little Monkey... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Sky got back to the subject at hand: his Spanky me monkey. Flare panicked. Relunctantly, Flare invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Monkey. Sky grabbed his canoe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Flare realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Monkey and she had to do it thoughtfully.
She figured that if Sky took the tricked out grocery kart, she had take at least seven minutes before Sky would get there. But if he took the super warp speed spring loaded poodle? Then Flare would be scarcely screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Flare was interrupted by ten stupid Ultra mega chickens that were lured by her Monkey. Flare panicked; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling concerned, she fearlessly reached for her dangerous oil-soaked rag and aptly stroked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the . super warp speed spring loaded poodle rolling up. It was Sky.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Sears to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late. With a deft leap, Sky was out of the spring loaded poodle and went exotically jaunting toward Flare's front door. Meanwhile inside, Flare was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Spanky me monkey into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind her George Foreman grill. Flare was angered but at least the Monkey was concealed.
The doorbell rang. 'Come in,' Flare surreptitiously purred. With a apt push, Sky opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some oafish coke fiend in a time machine,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Flare assured him. Sky took a seat exotically proximate to where Flare had hidden the monkey . Flare turned red trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sky was distracted. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, Flare noticed a stupid look on Sky's face. Sky slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Flare felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sky asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Spanky me monkey right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on Sky's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place.
'Th-th-those are just my grandma's live hand grenades from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sky nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Flare could react, Sky thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. his monkey was plainly in view.
Sky stared at Flare for what what must've been three millseconds. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Flare groped charismatically in Sky's direction, clearly desperate. Sky grabbed his monkey and bolted for the door. It was locked. Flare let out a flamboyant chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sky,' she rebuked. Flare always had been a little pestering, so Sky knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Flare did something crazy, like... start chucking dull pencils at him or something.
With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he gripped his spanky me monkey tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels. Flare looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sky. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sky. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Flare walked over to the window and looked down. Sky was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Sky was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Flare's place. Sky had severely hurt his taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Chickens suddenly appeared, having caught wind of is monkey. One by one they latched on to Sky. Already weakened from his injury, Sky yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Chickins running off with his Monkey.
About six hours later, Sky awoke, his love handle throbbing. It was dark and Sky did not know where he was. Deep in the uninhabited magical cornfield, Sky was abundantly lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his Spanky me monkey was taken by the chikens. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life.
That's when, to his horror, a little chicken emerged from the foxy forest. It was the alpha male SUPER ULTRA MEGA CHICKIN . Sky opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when SUPER ULTRA MEGA CHICKIN sunk its pecker into Sky's double chin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sky's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than five miles away, Flare was entombed by anguish over the loss of skys monkey . 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened wolverine. With a careful thrust, she buried it deeply into her eye, breaking her legs. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sky... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him.
But she would die alone that day. All that remained was Sky's monkey that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of the distant SUPER ULTRA MEGA CHICKIN , desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after.
the end.
:'( LOLz!!1
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uuumm...so...how bad was it ??