To Touch The Sky Chapter 3: A Passing Thought
#3 of To Touch The Sky
Haji walked into the store, as he did most every day, Debbie was waiting in her usual checkout isle and there was a new guy working register 2: a shifty-eyed raccoon that looked just like the villain from an old horror movie; Haji had always been afraid of those old movies, he never knew why, but the psychotic killers always gave him the creeps. He walked up to Debbie's counter and said hi, but it sounded different, almost as if he had merely imagined saying something.
Debbie sat there, doing nothing, staring blankly off towards frozen foods, glassy eyed. Had he imagined saying hi...? No...he had said it, and besides, she should have looked when he walked up. He called out her name, and again it echoed in the air like the mere presence of a thought; was she alright? Was he alright?
He took a step forward, going around the corner towards her when he felt something wet against his footpaw, a soft squeeking noise accompanying the step as some liquid moved between it and the cheep linolium floors. His gaze slowly drifted downwards, there was something ominous in the air.
A puddle of red was covering his footpaws, the blood seeping up his fur; in a panic his stare shot back to Debbie, but the face that greeted him wasn't that of the kind raccoon he had come to...
Blood dripped down from an empty eye socket, leaving a trail of black fur that melted away before his eyes, slowly revealing the maggot ridden corpse for what it was. A snake slithered from her muzzle, sliding back in through the empty portals of blackness that had been eyes, making a sickening sound as it slid easily into the recesses of the skull.
Then her mouth moved, a flow of vomit issuing forth from between her rotting lips, a faint voice floating in the air. She was speaking to him, calling out his name in that wordless voice that shimmered only lightly into existence before fading off into the distance. She was telling him how he had killed her, how he had brought this horrible mutilation on her.
He was confused, he had just gotten here, how could he have---without meaning to his gaze drifted down and he looked at himself, the blood that had been at his feet mere moments before was splattered across his front, in his right hand he held a knife, covered in Debbie's blood, and in his left were two orbs bathed in red light, he was holding her eyes in his---.
He watched as his hands moved without him, gently sliding up her mutilated face in a sweet caress, a sickening love of what he saw; his right hand drove the knife through her cheek and pried open her mouth, slicing through her writhing tongue like butter, and with a simple pass of his left hand he had thrown her eyes into her mouth and forced her teeth down upon them. Shivers danced down his spine as they gave a soft crunch and spurts of some liquid splattered across his face.
He glanced down again and found his hands filled with a beating heart, it's pulse drawing the life from him and pulling him more into this madness, when he looked up again Debbie wasn't there, instead there was the creep from register 2, his smile sadistic as he raised the knife high into the air, it was then that Haji realized that not only did this raccoon look like the killer from his childhood, he was the famous psycho, here in the store, come to get him at last...but wait, that killer was a character from a movie. The knife glistened as it swung through the air. That didn't make sense, if this killer was here then this must be a---
Haji awoke with a start. He could feel his sheets pressed against his matted fur, freezing as the cold sweat drained all heat from his body. He rolled onto his back in a tangle of silk and peeled the fabric from himself, panting heavily as his mind raced.
Seven nightmares: seven nights. What was going on? He dug around in his bedside table, shuffling past a few condoms, and pulled out a notebook. When he had been in school his teacher had given their class an assignment, and it was during that assignment period that he had begun his schedule of regular sex, since then he hadn't been to get rid of any of his habits, including that stupid dream journal, but at least it was being useful. He scribbled down his latest vision, grimacing as he remembered the pleasure he felt from that dream.
He glanced at the window, light framing the heavy shutters; he bought those curtains when he first met Joni, she preferred sex in the dark and the full-window mahogany slats kept things close enough for mid-day treats. The only drawback to them was that he never had any idea what time it was, what time was it anyways?
He got up and threw on some clothes, today was more casual than usual, he didn't have to be suave and debonair where are you tell them and for some girl today; for today, he was free. Loose Jeans and white undershirt would look perfect under his leather jacket, a classic style always caught the kids that had just come out of high school--- nice and new, and just off the minor list; he chuckled a little, realizing that he was thinking about that even one his "day off".
He was staring at himself in the mirror, worshiping his own muscles when the doorbell rang.
"Shit!" he cursed under his breath, no one was supposed to be here today. He ran into the main hallway of the apartment and fumbled with the key of a locked bereau. He grabbed a picture of Joni off the top and threw it into the now open cabinet, trying not to make too much of a ruckus.
"Who's there?" he called, ready to dig through the twenty some-odd photos to find the right girl's---
"Come on man, I'll give you one guess and the first two don't count." Came a shout from the other side: youthful and filled with energy.
Haji chuckled to himself aloud and walked towards the door, forgetting completely about the open drawer, "Charlie man, I didn't know you were coming over."
He unlocked the door and let it swing inwards, stepping around it as he did. There in the hallway was a grinning Lemur, his eyes shining---in Haji's opinion no one should be that awake this early...what time was it anyways...?
"What brings you down here so early?" Just then Haji realized he was squinting and when he leaned out into the hallway he saw the sunlight in full noon-time strength. "Ummm...what time is it anyways...?"
Charlie, whose eyebrow had raised questioningly at the query laughed, a tear gently falling from his eye. "Ha! Did you just get up?" His incredulous tone mocking and light-hearted, "It's past two already, what have you been up to?"
Haji laughed along, but for some reason---despite his knowledge that Charlie was kidding--- he felt foolish, demeaned, and hurt. He brushed it aside, he didn't need those feelings, they only got in the way, but still...
"Heh, I guess I just haven't been sleeping is all" he chuckled a little bit, though halfheartedly, not wanting to seem weak or troubled, but Charlie had known him since back in school, and he couldn't be fooled.
The Lemur's eyes snapped into focus and his ears jumped to attention, perked and awaiting the hyena to talk, his ringed tail swinging idly through the air with an obvious anxiousness. After a few seconds passed Charlie decided it was time to press on, since Haji obviously wasn't willing.
He tried to lead into it slowly, not wanting to make Haji feel threatened, he knew it wouldn't work, but somewhere deep down he hoped. "Is everything all right man?" He fought the urge to rush in, going to quickly would make Haji tense and frightened...or at least some equivalent of those feelings that Haji experienced.
Haji looked at Charlie with a small smile, still unable to hide that pitiful look that lurks in the back of your eyes. It was true though, he really hadn't been sleeping well, but what disturbed him wasn't what happened when he wasn't able to sleep, but what kept happening when he was.
"It's nothing. Really. I just haven't been sleeping well is all." He knew they were pathetic words the moment they left his muzzle, and he couldn't help but wonder why it was so hard to talk about himself when it mattered, yet so easy to gloat when he was trying to woo some wench-of-the-week.
Charlie stepped through the door, making Haji take a step back. Haji knew that he wasn't going to worm his way out of this one without telling Charlie -something-. Haji sighed and motioned for Charlie to follow him. They walked down the hallway past the still-open bureau, Haji realized with a start that if Charlie saw anything in there he would know--- He snapped it shut quickly, being slightly more conspicuous than he intended.
Behind him a glint of recognition sparked in Charlie's eyes, but it was quickly hidden and replaced with the same worried look from before. Haji quickly straightened up and tried to look as if nothing odd had happened, then continued on into the kitchen.
Haji sat down at the table, tracing the "modern" design with his eyes, feeling the familiar chair against his back. Why did they make everything "modern" so uncomfortable, it's all one color--- black--- and filled with sharp, uncomfortable angles; but hey, it definitely did make the women happy.
Charlie was done waiting, and Haji knew it, he was ready when the sharp command came: "Alright, spill it Haji, whats up?"
Haji's mind raced as he tried to find an answer that would quell Charlie's inquisition, but somehow, deep down, he knew that he really did need to tell someone...he just needed to disguise it a little.
"well...y'see..." he started off, trying to look hesitant, already knowing what he was going to say. "I have this friend---and he told me not to tell anyone" He didn't want to sound casual with this, it had to seem like a secret, something that he shouldn't be telling, otherwise it wouldn't quite fit with his earlier hesitance.
"It's just...I'm worried about him. Y'see, he's been messing around with people, playing girls and using them for sex and I don't think it's right." He tried to add a little vehemence into his voice, he needed to sound disgusted by this. "But..." He paused for a second, completely shocked by what he was about to say, he had never really consciously realized it but... " He thinks he actually likes one of them...he thinks that he might be in...love." Despite himself the last word held a distaste he couldn't hope to hide.
Charlie nodded, understandingly, an interested look on his face. After Haji finished, Charlie thought for a few minutes in the silence that ensued. Haji was slightly distressed by the quiet, had Charlie seen through his brilliant cover-up? No, surely not, it was too perfect.
After several more agonizing minutes, Charlie spoke up.
"Well it seems to me that he has to tell her--- if he truly loves her that is. He has to tell her everything, and if she loves him back, then she'll forgive him, and if not, then he has to continue on without her."
Haji tried hard to digest this information, struggling a little bit, it was a bit too deep for him. He was so deep in thought that he didn't even notice it when Charlie spoke to him, only coming back when Charlie nudged him from across the table, catching the last bit of Charlie's sentence.
"---ake up!"
"Wuh?" Haji blinked a bit and looked at the Lemur across from him. He simply couldn't do what Charlie suggested, he had worked too hard for this...and all that sex!
"I'm sorry, but I---he just can't do that Charlie" He felt stupid, making that little mistake, but Charlie had bought it so far, there was nothing to worry about. "Look, thanks for your help, but I have to get going now, and so do you." He didn't know what was making him so tense, he was mad at something, but he shouldn't be mad at Charlie, he certainly hadn't known who he was talking about...
Haji lead Charlie to the door, saying quick goodbyes, still lost in thought---or at least lost in trying to thought---think.
Charlie watched the door close in front of him and sighed to himself. What had Haji gotten himself into, there had to have been twenty pictures in that drawer, if any of them found out they would---He tried not to think what would happen to some of them; hell, some of them hadn't looked older than twenty.
He walked down the hallway and walked out of the apartment building, he took a left and walked into the nearest alley.
"GAAAAAAAH! God damnit Haji! What are you thinking?" He didn't know why he was so mad, but yelling sure was making it feel better. He punched the wall in frustration, blood trickled down through his fur, and he reveled in the pain, feeling masochistic, if only for a few minutes.
...Haji had been doing so well he thought, he hadn't done anything stupid since high-school and now this, he had tried so hard to keep Haji safe, ever since he had been helped way back then...he had come by to tell Haji that he'd lost another job; third one this month. He had been so convincingly happy and carefree but now...he couldn't take it.
He cradled his fist in his arm, wrapping it in his shirt and walking back into the street, now thoroughly spent and depressed. He walked away with a disinterested stride, occasionally watching as his shirt turned ever more crimson: so familiar, maybe he should have...maybe it was the right choice. He didn't even notice where he had been going, but he eventually made his way up the steps of his run-down apartment building and stepped inside. Through the walk he had had plenty of time to think, it was obvious that he couldn't make a difference; he was worthless; he always had been. He shouldn't have listened all those years ago, he should have pulled the knife and it would have all been over: the pain, the agony, the sorrow. It had been twelve years now, and he still wasn't worth shit.
He walked into the kitchen and rummaged around in a drawer, wincing as his cut paw opened up again, bleeding anew. It didn't matter anymore, what was a little bit of blood now?
So hard...he had tried so hard to make it in life, but today...first his job...then Haji...he couldn't do anything right...he was going to do the world a favor.One
Ten minutes later there was a thud as a body fell to the floor, a puddle already gathered on the floor around it. There was a clatter as a knife fell from numb fingertips. There was a message scrawled out carelessly on a sticky note affixed to the fridge. It hadn't been written for someone to read, it seemed traditional that there be a note, after all, that's what they did in the movies.
I can't take it anymore. I've tried and tried and I still can't help anything. This is my last statement, use it for your schools to teach them some lesson I don't care. I'm leaving now, ending it all, not that anyone cares. Tell Haji thanks for these last piece of shit years and give him my thanks and my porn stash, he obviously would like that more than me anyways.
-Charlie H. Gerton
Someone would eventually find it, someone who wouldn't care, just another person who would be better off without him.
Haji smiled his casual jock-smile as the bell rang out an end to third period, psychology was finally over. He grabbed his letter jacket from where he had set it on the back of his seat and carelessly tossed his stupid dream-journal in his bag. Finally it was lunch time, but not any ordinary lunch time, Reba had promised to meet him in the guys locker room, and after all those years of bragging he was actually going to have something to back it up with.
He glanced around at the other students, most of which were chatting to each other about who was going out with who, or which team was sure to win the playoffs this year, seems Dailand was favored this year; usually he would throw in a comment about Gerrisville, but right now he had other things on his mind. He pushed through the crowd at the door into the hallways, already flooded with hungry fursons. There was a group of them stopping up the flow to the lunchroom, completely oblivious to anyone else save themselves, of course, Haji always grumbled about them when they made him late for class, but when he had nowhere to be he was among the first to join their ranks.
By the time he made it all the way through the hoards of people and arrived at last by the gym he had been thoroughly buffeted by the flow of assorted canines and felines, lupines and equines, that were traveling in the other direction. He took a glance around to make sure none of his friends were nearby, then slipped silently inside. During lunch nobody was in the locker rooms, it was a social time for the girls to shriek and scream about their best friends clothing and to make pacts of "together forever" that would be broken in two years.
He quickly took off his jacket, eager to get ready, when a sound made his ears perk up. It had been a sniffle in the background, and a sniffle meant there had to be someone attached to it. Someone was in here and there was no way that he was getting anything from Reba with a witness nearby.
He angrily walked through the few rows of lockers there were, trying to find the culprit but found that there was no one on any of the benches, and he didn't even -want- to think about searching through every locker in the room. The he heard it again, an echo as it drifted off the metal casings; they weren't in this room, they were in the small shower room annexed to this one.
He padded silently into the shower area and began his search, looking one by one into the stalls, now aware of someone's breath in the background, they were close now. With one last corner he saw them. There in the corner of the last stall was a young lemur, scribbling something onto a small piece of paper while tears fell down his cheeks.
Despite his usual apathy towards anyone of a lower social standings, Haji couldn't help but fell a little sorry.
"What's goin' on shrimp," he said in his most sincere voice. The lemur jumped when he realized there was someone there, his eyes shot up to Haji and his body pushed up closer into the corner. There was a shimmer as metal reflected the low lighting up at Haji; the lemur was holding a knife, how odd to eat lunch in a place like this.
"Look man, you can't eat it here. Not now. Why don't you wait till later so I can see how things play out." There was a slight pleading in his voice, he needed the lemur to leave, he was about to get some sex and he'd been waiting for days.
"Y...you're talking to me...nobody talks to me."
"ummm...I'm sure they do, all the time but uhhh...you can't just sit here, you need to get out and do other things or something." Haji was in a hurry now, trying to get this weird lemur out of here before Reba came; not only was he crying while eating lunch, but he also seemed to be disappointed by his lack of friends; I mean, it was obvious why he didn't have any, he was crying while eating his freaking lunch.
"You said you wanted to see how things played out...? You're really interested in that...?" he seemed so astonished; of course Haji wanted to have sex, who wouldn't, what was with this idiot.
"Of course I am, who wouldn't be, but I obviously can't follow through if you don't go out there and stop messin' around." He pointed to the door to add emphasis. Reba had to be nearly here!
"A...all right..." The lemur smiled, seeming so relieved...why should -he- be relieved, he wasn't the one who had nearly been royally screwed. He was smiling now...damn, what was wrong with him, he looked so happy, like he had finally found a purpose in life---damn, he just wanted him to get the hell out of here, was that the most important thing the jackass had done his entire life?
Haji looked at the clock in a panic. The lemur was picking up his stuff but he was being awfully slow, like Haji didn't have something better to do, but at least he was doing it.
"ummm...look kid," he said in a rush," I have stuff to do, so we should both ummm...get out of here or something, yeah, lets get out of here."
The lemur beamed like a child with a brand new lollipop---god he was pathetic! He quickly gathered his stuff and headed for the door, smiling at Haji as he dropped his knife in a trash can...what the hell?
Haji sighed, glad that he was leaving. "Thanks kid, I wouldn't have had a chance without you. What's your name anyways?" Haji didn't know why he had asked that, he really didn't care, but there was something with this kid, something that was making him think that something he didn't know about was going on.
"Charlie," Said the lemur with a smile. "and thanks Haji, you have no idea how much this means, since my parents died I thought no one cared."
"Ummm...yeah, sure, whatever, get over it or something, but umm, just get out of here."
Charlie looked confused, seemingly unsure of what was going on; was this kid dense or something. There was a click as the door closed and Haji let out a sigh of relief, finally he was gone; Thank God.
Mere moments later Reba walked in, about to start a tradition that would go on for years...
Charlie walked out of the locker room feeling revitalized. Not only did people care for him, but popular people...
His mother had died in a car accident a few weeks ago, and since then his brother had been taking care of him, of course by "taking care of him" he meant leaving money for food while he went out and partied. He hadn't been getting his meds, his brother was too cheap for that, so his bipolar condition had been getting worse, but now...maybe he didn't need to die, maybe there was still hope out there.
People cared for him, even if they were a little eccentric, and that's all Charlie needed to know; life was turning around and things were lookin' bright.
Alright, so if you've made it this far, yay!
I started this story about five years ago, and it's all still up there in my head. I've even finished chapter 4 and it's posted on another site. However, the project went on Hiatus because I didn't like a dream sequence I had written in chapter four, and I dind't feel like chapter 5 was realistic. I rewrote chapter four earlier this year, and when I find that file I'll post it up. From there I'll try and keep working on it if people want, though there will be a bit of a jump between the writing up till here, and what's coming henceforth. I hope yous tick around to read it though ^^
---Nedrian