Reignite
#9 of Alternatives
I didn't reply him. I just stare right back at him. What am I supposed to say?
We just stand and stare at each other for a few moments.
Jo looks tired, as though he hasn't been sleeping well. I probably look as bad as he does - no, worse just because I'm uglier.
But that's beside the point. I don't really know what to feel or expect now. I'm slightly happy that he still wants to talk to me. At least there is hope to save our broken friendship. I'm a little angry that he took so long before contacting me. And I'm scared of what he wants to say... Perhaps he wants to officially 'disown' me or something? Or that he wants to beat the crap out of me in his house?
I half expected a religious leader to pop out from his house and attempt to 'cure' me or something.
But as we stare at each other longer, nothing seems to be happening... other than some dried leaves being blown past us. I wait for quite a while and am about to start saying something before Jo takes a step towards me and wobbles a bit, muttering something about 'dizzy' and 'catch'.
I frown at his words, trying to make some sense from them. The next thing I know, I have a wall of grey fur reaching out and grabbing me. When I feel his fur against mine, my lips curl up slightly. After a while, I thought that this isn't just a normal hug, because Jo seems to be leaning against me, and the weight is getting heavier every passing second. It is then I realise what his words meant, but it is too late. I try to wake him up by shouting his name desperately, but nothing works. That big grey wolf just leans on and we both fall to the floor.
Gah. What now. That came all of a sudden. Just when I am about to get all worked up by his gestures, he falls on me? Now I'm right underneath Jo. What the hell is he thinking? Asking me to catch this huge mass of wolf? And what if people see us in this position?
With Jo so close on top of me, it becomes hard to think straight. I decide that I have to act fast before I start dry humping Jo that had passed out.
"Jo, get up! You are crushing me!" I urge him to wake up, shaking him as much as I can.
No response.
"Jo, I'm going to have a hard-on and make people misunderstand if you don't get up now."
No response again.
I give up. I push and tug at Jo, trying to get him off me. It took me a while, but I eventually make it. Then there is the harder part - moving Jo back to his own room. How the hell am I supposed to carry him?
I end up dragging Jo back to his room by supporting and lifting his armpits, using my foot to kick the house door close, then tossing Jo back to his bed. It is quite an effort and I am sweating away.
Now what? I guess I will just have to wait until Jo is awake again. Sigh.
Feeling a little thirsty, I decide to go to the kitchen to get a drink. But when I try to leave his bed, I feel something gripping my hand. I turn to see that Jo's paw is holding my wrist. His eyes is slightly open and he said, "Don't go."
Using my other free hand, I hold his paw and reply, "I'm not going anywhere. Rest first, talk later. Relax."
After he hears that, the grip loosen and he seem to be back to sleep.
This may be a long day....
-
There isn't anything much I can do in his house while he is asleep. I don't want to disturb him by playing games while he is asleep. Class today surprisingly gave little homework, so I was done before Jo is awake. I tried to entertain myself with my phone, but when I searched my pockets, I couldn't find it. I must have dropped it somewhere... Ahh. I left it at home. Damn.
Pacing up and down his room, I continue to try and think of something to occupy myself. I don't watch TV shows and especially afternoon shows because they are never interesting, so TV is out. And a nap is quite impossible as the couch somehow stink quite a little, no idea why. I can't possibly nap on Jo's bed... Though it is quite tempting lying beside a hunky grey wolf, occasionally 'accidentally' bumping into him and possibly feel... *coughs* now isn't the time, Typh. But I don't want the awkwardness or scare him, even if I didn't touch him.
After a while, I admit defeat and sit back down on a chair, the one that I had used to do my homework, and start to scan the room, allowing my mind to wander a bit to pass the time.
First thing that comes to my mind is that Jo's room is untidy. Seriously, he seems to toss his clothes all around the room. Shirts, gaming discs and school notes everywhere... maybe even a boxer or two just like a typical guy. Not that I'm super neat, but better than this, at least my clothes aren't around the place... but I wouldn't say the same for my school notes - mine is literally everywhere in my room.
Usually I don't examine his room like what I'm doing now, we just hang out. So I am quite surprised when I see two photo frames along with his bone-shaped notebook on his work table. I reach over to see what the frames could be containing.
The first is a photo of him and his family during one of his holiday trip just a year ago. The family is grinning away at the camera, with Jo in the middle with a thumbs-up. This got me thinking, where it gets me really jealous of Jo. Just from the picture alone, it is evident that this family is united. Unlike mine, his parents are more caring, more loving, more...
Argh. I shouldn't say this kind of things about my own family. Perhaps their way of expressing their love is different. On top of that, 'the food on the other plate always seems better'. But whatever my family is trying to do, I'm not exactly feeling the love, am I??
Sighing, I put the frame back to where it belongs before picking the next one to see.
The second holds a photo of us together which surprised me at first. I smile slightly at the sight of our photo. We took this photo before we went to high school. He had one arm around me and made a 'peace' sign that arm.
I was so happy then, to hang out with Jo. We were two carefree wolves, going out and about, exploring different areas with their mischief. This was all before meeting Gerrald, before all these things that I have learnt about myself, before all the lying started. I guess there are some benefits to never grow up and face the outside world. I turn to look at Jo, who is still snoozing on his bed.
I can't afford to lose this friend of mine. He has been with me for so long, for almost everything I did so far. This 'coming out' thing has proved to be a challenge to our friendship. Hopefully when he wakes up, we can still retain our friendship.
There is a buzzing sound somewhere in the room all of a sudden, snapping me from my thoughts. I look everywhere for the source, and found it. His phone is buzzing away slightly on the table. I take the phone up and see what may be going on. Turns out 'Mom' is calling. I accept the call and proceed to try and wake Jo up. Jo let out a soft growl and mumbled something before grabbing a pillow and covering his head, ignoring me.
"Hello?" his mom starts.
"Hey,"
"Typh, is that you? Are you with Jo? Where is he? Is he okay?" His mom begins to spam quite a few questions.
"Ah yes, I'm Typh. Jo is beside me in his room. He is sleeping... and doesn't seem to want to wake up yet."
"Oh it's okay, let him rest. I wanted to tell him that he may have to fix dinner for himself, his dad and I have to work overtime today, there are surprisingly lots to do for me today. I was so worried that he may be unable to look out for himself, being sick and everything. But since you are with him, I guess I can be more relaxed now. I hope you don't mind taking care of Jo for us today, please?"
"No worries, I can do it," I reply.
"Thank you so much! Okay, talk to you next time, I've got to go and finish my work so that I can leave as early as I can. Bye!"
Then she hung up, leaving me to bid farewell to an empty phone line.
So Jo is sick eh? I didn't know that. At least it is a good enough reason for why he hasn't been contacting me. I feel a little guilty accusing him being petty. Jo's phone in my paw continues to light up, reminding of 8 unread messages... probably his friends in school.
I stand up and left for the kitchen, after realising that I have to fix dinner for Jo. Luckily ingredients and food is never scarce in his house, even more for today since they restock their groceries every Sunday morning.
I take out everything I need and begin to cook. My techniques and palate may not be excellent, but the food that I make is acceptable enough and never had a record of food poisoning.
By the time I've finished cooking, eating and pouring the meat porridge in a thermal container that I've found in the living room and washing up, it is already the evening.
I was about to close the lid of the container before I hear a shuffle nearby, then Jo appears with one eye closed, stretching away.
"Hey, what'cha cooking? Is there anything for me?" Jo asks.
He said it so casually as though nothing has happened two days ago. Well, it can be just his usual love for food that is distracting him.
"I've made meat porridge for you. I heard from your mom that you are sick, and that your parents will be home late."
"You've made that? Wow. Nah, I'm fine already, what I needed was a good rest. Let's see if the porridge is as nice as it smells, I can smell it from my room already!" said Jo, licking his lips.
I'm glad that he has return to his usual self, even if this is only temporary.
Within minutes, Jo finishes the entire amount of porridge and is attempting to dig his muzzle in to lick for more, before I reach out and grab the container away.
"Don't do that, it's disgusting. And the porridge wasn't THAT great okay," I said.
Jo looks half tempted to grab the container back to lick it clean.
"But it is still nice, you know. I didn't know you can cook that good, good enough for me, at least," said Jo.
"This is still nothing compared to your dad's cooking."
"That isn't a fair comparison, he has much more experience," Jo argues.
"Whatever. I'm still not going to let you lick this container. Take your meds and go rest, unless you want to start on your schoolwork first, which there isn't much today," I said, standing up to clean up everything.
After I finished washing everything, I turn and end up facing a grey wall of fur.
"I can do work later if there isn't much to complete. And since my parents aren't here, I want to talk first... about you, about us. I've got things to ask," said Jo, before he reaches out and pulls me into a hug, real one this time, "and I'm sorry about that night."
"It's okay, I have my own faults too on that night," I reply, returning the hug with all my heart. There is hope to rekindle our friendship after all.
We didn't hug for very long. We broke up and went to his room with his homework.
"So," I start, "what do you want to ask me about? I'll answer them as best as I can, with no secrets this time."
Jo sits on his bed and think for a moment, "Hmm... Is there anything else that you are still hiding from me?"
I didn't expect for that to be the first question. I smile a bit before answering, "How would I know that? It depends on what you still don't know about me right? I don't think there's any more though."
"Are you seeing someone, some guy?"
"What? Of course not! I'm still single like you..."
"H..How did you know that you're... you know, that. And I don't get how you are one..."
"Jo... I can't explain that, like really. To yourself, you know what you want best. I'm not that into girls, and I stare at guys, daydream about them more than that of girls, you know, even if I'm bi, I still tend to guys. It's kind of obvious to yourself once you know your actual preference. And I know that stereotypically I'm supposed to wear flowers, heels, hopping about in a rainbow dress or something. But it isn't like that. Gay is just... you know, being attracted to the same gender and nothing else. Cross dressing is just what some gays do and not all. In fact, it may be only a small fraction of them. Whatever it is, I'm just not one of those. I am just simply attracted to the same gender, full-stop."
I fold my arms and wait for Jo to digest all this information.
Jo nods his head slightly after a while, "Huh... Okay, so you get boners when showering with other guys?"
"Jo, I don't think so. Shouldn't you know that? We've showered together before."
Hah. That time we had no choice because we were rushing and there was only one shower stall available in the camping area.
"Well, maybe you didn't know about your preference that time."
"Maybe, but still, I don't just look and like every guy I see. It's the same as a straight guy. I mean, no straight guy actually look and like every girl they see, right? And let's face it, not all guys you shower with are handsome and hot, so if you are bathing with a bunch of ugly girls, I don't think one can get a boner unless desperate. It works the same way."
"Okay... Oh wait, you said that you like someone that day? Who is it?" Jo asks, ears perking up slightly.
I mouth goes slightly dry, "Umm... I, err... He... Argh, yes, I do like someone, and he is... he is... Gerrald," I let out almost a whisper for the last word.
"Huh? Gerrald? Gerr-," Jo's eyes widen a little, "WHAT? Are you serious? Gerrald, Gerrald Ursarog? Is it the Vice-Captain of the Judo team? WHHAAAATTT?!"
I give myself a facepalm when Jo's jaw drop and gives me the I-don't-believe-it face.
"Sorry, but I mean, like he is a bear, you know, not even the same of species! If you two get together, you may have to follow their rules, their way of living, their eating style and everything. Heck, you might even get a new religion!"
"I know, alright? But I can't help but look at him, can I? He's cute okay."
Jo gives the annoying grin back at me, "Maybe. I won't say he is the best looking, he isn't that tall, maybe even shorter than you, and he is big-sized... You like fat guys, now?"
"Hey! He isn't fat okay! Big-sized and obese is different. He may look fat, but he doesn't have a protruding tummy, and have passed gym test far better than me. I think he got a silver grade. I failed, you know," I argue back.
"Okay, okay. I know him quite a bit. He is pretty famous in school, outgoing and always bringing attention. As much as his social life is exciting, you do know that his grades aren't as good, don't you? He may have to retake another year."
"That I know as well... And that's why I'm quite sad because of all this things that probably makes him and me impossible... What are the chances that he likes me anyway?"
"So all this time you have been looking and thinking about him? You're serious? I mean, I don't think you have talked with him before..." Jo adds in.
"I don't know. I feel stupid too, liking and thinking of someone that I've never talked to before; I don't know what to do... I've tried forgetting him though, and it obviously didn't work out?"
"We will see about that later. You know, now things are all clear, it's not that bad actually, I mean about you telling me you like other guys, sure it's a little odd, but it's okay," said Jo.
"Yay, thanks man, that means a lot to me. Best friends still?" I ask, holding up my fist.
"Of course. I don't see why not," Jo agrees, using his fist and bumps with mine, before the both of us break into pearls of laughter.
"Glad to have my friend back, Jo."
"Me too, and by the way, since you like big guys, h... how about me?" asks Jo.
...
What?
"What do you mean? Are you seriously asking me to check you out? 'Cause I haven't been doing that okay," I answer. I can't say I swear though, I did look at him in a different, dirtier angle before... like just now when he was asleep?
"No, it's just that, you know, how well I fare for your standards, I'm a big guy too, like Gerrald. And I've scored gold."
"Are you being jealous?" I tease him, "Well, you do look good and you are awesome. I don't have to tell you, the amount of girls chasing you is kind of evident already. Like that pizza girl?"
"So if you could, will you choose me?"
I think Jo is kidding around with me, so I reply, "Yeah, I may just fall for you, so beware, yeah?"
"If I now tell you that you can?"
...
His responses are getting a little... odd now.
"Jo, do you know what you are saying?"
Jo just stares at his paws, both his paws clasped together and he is twiddling his thumbs. He didn't answer.
"Jo?"
"I... I think I might be like you," Jo starts, "I just think that I may like... you."
"Jo, come on. There's no need to do this, I know you want me to feel better, but this isn't the way to do it," I answer before turning to back-face him. Like seriously, Jo, now? "Please don't confuse yourself with this now."
"I'm being serious."
I turn back. I am shocked not by his words, but the small growl hidden in those words; he only does that when he is really angry.
"Jo, okay, relax. I think you are just confused because I just came out to you and it is your first time hearing it. Next time, let's say, in two weeks' time, if you still have those confusing feelings about me, then we will see, okay? I bet it won't last till two days later. It's getting late; go get your homework done."
Jo frowns a bit, before complying to start work.
Oh boy, this seems 'coming out' problem doesn't seem to end here after all.