Christmas Memories
There's a blanket of snow,
Covering up the ol' road
To the house where I was raised
Through the window I see,
The lights on the tree,
And a glow from the ol' fireplace
And though it all looks the same,
So much has changed,
From the way it used to be.
Wow... seems it's been so long since I've been here." I thought as I arrived at the old house. Although its façade showed its age, it hadn't lost its familiar gleam of welcome as you first drove up. I came here remembering the many memories I had, nearly loosing control as the memories took off my concentration. The road was slick and snowy.
We had arrived, my family and I, at my childhood home. A cozy little cottage just on the outskirts of Meansville, a sleepy little town it was. The town however tonight was lit up in all sorts of Christmas lights. For that's what tonight was, Christmas; One of my favorite holidays, and the same was true for my family. My wife, Dawn was sitting in the passenger seat with Jackson and Sara in the backseat.
"Daddy is this it?" Jackson asked, his young voice chirping up.
"...Yes..... yes this is it...." My voice was quiet, subdued with happiness far beyond my years. I couldn't believe I was back on Christmas. The house was lit up bright and cheery. She must have put a lot of work into it I thought as we drove up the brick driveway; Done up the same way as you'd expect from an older house such as this. Snow covered up the roof, giving the cottage a strong white tone even in the darker colors falling as the night fell. The cottage itself was bricked, with small columns over the front porch and two rocking chairs in front of the window to the right of the door which was framed by Christmas lights. There were 2 reindeer posted outside on the front lawn; just the same as there had always been. There was a candle in front of every window and a wreath on the front door. The candles in the windows were mom's idea and dad would never go a Christmas without a wreath on the front door.
I stepped out of the car and shut the door, hearing the other three doors shut; I went around to the back and popped open the trunk. Four Suitcases for each of us were laid gently and neatly in the back of the car, Mazda 6 silver. Withdrawing each of the suitcases and handing each to each person, I got to the one with my name on it and drew it up. The suitcase like the settings held many memories of years gone by. I still remember the day I moved out of this place like it was yesterday. I was so happy to be leaving this place, but I could feel it beckoning me back, calling out for me as if it knew that someday I would hear it and return. The suitcase was all tarnished from the years of wear I had put on it. It rolled louder than the others as we went to the front door. The door opened quickly as we approached the porch.
"Ya'll made it! It's gettin' awful late, I was getting' worried ya'll wouldn't make it. Come in come in. I got coffee and tea made." I smiled, that was mother for you, she would always have coffee and tea made if a visitor were to show up. That was the way she was. I was happy to see she hadn't lost that side as it was very cold and the snow was beginning to fall faster, but It would have been impolite to not let the children and my dear Dawn go in first. She passed by with a gentle loving kiss. "I love the place hun." She whispered to me as she went in. Following her in, mother had made it to the kitchen and was pouring the coffee into mugs that I remembered her having when I was still a kid.
I showed the kids their room. Of course they were not too happy to share a room, but it was all we could spare.
"Aww dad, do I have to share a room with sis?" my son asked me with an annoyed tone.
"Would you rather sleep outside?" I asked him. He didn't respond to the question.
I went back out and went to Dawn's and my room. I wasn't surprised to see her looking at the pictures on the dresser. "This used to be your room wasn't it hun?"
"Yes.. I remember a lot from it... a lot of memories. It's almost overwhelming." I said, not looking directly at her, but at a few pictures with my dad and me. "That one there," I pointed towards one of a boy who looked like me holding a huge bass and a man who looked much like me, but different, kneeled beside the kid, "was taken when I was 10, first fish I ever caught." She surveyed it closely. "Your dad looked so much like you, and yet that boy looks nothing like you hun."
"You saying you wouldn't have dated me back then?" I said with a playful tone in my voice.
"No.. I'm just saying you looked different, that's all." She smiled and kissed my cheek, her warm lips feeling so tender against the winter chill that still managed to sneak into the room.
"Shadow!! Your coffee is ready." Mother's voice rang out. "Be right there mama." I said back just loud enough to reach her ears down the hallway.
"You know, your mother seems to be handling your father's death quite well." Dawn told me looked around the room."
"She looks like it, but I can't help but wonder if she cries herself to sleep every night. You can tell she tears up at the thought of him. Not that I blame her, he was a great man, great father at that. It's sad to have seen him go just so short of Christmas."
"Yea... Well... I'm gonna go and chat with her, Why don't you get the kids tucked into bed?"
"Sure Dawn, I'll meet you down in a few minutes." I told her as she headed out the door. I looked around and found my old guitar I forgotten to take last time I was here. It was just an old acoustic that you could find in Wal-mart, but to me it was cherished. Dad gave that to me when I was 13. It was by far my favorite Christmas present he'd ever gotten me. I loved the thing.
Picking it up, I headed out the room and went upstairs to the kid's room. "Jackson, Sara, you in here?" They were both in their beds, but their eyes were wide awake and they closed them shut as I came in. "Alright come on, I know your both awake. Open your eyes, I want to talk to you both." They looked over at me from their beds and I sat on Sara's. "Daddy, we want to hear a story!" Jackson jumped up from his bed and ran over and sat beside me. "Yea we want to hear a story!" Sara piped up as she sat up.
"Alright, well I may not have so much of a story but a song my father used to sing to me a while back when I was a kid. Want to hear it?" I wasn't surprised when they both shook their heads. "Alright, well, its about a bear who comes out at Christmas and tells little boys and girls like you two what Christmas is about."
I began the song with a few strums to make sure the guitar was In tune before starting to sing.
The city is full of manger scenes,
And stores lit up in red and green,
But down the road just out of town,
There's more magic to be found,
The countryside is a' glow,
With holly tree and mistletoe,
And in them woods there lives a bear,
Known to all as Thistlehair,
Oh Thistlehair, the Christmas bear,
Spreading the good news everywhere,
About Christmas times and what it means,
To all the children of the world,
Every little boy and girl out there loves Thistlehair,
He comes around this time away,
Spreading lots of Christmas cheer,
The kids all love his shiny coat,
And the smell of honey on his nose,
He tells them all about the star,
And everything that it stands for,
The birth date we all celebrate,
Is still our favorite holiday
Oh Thistlehair, the Christmas bear,
Spreading the good news everywhere,
About Christmas times and what it means,
To all the children of the world,
Every little boy and girl out there loves Thistlehair,
Wherever you find ol' Thistlehair,
There'll be music in the air,
He dances round the Christmas tree,
Every single New Years Eve,
Then he and all his furry friends
Gather round the fire again,
And sing about those angel wings,
Gifts of love that Christmas brings
Oh Thistlehair, the Christmas bear,
Spreading the good news everywhere,
About Christmas times and what it means,
To all the children of the world,
Every little boy and girl out there loves Thistlehair
Thistlehair the Christmas bear...
Finishing the song I saw them both smiling. "Sing us another!" They both shouted. "No you both need to get to bed, you don't want Santa to go by do you?" They shook their heads but still they begged. "Aww but daddy, you're a good singer and we want to hear another!" What could I say? "Alright, one more, but this is the last one. When you guys grow up and move out, I want you guys to remember that when it comes to Christmas time, you don't have to be elaborate. Just remember what this time of year is about and you'll always make your father happy."
There's a road that I remember,
Leading to a special place,
Where the door was always open,
To a smiling face,
There's a picture on the mantle,
Of a boy who looks like me,
And it's always the same,
There's a stocking with my name.
And a Candle in the Window,
A flame against the night,
There's a candle in the window,
It's like god's perfect light,
Now it don't take a lot of money,
Oh to know what riches are,
Just a Candle in the window,
Oh and Christmas...
In your heart
Maybe it's just wishful thinking,
But I can hear the sleigh bells right,
You can almost taste the pie mama's baking,
It's Christmas eve.
There's a candle in the window,
There's a flame against the night,
There's a candle in the window,
It's like God's perfect light,
Now it don't take lots a money,
To know what riches are,
Just a candle in the window,
And Christmas in your heart
Wherever the years may take me,
No matter how far I go..
There's Gonna Be a Candle Burning!
It's always nice to know,
Now it don't take a lotta money,
Oh to know what riches are.
a simple candle in the window,
Oh and Christmas in your heart.
I finished off the song with my hands placed on their hearts and smiled at them. "Get to bed you two. Santa will be here soon and he won't wait on kids who won't go to sleep"
"Awww ok Daddy. We'll go to sleep" Jackson spoke as he ran to his bed and Sara laid down.
"Good night you two and sleep well, I'll see you in the morning." I told them and kissed each in turn before heading out the door, cutting out the lamp just before I left. I headed down the hallway to the main room to see Mother and Dawn in a deep conversation about God-knows-what. So I decided I'd let them be and headed outside.
Christmas memories,
Of happy years gone by,
They come back to me,
Keep me warm inside.
Still those memories....
Make me cry...
Now the stockings are filled,
The old house is still,
And the kids are all dreaming away
There's that ol' easy chair,
Me and daddy sat there,
Waiting for Santa's sleigh
The winter chill had its affects, but I didn't really mind, I went outside and went around the house. The house didn't seem to have changed a bit. Over in the back side of the house near the woods was the swing set the boys and I played in most of our childhood. Next to it the old Oak still stood. It hadn't gotten any larger, it hadn't lost any branches. In fact it still looked much the same as it had the day I left. It was hauntingly the same, but I loved it so much more. I could still see the old tire swing dad and I built hanging on it. The old birdhouse that occupied the tree's trunk was still there, although long vacant as the tenant had no doubt flown south. I went back around to the front and looked through the front window and it seemed as though I had looked through the window 30 years ago.
Mother was in her rocking chair knitting, the Christmas tree was in the middle of the room; brightly lit with presents hidden snuggly underneath it. There was a nice and warm fire glowing in the fireplace and the room was arranged so much that it seemed that it had never known the change of time. There was the old easy chair that my dad and I sat in every Christmas Eve. It still looked much the same as it did back then. I could vision myself and dad there sitting and waiting for Santa. It seems so bizarre that now I'm the dad and that Jackson would soon be the kid sitting on my knee, but for now that picture of my dad and I sitting there lingered in my head till the real realization that dad was no longer here hit me and he faded from the picture in my head.
Now Daddy has gone...
We'll carry on,
Cause the little ones still need....
It hit me then, the idea that my dad was gone. A tear made it to my left eye and fell to the snow below, freezing together with the rest of the snow and ice around it. I looked back up into the window just to make sure that dad wasn't gone. Just to see if everything that had been happening in the past few months had just been a dream and that somehow I had just woke up, but life isn't like that. He wasn't there. He was somewhere else possibly having the time of his new life in heaven. At least that's what I hoped he was doing. I went back inside the house as my mother got up. "I'm gonna go to bed sonny. Good night."
"good night mother." I said to her and hugged her tightly, feeling her grasp me as well, I could tell that age had shaken her, but her scrappy frame still hung on strong. I watched her as she headed to her room and went inside.
"You ok hun?" Dawn asked me as she entered the room from the kitchen. "Oh... yea. I'm ok." I answered her hastily
"You sure don't look it. You look like you've been crying. What about?"
I hated how she could look through me like that. "memories... Christmas memories." I sat in the old easy chair. It had grown old and the underside squeaked with age as I sat in it. It was a tan chair, although it had faded to a tanish brown color. She sat on the couch next to me. "You want to tell me about it?"
"Not really. This is one memory I'd prefer to keep to myself hun. I'm sure you understand."
"I do understand Shadow." She yawned. "Woo... I'm done hun. See you in bed hun."
"see ya hun." I kissed her good night and she also went down the hall wall as I looked at the old fireplace. The fire was now burning down and the light in the room had gone down a good bit to the point where my eyes now had to adapt to the changing light. I saw a small figure coming down the room towards me. "Jackson, you're supposed to be in bed."
"I know daddy. But I want to see Santa." He hopped up on my lap, his small 3 year old frame seemed so small and precious in my paws. In my mind the memory of my dad and I came back to my mind as we sat there. By midnight he was asleep and I gently picked him up and carried him to bed and tucked him in, much as my father would have done all those years ago. I went back out to the living room and watched the last glowing embers of the fire before going up to my room and putting on my pajamas before slipping into bed next to Dawn.
Christmas memories,
Happy years gone by,
They come back to me,
Keep me warm inside
Still those Christmas memories,
Whoa they mean so much to me,
Whoa those Christmas memories....
Make me cry......