Gravity
A/N: Very much so inspired by the A Perfect Circle song of the same name and my own sense of the macabre. Read while you listen to it. I listened to it when I wrote it. Thinking about this has been keeping me from other things. I ramble. Also, tell me how I did; I tend not to emote, so I don't know how good I do in conveying emotion.
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Lost again
Broken and weary
Unable to find my way
Tail in hand
Dizzy and clearly unable to
Just let this go
The church was quiet.
It's to be expected; it's a late Thursday night and the heavy rain meant God took second place to not getting the fur wet.
My white-furred hands held an old Bible open to the book of Leviticus.
Leviticus 20:13- If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.
A knife lay across the pages.
I picked it up and placed the point in my other palm.
There's so much else in the Bible that doesn't get aired. People read it and ignore the parts they don't like:
Leviticus 19:19- Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material.
Leviticus 19:26- Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it.
Leviticus 19:34- The alien living with you must be treated as one of your native-born. Love him as yourself, for you were aliens in Egypt.
Leviticus 20:10- If a man commits adultery with another man's wife- with the wife of his neighbor- both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death.
Mention these to any pastor and you get scorn. "They are no longer relevant today!"
And their passages that condemn us are?
The knife moved from my palm to my wrist, pressing hard enough that the slightest of movements would cut deep enough for me to be unable to change my mind. Blood flowed.
Sometimes, the sheer stupidity of my fellow "beings" gets to me.
Which is why I'm here, at a church I long ago stopped believing in.
Being here brings my closer to my God, and though the hypocrisy of the church burns me, I sit and pray.
"Please God. I need an answer. I know in my deepest of hearts that what I am is not wrong. It is natural. And so I surrender to you. Lift me back to your sun, so that I may see the path I need to take."
"I told my parents today. They weren't happy about it." A choked laugh escaped me from the absurdity of that understatement. Tears dripped down to the Bible, bleeding the ink on cheap pages. "They kicked me out. I don't know what to do. I have no place to go."
Instincts kicked in and my tail wrapped around me, covering the pages.
I sat and waited, hoped, for some sign. Something that would make the past twenty years worth it.
Nothing.
Thunder rattled the eaves of the church. I startled. My hand twitched.
I laughed. The echoes reverberated around the silence.
I wrung my hands together and moved my tail.
My red-furred hands held an old Bible open to the tear-bled pages of Leviticus, now bleeding in truth.
So be it.
I am surrendering to the gravity and the unknown
Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live, I choose to live