FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Arden rounds the corner, followed closely by Sam.

Words die in his muzzle as he sees me. He freezes up again, but not before I do. All my plans to speak to him evaporate. What could I possibly say that will make up for what I've done? What could ever possess him to take me back?

Sam backs away slightly. "Arden, Mark wanted to talk to you."

We stare at each other; it isn't any easier than it was before. I am about to turn around and run when I notice something. My mind is probably playing tricks on me, but I'm pretty sure I can see a strange glimmer in his eyes; something that wasn't there during all our previous encounters. It's this delusion that pushes me forward.

"Arden." His eyes widen just a bit; it's as if though he wasn't expecting me to talk at all. "I'm sorry."

That familiar lump in my throat makes a comeback at this most inopportune of moments; I force my way through it. Tears well up in my eyes, making me realize that if I don't do this now, I never will. Slowly, I approach him. "I know that what I did was wrong." He remains perfectly still, watching me.

"Arden."

As I get closer, he panics, turns around and tries to make a run for it. Instinct and reflexes take over; I grab him, spin him around and hold him close. "Arden, I love you." He struggles to get free. "I never stopped." His breathing gets heavier. "I did what I did because I didn't think I'd be able to give you the relationship you deserve." He lets out a strangled sob, making it even harder for me to speak. "I was afraid, Arden. You deserve so much more than what I was." He continues to struggle, crying openly now. "Arden, I'm not afraid anymore. I want to be with you, whatever it takes. I don't want to be alone." He continues to sob brokenly. There's nothing left for me to say. "I know it's too late, I'm sorry to have put you through this."

As I begin to let go, he wraps his arms around me, pulling me close. "Don't you dare let go!" he sobs. "Don't you dare!" We hold on to each other, fighting the invisible forces that try to tear us apart. The last of our tears are shed, and we are one again. I close my eyes, fearing that this is all a dream. If it is, I want to dwell here for as long as possible. His muzzle brushes mine, and I open it willingly. As our tongues lovingly explore each other's muzzles, the warmth I've missed so much from the past few months comes back. Our kiss breaks world records; we are both so parched of this wonderful feeling that neither of us wants it to end. It's probably very cold outside, but in my mind, it's summer again - the summer when I met the person who changed my life forever. The tears come back, but I don't mind; they're happy tears.

After these few blissful moments, our muzzles separate. I step back, but only enough to be able to see his eyes. Even in the dim light of the nearby streetlamp, they shine with a life that they've been so cruelly robed of just a few months ago.

A smile plays on his muzzle; it's faint, but it's a smile.

I look behind us briefly; Sam's leaning up against the wall, watching us. He's shivering slightly from the cold, but doesn't say a word. When I catch his eye, he smiles and nods. I sigh and smile back; everything worked out okay.

Despite our complete reluctance, Arden and I end our embrace. We hold paws and follow Sam out to the parking lot.

"Thanks," I whisper.

"For what?" He turns his muzzle quizzically.

"For not running away."

***

I want badly to invite Arden to sleep over, to fall asleep with him in my arms again, but decide to wait. He's not going anywhere, and there's nothing wrong with taking our time. It feels like he's thinking the same thing because he opens his muzzle several times to speak, but settles for a smile and a gentle squeeze of my paw.

Since we all came in separate cars, we say our goodbyes in the parking lot.

"I'll come pick you up for school tomorrow, hon." We share another kiss and Arden heads to his car.

I wave to him until he's out of sight and then turn to Sam. "Thanks, Sam. For everything. You've done more than I could ever repay you for."

"Just take care of him, okay?" He embraces me. "He might look tough, but he's very fragile; especially now."

"I will. I promise."

The snow picks up; we jog over to our cars and hurry home.

For once, my drive is quiet and peaceful. A warmth that has nothing to do with the car heater permeates my entire being. The hope that started growing in me when I made up with Sam has blossomed into true happiness.

Warren and James are waiting by the door when I get home. I walk in, grinning like an idiot, so my mood isn't terribly hard to read. They take a moment to appraise me and then we embrace.

"We're so happy for you, Son."

This familial love warms my heart even more.

It's only nine, but we're all so tired from our ordeal that nobody objects to turning in a little bit early.

I fall asleep without the stuffed fox in my arms. Why pretend when reality is sweeter than anything I can imagine?

***

I wake up a whole hour before my alarm is due to go off. Not feeling the least bit sleepy, I decide to spend an extra bit of time on grooming.

After brushing my fur, scenting it with a bit of vanilla powder and brushing my teeth, I exhaust my list of grooming tasks and make my way to the kitchen.

Warren left for school early to get to a meeting, and James is long since at work by this point.

I have a quiet breakfast of sausage and eggs, chewing the food slowly because I have way too much time left before Arden is due to call.

Finally, the phone goes off and his adorable muzzle pops up on the screen.

I hit the answer key as fast as my paws can manage. "Hello?"

"Woah, that didn't even ring once!" He sounds chipper and excited.

"I've been waiting a while," I confess.

"How long?"

"Well, I've been up since five."

"Ha! I've been up since four!" I was having doubts about just how much he'd snapped out of the funk he's been in for so long, but his laughter and bouncy attitude pretty much speak for themselves. "Anyway, I'll come pick you up in like five minutes."

"Okay, see ya then." I hang up and try to sit patiently in my chair. After about two minutes, I give up on trying to be patient and go outside to wait.

By the time his car pulls up to the curb, I've paced back and forth enough times to create a puddle of slush in the fresh snow.

I hop into the car, and we kiss again. It's not so much a passionate kiss as a reaffirming one; we're together, and this time we'll fight to keep it that way.

"I missed you last night," he says once we break the kiss.

"Ditto." I fasten my seatbelt and he pulls out into the street. "Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to sleep over tonight. It's Friday; maybe we can spend the whole weekend together."

"Sure." He tilts his muzzle slightly. "Don't you have soccer or something?"

I completely forgot to tell him about this. "Not anymore, I quit."

"Quit?"

"Yeah." I also never apologized. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you about Chris. Sam showed me just how wrong I was."

"It's okay." There's no sadness in his voice this time. "I just didn't realize how close you guys were."

"Neither did I." I knew we were close, but I never knew he could have such an impact on me. I also didn't realize that, at some point in his life, he decided to start using our friendship to manipulate me.

By the time we pull up to the school, most of the parking lot is already full. It takes us a while to find a space, and the one we do find is about as far away from the school as you can get.

We get out of the car quickly and make a dash for school.

Once safely inside, I do something I've wanted to do for a while now; I take his paw in mine.

He looks over, surprised at first, and then his surprise turns into a wide smile.

"Like I said," I whisper to him, "I'm not afraid anymore."

To prove it even further, I lean over and kiss him tenderly on the muzzle. I can instantly feel the many pairs of eyes on us; but this time I couldn't care less.

Our kiss is brief, but more powerful than most of the other ones we've shared. It tells all those around us that we refuse to hide, we refuse to pretend for the sake of maintaining normalcy, and we refuse to be swayed by the opinions of people we don't even know.

Our paws still linked, we head to class.

"I'll see you in History." Arden gives me another kiss and skips down the hall to his Calculus class.

I almost follow him in to spend some more time together, but catch myself in time and head to Physics.

In one day, the class has turned from something I mildly enjoyed into something that couldn't end a minute too soon. Every question seems too long, every problem put up on the board seems too time-consuming. I steal glances at the clock all throughout and spend the last ten minutes or so openly staring at it.

Mercifully, the bell rings, and I sprint to History.

Arden's already there when I come in. He seems a bit out of breath, but the smile on his muzzle is wider than ever.

"Ha, I beat you!" He pecks me on the cheek as I sit down.

"That you did."

"So, I've been meaning to ask..." He adjusts himself in the seat. "Are you planning to play soccer in college?"

"I'm not sure." Now that I think about it, there really isn't much Chris can do to affect my college career. He claimed that Coach could, but as it turns out, Coach really has no intentions of doing anything. "I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I mean, I really have nothing against it, so I might as well. Lakeforest has actually offered me a full-ride to play on their team."

"So, that's where you're going, huh?"

"I'm not sure yet. What about you?"

"If you go, I'll go." Just like that, my college decision is finalized.

The rest of the students begin to file into the classroom just as the late bell rings, Sam among them.

"Oh man, you guys don't know how happy this makes me." He sits down next to us.

We tell him about our college choice.

"Well, if you're both going, I'll definitely go." He reaches into his backpack and pulls out one of the pamphlets that came with the acceptance letter. "They actually have four-person suites; we can even room together."

We flip through the pamphlet together, looking at the different dorms and the meal plans.

"And they have a really active GSA." Sam pulls another pamphlet from his backpack. I don't actually remember getting that one; the whole thing is done in a rainbow gradient and would have been extremely hard to miss.

"You gonna join?" he asks, looking at me in particular.

"We just made out in the middle of the hallway." I look over at Arden and smile. "I think I can handle GSA."

Warren walks in at this point, and our conversation is put on pause.

I love his teaching style, but I just can't focus today. I got my friend and boyfriend back all in one week, and all I want to do is spend time with them. I try my best to focus on the teacher, but my eyes constantly drift over to Arden. He seems to have a similar mindset to mine. After staring at Warren for several minutes, he turns to me and smiles. We spend most of the class just looking at each other; drinking in each other's presence.

The bell rings, but we remain in our seats, ignoring the hustle and bustle around us.

"I'll see ya at lunch," he says when we finally get up.

"You know it!" We kiss again, and he walks off to Biology. Every time we kiss in public, I get a little extra rush of excitement; it doesn't feel wrong, just adventurous. From some weird perspective, straight couples actually miss out on this; they kiss so often and with such acceptance from those around them that the kiss simply lessens in meaning.

As I walk to my next class, thoughts of Chris invariably flood my brain. I haven't seen him since that day at the track, and I have no idea what he'll do once we run into each other again.

I enter the empty classroom and take a seat furthest from my usual one.

Chris walks in sometime later; he gives me one of his venomous glares and sits down. He's cleaned up well and, other than a slight swelling of his muzzle, he's got nothing to show for our fight.

Seeing this eases my tension slightly. If he was going to try and get me into trouble, he would have played up his injury in every way possible. I can almost imagine him rolling in on a wheel chair, wearing a full-body cast. The image causes me to chuckle audibly. Chris's ears flatten when he hears me, but he doesn't turn around.

The class goes ahead as it usually does; in fact, it's almost better because Chris isn't constantly pestering me for attention.

Afterwards, he catches up with me in the hallway. "Look," he says, not even bothering to catch my attention first. "Stay the fuck out of my life, and I'll stay out of yours."

"Good plan." I glance at him briefly and walk off to the caf.

Arden's already at the front of the line when I get there. "Just go get us some seats, I'll get the food."

"Okay." I go to our usual table behind the vending machines and sit down.

Frankie, one of the guys from the team walks over. "Dude, did you seriously quit the team?"

"Yep." Not one regret. "Chris was being an asshole, so now he can lead you guys to the Nationals all by himself."

"You're still playing in college, though, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so. Lakeforest offered me a full-ride; might as well take it."

"Oh, good stuff! I'll be playing at Teason, myself."

"I'm pretty sure they're in the same league, so we'll get to play against each other."

"Yep." He stands around just a bit longer, shifting from paw to paw. "Well, I'll see you around, then."

"See ya."

He walks back to the soccer team table and sits down. I can't hear what he's saying to the rest of the guys, but it's probably about me; whatever.

"Whole wheat, peperoni pizza... oh joy." Arden puts the plate in front of me and sits down.

"So, I ran into Chris after class." He's probably just as worried about this as I am. "We agreed to stay out of each other's lives from now on."

"And you think he'll keep his word?"

"We've got too much dirt on him." The thought comes to mind just as I search for it. "If he tries to get me in trouble for hitting him, I can start a whole investigation of Danny's case. I know Danny said he doesn't want to press charges, but Chris doesn't know that. I'm sure if they dig through his text messages, they're bound to find something incriminating."

"Hm, I guess you're right."

We finish our pizza and walk to English. Eggurd's already there, reading a book that looks almost as old as she does. "Ah, I see the quarreling lovers are back together!" She smiles. "I'm very happy to see that."

"We're all happy." I squeeze Arden's paw gently.

"How did you know we were a couple?" Arden asks.

"Oh, when you've been around as long as I have, you learn to read people like books." She gestures to the volume in her paws. "Never judge one by its cover, and pay particular attention to the little hints and details."

"If only everyone was like that." I sigh.

We sit down in our usual seats (as close to each other as possible) and class begins.

Just like in history, Arden and I spend most of our time focused on each other. It's as if he wants to make up for all the times he completely ignored me when I tried to catch his eye.

Eggurd ends class a few minutes before the bell rings. "I'll let you get a head start on your weekend," she says, erasing the homework she had previously put up on the board. "Have fun and be safe."

We leave English quickly and head to the parking lot. On our way there, we run into Katelyn. "How does it feel to be a freak?" she jeers, loud enough for everyone to hear, calling attention to our linked paws. Arden makes as if to pull his paw away, but I squeeze his paw tighter. "Not sure." I shrug, gracing her with a conniving smile. "How does it feel to be rejected by a guy you thought you had wrapped around your finger?"

She opens her muzzle to retort; nothing by hot air comes out. She glares at us for a little while longer and stomps off.

"That was amazing!" Arden kisses me on the cheek as we exit the building. "Never knew you had it in you."

"Neither did I." I chuckle. Something that seemed like bravery so long ago really doesn't feel all that important. "Neither did I.