Rage Over Matter
Just something real quick to add, to avoid confusion. Main character is Jeremy, an anthro wolf. Sasha is his daughter. Now it should be easier to understand.
Rage Over Matter
"... Where two more murders took place. The recent spree of crime has caused authorities to be on high alert. We have the chief of police here to tell us what he thinks about this."
"Thank you. Because of the short time span of less than three months, and the relatively short range of which the victims are murdered, we believe there is a serial killer on the loose. We haven't found any relationship between the victims, except for the fact that there was no one nearby to see the murder take place. For this reason, we feel they are a psychologically unstable individual who's intent is to kill whoever he sees during the night..."
I shut off the TV, tired of hearing about murder after murder. I held my head in my paws, massaging my temples.
"Daddy, are you ok?" I looked up, seeing my little daughter, almost six years old, standing in her doorway.
"Yea sweetie, I'm ok. Why are you up, it's almost eleven twenty, you should be asleep by now."
"I can't fall asleep, can you sing me a lullaby?" She said, rubbing her eyes. I smiled, getting up from the couch.
"Yea, of course I can." I saw her smile and turn back into her room and jump in her bed. I walked in and kneeled next to her as she crawled under the covers. I brushed her bangs away from her face gently. "You have your mothers eyes, you know?"
"Daddy, do you miss mommy?"
"Yes Sasha, I do. But remember, she's in a better place now, and she'll always love you." She smiled and rolled onto her side, pulling her tail to her chest and holding it tight; a habit she'd started soon after Maria had... passed. Brushing off the sad past I began running my paw along the side of her head, calming her. "Quiet now, night has come, why do you persist? Calmly, peacefully, off to sleep you wish... pleasant dreams and happy things guide you through till day... So close your eyes and say goodnight, for today is at an end... Tomorrow's waiting for you now, but tonight it's time for bed..." I leaned over and kissed her forehead as she yawned adorably, closing her eyes. "Goodnight Sasha, I love you." I stood up and crept out of her room as quietly as I could, shutting her door so I wouldn't wake her as I got myself ready for bed.
I hadn't slept well in a long time, three months to be exact. I rolled to my other side for the fifth time. My sometimes it would feel as if I were awake the entire night. I try and clear my head, but the haunting news of murder after murder found its way into my thoughts. Perfect, another restless night.
Morning came, finally, but I still felt as I usually would. Too tired to function well, but not tired enough to not function. Obviously that meant I had to push through the day with minimal energy and still perform as I am expected to. I got out of my bed and pulled on my clothes I wear for work. Collared, button down shirt with black slacks. It was 7:15, time to wake Sasha for her school day.
I walked to her room but was surprised to find her already awake. She had a skirt on and was attempting to put on a shirt.
"Look daddy, I'm gettin ready for school, all on my own!" She exclaimed, trying to force her head through the arm hole. I chuckled, walking over to help her. After a quick struggle with the fabric, she had the shirt on the right way.
"There we go, you look beautiful. Now, how about some toast with jam on it?" I asked, walking out of her room.
"Yay, toast with jam, toast with jam!" She shouted, following me to the kitchen. I put in a slice of bread in the toaster for her while grabbing the box of oatmeal mix for myself.
"Oatmeal?" She said, tilting her head to the side. "Are you crazy?"
"Why, do you want some?" I asked, shaking the box.
"Bleggh!" She said, covering her mouth with her paws. I smiled, pouring the dry mix in a bowl and heading for the fridge. "Do you want anything to drink with breakfast?" I asked, grabbing the milk and holding the door open.
"Umm, orange juice!"
"Orange juice it is." I said, grabbing the jug before closing the fridge. I quickly poured some milk into my bowl, stirred it around, and put it in the microwave before getting a glass for Sasha. Just as I poured her half a cup of juice her toast popped up.
"Daddy, toast is ready!" She said, drumming lightly at the counter.
"Well, how about you go get what kind of jam you'd like out of the fridge." I said, putting her glass on the table and getting a plate for the bread.
"Okay!" She said, pulling open the fridge door. "Hmmm, enie meeny miny moe..." She pulled out a jar and set it next to me.
"Ohh, strawberry." I said, getting a knife to spread it around. I heard the microwave beep. "Oh snap, could you grab that for me?"
"Yep!" She grabbed a hot pad and opened the microwave. Carefully she pulled it out and set it on the table. "Ah, hot hot hot!" She said, shaking her paws in the air after setting it down.
"Are you ok?"
"Yea, it didn't hurt that much."
I brought her the toast with jam on a plate and set it down next to my oatmeal. She climbed up on her chair and picked up the toast, biting into it.
"Yummy!" She said after swallowing what was in her mouth, taking another bite.
Soon after breakfast she brushed her teeth and started putting on her shoes.
"Come on daddy, I gottsa go to school now!"
"Hang on a sec, I need a few things for my work. Don't worry, we'll still be on time." I said, grabbing a binder and two folders. I looked at her standing awkwardly near the door. I looked at her feet to find her shoes on wrong. "Sasha, something wrong?"
"My shoes are hurtin my feets!" She said, stomping them on the ground.
"Try putting them on the other foot, they're backwards." She looked down for a moment.
"Oooh, that makes sense." She dropped down and pulled off each shoe, putting them on the correct way this time.
"Now are we ready?" I asked her, opening the door.
"Yes daddy, let's go!" She grabbed my paw and started pulling on my arm. I barely had enough time to lock and close the door before heading down the apartment hallway towards the elevator. The doors opened when we hit the button.
"Let's only hit one floor this time ok?" I asked her, stepping in.
"Fine, I'll only hit one button." She said, pushing in the one labeled ground floor. The doors closed and we quickly descended. Another ding and the door slid open. From there it was a short walk to the exit, then two blocks down to her school. With a smile she went off to start her school day, leaving me to my own work day. Fifteen minutes later I arrived at my building, one minute late. I walked in, nodding to the welcome desk before heading up the stairs to my cubicle.
I sat down, starting up my computer. I sat back in my chair, taking a deep breath and running my hands through my hair.
"Well well, glad you finally decided to come in Jeremy. I hope you know I'm not paying you to sleep in." I turned to find the head supervisor standing in the entrance of my cubicle.
"I'm sorry sir, but to be serious I was only one minute late."
"That's one minute less you have to work on these files then." He said, dropping a thick file on my desk. "We have another meeting with that other company about the merger, to finalize everything. Rick was at all the other meetings but he's sick today, so I need you to take this hard data and make it all nice and presentable, and do it by 10, ok sunshine?" He said with a smirk.
"But I wasn't at any of the meetings, I have no clue what the merger is about except for the fact there is a merger!"
"Well now, whose fault is that?"
"How could it possibly be mine!?!"
"That's your problem now. If you weren't late you'd have more time." He said, giving a devilish smile before walking away. I stood up, slamming my fists on the desk.
"HOW THE HELL AM I-"
"Watch your mouth! Get that done, do it right, or you're out of here, do I make myself clear?" He interrupted me, drawing the attention of the whole office. As he turned his back to me my body started to shake, my entire being consumed by rage, utter rage. I let out a howl, sending my fist through my computer screen. He turned back, a look of shock on his face. My eyes met his, causing my blood to boil. With clouded judgment, I grabbed my stapler and chucked it at his head. He easily ducked it, but was now furious.
"You're done here, get out of this building, NOW!"
I shouted again, snapping the screen in half before punching a hole in the cubicle wall. I stormed out of the office, coming to my senses. I knew two things, my paw was bleeding and I didn't have my job anymore. As I walked home, I held my paw, flexing it occasionally. Quickly I got in the elevator and found my floor. With a click my door was unlocked and I went to tend to my hand. After cleaning it and bandaging it, I decided to call Brendan, my half-brother. I sat down as it began ringing.
"Hello?"
"Brendan, it's me, Jeremy."
"Oh, hey Jeremy. How's it going?"
"Really bad."
"That serial killer struck again?"
"Not only that. I got fired today too."
"What? Why?"
"My supervisor gave me some bullshit task to do, and I just... Snapped. I-I couldn't control myself. It's cloudy, but I think I punched a hole in my computer, then threw a stapler at his head."
"What? That doesn't at all sound like something you'd do."
"I know, it's like I was consumed by rage, unable to do anything about it."
"Well, is there anything else I can do for you? If it's money that's puttin so much stress on you, I'd be happy to-"
"No, I can't take your money. Besides, as long as I find another job pretty soon I'll be able to meet the bills."
"Alright then, don't hesitate to ask though."
"Thanks, I feel a bit better now."
"No problem."
"Ok, talk to you some other time."
"Yep, bye." He said, hanging up the phone. I picked up my watch I'd taken off and set an alarm to 3:10. I laid back and shut my eyes, hoping I'd be able to nap.
I awoke to the noise of my watch, meaning it was time to pick up Sahsa from school. My paw was sore, but I didn't think it was broken. I quickly headed to the door, wanting to be there when she got out.
On my way there, I got the occasional glance from those who'd heard about my little incident with my old job. I mostly ignored them, and thankfully the walk to is short.
I heard the bell ring just as I arrived, meaning she'd be out within a few minutes. The doors soon opened and the kids walked out, some sitting on the steps, others heading towards their respective mothers cars. Sasha came out with a few of her friends, saying goodbye as she saw me.
"Hi daddy!" She said, running up to me and giving me a hug.
"Hey there sweetie, how was your day?"
"Really fun! What about you?" She said, walking towards our apartment.
"Well, I've had a bit of a ruff day." I said, showing her my hand.
"Woah, that must of hurt! Are you ok daddy?"
"Yea, I'll be fine." I said, patting her head. The rest of the walk was mostly silent, and the evening awkwardly the same. Her bedtime came around and I gave her a quick kiss on the forehead before retiring to my own room. I tried to put my worries aside but it still took what seemed like hours to fall into a poor, almost worthless slumber.
I woke with a start, feeling a sharp pain in my shoulder. I opened my eyes and rubbed my arm, shocked when I felt dried blood. I got up, noticing a red tattered shirt on the floor. I went to my bathroom to clean off the blood before heading over to wake Sahsa.
"Wake up Sasha, time for school." I said, tapping her shoulder. She rolled on her back and stretched out her arms, yawning.
"Morning daddy." She said, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. I went to the kitchen and got her some toast going. I didn't feel hungry, so I just turned on the news and sat down.
"...The midnight murderer has stuck again! The storeowner was closing up and checking the register when security cameras finally show the serial killer. He jumped through the glass window, and moments later is seen jumping out, blood on his arms, and the mans tattered red shirt in his red paws. Police are now..."
I... It... Was I...? No, no I couldn't be! I mean, I... The shirt looks the same, but it couldn't be the same one.
I shut off the TV, my head swirling with confusion. I looked at Sasha, finding that she'd already made her own toast. I got up and started pacing, trying to think of any reasonable explanation.
"Daddy, I'm ready to go!" I head Sasha say, near the door. I was so lost in thought that ten minutes had gone by without me realizing it. She had her shoes on and backpack in hand.
"Oh, ok. You got ready all by yourself, didn't you?"
"Yes I did, aren't you proud of me?"
"Yes, I'm very, very proud of you." I said, helping her with the backpack before opening the door for her.
I was still occupied by the theories I'd brainstormed up while I walked her to school. I wished her a good day before heading back home, needing to sleep, because my head was killing me.
I got home and laid down, surprisingly quickly falling asleep.
But it was far, far from restful.
I was in my body, but controlling nothing. It moved on its own, walking the streets of where I lived. I smelled the air, sensing someone close by. I turned into an alleyway, finding a cat turning the corner in an adjacent alleyway. He looked at me with a sense of relief as I approached him.
"Umm, I'm lost, could you help me?" He asked, stopping ten feet before me. I kept walking, bringing my paw to my side. He shuffled nervously as I continued moving closer. Suddenly, I dove for him, grabbing his head and covering his mouth, digging my other claws into his neck. I saw his yes go wide in shock before drooping after I twisted his head, snapping his neck. His body went limp, dropping to the ground as I let go of him.
I woke up shaking, adrenaline coursing through my body. I leapt from the couch, panic-stricken by the hellish nightmare. My sight slowly dropped to my paws, causing my eyes to open wide when I found them coated with blood.
"No!" I shouted, unwilling to accept the first thought that came to mind. "It can't be me, it just can't! Maybe it's just my blood, maybe my wounds opened up while I slept, that's it!" I said, grabbing the remote and turning it on.
My paw released its grasp on the remote, thumping on the ground. On the TV was the news reporter, standing in the same alleyway I saw in my dream, a white sheet with a cats tail poking out from the side.
I refused to accept it; it just wasn't possible. How could I be the serial killer? It made no sense!
Unless... Oh no...
I hadn't been feeling myself ever since my wife died, which was near when the murders had been happening. They happened at night, and I never felt rested. When I lost my job, I wasn't in control of my body, rage had overcome my senses and... Oh, oh god no. It... was... me...
I looked at the clock, finding it almost 4. I forgot to pick up Sasha! I quickly washed off my hands and bolted into the hallway. I jammed the buttons in the elevator, running to the door when the elevator opened. I sprinted down the sidewalk, eventually reaching the school. I saw Sasha sitting on the steps, accompanied by her teacher.
"Look, I'm really sorry that I-" I started before they stood up.
"It's no problem, I assure you." Her teacher said, smiling.
"Oh, well thanks for sitting with her." I said as Sasha walked up to me and grabbed my hand.
"Come on daddy, let's go. Bye!" She said, waving to her teacher, who waved back as we walked away.
"I'm really sorry about being late." I said to her after we got home.
"It's ok, my teacher kept me company." She said, pulling out her folder of schoolwork.
I sat across the table from her as she worked. When she finished with that, she pulled out a sheet of paper and started to draw. She worked on it for about fifteen minutes before smiling.
"Daddy, look what I drew!" She said, pushing it over to me.
"What is it?" I asked, picking it up.
"It's you and me and mommy, we're all together playing again." I looked at what she drew, finding crude outlines of us in the park, all smiling. It was the most precious thing I'd ever seen.
"Daddy, are you crying?" She asked. I realized my tears were rolling down my cheek. "Do you not like it?" I stood up and walked over to her, hugging her tightly.
"It's beautiful, baby. I-I love you. I want you to remember that. I love you more than anything in the world."
"I love you too, daddy!" She said, hugging me back. I stood up, feeling a lump rise in my throat. I walked into my room, closing the door and slumping to the ground. I buried my head in my paws as tears began flowing from my eyes. I couldn't risk hurting her, I just couldn't.
Ten minutes later I finally managed to get a hold of myself and stop crying. I wiped off my face before leaving my room to make dinner.
I kept it together through the meal, once or twice almost breaking down in tears again, but I got a grip on it before I did. We sat down afterwards, watching cartoons together. I heard her cute laugh, her precious giggles, and saw her angelic smile. We sat there, together, until night came and she began yawning. I picked her up and carried her to her bed, gently setting her under the covers.
"Goodnight daddy, I love you." She said, closing her eyes. I smiled, more tears forming in my eyes as I kissed her cheek.
"I love you too, Sasha." I said, standing up. I waited there for a few minutes, watching my little angel slowly breath in her sleep. Silently I crept out, closing the door before grabbing the phone and dialing a number.
"Hello, you've reached Brendan."
"Hey, it's me."
"Oh, Jeremy. How are you?"
"It's me..."
"Yea, I know that."
"No, I mean it's me. I-I'm the serial killer."
He was silent for a few minutes.
"What?!? What are you talking about man?"
"Some people will sleep talk, some sleepwalk. Well, I guess I-"
"No, you can't sleep kill people, that's crazy."
"Remember when I told you about when I lost it at work?"
"Yea?"
"Well, that's what it is. Pent up rage. It controls me while I sleep. I know this because... I dreamt of it, saw what I was doing while doing it, but my mind was unconscious. I know, because there was blood on my hands and the body was discovered and on the news minutes after I woke up."
Another long pause.
"Sadly enough, that makes sense. So, what are you going to do about it?"
"The only thing I can do..." I said, picking up a kitchen knife and heading for the door. "I can't risk hurting Sasha."
He was quiet for a moment, trying to figure out what I meant.
"No, you're not doing what I think you are, are you?" He asked as the elevator doors shut. I hit the top floor button.
"What else can I do? What would you do in my position! There's a monster trapped in my body and I can't do a damn thing about it!"
Another silence, breaking once the elevator doors opened and I walked towards the stairs to the roof.
"Will you and your fiancé take care of Sasha for me?"
"I-I don't know..."
"Promise me you'll take care of her and love her and protect her, and one day when she's old enough tell her everything, explain to her why I did what I did, and let her know I love her."
Another pause as I stepped up onto the roof of the building, standing a few feet from the edge.
"I will, I promise you."
"Thank you, brother."
"Que dieu ait pitie de vous, mon frere. I love you."
"I love you too, brother..."
I ended the call, dialing 911 and setting it down so they'd find me before morning. I closed my eyes and held the knife to my throat, whispering my final words.
"I'm so sorry, Sasha, please forgive me... someday..."