Chapter 2: A Slave to Memory
Sunrays peeked through the window next to the bed and fell on Ferox's face. Gradually, he opened his eyes, then closed them quickly; the sun had blinded him. Moving a hand to shield his eyes, he took stock of his surroundings, memories of the night before flooding back to him. The small bedroom was tidy except for his pants and belt lying on the floor. An old dresser stood next to the wall opposite the bed, and next to it was a nightstand with some flowers and a lamp on it. It was simple, but to his liking. Then he turned over to face the most beautiful sight in the room. Elsi was still fast asleep, hugging a pillow; when he turned over to look at her, she stirred, murmuring something in her sleep, then relaxed again. Ferox got off the bed, careful not to wake her. He walked over to where his pants lay and pulled them on, picking up his belt and fastening it around his waist as well. He walked back to where the vixen's sleeping form lay, and stroked a gentle hand down her body, stopping a moment on her side to feel her slow, rhythmic breathing. Her fur was soft, and he enjoyed feeling the curves of her body. He bent down and laid a quick kiss on the side of her muzzle, then silently left the room, heading down the stairs to the kitchen where it had all started the previous night.
The stone floor felt cool under his footpaws as he walked across it to the door. His pack and sword lay there; he picked them up, strapping the sword over his right shoulder and hefting the pack over his left. He reached for the door handle and stopped, hesitating. He looked around at the kitchen longingly. I don't want to leave, he thought, I haven't felt this happy in a long time. But I can't just give up on my quest. Ferox was frustrated; he didn't usually have internal conflicts like this. Usually things happened so quickly he didn't have time to think about what he was doing. He liked it that way; whenever he had time to think, bad memories tended to creep up on him. He caught himself, shaking his head. I'm doing it again... thinking too damn much. Just focus on the present, Ferox. Make a decision.
Last night, he had just been looking for a place to sleep, but he had found so much more... He took off his belongings and put them back on the floor, going to sit in one of the dining chairs. This is where she sat last night. His mind was made up. I can't just leave her. I can stay for a little while longer. What's a few days compared to the years it may take me to finish this ridiculous quest? This thought reassured him, and he set about finding the larder. It wasn't too difficult to find; the entrance sat right next to a big stone oven in one corner of the kitchen. He emerged from the small room with an armful of ingredients, and, light-hearted, he began to cook breakfast. Being a traveler, he'd learned to cook very well, and he hoped it would impress Elsi to wake up to the smell of his pancakes. He lit a fire in the big stone oven, and while it heated up, he began mixing batter. After rummaging around for a griddle, he soon had the pancakes sizzling on top of the oven. Maybe I'll make some eggs, too. He went back to the larder and picked out a couple nice fat eggs. When he went back into the kitchen, Elsi was standing at the bottom of the stairs. She had slipped into a blue robe which pleasantly outlined her figure. "Morning!" he said cheerily. "I took it upon myself to cook us breakfast."
Elsi smiled. "I thought you were only staying the night."
"I figure taking a few days off wouldn't hurt. I've been on the road almost nonstop for the past few months." He gave the griddle a skillful flick from his wrist, flipping the pancakes. They were nearly done. Elsi went to a cupboard and took out a couple plates and some silverware, setting them on the table, and Ferox heaped several pancakes onto both. "How do you like your eggs?" he asked Elsi.
"Surprise me." She had sat down at the table, watching him cook. He finished and slid a fried egg onto both plates, kissing her as he served hers. Then he put out the fire in the oven and sat down across from her. They ate in silence, watching each other over the table.
Funny.. we had sex last night, barely knowing each other, and now we're sitting here in embarrassed silence, Ferox thought. They finished eating, and Elsi cleared off the table. Ferox sat still, thinking. When Elsi came back, he voiced his thoughts. "Elsi, maybe we should..."
She cut him off, finishing his sentence. "...learn more about each other?" Ferox looked up, surprised, and she smiled. "I could tell you were thinking that. I'm pretty good at reading others' faces, you know." She sat down again. "I guess that's one more thing you know about me now. Oh, my deepest, darkest secret is out!" she said dramatically, pulling a wry face. Ferox laughed, and the tension was broken. Then Elsi was serious. "But really, I've learned much about you already just from studying your face."
"Fine then, since you know so much, tell me about yourself."
Elsi giggled. "Well, as you can probably tell from my name, Mage-Ear, I was born a Natural."
Naturals. People who are born with magic essence in their veins. I had wondered about that when she told me her name. "So I take it your whole family have been Naturals?"
The vixen's ears drooped. "No, that was the name they gave me when I was found as a baby. I've never known my true family. I was left on the steps of the inn here in this town, and the innkeeper and his wife watched over me."
Ferox looked at the floor. "I've never known my family either. That's actually the reason I'm traveling all over. I want to find them so badly."
"You must have clues as to where they are?"
"Yes, I have a few, but they're pretty vague."
"At least you have some leads. I'll never find my family. I don't know where to start looking..." Elsi's voice was constricted, and she looked like she was holding back tears.
Ferox felt a pang of sorrow in his heart. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize..."
She quickly regained control. "Don't worry about it, I'm twenty-two now, I can take care of myself." Her voice was flat and stubborn, and it sounded more like she was trying to convince herself than him.
So she's a year older than I am, Ferox thought. He felt uneasy having brought up a question that seemed so painful for the fox, and tried to change the subject. "So... what branch of magic do you study?"
Elsi perked up some as she answered him. "Well, I've trained in the healing arts for a while, and I'm just learning some spells to conjure ice. You know, in case I have to defend myself. The world's become a dangerous place lately."
Tell me about it. Ferox thought of the wild chain of events that had lead up to him becoming a mercenary. "I never wanted to be a mercenary at first. Then things... changed." For the better, I hope. He looked at his hand, studying his claws. A sullen look had come over his face; suddenly the kitchen seemed dreary to him, as if it were mimicking his mood.
Elsi's voice was full of concern. "What happened?"
Ferox didn't feel like discussing it now. It hurt too much, and even if he did tell her... no one else listened, why would she? He looked up, into her soft amber eyes. If there was one thing he knew about, it was how to find deceit in another's eyes. "Do you really want to know? It's... a touchy subject."
"Ferox, if you're not comfortable with telling me about it, that's all right." Elsi didn't break eye contact, nor did her eyes give Ferox any sign she was lying. All he saw was honest sympathy in the vixen's eyes. She had passed his test. He took a deep breath.
"No, I'll tell you." Maybe if someone truly listens to me, truly cares, this will make me feel better. "It was about a year ago, around the time all the monsters began showing up. I was staying in the small village of Ytros at the time with the family of a good friend of mine. His name was Vandreth Windrider, a cheery hawk who had learned how to use a sword at a very young age. His skills were incredible. He taught me everything I know now, and we sparred almost every day. When the monsters showed up, we took it upon ourselves to protect the village. I guess I wasn't officially a mercenary at that point, but that was a big step on the way to becoming one. Vandreth... he was the best friend I've ever had. We did everything together, and since he was a bit older than me, he was like a big brother. Each day we'd go outside the village gates and see who could slay more monsters. They were pushovers; at that point I'd become pretty handy with a blade, and I could even give Vandreth a run for his money. I guess... we just got too confident. One day, we strayed too far from the village, and a bunch of thieves surrounded us." Ferox's normally clear voice trembled now. He could almost see the sunlight glinting off the blades as their owners moved in on him. He was back-to-back with Vandreth, Vandreth was whispering something in his ear, and then they charged their attackers. Ferox vividly saw the blood flying from his sword, just as it had done back then... he even thought he could hear Vandreth's scream from behind him, haunting him, filling him with dread. He whirled around...
Ferox shook off the memory and realized he had been sitting there, staring off into space, for at least a minute. Elsi had gotten up and was kneeling next to him, her hand on his shoulder. "They... killed him. They killed Vandreth." His voice was barely a whisper. "And... I got out alive. He was better than me, and I survived... I couldn't help him," his voice became louder again and he stood up, "I never wanted to go through that again. I became a mercenary in the hope I could become stronger. Maybe if I had a second chance... I could save someone." He stopped and took another deep breath. "That was my second mistake. Since Vandreth was dead and I left Ytros to become a mercenary, there was no one left to protect the little village." He paused and turned to Elsi. "Have you ever heard of Ytros?" She shook her head, and Ferox turned away, gazing off into space again. "I'm not surprised... it was a very small village... and now it's gone." Ferox shut his eyes, willing himself to keep speaking, though the horrors of his past were tormenting him. "The village was destroyed soon after I left. When I went back there a month later, monsters and all sorts of ruffians had pillaged and ruined the place. There was no one left alive. All my friends I had known there... gone."
Ferox breathed a sigh of relief. He had gotten through the story. He could tuck those memories back into the dark recesses of his mind and ignore them again. "I didn't know what to do. I had considered the people of Ytros my family, and now that they were gone, I guess I decided I'd hunt down my real family... and... here I am, many months later." He flopped back down into the chair beneath him and looked back at Elsi. "So that's my quest. I want to find out more about my family, and in turn, more about myself. It's grueling, traveling everywhere, but... maybe that's my penance." Because... I fucked up. Ferox put his head in his hands, massaging his brow. Elsi said nothing, but he could sense he was troubling her. Damn it, I thought telling her would make me feel better, but all it's done is cause her worry. With a concerted effort, he sat up straight. "Don't be worried about me, Elsi. I'm all right," he lied to her.
Elsi stared at him with her big amber eyes, and he could tell she saw past his lie. She spoke softly to him, "Don't give me that bullcrap, Ferox... I can tell you're hurting. Please... trust me, don't hide things from me! That will only make you feel worse, and..." she hesitated, then decided against saying any more. She just looked at him pleadingly. Ferox felt himself losing control, and a lone tear ran down his cheek. He turned away, but Elsi had already seen it, and Ferox felt himself pressed into a warm embrace. The vixen's arms were comforting, lightly squeezing around his sides and back, and he instinctively wrapped his arms around her, holding her to him. "Ferox... just let go." He did, and the tears began flowing freely down his face.
It's been... far too long since I last cried. All these emotions I've bottled up... The pressures of many years began to slip away, along with his worries, his anger, his fear. It was as if he'd had a cork in him, keeping all these plagues inside him, and it had been pulled out, releasing them in his torrent of tears. He sat, being held by Elsi, crying without a sound. I'm crying... but I'm not sad... I feel... relieved.
Ferox finished crying, but sat in silence for a while longer. Elsi was still hugging him tightly. He looked down at her, feeling good enough to joke around a bit. "I guess I needed that, huh?" He felt as though a huge burden had been taken off his shoulders.
Elsi smiled. "I'm glad you're feeling better." She let go of him and stood up, assuming a stern pose and glaring at Ferox. "See what happens when you bottle up your emotions? I used to do that, too. It's horrible for your mental health," she scolded. Ferox smiled at the cheeky vixen and shrugged innocently. "Hey, I'm being serious here!" Ferox gave a little snort of laughter which he tried to turn into a cough, but Elsi wasn't fooled. She was having a hard time keeping a straight face as she said, "Fine, be that way! But next time you feel like shit, don't come asking to cry on my shoulder! What do you have to say to THAT?"
Ferox couldn't handle it anymore. He swept Elsi off her feet, kissing her until he thought their lips would be permanently stuck together. When he placed her back on her feet, she stood with an almost drunken look on her face. When she had recovered from her surprise, she caught Ferox's eye. "That," she said quietly, "was a very well-spoken answer." Ferox laughed; it was a carefree laugh which he hadn't heard in years. It felt good. Elsi had cured him of his curse, and it was great.
I didn't think I'd ever laugh like this again, but here I am! All thanks to Elsi... He puffed out his chest and made his voice boom throughout the room. "So, I guess you've healed me, Miss Mage-Ear." Elsi giggled, and Ferox looked around the kitchen again. The light was brighter than ever; the whitish clay walls seemed to glow, the table's varnished surface reflected light onto the ceiling, and even the stones in the floor looked pretty with their varied colors. As Elsi giggled, her blue robe was lit up, and her eyes shone brightly. He was taken aback by how beautiful she was. He had been amazed by her beauty before, but there was something else now... he felt humbled by her presence. Elsi stopped giggling; she had noticed Ferox's dumbstruck silence.
"Is there something wrong, Ferox?"
He shook his head. "Nothing's wrong. Absolutely nothing. But," he mimicked her whisper from the night before, "I think we should go upstairs."
"Hey, don't mock me!" Elsi gave him a playful shove. She ran up the stairs, and Ferox followed her. His thoughts had been freed; now the only thing in his mind was the vixen racing up the stairs ahead of him. Things were finally looking up.