Class in Session: Sexual Education with Claire
It was bright and sunny outside- perfect weather in Acme Acres for kite flying, fishing, or hanging out in the park. Perfect for anything really, and yet, the small grey coyote puppy sat fumbling and nervous inside on his bed. He couldn't believe he'd been failing a class- health class of all things and next to him...well next to him was his new tutor; a naked pink skunk girl, freshly shaven save for the bright alabaster stripe that rippled down her back and tail, leaving her with a complete and total body mohawk. Claire LaMouf- The girl that had managed to steal the nerdy little puppy's heart from day one, was in his room, sitting next to him- and Chaos wished he could be ANYwhere else. The puppy shifted nervously on the bed while Claire beamed brightly at Joy, who grinned wickedly in turn at the two sitting on the bed, and the health books on the desk.
"Make sure he studies hard Claire, I'd hate to think that my son is currently failing his health class. Especially in SEXUAL EDUCATION!" The motherly canine yelled as loud as she could and grinned in turn, watching the vibrant tint of emotion twist across her pup's muzzle.
"Oh! Oui! I will make sure we go over EVERY detail." The french mouf giggled, forcing a whimper from the coyote next to her. His mother were trying to murder him through embarrassment.. He was sure of it. The young puppy sheepishly glanced up at his mother, whom was grinning as if she could hear his thoughts, and cleared her voice.
"So, Lemme know if you kids need anything? Little music? Some candles...oh, I just bought some lovely, ripe, plump, juicy strawberries from the store. Would you like some of those? Maybe dripping with chocolate?" Joy grinned darkly. She had to admit, she was loving every moment of the nervous, uneasy shifting her son did underneath her eyes. She could see where her daughter, Pan, got her mean streak. "By the way, door opened or closed?" She added quietly.
"OPEN! OPENOPENOPENOPEN FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD! THE ANSWER IS OPEN!!" Chaos shrieked.
"Closed will be fine." Said Claire casually. Joy flashed the two of them a devious grin- and shut the door.
The moment the door clicked shut, Claire turned to the trembling puppy next to her and her features contorted into a wicked, devilish smile.
"Now zen, moi petite coyote, we are going to study very very 'ard. I 'ave been tasked wis 'elping you pass yer 'ealth class, and I take zis very seriously. " Claire explained and suddenly, Chaos found himself nose to nose with the pretty skunk girl, his eyes widening and his mouth dropping open helplessly. Claire had wrapped something around his neck and tugged him in close; the cord to an electric razor.
"To keep you on task...I 'ave decided on ze system. For every answer you get wrong...I shave ze body part...oui?" She asked sweetly. Chaos balked.
"No." The puppy squeaked. Claire frowned, and stood up slowly, letting the cord drift from Chaos's body into her talented fingers like a whip.
"Now, ze practice question ...what is ze proper term for ze sing between my legs?" she whispered. Chaos stared.
"Um........Front butt??" The geeky puppy whimpered.
"Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz." Went the razor.
"Oh, we are going to need to 'it ze books very, VERY 'ard." Claire sighed.
Calamity gave a stretch and a yawn, throwing his limbs up and outwards towards the delicious smells of the house that greeted him. Mom was home early and obviously cooking what promised to be a wonderful dinner. The red nosed puppy had gotten up extra early to throw down a few traps to catch Beeper in. None of them worked, of course, but he felt good about the effort. His ears perked immediately when he heard a shriek of terror and bolting out of Chaos' room, and down the stairs: was a french poodle. Well it looked like a french poodle. And was shaved like a french poodle- but it had Chaos' goggles clinging haphazardly to it's head.
"CAL-LAM-MIT-TEE! HELP ME!" His younger brother sobbed, wrapping his arms around Calamity's legs. Moment's later, Claire burst out of Chaos' room, snarling with a glowing aura of fury around her. She gave a terrifying battle scream and lassoed Chaos around his neck with the cord of her razor, immediately dragging him away from Calamity with a vicious growl.
"NO! ZE ANSWER IS MASTURBATION! MASTURBATION, MASTURBATION, MASTURBATION!" Claire screamed, composed herself, and gave a quiet sigh, resting her foot on Chaos's chest to keep the squirming puppy still while she addressed his elder sibling cheerfully.
"Oh! Ahem! Bonjour Calamity! Do not mind us! We are studying sex! 'E is bad at zis."She whispered the last part, and turned sharply on her heel, proceeding to drag Chaos behind her.
"NOW! WHERE IS ZE CLITORIS?!" Claire snarled towards the terrified puppy. Chaos squeaked, and reached for Calamity with a tearful, longing gaze, while trying despretly to come up with an answer for the mouf's question.
"I, DON'T, KNOOOOOOOOO~W! NARNIA?! I'M SOOOOO PATHETIC!!!" Chaos sobbed as Claire angrily dragged him back into his room, wincing at the sound of Chaos' claws dragging across the carpet behind him. The door slammed shut. Calamity stared with a slacked jaw and a single raised eyebrow. To his left, Pandora sauntered over, a apple clinging to her fingertips and a wide birthed grin etched across her face.The taller, purple furred sibling female leaned against the wall and pointed lazily up the steps, where Claire had dragged Chaos off.
"Shoulda been here when they were going over cunnilingus. Now THAT shit was funny. " She grinned and perked an ear, listening to the new shouts that drove from the bedroom.
"WHAT IS ZIS?!"
"A BALLOON?! NO, WAIT, IT'S A CONDOM!!"
"PUT IT ON ZE BANANA!"
"I'M TRYING! I'M TRYIIIIIIIIING!"
" ZAT IZ WRONG!"
"OHGAWDI'MSORRY!!!"
Pandora grinned and drifted her fingers lazily towards the kitchen, where Joy had doubled over the stove, laughing, using one paw to hold her balance against the counter while the other was tucked protectively over her aching stomach.
"Seriously, we're gonna have dinner listening to this. This is better than the game." She snickered, watching Calamity burst into laughter at his siblings cries for mercy. She was right- it was far better than the game.