Bloody Hew: Case1: Co-Owner's Rubble
#1 of Bloody Hew
Case1: Co-Owner's Rubble
"I know! I know how he does it. All of a sudden there are discrepancies in the company funds and the guy just up and runs!", said a woman to the man on the reception desk, "This looks like one of my cases, accompany me to my office where we can talk in private" said the man at the reception desk. "Fernando! We have a fisher on pond 4. Need assistance pronto!"
Fernando: "Finally! A case!" (for it had been weeks since Fernando had a case) "What seems to be the problem Mark?"
Mark (The man at the reception desk): "Apparently, this lady is co-owner of a company and her husband, the other co-owner, has been sweeping money from company funds for satisfying his lover, apparently another man, but that's my problem. I want you to focus on this (*Mark hands over a pack of documents to Fernando*). These are the company's last inversions and money transfers to other bank accounts. I want you to sift through these to see what, in here, might be possible evidence. Leave possible motive and crime links to me, OK?"
Abigail (The sexy young thang at the reception desk): "Company terms strictly state that company funds must be used strictly within the company needs. He violated contract and is being unfaithful to the company."
Fernando (thinking) : "Umm, lady, your husband's with another man and you are still thinking about your company? What the heck did I miss (rather, what did SHE miss)?!"
Fernando (speaking): "OK, I'll leave that part to you Mark, have a nice day, miss (?)"
Abigail: "Miss Franz."
Fernando: "Ms. Franz!"
Fernando quickly headed to his office. Up til' now Jezebel (Fernando's boss) had been away on business, which meant peace in the lawyer firm; at least for Fernando.
Accounting for non-engineers 101:
P: Present Inversion (Usually a cost) (Or it could be moolah for you)
F: Future Income (Usually money for your pocket) (It can be debts too -_-)
i: Interest rates (What can cause success or failure for you) (usually makes debts or income multiply)
n: The quantity of time (Usually a looong time, measured in years)
Now a little math: Calculating:
Simple interest: F = P *n * i
Compound Interest: F = P * (1 + i)^n
(Just in case that * means multiplication and the ^ means elevated to that exponent)
End of Accounting for non engineers 101 class A section B of the possible mess in your head right now (I hope not). I won't torture you anymore, so don't worry.
And why am I showing you this in the middle of the story? Because this is how Fernando solves today's case and because you might need it in a future, besides I needed you to read something while Fernando sifted through the files didn't I?
On with the story!
Fernando: "Oh man! I can't find anything! Up til' now all I find is licit and anticipated" *Looks at the clock* "Oh my God! Nancy is going to be super mad if I don't get home!"
Mark: *Goes to Fernando's office* "Did you find anything?"
Fernando: "Nope, I looked through all the documents and all I found was well accounted for and "Inside", you know, for the benefit of the company. All the money that was transferred was sent through banks into other banks into settlements and investments and firms so that the money would grow, but in return the poor lad has had it rough. Many of the investments done here where lost; some of them even turned into debts."
Mark: "Well, can't you at least find a leak in here? I can't work with this. I need a motive and evidence, otherwise I can't mount a case; and we've got the motive alright! I depend on you Ferd"
Fernando (Also known as Ferd): "I can't lie into well written documents. I'll have to verify the bank documents tomorrow. If there's a leak It'll be there well documented. Apparently, the main bank is the one responsible for all transactions. I'll head there first."
Fernando headed home and Nancy was waiting with a frying pan on her left hand (and she wasn't cooking with it... and sadly her left hand is the one she hits hard with).
Fernando: "Good evening honey dew."
Nancy: "Don't give me none of that! It's late, you are late for dinner, the kids already ate! They don't spend quality time with their father anymore!"
Nancy was washing the dishes, that was why she had the pan (whew!)
Fernando: "I'm so sorry dear, I had a case and the case involved me getting into a pack of around a gazillion papers, 178 to be exact (or, at least I think it was 178). I wish that at least half of them where those "This paper intentionally left in blank" kind, but noooooooo, they all had to be written from top to bottom, single space with letters size 10. *Lowered voice tone* And for size, I need to go to the bank tomorrow to verify the paperwork (or should I say, the paper-quirk)"
Nancy: "Well, there there honey, don't worry. You're home now, you left all those worries on the front door and you entered the love house. *She massages her husband on his temples* The food's still warm, the kids are in their rooms and I will be waiting... in the bedroom..." *She touches his lips and heads to the master bed room with an unusual sway* (She was wearing Fernando's favorite apron too!)
"mmm" said Fernando... looking at the food. Which one?. Well, let's say that for now Fernando had no thoughts of honey or cookies in his mind, he was thinking of the rice and beans his wife had made for him, after all she knew how to make those beans man. There are beans and there are beans! These ones had peppers, minced onions, cut potatoes, a hint of barley (a mere pinch, or the flavor goes dull), smashed garlic, cooking ham (the special wet kind that you usually don't find in the front of the stack in the supermarket) (the other kind kinda works too...), sliced carrots and some tomato sauce (do not confuse with tomato paste). A hint of latino flavor was in those beans with as much love as she had for him (let's skip the other details, this is not going to be Beans 101 class #2). The chicken was equally good, it had... (nope, no more details!)
Well, the part everyone was waiting for:
After the scrumptious meal (mouth still watering) Fernando's thoughts drifted to honey and cookies... He went to the bedroom, trying to mimic his wife's sway while he walked (he was bad at it, but let's give him some credit). At this time the kids had already gone to sleep (went down at 8:00pm for an early rise, tomorrow was a school-day) and it was perfect for having a good night-game with little Mrs. Nancy. He was already thinking about all the positions he would... well, that at its time, right? (don't want to spoil the fun). He unbuttoned his shirt in part and folded his sleeves, looking like a real latino-style musician (he had it in his blood). His fur stroke the shirt at just the right spots, in the way he knew that Nancy would go crazy for. He opened the door gently revealing little by little his presence.
Little by little he was revealing Nancy on the bed, waiting for him with nothing but Fernando's favorite apron. Absolutely nothing but the apron, and speaking of butts... Hers was nice and curved with fur in the right position, just as she knew would drive Fernando crazy. She was going crazy for him and he was going crazy for her... mmhmm.... Fernando Approached the bed nice and slowly, sinking into the moment. It drove them wilder. As usual they'd start off with a massage.
Fernando: "Where'd you like to start?"
Nancy: "Don't take off your clothes yet. I want you to get on top of me and massage my head. You know, the backside of my head; with your thumbs and palms in the way you know I crave" *moves head in a peculiar way and looks at Fernando while sinking into ecstasy salivating*
Fernando: "Your wish is my command ma'am"
Fernando got on top of her, all his gigantic body on top of her; his legs over hers, his chest over her back and he started to massage her temples as she had done to him earlier. He then moved to her ears, rubbing them not too rough but not too gentle (in a sensitive manner). He then moved to the backside of her head (between her ears) (remember Nancy is dog-like) moving between her long, silky smooth hair in the places that felt right to her. With that done he moved down her neck to her back and decided to stay there for a while. He removed the string to her apron and kept massaging her; moving the palms of his hands up and down her spine with just the right pressure. He never forgot to stimulate her sides (ribs and stomach) and hips while he was at it. He then got to his favorite part! He massaged round and round his wife's tushie, applying strong and then soft pressure and rubbing from time to time, also taking care of her coccyx (that is the last bone on your back, right between the buttocks, so... no it had nothing to do with... that).
Nancy: "Now I wanna do something for you"
She moved, grabbed her husband with all her might, flipped and pinned him on the bed and finished unbuttoning his shirt. She started to massage his chest with her hands, moving up and down between lower chest and shoulders. Fernando was enjoying this. He closed his eyes enjoying a relaxing massage.
Nancy: "Are you ready for the... BIG... event?!"
Fernando: *Snore *
Nancy: "Oh my God, I think it was too good a massage, this man has fallen asleep. Well, I can't blame him, he's tired. He had to work late so... *sighs* I'll have to continue this... in the weekend"
Well, it was still a good massage... Anyways, she moved her big husband (big in comparison to her size) to his side of the bed, making sure he wouldn't fall off, gave herself a quick shower and went to bed. Nancy is a very understanding woman. You see, as Nancy and Fernando matured in their matrimony (they have been about... oops, can't say their married time, that'd expose Nancy's age...) They got to know each other well, even how they felt without even asking each other. You could say that their marriage was magical. One day Nancy would crave some chocolate dipped strawberries and Fernando would appear with a box full of em' without Nancy having told him her craving. Whenever Fernando wanted a suit for work Nancy would appear from shopping having bought exactly the same suit he had thought of having. They loved each other so much sometimes they'd think about the same thing in their own special ways.
The next day Fernando went to the company's main bank to investigate (no sugar in the mornin', the kids where up already). All of a sudden:
Person behind Fernando: "Hey handsome, what are you doing in this part of town?"
Fernando turns around to look.
Fernando: "What are YOU doing here?"
Jezebel: "No sugar for your loving little boss? Oh, don't worry I'll have some of my own sugar... After all I'm here for the bank manager, he offered to give me some and he ain't as stubborn about it as you. You still know that I like the boys that play hard to get, *smacks lips directed straight at Fernando* but I can use some softies from time to time." "Well, my ride is here. I'll see you later in the office, sugar plum" *gets up and leaves*
... A while later...
Man wearing bank uniform: "Mr. Lopez, are you the person that called yesterday about unveiling some records? I am the bank representative that will be assisting you in your search today, name's Brandon"
Fernando: "Nice to meet you Brandon, you can call me Fernando if you'd like" *Heads over to Brandon's office*
Brandon: "Man! Everything will be going well for us today, our boss is getting laid with some woman he met at a website. I don't know the details, but I know that we might even get time off!"
Fernando (thinking): "That woman is my boss... Smile and wave, just smile and wave..."
Fernando: "Well, were are the documents for this company? *Shows a paper to Brandon* I need to know transactions and money investment information for a legal case. We have permission from one of the co-owners of the company *Flashes another document (seems like a letter)*"
Brandon: "Okay *went to the back side of the room and came back with a box* In this box you will have everything you'll need!"
Fernando: "Does it come with cup-cakes?!"
Brandon: "What?"
Fernando: "You said it came with everything I needed and... *looks at Brandon frustrated* ...never mind!"
Fernando looked through what seemed hours of paperwork (once again: paper-quirks). All of a sudden a man appears into the office without knocking.
Man in a suit: "Brandon do you have the results of the investment yet?"
Brandon: "No Mr. F. The investment firm is trying to make sure that the investment does not go to waste."
A woman pop's out of nowhere!
Woman in women's suit (looking like a secret agent): "Aha! I finally caught you! I know what you are doing Marty and I will stop you at whatever cost! I know that you are having an affair with this man and that you are using the company's money to "keep the love going". Just wait til' I get my hands on you mister. And for the record, no meal for you tonight!"
Marty (Man in suit): "Honey"
Woman: "Don't you honey me, and less in front of your... ugh! The disgust!"
Fernando: "Mrs. Abigail?!" *Said Fernando silently after half an hour of staring... make that a minute and a half*
Marty: "...You don't cook in ages, Abigail; besides, I don't like this man in the way you are describing"
Abigail (Secret Agent Woman): "Oh yeah?! Then why do you pass him the company's money? And why so much?!"
Marty: "I am making business with another investment firm and he is my contact, Abby. If it weren't for this man we would be looking for alternatives in bankruptcy."
Brandon: "Which would have to pass by me!"
Everyone looks at Brandon...
Brandon: "What? It was a joke... never mind..."
Abigail (Abby): "Then you aren't having an affair with another man, much less stealing from our company?"
Marty: "No smoochums. You know that you are the only love for me. I love you with all my heart!"
Fernando (thinking): "Awww!"
Marty: "Let's go Abby pie, we have a company to save!"
Abigail: "Lets!"
They both put on their sunglasses! (Background music in yourhead: "Secret angent man, secret agent man...")
They drive off in their Aston-Martin to the sunset...
Fernando: "Wait a minute! Isn't it too early for a sunset?!"
Brandon: "Just smile and wave!"
Fernando: "What is their company business anyways?"
Brandon: "I don't know, they always kept that information classified."
(ta da, tum)
Fernando: "Well, I guess my services aren't needed here anymore. Please hand me a copy of the documents and I'll just go home."
Brandon: "Alright! I'll do that quickly so I can leave early, I has a date during the afternoon!"
A while later... Fernando arrives to the Lawyer Firm's office.
Mark: "Hey Ferd, did you hear? The lady that came by yesterday decided to pull the case off!"
Fernando: "I kinda heard it before you did Mark, anyways..."
Jezebel: "Bam! I'm baaack! I brought some meat, people, and I don't want anyone eating it" *Points at a man who accompanied her into the office*
Fernando: *Taking a good look* "It's Brandon! *Turns around* Good luck with that woman... Now I'll say: "Keep my boss happy ad maybe I'll get some time off!"
D
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(That is a sunset. Believe it. Pwety pwease... *Author makes puppy face*)