v. Murasaki Talks (6~15~07)
#5 of How to Make a Diamond
The two foxes went into Murasaki's apartment-style room, saying hello to her apartment mate as they passed. The female red panda, engrossed in some anime on the TV, didn't say anything, but waved a paw to acknowledge Murasaki's greeting. After everything had been put away, the two vixens went into Murasaki's room and shut the door behind them.
Ayumi looked around and finally decided to take a seat on the bed. Murasaki turned a chair around so that it was facing the bed and sat in it. "So, graduation." She leaned back and put her footpaws up on the bed. "For the last two years of high school, I'd had a crush on one of my best friends. She was a ringtail lemur female named Natsumi. Absolutely gorgeous female, slim, svelte, plus she was smart as hell, and had a great personality. She was everything I could want in a partner, and I knew that I was unlikely to ever see her again; she was moving to the University of Michigan, and I had already gotten accepted here. So, I decided that graduation was the perfect opportunity to reveal my feelings to her, since if things went badly, we could simply part ways, albeit awkwardly. But if things went well, then we would still have almost a full month before we both had to leave, to see where things would go."
She sighed. "Unfortunately, neither happened. We sat next to each other in the crowd and just talked until just before it was time for us to throw our hats into the air. I caught her wrist and I said, 'Natti, I have something to confess.' She asked what it was, and I said, 'I love you. I've loved you for two years, and I've never had the courage to say anything. I don't know if you feel the same, but I knew that if I didn't ask, I'd never know, and I couldn't live with myself. I want to take a shot at a relationship, even if only for a month. Will you go out with me?'" Murasaki paused, and Ayumi was a little surprised to see a faint sheen in her eyes, betraying a sadness she was clearly loath to admit. Ayumi felt a mild tightness in her chest at the realization that she was being let into a world that precious few got to see. She leaned in closer and nodded to show she was listening.
"Well, everyone around us stood up and tossed their caps into the air, but Natsumi just stared at me with horror in her eyes, as though I'd confessed to killing pups or setting fires to nursing homes or something. I was about to tell her to forget it and just walk away, but she suddenly jumped up and pushed me back away from her into someone behind me. I knocked a couple furs down as she ran away, and as we were all trying to get back up, a huge male Doberman came over, apparently sent by Natsumi. I can only assume he was her boyfriend or something like that, because I didn't get a chance to actually ask who he was. He came up to me as I was standing up and immediately attacked me."
She paused for a moment, probably reliving the horrific event, and Ayumi could feel her friend's pain from across the room. Murasaki closed her eyes and then shook her head, clearing the mental image before continuing. "Of course, I'd been taking Jiu Jitsu since I was six, so the moment he lashed out, I was in combat mode. Jiu Jitsu is a very offensive style, so my first instinct was to fight back. I struck him with a blow hard enough to floor a bear, and he crumpled. Of course, being a loser jock he had brought three of his friends to come back him up. They all decided that it was time to jump in, and I had no real choice but to defend myself. The ensuing melee spread beyond just the four of us and quickly involved a dozen furs around us, too. Someone would bump into someone else, a fistfight would break out between them, and before I knew it, I was caught in the midst of a full-fledged brawl. Eventually, the riot squad had to be dispatched to the stadium where the ceremony was being held."
Ayumi was speechless. How could something so benign have become such a terrible ordeal? True, if someone had confessed her lesbian love to her at graduation, she probably would not have taken it much better, but she would never dream of starting a fight over it. "How could she do something like that? I mean...why didn't she just leave? Did she really have to bring her friend into it?"
Murasaki shrugged and shook her head. "Maybe she didn't mean to. Maybe she was just going to him for support...you know, protection from the lesbian freak or whatever nonsense. Maybe he just decided to come protect her of his own volition. In any event, at the end of everything, the police had arrested thirty-six of us, including the Doberman and me. We both got charged with assault, but I got a suspended sentence on the basis of self-defense, while he got six months probation, as did all of his friends. But when I went to go get my diploma the next day, the fur who gave it to me told me that it had a note attached telling me that my school year was over, that my grades had already been submitted, and that I needn't show up to the last eight days of classes."
Again, Ayumi was stunned. "How can they do that? It's not like you started the riot or anything."
Murasaki laughed. "So? I went to a public school in Manhattan Beach, California. The school board was wrapped around the whims of the parents of every other student, and when they said that they didn't want me coming to that school anymore, the school board made it happen. I had so many strikes against me that it wasn't even funny. I was a lesbian, I was a minority, I had martial arts training, I had injured the school's star halfback, and worst of all, I was a female who had finished a fight that a male had started. Parents in my high school district didn't particularly like having their precious little bigots being exposed to nontraditional ideas and furs. It didn't have to be fair; it just had to happen. So it did. I didn't go the last eight days of classes. I didn't go on the senior trip, I didn't attend the yearbook signing parties, and I never got to say goodbye to any of my friends. A month later, I moved out here and started my life over again."
"Wow." Ayumi was surprised. "That...sucks. I'm sorry."
Murasaki shrugged. "Eh, it's no big deal, at least not anymore. Taught me a few hard lessons. I don't make friends very easily anymore, because letting the wrong people into your life sets you up for catastrophes like that."
"I'm flattered. You let me in pretty quickly."
Murasaki raised an eyebrow at her. "Who says you're in?"
Ayumi was stunned. "But I...you just...I thought-"
Murasaki suddenly grinned and winked. "Kidding, dear. Just kidding. You're right, I did. And to be honest, I'm not sure why. I guess I just felt a sort of...connection. You know? I feel like I can trust you." She smiled sheepishly.
Ayumi smiled back. "You can. I promise. And I know I can trust you, too."
"On pain of death."
Ayumi smiled a little, but the smile faded a second later as she realized that Murasaki probably wanted to know about her, too. "So I guess..." she started, but then trailed off, blushing.
Murasaki raised an eyebrow. "You guess?"
Ayumi's face burned beneath her fur. "I guess you'll want to know where I stand, huh?"
She shrugged. "It's up to you, Ayumi. I just know from personal experience that it's better for everyone if I tell them where it's at as soon as possible. That way, I avoid all the awkwardness of hinting and suggesting. But I don't expect everyone to be so candid, and I would never be so arrogant as to expect someone else to be so open, just because I am. Your sexuality is your business, and it's completely up to you whether or not you want to share it with me."
Ayumi smiled. Murasaki was amazing. She had said it to herself at least a dozen times since they'd first met, less than an hour ago, but she had a feeling she would be saying it many more times over the course of their friendship. She couldn't imagine ever having that kind of courage, and now Murasaki was telling her that she didn't have to. It was okay for her to be shy about her sexual preference, no matter what it was.
To be perfectly honest, Ayumi had never given it any really deep thought. She'd always just thought that when the right fur came by, she'd know, and it wouldn't matter what gender they were, so long as she loved them, they loved her, and they were both willing to make whatever sacrifices and exceptions were necessary to make the relationship, even if it turned out to be a lesbian relationship. "Well, Murasaki...I really do want to share...but the truth is, I just don't know. I've never really thought about it, you know? I just always thought that I'd know when I needed to, and not before. I mean, who wants to tie themselves down like that? Love doesn't discriminate based on species or age, why should it discriminate on gender or anatomy?"
Murasaki nodded vigorously. "That's true. Personally, I call myself a lesbian just because I've never met a male who really appealed to me. I guess if I found one, I might make an exception, but for now, I just prefer sheaths to swords." Ayumi grinned at the euphemism. "But my family...well, they're not so nonchalant. See, I came from a very religious background. My dad's a Presbyterian pastor like his dad before him, so he's pretty closed-minded when it comes to sins like homosexuality, and of course, he's convinced my mom to take up his mentality, so when I finally decided to come clean with them...well, let's just say it was a scene not terribly unlike my graduation." She shook her head sadly.
Ayumi sighed and nodded her agreement. "I can imagine. Unfortunately, I think most parents have this idea that their children are going to be just like them, and when something doesn't go the way they expect, they'll do whatever they can to 'fix' it." She sarcastically flashed the 'quote bunnies' and sneered.
Murasaki laughed and nodded. "Yeah, and if they can't 'fix' it," she mimicked the 'quote bunnies,' "they ignore it, try to pretend it never happened, and that you don't exist. If you can't be the child they always wanted, then you might as well not be their child."
"Tragic." Ayumi nodded solemnly.
"Very." With that affirmation, both females fell silent for a while, contemplating their respective family situations. Finally, Murasaki looked up and quipped, "So, d'you like the Xbox 360?"
Ayumi laughed. "It's the only console worth using."
"Awesome." Murasaki opened a drawer and extracted a control, which she passed to Ayumi. "Then you can help me beat Halo 3. I'm stuck, and I just know that having another skilled fighter by my side will help me win."
"Skilled? That's a relative term, I'm afraid." Ayumi struggled to untangle the controller cord as Murasaki turned the console on and the Xbox logo appeared on her TV screen.
Murasaki giggled. "Relative to what? It's not like I'm the Mistress of Gaming. I may be Japanese, but that's one stereotype that I don't think I'll ever live up to."
Ayumi grinned. "Well, in that case, I guess we can suck together. Glad to be aboard, Master Chief."
"Glad to have you, Master Chief." They both laughed and then settled down for a few hours of mindless electronic death-dealing.