Dear Diary
Dear Diary,
I don't know where to begin. Once again I can confide in you when there's nobody else for me to talk to. You'd never judge me for something I did or spread nasty rumors about me. I guess in a way you've saved my life, but at the same time if anyone ever found you it'd ruin me. Especially my parents. They bought you for me but if they ever read your secrets... I don't want to think about it.
Anyway, back to my daily entry. Again, I'm writing about John. John John Jooooooohn. Oh, I love that wolf so much... Not only has he always been for me, but he's absolutely changed my life from the moment we met. Until him you were the only one I could share my, well, sexuality with. You help a lot but I needed someone, if only one other person I could share my feelings with.
And out of anyone in the world I'm glad every day it's him. With that strong body and beautiful blue eyes, calm but fierce like the ocean... Who would have ever thought he'd be like me?
I remember when I first laid eyes on him. I was sure I was setting myself up for another disappointment, yet another crush on a straight guy. But I just couldn't stay away from him. We became friends easily enough, but when he took my hands in his and kissed me a few months later I was positive I was having the best dream of my life. It seemed too good to be true, a gorgeous guy that was not only bisexual but liked me BACK, but it was.
I still feel like pinching myself every time I'm with him to see if I'm actually dreaming, but I never am. Fate has smiled on me. I have someone to talk to, to love, to share my deepest secrets with, someone who knows every inch of who I am and loves it all.
Despite all our happiness we still keep our relationship secret. We don't mind though, we're happy to simply have each other. And it's not like it's terribly difficult anyway. To everyone on the outside we just look like two friends, one on the track team and one on the water polo team, that spend time after school together studying at each other's houses. And we DO study, but it's not always related to school except perhaps in the subject of biology.
Miraculously, for better or for worse, in the year we've known each other we've kissed, held, removed each other's shirts in passion, and rubbed each other's erections but we've never removed our pants or got fully naked. I've felt John's penis through his pants and made him orgasm a few times but I've never seen him or his member nude and uncovered.
Oops, it seems I got a little carried away in reminiscence. Sorry about that, but rest assured that I haven't forgotten my entry. Actually, it's related to what I was talking about.
Remember how I said we'd never gotten naked before? We, um, kinda broke that rule today...
It was a study session like any other. We were in John's room, his parents at work, me sitting on the floor with books spread out and him sitting at his desk facing me (did I mention his eyes?), nothing special. Of course, we only got a good half hour in before we he was next to me on the floor making out.
"Mm, John... we got a test on Friday we need to study..."
"Aw, do we have to? It's only Wednesday."
"...okay good point."
I couldn't possibly win against such a good argument, so I let it drop and kept kissing him. After a while we had removed our shirts and moved to his bed, me on my back and him laying over me, softly moaning as he explored my muzzle with his tongue and rubbed my crotch, my own hand not so innocently rubbing his as well and eliciting some heavy breathing as a result. Again, just our usual studying session.
However, just as we were really getting into it he started to act a little nervous, like he had something troubling on his mind. I know him better than probably even his parents so of course I picked up on it right away. And when he noticed that I noticed, his ears flattened and he looked away, which was a dead give-away.
My own ears flattened a little. "John, what's wrong?"
John didn't say anything but he did turn back to me, those blue eyes spiked with a glimmer of nervousness that sent a pain of worry through my gut.
I sat up and put my hand on his shoulder. "Hey, you know you can tell me anything right?"
He nodded, his ears still flattened. "Chris, you know I'd never force you to do anything you wouldn't want to right?"
It was my turn to nod. Despite how far we got when we fooled around, John never tried to get me to do more than I felt comfortable with in the entire time we'd been together. He eyed me once more then climbed off of the bed and went to his dresser, opening his underwear drawer and rummaging around inside.
Now I'd never seen him IN his underwear but that didn't mean I couldn't imagine him wearing them, his giant penis bulging as I slowly pulled... um, sorry, I don't know where that came from.
Anyway, he found what he was looking for and came back over to the bed, covering it with his hands. He looked at me and moved his hand away, handing me a bottle of sexual lubricant.
My eyes widened. "John, where did you get this?"
He blushed a little (I love it when he does that it's so cute). "...I bought it."
Of course. At first glance John looks at straight as they come, so the store cashiers probably thought he was buying it for a girlfriend. And for anyone there that would recognize him from school, our plan is that we say we're dating someone if asked but we don't say who. Of course John gets more offers than I do, and it does make me a little jealous sometimes, but I know he's loyal to me. Besides, I can't claim him without exposing our secrets so there's really nothing I can do.
"John, is this for..."
John blushes harder, at this point I'm melting inside just looking at him. "...um, yes, it is. But like I said I don't want you to feel forced to do anything you don't feel ready for."
I turned the bottle over in my palm, my brain racing. I'd fantasized about having sex with John for a long time, but now that I could I wasn't sure what I should do. I loved him dearly, we were both virgins so there wasn't any risk of STDs, and I knew he'd be gentle with me, but I was still nervous.
I looked up into his lovely eyes. "John I... I want to but I'm..."
I looked away and I felt my cheeks grow hot, my ears pinning against my head. I could tell John understood immediately that I wanted to but was nervous about my first time. He took my hands in his then kissed me, the same way he did for our first kiss.
As soon as his lips touched mine I felt my nerves begin to calm themselves as I lost myself in him, the boy of my dreams who cared for me more than I could ever imagine. He pulled back and placed his palm on my cheek, looking into my eyes (he always said he liked my eyes too) and smiling warmly. "No matter your decision I respect it and will do my best to help you with any problems you have. I love you."
I smiled back, thankful for such a caring partner. "I love you too. But..." I giggled, which I know for a fact drives him crazy for me, and placed a finger to his lips which made him blush all over again. "...you're talking too much."
I leaned him back and moved down towards his pants, making him blush harder. I knew his mind was racing and I loved it. If there was one thing I'd thought about more than the sex, it was what I was about to try and do. For as long as I can remember knowing him I've want to know what he smelled like, what he felt like, and what he tasted like. I'd touched myself countless times, knew my own penis flawlessly and had even tasted my own semen, but I knew that this was going to be something completely different.
As I unbuttoned his pants and pulled down his zipper with my teeth I caught the scent of his canine musk for the first time, and immediately felt it begin to flood my brain with lustful thoughts. I felt as if I could live off that smell alone and nothing else for the rest of my life, but something pushed me to continue.
When I removed his pants and sent them off the side of the bed I began to focus on his underwear, living out a fantasy of mine as I slipped my fingers under the elastic and began to slowly pull downwards. John had always been a fan of tight boxer briefs, but to be honest I'd seen him in a Speedo so that kinda put them to shame in terms of revealing his goods. It took all my willpower not to clobber the girls who were also looking at his Speedo, but it must have worked because I haven't hit one yet.
What I saw after I got his boxers off nearly made me light headed from excitement. The Speedo has NOTHING on the real thing. He was huge! And so many veins, a lot more than mine that's for sure. I'd never seen anything like it before, especially his knot. Now I knew what a knot was because we'd already taken sex-ed in school, plus in biology we had studied feral wolves so I pretty much had it covered. It was bigger than I thought it was when I'd touched it though his pants though. Then again, his entire penis was bigger than when I touched it though his pants so I shouldn't have been so surprised.
The head had some pre built up from when I was rubbing him earlier so I figured I'd get a taste of him sooner than expected. I was a little nervous to actually lick him though, despite all the fantasies and daydreams and getting this far. John seemed to have noticed this. I was a little surprised when he spoke, because between his musk and my excitement I'd somewhat forgotten he was there. "Don't be afraid Chris, it won't hurt you." Then he smiled lovingly at me and scratched behind my ears, which he knows I love.
With extra encouragement from my lover I stuck my tongue out and licked the head of his penis, causing John to moan softly. I withdrew my tongue and swirled his pre inside my mouth to get a good taste. It was sweeter than I'd thought, not so much as salty as I'd read it was. He likes fruit though, so that might have something to do with it.
After my little taste-testing adventure I wanted to give John oral, not simply to please myself but because I wanted to make him feel good and I knew he'd enjoy it. I held his knot with one hand to steady him and slowly licked the underside of his penis, causing him to moan again and louder this time. I looked up at him, matching my emerald eyes against his sapphires. "Feel good dear?" He nodded, smiling. "Very."
I giggled again and placed my lips over his head, sucking and dragging the tip of my tongue over it in circles, making John breathe harder and moan again. I'd never seen him like this, and I felt happy knowing I was bringing him such joy. As for the efforts on my part sucking on him produced another drop of pre with I greedily devoured.
Not wanting to get repetitive I began to move my lips down his shaft, dragging his head against my tongue as I went down and against the roof of my muzzle as I went back up, making him moan louder than before and clench the blanket into fists, obviously enjoying this particular motion (I'll keep that in mind for next time). I continued to suck him, moving my lips back to his head and rubbing his shaft with my fingers, producing more moans. Thoroughly engrossed in my task my ears pricked up as John spoke, his face strained. "Oh god Chris, I can't hold it anymore...!"
I began to suck harder on the head of his penis to help him along and fondled his testicles (which smelled FANTASTIC by the way) to ease some pain he might be having from holding it in (I read somewhere that helps). Hardly a moment later I felt his penis contract in my hand and hot semen lace my tongue as he ejaculated into my mouth, having to swallow a few times to get it all and loving every bit of it. It was more than I make, but if he's that big I assume he'd have to be more productive to compensate right?
I smiled and sat up, licking my lips and suddenly frenching John, curling my semen-coated tongue with his and pulling back, giggling at the surprised look on his face. He grinned and leaned forward, returning my kiss and making me blush as I close my eyes, wrapping my arms around him as he lays me on my back again. "Oh John, I love you so much."
He smiles back. "I love you too Chris." Then he leans down and begins to undo my pants as I prop myself up on my elbows. I watch as he removes my pants and buries his nose in my boxer briefs, breathing my scent in and growling playfully, unknowingly turning me on something fierce and making my heart race in excitement. He then locks eyes with me and pulls down my boxers too, seeing me naked for the first time as my tail curls over.
He sticks his tongue out playfully. "You're bigger than you look, kitten." I blush at my pet name, giggling softly as only he can make me do. "I can desheath fully when I'm naked is why." I stick my tongue out in rebuttal. Actually now that I think about it, that's probably why John looked bigger when naked as well, for same reason.
John lowers his muzzle and nuzzles his nose into my testicles, turning me on even more. "Or maybe you're just my special cheetah?" I giggle again, knowing this is John's foreplay style. "Maaaaybe..."
He drags a finger up the underside of my shaft, making me breathe harder, taking a page out of my book I guess. He looks up at me again with those dazzling eyes that have made me melt so many times this evening I've lost count, smiling lovingly and kissing up my shaft to suck softly on the head, making me moan. He keeps eye contact as he sucks, rubbing my shaft with his fingers and licking my urethra with the tip of his tongue, making me moan louder than before, my heart pounding.
Then he does something I don't expect but ended up liking. While my eyes are closed John opens the bottle of lube and puts some on his fingers, slipping them into my anus as he sucks on my penis, causing me to freeze for a second in surprise but moan again at the combined sensations. I'd experimented before with round objects and the like but not very often due to a lack of suitable lubes available and playing elimination with household substances (the soap incident) so I was familiar with the feeling. But when John fingered me it felt... different. Better. When someone else is in charge of the pace and feeling it's something else entirely.
He quickly noticed how much I was enjoying myself, and judging by the way his tail was sweeping the bed he was obviously happy as well. After a while he started to experiment with different motions and varying my moans, settling on moving along my shaft with his lips and rubbing the base with his thumb, which combined with his fingering felt amazing. It must have taken a good deal of coordination to do both at the same time but I guess his water polo practice probably helped with that.
It wasn't long before I was straining to keep myself from cumming, although in my defense his muzzle is longer than mine and felt pretty great. We tried to keep eye contract except when I couldn't keep them open due to pleasure, so I could tell that from some unseen understanding between us he knew I was almost finished. He seemed as eager to taste me as I was to him, because he gave me a small nod, blinked slowly, and instead of moving his mouth out of the way he started sucking on me harder than before and fondling my testicles, which I have to admit felt better than I thought it would.
Sure enough he played his cards perfectly, and it wasn't long before I felt my orgasm upon me, the familiar sensations in the base of my penis except much stronger this time, practically begging to be released. I gripped the bedding and moaned loudly with a small gasp, giving in and ejaculating into John's mouth, feeling his tongue moving against the underside of my shaft as he swallowed my semen, his tail visibly wagging faster than before and knocking our shirts onto the ground. He finished swallowing and dragging his tongue over my head to catch anything he might have missed, causing me to shudder a little from my post-orgasm sensitivity.
John pulled back and sat up, licking his lips and smiling at me, blushing a little in an adorable fashion, plainly obvious that he liked how I tasted. He leaned forward and kissed me without speaking, curling his tongue with mine as I tasted his saliva, tasty as usual and laced with what I easily recognized as my residual semen, specks still hidden in the corners of his muzzle which I took the liberty of cleaning out for him.
We both knew what the next step was, although we also both seemed nervous and eager yet hesitant to continue. John is a pleasure to kiss and very good at it so I was reluctant to stop, but I knew one of us would have to if we were to move on. I peeled my lips away from his and looked at him, our ears flattened to reflect how we felt. "So um... how do you want to do this?"
He looked into my eyes, matching my gaze, his deep blue eyes calming my nerves. "I think it should be your choice. I mean, you are the one getting... you know."
I blushed, and looked down at his erection, firm and ready to do its job. I laid down on my back and rested my head on his pillow, bringing my knees up and raising my butt a little, my tail curled over with both nerves and excitement, my anus lubricated and loosened up from John's fingering. I giggled a little in anticipation and smiled at him, encouraging him to come over and hopefully helping relieve his nerves. I'd thought about being in his bed so many times, naked and doing what were we about to do, but now that the time had come it was both more nerve-racking and exciting than I ever thought it would be.
John smiled back, taking the bottle of lube and applying a generous amount to his penis, faking a few sexy moans just to mess with me. He crawled over and positioned himself on top me, looking me in the eyes as my lover, and for a moment I swear I could hear his heart beating at the same time as mine, two people as in love as you can be. He traced his hand up my leg and body, making me shiver a little as he felt my abdominals and chest. He leaned forward and kissed me lightly, giving me a reassuring lick on the nose. "Don't worry, I'll be gentle."
I felt my nerves melt away, but I also felt an urge to be braver than I had a minute ago. This was my first time, and I wanted it to be something great and special with John that I would always remember. I looked back into his eyes and said firmly despite my doubts after returning his lick, "If you love me you won't hold back." Then I leaned forward and kissed him, closing my eyes and dancing my tongue with his in our mouths.
At first he seemed surprised and a little taken back, but a moment later I could tell by the look in his eyes that he knew I was ready for him, that I knew what was going to happen and was fine with it, that he was still going to be easy with me, but wasn't going to limit himself if he thought I was enjoying it. He pulled back from my lips and smiled, his ears raised again from the sides of his head. "I love you Chris." I smiled. "I love you too, John." He smiled back and looked down, gripping his penis and sliding himself into my anus.
Now, let me start off by saying that John was easily bigger than anything I'd ever tried to fit up there, both in width and in length. The stretching wasn't too painful, and he got a lot deeper inside me than anything had ever been before, which to me was more odd feeling than painful really. However the weirdest part about the whole ordeal was the feeling of him going in and out. If I had to describe it, I'd say it feels like you're going to the bathroom in reverse, and the feeling of having him inside me as having to go to the bathroom in general, that same feeling of fullness. Aside from that it really wasn't so bad.
I gasped a little as John stretched me and fit his length into me, mostly in surprise. The feeling of having him thrust in and out of me was similar to how I'd described his fingering earlier: it feels totally different when someone else is doing it to you as opposed to solo play. At first it just felt odd and I didn't get why this was so appealing to people aside from the intimacy you feel with your partner. But then after a while I started to feel it. I'm not really sure how I can describe it but it felt good, really good. One possible way is to say that the sensations weren't coming from my shaft like they would when I'd masturbate, but from inside my body, inside the base of the penis where you can't touch it.
I must have felt pretty good to John as well because he was moaning just as loud if not louder than when I was licking him earlier. He used a good amount of lubricant because I didn't feel hardly any friction at all, just pleasure. I brought my legs up higher and crossed them above his tail a little, after which he started thrusting faster than before which increased the sensations, causing both of us to moan louder as we flicked our tongues together, not quite bringing our mouths to a close so we could still breathe.
As we were really getting into it, making the bed creak and everything, I found myself liking a LOT more than I thought I would. I was actually asking John to go faster, harder, and deeper into me, which of course he was happy to oblige. I could tell he was keeping an eye on me for any signs of discomfort though, which made me feel safer. I'm pleased with the position I picked because it meant that not only could we kiss during sex but he could read me better and have more control over himself in case things started to go wrong.
A few minutes later I could really feel my orgasm coming on, and I could tell it was going to be a big one. I could also feel John's penis getting warmer inside of me so I figured he must be close too. I wrapped my legs around him tighter and hugged him close to me, feeling him start to slow down a little and whispering in his ear that I wanted him to give it all to me, that I wanted everything he had. It may have sounded dirty but honestly I meant every word of it. I'd never wanted him so badly.
As he slowed down further I tried my best to hold off my orgasm, trying to time it so we could both cum at once. Suddenly he stopped and pushed harder on me, and I felt pressure on my anus and then a small but sharp pain, which I realized after a moment must have been him pushing his knot into me. But as he did it rubbed me inside just a little more and I just couldn't hold it any longer. I cried out softly in relief as my penis throbbed between us and covered our torsos with my semen, feeling his own penis contract deep inside me, pumping his own semen into my anus and giving me the best orgasm I've ever had in my life to the point that my even my toes curled over.
John pressed his lips against mine and kissed me again, breathing through our noses as his penis continued to fill me with his seed. It felt hotter inside me than I thought it would and I loved every second of it, even feeling a little disappointed when it finally stopped. When we broke our kiss I felt the sudden urge as his mate to clean him, so I licked his muzzle clean, which afterwards he returned the favor, making me giggle as his dragged his wolf tongue over my face. We both knew that since he knotted me we'd be stuck together for a while, so we hugged and said how much we loved each other.
After about twenty minutes or so (I was so tired it's a wonder we didn't fall asleep) his knot had shrunk to the point where we thought we'd try and get it out. It slid out easily, which was a relief since neither of us had ever used a knot before. When he pulled out some semen started leaking out of me, which we both thought was sexy but knew that if any got on his bed there might be questions asked. So I carefully got off the bed and we collected our clothes (since they were still clean) before taking a shower together since I'd gotten us a little more than dirty when I came. We were too tired to try having sex again but we were able to clean each other off which was fun. After we finished we spent a while kissing naked and feeling each other in the bathroom after drying off before getting dressed.
We both knew we wouldn't be able to study any more that evening, so we cleaned up and re-hid the lubricant before falling asleep together on John's bed. We set the alarm to wake us up around 4:30 before his parents got home, and spent ten minutes after our nap double checking his room and the shower in paranoia to make sure it didn't look like anything suspicious had happened. After we were satisfied with our efforts John drove me home even though I only live three blocks away (he has his license already). We stopped outside my house and looked around to make sure nobody saw us before sharing a heartfelt kiss, after which I got out, waved goodbye, and went inside.
Well, some day huh? I lost my virginity, but I love John and it was amazing so I don't have any doubts. I wonder if anything's going to change now, or if I'll wake up and go to school tomorrow like it's just another day where nothing important happened overnight. John and I will share our secret look as usual as we pass by in the hall on the way to class. I wonder if that will change as well, our own little secret of that special night we spent together, or if it'll stay the same until we're alone again.
I know I'll see him again tomorrow but I miss him already, my strong wolf with the deep blue eyes. He's not very far away, only three blocks, but it feels so much farther. I'd send him a text message but he needs his rest. We were both pretty tired afterwards, and I'd be asleep too but I wanted to write all this down in detail before I forgot even if it did take a couple pages.
But even though we're apart, looking out my window at the moon (it's full tonight) I somehow feel that he's looking at it to and thinking the exact same thing I am. Missing me, loving me, and hoping to see me again as soon as possible. I can hardly wait.
Signed,
Christopher Holland