Through my eyes
They say you can understand someone more easily when you get a glimpse of what they've been through. Wether it's a photo, video, or something else like that. Say you've seen this guy around your city. Now, you know nothing about him, he just appeared out of nowhere when he was sixteen and started attending your school. He looks..... un-approachable. He doesn't talk to anyone, he doesn't look at anyone, he just minds his own. Your too nervous or scared to talk to him, so you just sit back and watch. Eventually, your freinds begin to ridicule him, because of his weird, unusual ways. Now, instead of stopping them and saying, "hey, leave him alone, maybe he's like that for a reason", you join them. You say to yourself, "what's the harm? Everyone else is doing it. He doesn't even know". Well.... you're wrong. I DO know that you're laughing at me and picking on me behind my back. I just don't say anything, I don't want to draw attention to myself. But can I ask, why?. Why do you guys do this to me? And not just in school, you do it outside too. And it's not just students, it's the adults too. isn't it sad? That even people in their thirty's or twentey's are laughing at me?, or whispering when I walk by? You talk about my eyes, and how they scare you. You talk about how abnormal it is for me to have them because of my heritage. You never stop either, it's one thing after the next. You THINK I can't hear you, but you're wrong. I hear everything you say, even if I don't want to. It hurts me, just to let you know. I didn't want to be like this, I hate it. I hate the fact that I'm so cautious around everyone. I hate having the ability to hurt a man, or even kill him. I hate the way I seem to people..... a freak. Just because I keep to myself and don't talk to no one. But please, its not my fault! I never planned on being like this, I never wanted to be. it's everything I've been through that turned me into the person I am today, and I hate it. Was there a purpose for making me the kid I am today? If there is, please god....tell me, because I don't see a fucking reason. A kid shouldn't be capable of the things I can do, a kid should never have gone through the things I've been through. So go ahead, keep on picking on me. Wether it be because it makes you feel better, or you just want to fit in. Only if you knew, if you knew the things I could do. If you could see the dark thoughts that swim through my head every time you ridicule me, would you laugh? If only you knew how easily I could silence you, all i'd have to do is pounce on you, pull back my arm, and crush your larynyx. If only you knew. I just wish I could make you and your freinds understand. Understand how I feel, and why the way I am. I wish I could just touch your forehead, and all at once, you would see what I've been through. The orphanage imprisonment, the cold, lonely, dark years in the streets. The man who raped me, after he fed me and saved me from freezing to death. All the nights that I spent crying myself to sleep in some old, worn out building or house, asking what did I ever do to receive such a horrible life. And of course, the dreadfull things I see in my sleep. But of course, no such ability exists. So maybe you'll never understand why the way I am. So instead of leaving me be, you pick on me. You don't understand how it hurts me, how each one of your "funny" comments peirce my heart and mind with a burning pain. Oh how I wish I could be more like you guys. More sociable, freindly,..... approachable. What can I possibly gain by being who I am today? I only speak to a handfull of people on this earth. if only I was more like you guys. If only I was normal. That would make things so much more easier for me, to be a normal human being in this world. If only you could see my life through my eyes.