Doubt
#2 of Alternatives
After lunch break, the next few hours were rather uneventful.
...
After lunch break, the next few hours were rather uneventful.
Well, classes are always boring and will always be, no? Not when Gerrald isn't around. Call me biased or crazy, but any school period, to me, without the bear is just boring.
Yes, the school system is made such that there are lectures on a subject where any student who takes that particular subject has to attend regardless of class.
Luckily, the subject combination of Gerrald's class and mine very similar, giving my eyes a feast on his looks for most of my lectures. Jo never seemed to notice that I have been looking at Gerrald in lectures for the past eight months. Either he is really paying attention (which I doubt so), or that he is ogling at someone himself.
For so long, I still can't understand why I am still looking at Gerrald. I mean, he... really has not said anything directly to me before! It would even be a miracle if he knows my name. Well, then again, I don't stand out in any way, how is he supposed to know me?
There are always times where I feel I should be the one approaching him. But then.. how? We have nothing in common, as far as I know.
Schoolwork? Boring.
Sports? I have nothing on that topic.
Weather? Who the hell uses the weather?
And for the past eight months, there never had been a chance where we have to meet or do something together.
I know I shouldn't be thinking so much about him since I never knew him well, or had the chance to anyway, but I just can't control myself.
Every time when I wanted to give up and forget him, almost everywhere I get reminded of him. Like him walking in front of me at the corridors, people calling his name, finding him in the toilet (which I was shocked and left there quickly), even schoolwork where his initials appears often. Gosh. Such coincidence.
I can't have him, I can't forget him.
This sucks.
--
"What'cha thinking? School's over already,"
Jo's voice had me snap out of thinking. Again.
"You're really distracted today, is everything alright?" Jo asked.
"Nah, it's nothing much," I replied, hoping that he won't pursue the matter.
"Did I do something wrong? You seemed rather... distant lately. Come on, if it really is about me, you can just tell me directly about it, we never hide things from each other... until now it seems," said Jo, with his grey ears drooping slightly.
Oh no. This is getting complicated. Jo has been quite sensitive to people's reaction, and even more to mine, since I am his closest, best friend after all.
"No, it really isn't about you Jo, there really isn't anything, I just spaced out. You know me, always thinking about my stuff and everything," I said, try hard not to create an unwanted misunderstanding.
"Oh, alright," Jo said simply, clearly not convinced.
"Relax bud, come on, let's go and eat out today. What do you feel like having today? How 'bout some pizza?" I asked.
Jo's face lit up as I've expected. That big grey wuffie always perks up when it comes to food - probably why he IS big anyway.
"Sure!" Jo said happily with his usual grin back on his muzzle.
In the pizza shop, I looked at Jo while he ordered our food which got me back to my own thoughts again.
I thought of how we met when we were young, how well we clicked when we first met, how we end up in the same school, same class. How we have changed over the years. It was almost as though we were meant to be best friends.
We have all grown from our little pup self. Jo is now a tall, muscular, grey wolf. He can be too sensitive and childish at times, but he is always fun and curious about everything. People who do not know him may be intimidated by his size, but he is a gentle giant on the inside. Sometimes I wonder why he is still single. I mean, he has a nice grey coat of fur, kind personality, and muscular. Sure, quite a number of girls have approached him, but he still remains single. If it wasn't for Gerrald, I might just have fell in love with...
"Spacing out again? Seriously, what's wrong?" Jo asked. Plain annoyance crossed his face.
"Hah, caught me thrice already today. Okay, this time it is about you, alright?" I said.
Jo's expression changed from annoyance to curiosity.
"Don't worry; it isn't anything bad," I continued, "Just about how we have changed over the years after we have been friends for so long..."
"Ew, and now you are getting all sappy... Isn't like your usual self, but - ahh... pizza is here!" Jo sniffed eagerly at the hot steaming pizza filled with meat and seafood.
Oh Jo. Food really is a great distraction for him. His smile, his reaction... How cute.
Wait. What am I thinking now?
Did I just say Jo was cute? Probably not in the way I see Gerrald... or is it?
No. Jo is straight, and he is my best friend. I shouldn't think of him this way, and I still like Gerrald and his brown fur.
Deciding to snap out of my thoughts before getting caught, I realised that half the pizza was missing... in Jo's tummy, obviously.
"Hey! Slow down, I have not even touched the pizza yet!" I exclaimed.
"Heh," Jo tried to continue with his crammed muzzle, "umm jus ungre," he swallowed before adding, "Sorry, I'm just hungry, I'm a growing wolf after all,"
"Yeah, grow any more you will be oversized man," I retorted.
Jo seem to slow down for a moment, a frown appeared as it seems like he was thinking, before he said, "Am I becoming fat?"
I laughed at him for being silly. "Oh Jo, I didn't mean it that way. You're big and muscular, not fat alright?" Just like Gerrald, I silently added.
With that, he continued munching on the pizza as though nothing has happened.
I picked up a slice of pizza and began eating.
Looking at Jo chew his pizza, I wondered if we would be the same if I came out to him. Not that I had to come out to him in the first place.
But there are times when I just want someone else to know my secret. Although... it is utterly pointless, since I did not have a boyfriend or anything. So why confess?
Then again, Jo is beginning to feel suspicious, took him awhile alright, and he was not wrong when he said that we never hide things from each other... other than this secret.
Will he take my secret well?
I'll rather not take this risk.