FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Children swarmed around me as we all rushed to our lockers, cars, busses; where ever we had to go in order to get out of this mind trap we called high school. I know it sounds cliché, but it really does feel like a trap here. I pushed through the crowd trying to find the one person that kept me from fleeing this place, my best friend. He was the one who stuck by me through everything, he would walk me home to make sure I didn't get jumped, he would let me spend the night when my family situation was on a downswing, he always protected me and always understood me. And I loved him. Not that I would ever actually tell him that, I needed him in my life and wouldn't want that to be the last straw on the list of hundreds of other things I've entrusted him with. I finally found him where we always meet, he was a cheetah, and his yellow spotted fur always stood out against the red brick wall he would lean against while waiting for me. "Hey Patro!" I ran up to him waving. He looked up and flashed me his famous smile, the smile that made him one of the most swooned over guys in the school. I always kind of wondered why he bothered staying friends with me as we grew up. I wasn't ugly or anything, in fact I have actually gotten told I am really cute by some people, and Patro has told me that too, he also has said that I have one of the best lion's manes he had ever seen. But, the fact that I'm gay, and that I have other issues, must have really hurt him in the social aspect of high school. "Hey Bo!" Yes, Bo is my name, and no it isn't short for Robert. It is my real, god given name. We exchanged the normal formalities of what happened since lunch and went on our way. A few stragglers who always stay outside of the school decided to call us faggots on our way off campus, but Patro made it a point to flash his claws and fangs at them. It was unusual for furs to not have their claws and fangs filed down or removed all together, but Patro's parents are slightly new age and decided to wait until he was old enough to decide for himself, he kept them. The decision was made a year after he met me, and he said he did it to keep the bullies off of me. Patro and I made it back to my house with no more remarks made about us from passing cars or others walking by. We didn't live far away from school, about 2 miles from it. I lived in a one story house and my street that ended in a cul-de-sac, and Patro lived in the only two story house on that very same cul-de-sac. Needless to say, we spent a lot of time together. "Want me to come in with you? In case, you know?" He didn't want to say anything out loud, but I knew what he was referring to; my mom. She has bipolar disorder and stopped taking her medication for it, which has been resulting in a lot of fights and bruises. "No it's fine. If she is unstable, then I don't want to give her any reason to flip out. I'll text you and let you know how everything is ok?" He nodded in agreement and gave me a hug before leaving. I walked through the screen door of my house and into my living room. I saw mom sitting on the couch reading a book, which was a good sign. She liked to read. "Hey mom," I didn't want to speak too loudly, just to be safe. "Hello," She never raised her head from the book. She didn't sound like she was really aware of my existence. "Um, school went well today. I finally got an A on my math test," I just wanted my mother back with me, my real mother. "Hm.... That's nice," She still never looked up, never even shifted an eye. I gave up and ran to my room. She didn't hit me, which was good, but why didn't she care. She never cared anymore, I felt like I could just not show up at home anymore and she still wouldn't care. Unless she was angry and needed something to hit. I closed the door behind me and started crying, the beige carpet of my room blurring as tears fell into my mane. I wanted Patro. I wish I would have let him come with me. I wanted him to hold me, I wanted him to comfort me, I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him, now, with me. I woke up from a deep sleep. I don't remember ever going to bed, but I felt the sheets over me. But, something felt different, these weren't my sheets. I slowly forced my eyes open and looked up at a familiar ceiling, but it wasn't my ceiling. It was Patro's! "You're awake," I heard Patro's voice from across the room. I instantly sat up and stared at him, shirtless and wet, he had just gotten out of the shower. I could smell the shampoo still emanating from his dripping fur. He was just wearing the towel he used wrapped around his waste. I had seen him shirtless before, but it was different this time. The way he looked at me, I knew something was different, I felt violated, like he knew everything about me and my body. "Um, yeah... How did I end up here?" I had an idea, but I had to be sure. Like I said, I had more than one secret. "You showed up last night. About an hour after I dropped you off at your house. Well, actually it was Alto that showed up here?" I instantly broke eye contact when he mentioned Alto. I have more than one secret. "I figured," Alto, what did he do? "He told me about you, about how you feel. He told me you loved me," That's what I feared the most. He had no right to do that! Well, he did, but still, those are my feelings not his! Damn him! Damn Alto! "We had sex," I broke down. Alto, it was his body too, but I was the one who had to deal with the ramifications of his actions! Alto, my alter ego, the other "me", the flip side to my multiple personality disorder. Patro walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me. How could he hold me like this after what I did? True Alto was the one in control of my actions at the time, but Alto just acts on my true feelings. Alto does the things I want to do. And Patro knew that. So how could he hold me after he knew what I truly wanted? "Why didn't you tell me before? I didn't like that I had to figure out from him. I didn't want to do it with him, but he kind of threw himself on me. If that was what you wanted, you should have told me. I love you, not him," I slowly stopped crying as he talked to me. I was so confused. He really loved me? The same way I loved him? A voice in my head was telling me, "Of course he does! How could you have not noticed?!" I knew what the voice was. "I was scared. You're my only friend. I didn't want to do something that would cause you to leave me. It's true, I love you. I have thought about it so many times, you and me, but I didn't have the courage to act on it," I spoke through broken tears. Everything seemed so perfect, but I was still so scared. "Listen to me Bo. I've known you since we were kids; I've stuck by you through everything. All I ever wanted was to protect and help you. I honestly don't care about anyone else. I'm sick of the way your mom treats you. I'm sick of how the people at school treat you. You deserve to be loved after everything you've gone through. I love you, and you need to know that. I'm not sticking around out of pity or anything like that. I love you Bo. Do you understand?" Every word he said pulled at my heart. I couldn't help myself and started breaking down again. He knew me better than anyone, all of my insecurities, he was trying to break threw them and prove to me that what I had learned through all of those years of abuse was a lie. Someone loved me, truly loved me, and wasn't just using me. But, a part of me still didn't believe it. I was still so scared. "I'm so sorry," I felt so stupid. Why couldn't I fully believe him? I knew he was telling the truth, but something was still holding me back. "It's fine. Don't worry about it," He kissed me on my forehead as I buried my face into his chest fur. I wanted to hide. "Hey, how about we go back to bed? Give you some time to think about everything." I nodded. As we fell asleep, he kept his arms wrapped around me. It felt nice. A part of me was still in pain, but the more and more I fell asleep, the less I thought about it and the more natural and peaceful it felt to let Patro touch me like this. I turned over and saw Patro staring right at me. He wasn't going to sleep until I did. I pushed myself closer towards him. He tightened his grip on me and I looked back into his eyes. I leaned up towards him and pressed our lips together. It felt good to do this, but I didn't want to take it ant further. I pulled away and nestled myself in between his neck and chest. I felt him petting my mane as I quickly drifted into sleep. I still wasn't sure if I completely believed in his love, but I figured this was a decent place to start.