Kazufox Interview #8
#8 of Kazufox Interviews!
Note: Well...here's something nice, another old interview which will start off a series of other scripted stories I call...Star Zero!
Yeah, my laptop crapped out, so I'll try and get it posted by this weekend.
~Prologue #8~
~Location: Next morning from last interview at Kazufox's place~
*Kazufox*: *yawn* Morning, hey what's with the bag? *Isaac*: I'm moving out. *Kazufox*: Why? *Isaac*: I know what you did last night and I am NOT going to sleep in that bed ever again. *Kazufox*: Aww, come on, it wasn't that bad. *Isaac*: When you took off the underpants, I decided to leave. *Kazufox*: What are you talking about? I always sleep with my underpants on. *Isaac*: Don't play dumb, I know you and Miyu did IT! *Kazufox*: What? *Isaac*: I know what you two did. I know what you were doing last night in that bed...(notices Kazufox tearing up) You didn't do anything did you? *Kazufox*: *sniff* No...I saw her on the bed but, I didn't know what to do. So I just slept on the floor. *sob* *Isaac*: It's okay, that doesn't make you any less of a man. *sigh* Kazufox, it's time I taught you about what the old people call 'the birds and the bees'.
*Reader*: o.o
~Later~
*Kazufox*: Wow, I've learned something new about myself. But how do you know this? *Isaac*: I used to tutor high school kids...Anyways, if you plan to be a great interviewer and have lots of fans then you've got to go find someone to interview this time. But fear not, we'll just spin the wheel of interviews! (pulls out spin wheel from bag) *Kazufox*: Where'd you get that thing? *Isaac*: I got it from Ebay. It belonged to three kids in a water tower. (spins wheel) Wheel of interviews turn, turn, turn, tell us the interview we shall learn. *Kazufox*: That was lame. *Isaac*: That was my first time trying. ~Wheel stops spinning~ *Isaac*: Okay you'll be interviewing...James McCloud. Don't worry, I'll set everything up so all you need to work on are the questions and I mean more than two or three, got it? *Kazufox*: Yeah, whatever. (plays Tales of Symphonia) *Isaac thinking*: *sigh* I've got my work cut out for me.
_Kazufox's interview with James McCloud_
~Location: Next day at old garage in Mute City~
*Kazufox*: (looks at watch) Great, almost noon and isn't here yet. He's gonna be late...again! ~Vrrroooooooo~ *Kazufox*: Err...What's that sound? ~Suddenly an F-Zero machine crashes through the wall and lands on Kazufox~ *???*: Hey, I made it on and with time to spare. *Kazufox*: (muffled) Get dis muffer fuffin fing off me!! *???*:Oops, sorry. (moves machine off Kazufox) *Kazufox*: *huff* What the hell was that for!? *???*:Didn't want to be late. *Kazufox*: Wait a sec, the Little Wyvern? Then you're... *James McCloud*: James McCloud...Former leader of Galaxy Dog. *Kazufox*: But I was supposed to interview James McCloud the former leader of Starfox. ~Suddenly an Arwing crashes through the roof and...~ *Kazufox*: Oh crap not again... ~Lands on Kazufox~ *???*: Made it on time. *Kazufox*: (muffled) Fon of a finf! Mmit! Met dis off me!! *???*: Oops, sorry. (parks Arwing next to Little Wyvern) *Kazufox*: Ow. What the hell is your problem!? *???*: Hey, I didn't want to be late. *Kazufox*: Let me guess. James McCloud, former leader of Starfox? *James McCloud*: Yeah, that's me. *Kazufox*: Well this is a problem, two James McCloud's. *Both James*: Hi James, I'm James, nice to meet you. *Kazufox*: That was weird, don't do it again. *Both James*: Sorry. *Kazufox*: Okay, not to make things any more confusing, I'll call the furry James, Fox Sr. and the human James as...Human. *Human*: That's lame. *Kazufox*: Would you rather have me call you James 1 and James 2? *???*: And James 3? ~A hot air balloon lands right in front of Kazufox~ *Kazufox*: *phew* That was close. Oh crap it's the James from Team Rocket... *James*: Ah ha ha ha haa! That's right! *Meowth*: That's my line! (scratches James' face) *James*: EEEEK!! It burns! Ow ow ow! *Kazufox*: Oh great...the gay James is here. *James*: Whaaa!? *Kazufox*: You heard me! Only a frilly gay person would laugh like that and besides everyone knows you're gay anyways so this isn't new. *James*: I'm not gay! I'm just...*puts on a dress* Very expressive~ *Kazufox*: *twitches* I won't interview you because you...(uses balloon to form Shell Shurigun) are not...(flies toward James) a McCloud! ~Kazufox punches James and Meowth and they go flying~ *James and Meowth*: Look like we've been knocked out again...(disappears as star) *Kazufox*: Go back to your husband Jessie! *sighs* Well, I feel somewhat better. *Human*: Actually, about your question, I wouldn't mind being called James1. *Fox Sr.*: Hey, how come you get to be James1 when I appeared in games before you? *Human*: Because I was the first James to get here. *Kazufox*: What took you two so long anyways? *Human*: Err... *Fox Sr.*: Well... *Kazufox*: Come on spill it. You first Human. *Human*: Bad traffic? *Kazufox*: What else? *Human*: I was getting my...pants on. *Kazufox*: Yeah...Fox Sr.? *Fox Sr.*: Asteroids? *Kazufox*: Wanna get to know gay James? (clenches fist) *Fox Sr.*: I was also...getting my pants on. *Kazufox*: Why did you two have problems with pants? *Human*: My wife hid them... *Fox Sr.*: And wouldn't give them back... *Kazufox*: Uh...(remembers Isaac's little talk) Uh...(puts 1+1 together) Uh...(realizes it equals 2) I always knew that. *Fox Sr.*: Knew what? *Kazufox*: Forget it, anyways...Fox Sr., are you alive? *Fox Sr.*: Alive? Of course I am otherwise I wouldn't be here. I just say that I'm dead just to avoid the publicity and... (sees Kazufox with a mischievous grin) Oh crap, I knew I shouldn't have stopped at that bar for a few drinks. *Human*: Yeah, me neither. *Kazufox*: (grins evilly) So...you were also almost late because you stopped for a few drinks huh? *Both James*: Oh crap. *Kazufox*: Relax, its not like I'll blackmail you or anything. And moving on now. Human, what do you think of Capt. Falcon? *Human*: That bastard has an ego large enough to fill both this and the Lylat system. *Fox Sr.*: I thought that was Falco. ~as a plothole begins to open, Kazufox uses duck tape to keep it shut~ *Kazufox*: There, fix that stupid problem. Next question, what is the name of both your wives? *Both James*: Vixy. *Kazufox*: As I thought...Now Fox Sr., why did you name Fox after what he is? Were you thinking like Dr. Evil and wanted a (puts pinky to mouth) Mini-me? *Fox Sr.*: Don't ever do that again... *Kazufox*: Sorry... *Fox Sr.*: Actually he was named after my middle name. *Kazufox*: Hmm, James Fox McCloud. Okay, Human what is you son's name? *Human*: ... *Kazufox*: Come on, let's hear it. *Human*: Er, well I'd rather not... *Kazufox*: You named him 'Human'...didn't you? *Human*: Well... *Kazufox*: James Human McCloud naming his human son human...You suck at naming, both of you do. *Human*: Actually my middle name is actually Sam. *Kazufox*: Sam would've been a better name than 'Human!' *Fox Sr.*: But that's what you're calling hi- *Kazufox*: For convenience since there's two of you, okay?! Human you should change his name to something like Fox because it sounds cooler or ANYTHING other than his own species! *Fox Sr.*: What about you? *Human*: Yeah, all you have is Kazu before the fox part. *Kazufox*: Hey at least my name is more creative than just boring Fox or Human so deal with it! Technically speaking, it's my entire name, Kazu Fox. *Both James*: Ohh... *Kazufox*: Now Human, or should I say Human Sr., when did you become an F-Zero racer? *Human*: When my mercenary team, Galaxy Dog, was out of work. *Kazufox*: That must've sucked. *Human*: Yeah, but at least I got to spend time with my wife, if you know what I mean. *Kazufox*: Uh...(puts 1+2 together) Uh...(it equals 3) Yeah...Fox Sr., if you're alive then why not stay and help Fox? *Fox Sr.*: Well... *Kazufox*: Was it because you thought Fox doesn't need you? *Fox Sr.*: Erm. *Kazufox*: You felt that he had managed to grow up into a son you would find proud and able to handle situations and problems on his own? *Fox Sr.*: ...*pulls out a bottle of liquor* ~the bottle of liquor shatters being shot by Kazufox~ *Kazufox*: No getting wasted here! *Fox Sr.*: Oh come on... *Kazufox*: No, now answer the question. *Fox Sr.*: *sighs* Actually...I did help Fox in Adventures in the well at that one maze. *Kazufox*: How the hell did you end up in there!? *Fox Sr.*: I was piss drunk okay, give me a break. I needed all those tokens to make a ladder and get out. *Kazufox*: Sure...Why didn't you head back to the Starfox team after you got out of Andross? Was it because you didn't want to be on a giant junkyard with four guys and a robot with Slippy as the closest thing to a girl as possible? *Fox Sr.*: Um... *Kazufox*: Or was it to get away from Peppy? ~Peppy drops from plothole~ *Kazufox*: How did...but the duck tape. *looks over to see it flying away* *Peppy*: I don't believe it...James? Is that you? *Fox Sr.*: No, I'm a figment of your imagination. *Peppy*: Oh James, it IS you! (hugs human James) *Human*: Hey, let go of me! Do I look like a fox? *Kazufox*: The way the hair is... *Fox Sr.*: Yeah. *Peppy*: Oh James. *sob* It's so good to see you again old friend. *sob* *Kazufox*: You don't have to answer the Peppy thing. *Fox Sr.*: Actually...I went to see my wife to spend some time alone, if you know what I mean. *Kazufox*: Uh...(puts 2x5-7x20/4+25 together) Uh...(it equals 0) Where did that come from? Wait, if she's dead but you're not then how can you spend time with her? *Fox Sr.*: Well after the black hole incident, that I actually survived, it caused me to have the ability to warp to well from dimensions as well as realities. *Kazufox*: I kind of know what you mean, my power can open a gate to the 'Other Side' but just to be sure...Is he right Steven? *Steven Hawking*: (computer voice) Yes...He is correct...What has happened to Fox Sr. was suspected to be highly probable and very possible...He is the first to actually test this theory and now that is has been discovered I can cover-I can include this information along with my theory of black holes to put me on top of the science world...again. *Kazufox*: Thank you Mr. Hawking! (gives thumbs up) *Steven Hawking*: You're welcome...(disappears into plothole) *Human*: Hey, can you get this rabbit off me. He's getting my jacket wet. *Peppy*: *sob* Oh James, I'll never let go, never! *Kazufox*: (whistles) ~Peppy looks and sees Kazufox with a carrot and Kazufox tosses it into the plothole and Peppy jumps in after it. Kazufox finds the zipper and closes plothole and sits back down~ *Kazufox*: Okay... *Fox Sr.*: Uh-huh... *Human*: Yep... ~Silence~ *Kazufox*: No offense guys, but this is starting to get boring. Plotholes, randomness, and all. *Fox Sr.*: I agree. *Human*: Well what do we do? *Kazufox*: How about we play some video games? *Fox Sr.*: I've got the Gamecube. *Human*: I've got the T.V.
*Kazufox*: I've got the games and controllers.
~A few hours later~
*Fox Sr.*: No fair, cheater! *Kazufox*: Hey, the Bomb-omb hit me!
*Human*: I'm winning, I'm winning, I'm- (loses) Damn! I lost.
~A few more hours later~
*Fox Sr.*: Now what do we do? *Kazufox*: I guess we can listen to some music.
*Both James*: Rock on!
~Another few hours later~
*Kazufox*: Okay, how about these? (puts on sunglasses) *Fox Sr.*: Perfect. *Human*: It's a good look for you. *Kazufox*: Thanks. (looks at Arwing, Wyvern, and costumed ship) Hmm...(looks at blasters on both James and himself) Hmm...(looks at sunglasses) Hmm...(thinks of tap dancing peanut) I've got it! Let's form our own mercenary team! *Fox Sr.*: Sure. *Human*: Okay I guess. *Kazufox*: You guys accepted that idea pretty fast. *Fox Sr.*: *shrugs* Not like I've got anything better to do as a 'ghost.' *Human*: Not much going on in the F-Zero circuits either, least until the next F-Zero game comes out. *Kazufox*: Works for me! Okay, we need a name. How about Star McCloud? *Human*: But you're not a McCloud though. *Kazufox*: Well maybe one of you could adopt me and... *Both James*: NO!! One son is enough trouble. *Kazufox*: *sniff* That hurts. How about K and 2 J's? *Both James*: It sucks. *Kazufox*: Fine...let's keep thinking. *Both James*: Hmm... *Kazufox thinking*: Help us tap dancing peanut. (remembers 2x5-7x20/4+25=0) I don't get it. (puts 0+0 together) Uh...(equals 0) Nope, nothing. (remembers Zero from Megaman X series) What does he have to do with this? (puts 2-2 together) Gah! I know what the James' were doing with their wives! But how is that really possi-oh right dimension traveling ghost and other is still around... *Tap Dancing Peanut*: Dammit, doesn't the number zero mean anything to you? *Kazufox thinking*: Um...not really. *Tap Dancing Peanut*: Furry James from Starfox, human James from F-Zero... *Kazufox*: (gets idea) I've got it! Since Fox Sr. is from Starfox and Human is from F-Zero then we shall be called...drum roll please. (~Drum roll~) *Kazufox*: Star Zero! *Fox Sr.*: What... *Human*: What... *Kazufox*: Yeah, it makes sense. *Fox Sr.*: It sounds like some dumb cheesy phone hotline. *Kazufox*: That's it! We'll have an easy to remember call number. Are you guys with me or not? *Fox Sr.*: I'm dead, remember? *Kazufox*: You said you were alive, remember? *Human*: I'm retired. *Kazufox*: Nice try but if Peppy was 50 and was still fighting with Starfox then you shouldn't have a problem. You guys aren't gonna back out on this are you? Or I might need to call up a certain 'friend' of yours again...*smirks* *Human*: Do we have a choice? *Fox Sr.*: I don't think we do. *Kazufox*: Great, now to decide who is what...dibs on leader! *Human*: No fair. *Fox Sr.*: Yeah. *Kazufox*: Hey, I thought of the name. Fox Sr. is the ace pilot and Human will be our star racer. *Both James*: *sigh* Fine... *Kazufox*: Okay last, we need to decide a price. How about a standard fee of 30 bags of pixie sticks, 2 kegs of beer, and 5 milkshakes each? You guys get all the beer and most of the pixie sticks. *Both James*: Rock on! *Kazufox*: Alright, for kills we get 100 dollars for every ship shot down and 80 for every enemy shot on foot? *Human*: It's a little on the cheap side...I feel like we're some dirty mercenary hotline. But not hot talking from the other person, just cheap jobs. *Fox Sr.*: I know how that's like...I ended up in a dimension where prostitution was the only means of getting by. Those dresses were tight to wear. ~Kazufox and human James only stare, human James scoots away a little~ *Kazufox*: Yeah, first command as leader, no one here wears dresses unless I say we do, but we don't talk about wearing dresses...ever. *Fox Sr.*: Uh...right, right. *Human thinking*: I guess we really are alike. *Fox Sr.*: So uh...What about vacation time? *Kazufox*: Umm...oh, right. We get weekends off and there's a good dental and workout plan. *Both James*: Okay, we're in. *Kazufox*: Great, and Star Zero it is. Let's take it to them! Sweet, I got my own battle phrase. Let's take it to them! *Both James*: ...-.- ~And so the team Star Zero was formed. They travel around the galaxy fighting evil, collecting bounty, winning races, and putting graffiti on an evil monkey scientist's house. Heroes or just plain outlaws, you decide...~ *Kazufox*: Almost forgot, this is Kazufox ending another interview, later. ~Epilogue~
~Kazufox here and I'm the leader of the mercenary team Star Zero, the best in the galaxy! Isaac decided not to move out, James and Meowth ended up in in a heap of trouble as Jessie was there and she found out they lost the balloon and wasn't too happy, also strap-ons were involved. The question on some people's mind now is who am I gonna hurt next? Find out in the next interview...~
~Location: Somewhere in space~
~Kazufox, Fox Sr., and Human with his Wyvern upgraded to be able to fly and drive are out flying near a large space cruiser~ *Kazufox*: (in custom ship) Furry James, how close are we from the ship? *Fox Sr.*: (in Arwing Custom) 15 meters and closing. *Kazufox*: Human James, have we been detected yet? *Human*: (in Little Wyvern Custom) No, all clear still. *Kazufox*: Good, let's get in close. ~The three ships fly near the side of the ship where the windows are~ *Kazufox*: Are you guys ready? *Fox Sr.*: All set. *Human*: Ready over here. *Kazufox*: Then on my mark, 1...2...3! ~The trio pulls down their pants and start mooning the space cruiser. Kazufox notices something isn't right when the passengers are taking pictures of their butts~ *Kazufox*: Hey, what's going on? *Fox Sr.*: Why are they taking pictures of our butts? *Kazufox*: Hold on let me check the computer...Oh *****!! Human James you idiot! I told you to find the S.S. Fancy not the S.S. Desperate! *Human*: Hey I couldn't see through my sunglasses okay? *Kazufox*: Then why do you have them on!? Oh god, I see a bunch of fat ugly whales in there! ~one of the whales winks at Kazufox sending chills down his spine~ *Human*: Hey, never diss on the shades. They're stylish. ~The cruiser tries to capture the ship by using the ships claws~ *Kazufox*: Damn! James! James! Evacuate at maximum velocity! *Fox Sr.*: Where did you learn such big words? *Kazufox*: I don't have time to deal with your sarcasm, hyperspace, now!
~The three ships shoot off into hyperspace escaping the ship full of crazy, ugly, and desperate people who would've been better off flying into a blackhole~
~Later on Earth~
~The team Star Zero returned to Earth after their perilous encounter with the S.S. Desperate and decide to just egg and teepee Andross' house~ *Kazufox*: Good job team, mission accomplished. *Human*: What mission!? All we really did was attack some monkey. *Fox Sr.*: Feels like an accomplishment to me. *Kazufox*: Let's celebrate by getting some ice cream. *Both James*: Rock on! *The End* *Paul Wizzle*: I told you he couldn't get laid. *Greg*: So? You heard the bear, it doesn't make him any less of a man. *Paul Wizzle*: Yeah, whatever. Like a teddy bear would know. *Greg*: Hey, he was MY teddy bear until...he was lost in hell. *Paul Wizzle*: Uh huh. Sure. ~Greg forms gatling arm and shoots a stupid pill in Paul Wizzle's mouth~ *Paul Wizzle*: Weee! Look at me! I'm a pretty little butterfly! ~Greg snaps Paul Wizzle's neck and watches him fall to the ground~
*Greg*: See you next time! (waves goodbye to you, the reader)
~Nintendo characters are copyright to Nintendo.~ ~Steven Hawking is copyright to himself.~ ~Paul Wizzle is copyright to himself.~ ~Reader is copyright to whoever is reading this...unless you want me to own you.~ ~Kazufox, Greg, Isaac, and Tap Dancing Peanut are copyright to Kazufox.~