New Feelings: Chapter 7: Are you in, or are you OUT? Part 2.
New Feelings: Chapter 7: Are you in, or are you OUT? Part 2.
(from "New Feelings: Chapter 7: Are you in, or are you OUT?)
"Not long after our brief conversation he's asleep and breathing deeply and steadily. I try to focus on him and on our future together but I just can't do it--I can't stop thinking about my nightmare--about what life will be like once, or if I come out at school, or anywhere for that matter. It was just too real, too frightening. I mean, I know that there's gonna be people who disagree with my life, and I know some of them may want to kill me, but they won't because of laws and other things. I sigh softly and think to myself Well , it's only Saturday night so I can talk to him tomorrow. And, I mean it's not like I have to come out on Monday anyways. I need time to think about this. I turn my head towards Elliott's alarm clock which reads 4:14a.m., and look back up at the ceiling. You know what, it was just a dream, they almost never come true I tell myself. Finally, lost deep in thought, I was able to get some sleep and drift off into what I hope to be a pleasant dreamland when I heard something outside..."
Without moving and making noise, or at least doing my best not to, I nudged Elliott's shoulder and sort of half-whispered-half-spoke "Hey, Eli....You awake?" He stirred and looked as if he were going to get up. I tried to stop him from getting up by making it look like I was just getting closer to him, though I was, I was more concerned with what I thought I heard outside.
"Eli-hon., don't move. I think there's someone outside." In response to my worried tone Elliott just moaned loudly and tried to pull the sheets back over him.
"Eli, I'm serious. I heard something like people walking and moving past your window." I was becoming worried again, my paranoia from that nightmare getting to me again.
"Eli? Are you still awa--WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!" I whispered at my loudest.
He had gotten up out of bed grunting like the cranky wolf he is when he gets up in the morning and walked over to the lights and turned them on. I thought I was going to have a heart attack when he did, I mean people outside would certainly see the lights turn on. Then what would we do, especially if they had weapons? My mind was racing faster than I ever thought it could, so fast that I somehow didn't notice my wonderful mate walk back over to the bed, sit next to me, put his arm on me, and start talking. He scared me so badly that I nearly hit the roof I jumped so high.
"Caylen" he just stared at me, his beautiful eyes now full of concern.
As my mind jumped back into reality, I shook my head quickly and became more or less aware of the world around me.
"Hm? Oh, um, what? Sorry, I'm just...I don't know. The sounds, the people outside, I swear they were there....."
"Caylen, we're on the fourth floor street side end of my apartment. There aren't any ladders or fire escapes; nothing can hurt you, not while you're with me. I won't let them hurt you, okay?" I let out a deep sigh and we embraced for what seemed like forever, not that I was complaining by any means.
"I--I guess you're right. I'm sorry for waking you up at 4:45 on a Monday morning. I...guess...that my nightmare got the best of me."
"It's fine, really. But, as long as we're up, why don't we get some breakfast going and get ready for school while you tell me everything that happened in your nightmare because I can see that its bothering you way too much."
"Alright, I suppose I can do that. Oh, and, I love you."
"I love you too; now let's get that breakfast ok?"
After my reluctant agreement and some messing around and cleaning up, I got dressed and went, well, what one might define as "downstairs." What this means is that he's got a cool apartment with a very short staircase leading down to the kitchen and living room. As I turned the corner of the hallway to go down these "stairs" I could already smell the sweet aroma of eggs and bacon being cooked on an oven. The moment my eyes were able to see the kitchen I a most surprising phenomenon; my food was already cooked and set out on the table! And it didn't stop there, not only was Elliott was cooking his own food, but had laid out fresh fruit, milk, and juice in addition to the eggs and bacon. He finished cooking his eggs so I went up behind him in his cute "Yiff the Cook" apron and kissed his neck.
"So" He said as he turned around. "I hate to ruin the moment but, we really need to talk about that nightmare and judging that we have a good 3 hours before school, I think we have time." His paws were holding mine and I could feel the love and concern in his words. Well, might as well get it over with I thought.
Several tear-filled attempts at explaining my nightmare and what I was afraid of and why I did or didn't want to do anything about it later, I had finally managed to calm down...again. The decision--my decision--was made. After years of hiding from who I was, years of denying my wants, desires, everything I knew about myself; after trying to understand and comprehend what was going on and happening to me, after falling in love, and giving myself to him, I was ready. As a couple Elliott and I decided that it was time to be reborn; it was my time. I was going to officially come out to the world. He said that he was, is, would and will be behind me, with no pun intended he said, 100% of the way. He said he'd always love me and protect me the best he could and that if by some reason he couldn't do those things, than he didn't deserve me and that it was my decision if I wanted to leave him. Of course I wouldn't leave him for any reason short of me somehow being killed. I mean, I love him, love, as in I will do anything for him. Not to mention he's been there for me from the beginning and is still with me now, as I face what I'm sure is going to be the hardest point in my life, or at least the most interesting day of my school year. Luckily, I knew how it was going to happen; it was Friday, the last one of the school year, and in my AP English class we had to present a project going over any point in our lives up to the day that we actually present. That's where Elliott and I got the idea from.
My project, which had no name as did all the others, had a song to represent and/or explain what the bulk of our project was about. I chose the ever-so-subtle song "somewhere over the rainbow" by some big Hawaiian panda named "Izzy." It would span from the point when I first felt these strange, new feelings to when Elliott and I talked about sexuality and got together, onto our first kiss and when we became a couple, then the project would slow down, metaphorically, as I then cover how I had some "family problems" and how much Elliott had helped me during these times and how much I love him. Then, as I played the refrain of the song, I would ask Elliott to come up to the front of the class and I would show the class the man that I love. This would be my way to come out. I got permission from the teacher to have a partner help me "finish" the presentation, which he would be doing. I was also able to play around with the wording of my presentation to where I could use gender-neutral terms and other double entendres so that I could be as bland as normal. Then, at the end when I came out, it would all make sense to those who had paid attention to my presentation, and would begin my new life. As I walked out the door with my greatest love's arm around my shoulder, getting ready to do this I looked at him, and kissed him. He looked at me, paw in paw and asked,
"Are you sure you're ready to do this?"
I looked him straight in the eyes, took in a deep breath and let it out, smiled and simply said
"Yes."
©LightRayne 2009-2011.
All Characters, story, and names, unless otherwise stated ©LightRayne 2009-2011
Characters, events, [fictitious] places and names are fictitious and any relation to characters or people both living and deceased is completely coincidental unless otherwise stated.