That Vicious Dwagon
An ooooold story I've created to try some new vocabulary. I hope it's still readable enough though~
Such a time-absorbing era had transpired upon the little red-and-yellow, relatively minuscule member of dragon species! Evidence was speaking for itself, after all! Xenophobia has clearly been a factor in that - after all, the four feet of lively and frisky draconic creature posed no damage whatsoever, be it to villages, larger settlements, or even the majesty of the royal butt of the King himself! Yet, this scale-bearing monster of little to no danger frequently found himself under assault from overly-ambitious knightlets!
...but, let me tell the story from the scratch.
Hoard had been expanding like always, with newest additions to the little dragon-treats collection resting within being collected from usual sources, including travellers wearing jewellery, coins and all kinds of munitions and armaments. Unusually, the dragon, called Snuggy by the metal, shiny (and therefore stashed!) dog-tag on one of the dog-collars of leather popular in the village nearby, had decided to roam around for gaining dominance over surrounding countries - or precious, shiny items - or food - or even pure enjoyment of watching people hide from him! Marvelously - as the King had departed on a war somewhere behind seven seas and seven mountains - the dragon had ended up on the castle, breaking thousands - or even hundreds! - of precious little glass objects, filling voluminous cheeks with everything gleamy enough to catch his eyes, and running away with thousands of gold coins in royal loses, a few scared horses running around the court in huge circles, five cases of molestation by dryhumping and actually filling one nice woman who had tried to calm him down with gleaming silver dragonspunk.~
Precisely - the King's royal rump had come back to the castle in great hurry after the great news of the great loots done by great thug of the great royal mountains - a Little Humpy Dragon who, known to no one including himself - was called Snuggy himself - and instantly, his ministry had released a edict exposed everywhere, in every village, town and shack - stating that, whoever kills the mighty, looting dragon, and reclaims what he had stolen from the Royal Castl-o-Palace, he shall have the hand of his only daughter, Princess Princessa! Yes - there had been no rush of villagers with forks and burning sticks as the simple villagers had been fearing the danger coming from such a huge, scary dragon they had heard of - there was no one to lead them as all the priests, all the spiritual leaders, all the mighty heroes - none of them had failed to loathe the dragon's humpage!
Days had passed with nobody willing to take the perilous quest of defeating the mountains' inhabitant, considering it an impossible jeopardy with the mightiest devils and demons one had ever been able to imagine - at least until the King, in a manifestation of furious browbeating due to the countrymen's (somehow correct!) impermissible dragonslaughtering propensity, through his messengers' throats, had announced that one bravest man from each village must stand and march to fight the draconic danger, minacious to the whole kingdom!
With years to possibly spend in jail and even higher taxes peeking straight into peoples' eyes, the coercion had suddenly become much more efficient - most of the villages' townspeople, within one debate, had decided to do everything to avoid the royal punishment, and just kicked the most liked, the strongest and the most faithful out of their houses, dragging them to the canyon signifying the entrance to the front of the dwagon's mountains, pressing a few tons of expensive equipment into their hands and barricading the only way of escape to ensure they'd have done their job. After a short speech within that little merry party of heroes, one blonde knight from their band had suddenly come with an idea to walk in one by one, without really contending it - and surprisingly, the whole rest agreed, forcing him to go first.
Good news - that was exactly what the dwagon thought the first moment he saw someone nearing the entrance to his cave, with flickers of sunlights rendering his snow-white, metallic armor almost godlike, which authentically caused Snuggy jawdrop in such a ridiculous manner - though this was not enough to erase the thought of tactics from the legendary cave monster's mind, with all of his might being concentrated in one spot right before the knight, sitting with a cute tilt of his head.
Obvious bewilderment was shown on the bare face of the hero when the dwagon's sitting position was reached by him - defence was instantaneously transformed into nothingness as the sword - formerly kept high and prepared was lowered, and, betwixt the two males, mutual staring elicited and continued for a while - all till the knight made a cute aww-like sound, knelt down and foolishly reached with a hand to stroke at the dragon's head! Not a second had passed before the knight was fully on the ground, screaming, with a dwagon on top of him faultlessly stripping him off the whole shiny armor, weaponry, and jewellery - all of them are thrown onto the hoard, and the draconic creature easily managed to catch up with the running semi-survivor, claws doing their work in ripping all clothes off the poor ex-knight, with no chance of escaping being given - at least until the human's rump was nicely filled with the precious dragon silverstuff!
Frozen, all of them were after they saw the ex-knight, so viciously defeated by the dragon, and in mere ten seconds the barricade had been no more, with the brave men leaving their courage in the mountains and plain running away! In overall account, though, end was nowhere near - the Princess's wedding was nearing with every passing day, and due to a dragon being a huge threat to the wedding's guests (as officially stated!), the Royal Army had decided to take care of the problem itself (after the Prime General had met the raging King). Leviathan amounts of siege equipment were shortly collected by the mountain's base in the very early hour, even before the sun - everything located in the canyon, turned straight at where the terrain did not let anyone enter any further - with hundreds of soldiers waiting behind, tightened in a perfect siege on the dragon's living location~!
Lest the dragon should decide to attack them from behind, the soldiers had barricaded the opening to the canyon once more while the siege equipment was loaded, aimed roughly at the mountains - and in one loud amalgamation of swooshing sounds, the tens of catapults, trebuchets and macro-sized slingshots blew their load all over the mountains at once! Loud sounds of explosions filled the air as the ammunition used was mostly stuffed with black powder and explosives, causing even more chaos on the now cloud-coated mountain walls, dangerously rumbling.
Surprised, the soldiers were by the huge, low growl-like sound appearing from behind the clouded mountains, legs starting to shiver, fear flying like a spirit upon all of them at once - yet there was no one else to blame for the general's obvious stupidity when, from underneath the clouds, mother Nature decided to attack back at the soldiers - thousands of smaller and bigger rocks, clearly taken down by the volatile projectiles used for the mountain's siege, rolled down from the steep slope of the scaled sexdragon's snow-coated mountains with a sound powerful, audible and furious enough to be easily mistaken for draconic fury! Being unable to react otherwise, the soldiers proceeded to escape with scream, being locked in the canyon by their own barricade and ultimately becoming the first and only army ever to bestow the Darwin award at once as the canyon was filled to the brim by the rocks an ashes, leaving no sign of the catapults, soldiers, barricade - there were only rocks, ash, and a sleepy little dragon looking outside with a wide yawn, very, very grumpy due to being awakened in such an unpleasant way so early before the sunrise.
Umbrage of the King had no boundaries nor limits, being just as immense as the bereavement of the Princess - from reasons unknown, the wedding, expected so much, had been invalidated in just two days before the ceremony - with Prince Wantbutt from the neighbouring country leaving with explanation known only to the royal family! Therefore, in pure desperation, the King had made a terrible offer - killing the insane, terrible dragon slowly tearing the kingdom apart shall be rewarded by the hand of Princess Princessa!
That had an immediate impact on the people of the villages - as much as they loathed penalties and taxes, they loved the sight of wide-rumped, generously nature-gifted Princess! Starting from the towns and shacks visited by the never-resting messengers, followed by wheresoever the rumor has gone, the thousands of people, equipped in flaming torches, rocks, slingshots and forks, had come to the dragon's cave, seeking reward for the impossible, yet how tempting task!
Though, the draconic creature resting within had noticed the threat this time - or rather, giggled and yayed at the fact so many people from all over the country had come to admire him, bringing light for everyone to see him and sticks for him to play with, like on the fair a few years ago, where there was dancing, girls, food, and drink, all of which he had tasted after accidentally scaring everyone away from it! Obviously, mere four feet were incomparable to any group of humans when it came to show - so, utilizing obscure and secret dragon magic, he had prepared himself for the new fair, to give the townsmen as much fun as possible!
The procession of howling, marching townsmen had crossed the former canyon, aiming straight for the draconic cave and entering it - though the front had slowed everything else down, starting to march very quietly, listening to the sounds a possible dragon may have made. Hoard was gleaming far away in the dark by reflecting the weak light of torches, yet the sudden sound of something huge sighing nearby caused the simple townsmen to gasp and turn in its direction - where a dragon larger than anything seen before, clearly over forty feet from the ground, was resting, grinning fiercely with its paw stroking at the huge, red thing between its le---
Eruption was imminent in this case - after the huge roar sent the remaining village people running, Snuggy was more than sure to literally spray the remaining ones out of his cave as the insane gush of silverstuff, coming straight from his naughty bits, was huge, voluminous and powerful enough to coat the whole cave like a river, flowing downwards and out of the cave! Beholders were soon grasped into the warm embrace as well as the liquid took all of the townspeople in its way (which, given that all of them had positioned themselves in this very convenient way, ensured that all of them enjoyed this little water slide~) and sent them out of the mountain, taking care of forks, light, all dry spots on their bodies - magic was certainly a good thing to use, especially in case of huge and scary dragons with cawks much thicker than a house of anyone normal!
Resolute peace had come upon the mountains after the fun fair with the dwagon has ended - four feet of lively draconic creature was roaming around just as freely as it was before, with the rushes to the mountains being greatly deteriorated over time due to the associated risk! In fact, though, it was quite an amusement for Snuggy to see someone actually climbing his mountain and trying their luck at defeating the dragon, and claiming the prize of the waiting Princess, hoping that someone shall finally reclaim the little golden thing the dragon had stolen!
Missing key to Princess's chastity belt.