Life's Tough With The Odds Against You - Chapter 4 - Forever By Your Side
#4 of Life's Tough With The Odds Against You
Life's Tough With The Odds Against You - Chapter 4 - Forever By Your Side
Beep... Beep... Beep...
My mind slowly came around, recollecting what had just happened not but an hour ago. I ran through the bits and pieces I had accumulated, trying to make distinguish reality from illusion. I had been in my water coloring class when yelling and screaming in the halls disrupted us. When our teacher went to open the door, a man charged in and demanded that we all get into a corner. It took us a moment to realize he had a gun, and only another short moment to see he wasn't mentally sturdy. After we all got onto the ground, he started rambling about his problems, about how bad his life was. I remembered standing up, trying to comfort him, but was met with the barrel of his gun and him telling me to sit back down. I thought I had started saying that maybe he didn't get anything back because whenever someone tried they would be met with resistance. That's when my body was thrown back, my ears met with a sharp bang, and pain surging from my chest through my entire body. I had slammed into the cabinets and felt warm liquids running down my front and back. Many people started to scream, but we were all quickly silenced when he fired his gun into the air. Then there was the faint sound of sirens as I remembered blacking out for the first time. I came to when the groundhog was creeping out into the hallway, then I saw Ierlex fly past the doorway. I kept falling beneath the waves on unconsciousness, breaking the surface only to be quickly submerged again in its suffocating grasp. Then, the sound of shattering glass brought me back from the depths. I my eyes wandered around the room, as if they had a mind of their own, until they settled on Ierlex, facedown in a sea of red glass. I thought that we were going to die, so I reached for him, finding the strength inside me to stretch out my arm, wanting to feel him one more time before we died, needing him to know that if we were going to die, we would die together. I tried to speak, to tell him a final time that I loved him, but I could only move my mouth, any sound that I wanted to make was silenced. He clawed his way over and took my hand, and told me he loved me too. Right then I could've died and been completely content, but when the groundhog didn't fire, I had to hang on and stay alive. I remembered my mind turning black once more just before I heard another gunshot. The next thing I knew I was being carried down a street and into a building. I struggled to stay conscious, but the darkness overtook me again as I was laid down.
Then a thought occurred to me, was I dead? Stricken by fear I sat upright, but something felt off. It was like I was weightless and I felt nothing. I looked around the room and saw Ierlex sitting in a chair next to my hospital bed, seemingly unaware that I had sat up. I tried calling out to him, but got no response. I swung my legs over the bed and stood up, but when I looked back at the bed I was shocked. Lying there was my body, bandaged, hooked up to machines, and completely motionless. While my mind swirled with possible explanations a doctor came in, seemingly oblivious to me as well as he walked over to Ierlex.
"Well, we have good news and bad news. I'm going to start with the good news. When she arrived here we expected her to die within ten minutes, but she didn't. However, she is in a coma, and we don't believe she will live too much longer. Seeing as you have no health insurance, I would suggest pulling the plug on her." I was shocked at what he had said, but at least now I knew what was going on, almost. I saw Ierlex curl his paws into fists and lower his head. "Nothing can make me kill her, nothing. She WILL live, because of our love. She WILL NOT die. I don't care if you take everything from me, even the clothes off my back, as long as she stays alive, you hear? I know she is still alive, but what you don't know, don't understand, is that she IS going to live, no matter what. Thank you for coming in, doc." The doctor took a moment to comprehend what Ierlex had said before walking out, bringing a paw to his head. I looked back at my love, his head buried in the bed sheets near my body's shoulder. I walked around the bed and placed my paw on his arm, but again I felt nothing, and he didn't react either. He sat up and took a deep breath.
"Alexis, if you can hear me in there, I want you to know that I will do every single thing possible to save you, and I won't leave your side, ever. Apart from one another we are lost, but I know that soon we will find each other again." I wasn't too sure if my spirit self was capable of crying, but if it was then I'm sure there were tears rolling down my face.
"Ierlex, I know you can't hear me, but I will do everything possible to stay alive, because I will never, ever leave you."
A few days passed by without much happening, with the exception of a doctor or two coming in to say that they didn't have any progress with me, but that my readings were still stable. Some days Ierlex would talk to me, but some days he wouldn't speak at all and just sat by my side, contemplating what was going on. I was growing tired of sitting in chairs or lying down, and because spirits don't sleep I've been awake the whole time without much to do.
Sometimes a voice that wasn't mine would resonate in my head and ask if I wanted to leave this realm yet and pass on to the next world. Each time I would decline and get its voice out of my head. Sometimes, however, I didn't really know what to do. Was it better to stay like this, stay right beside my soul mate but completely unable to interact with him in the slightest, or to move to the next world...
It was nearing a week since I had been in the hospital, and Ierlex was still in the same chair, staying there for around twenty-three hours a day, leaving only briefly to eat or use the bathroom. Now he was sleeping uncomfortably in the chair when four men walked into the room.
"Excuse me, Ierlex?" He jolted awake, surprised to be woken from his uneasy sleep.
"Oh, hello sirs. I guess I should've called to tell you I wasn't able to make it to my jobs. I'm sorry."
"What are you talking about?" The one on the left said. "We've heard about what you did at the collage, and we aren't surprised at what you're doing now in the slightest."
"We also know you don't have any health insurance."
"So we've all agreed to pay the medical bills for you, no matter how long this lasts."
"Really, but why?"
"Why you ask? Because Ierlex, you are a hero, and because you have sacrificed so much for us, we just had to return the favor."
"Also, we pooled your Christmas bonus into one, and decided to give it too you early." Said the last one, holding a slip of paper out to Ierlex. He stood up and took the check, nearly falling back down when he saw what it was worth.
"Eight hundred thousand dollars?!? You can't be serious, can you?" They chuckled at his reaction before responding.
"Not all of it came from us, we held fund drives for people to donate to you, the hero of our city, and hundreds of people came and gave money."
"I-I-I can't believe it, I mean, this helps me out so very much. How can I ever repay you guys?"
"Don't worry Ierlex, you've already done more than enough. But we do have a favor to ask, well two actually. One, be sure to come by and visit if you leave in the near future. And two, go back and find your parents some time, I'm sure they are worried sick about you."
"Yea, my parents..." He hung his head low and dropped his ears. He glanced back at my body, and then averted his eyes from looking at anything. "It's not like I wanted to hurt them or anything, but I had my reasons for running. And now that I look back, it was only my family looking out for each other, only wanting to build a better life." The four men nodded and decided it was time to go, so they said a quick goodbye before heading out the door, ultimately leaving Ierlex to himself.
He sat down next to the bed again, head still hung low.
"Alexis, I swear that when you come out of this, we'll go back and find your parents, then we'll track down mine and hope that they aren't too disappointed in me." A few small tears began forming in Ierlex's eyes as he laid his head on the sheets, adding to the small already absorbed puddle already there from earlier today. I walked over to him and kneeled down, wrapping my arms around him, knowing full well he wouldn't feel it. This was the definition of hell, being so damn close to the one you love, but at the same time so far away. I wanted so badly to be hugged by him again, talk with him, even just feel his gentle loving touch, but I couldn't because I was trapped just below the surface of water, and at the same time ten thousand miles deep.
Another day passed, the morning light flittering into the room as I watched Ierlex wake from his discontented sleep, a hopeful expression on his face, only to be crushed when he realized he was back in reality.
"I dreamed about you again," He said, looking at my face. "That you weren't in a coma, and we were together again. That was the first night I didn't have a nightmare, so I thought that... That maybe I would wake up and you'd be..." His fists clenched to the point of his claws drawing blood until he stood up and paced around the room in confusion and frustration. I started to say something, but then realized it would be a futile, wasted effort.
"Are you ready to move on yet?"
"What? Who's there?" I said, turning around. Leaning against the corner of the room was a crow, cloaked in black.
"I asked if you were ready to move on yet."
"Who are you?"
"I have many names. Messenger of death, demon, fiend. The one that mortals have given me is the grim reaper, which is misleading."
"And why is that?"
"Because, there is more than one of what I am. I am not THE grim reaper, I am simply A grim reaper."
"And so now your here to take me?" I asked, taking a step back.
"No, I am here to offer passage to the next realm. It is your choice, to stay here, in this type of purgatory, or you can come with me and move on."
"Thanks but no thanks, I will be staying here until I, well, come out of the coma."
"Fine, but remember, you were shot and lost a lot of blood, I don't quite know if your body will be able to last much longer."
I balled my fists in frustration. "Shut up just shut up. I won't leave him."
"And why is that?" He asked nonchalantly.
"Because I love him and won't ever leave him!"
"Well, it seems like he's left you just now." He said, pointing to the empty chair.
"He, he'll be back."
"Yes, but for how long?"
I turned around, my spirit-self shaking in anger. "He WILL be back." When he didn't respond I spun around, fists raised, but found the room empty, save for my incapacitated body.
"Hmm, I'm talking with spirit demons now. Great, just what I needed." I don't know why I still bother speaking out loud anymore, it's not like anyone can really hear me. Perhaps I do because that at least lets me know that I still exist and I'm not in a complete vegetated state. I walked around the room, humming incoherent tunes and breaking off melody randomly. Maybe I was going mad, but was I really me, or am I not myself? I am lying on a bed, but then again I'm standing over here. Is there two of me, or am I just half of my former self? He ha, what would happen if I was in fact two different me's and then I came back together? Would I have a bipolar disorder then?
I started skipping around the room, laughing maniacally and spinning around in the air. Maybe being crazy isn't as bad as it's cracked up to be. Why was I really still here when I could move on like the crow man said? I stopped hopping around as footsteps drew closer from the hallway. I waited at the doorway, looking for who might be coming into the room.
Ierlex walked in, a dozen roses in hand, a vase with water in the other. He placed the vase on the table next to my bed and carefully lowered the flowers down into it.
"I went to deposit the check and stopped by the shop near the bank to get you these roses. I hope that you'll be able to smell them before they die, and if not then I promise I'll get more until you come out of this, all right?" He sat down in his chair again, sitting in just as much solitude and loneliness as I was. How could have I forgotten so easily the reason why I couldn't leave, why I wouldn't leave.
"Oh god, Ierlex. I-I'm so sorry." I said, mostly just to myself. I had to stay strong, and I had to fight until either I came through the coma or until I was forcibly dragged away by ten thousand bulls from this realm. I sat down next to him, both of us in silence, and strangely enough both of us looking at my body. I swore, right then and there that I'd never go into another brief dip of insanity, for if the crow had come back then I might have accepted his offer.
The last few hours of the day passed in silence, and the rest of the week quite the same. No more visitors, no more crows, even the doctors only came in once every two or three days. Ierlex and I had a weird way of connecting with each other. During the days he would watch me, then during the nights I would watch him. I would spend the nights thinking of when we were together, when we left our old homes, when Geana's house burned down, when he was stabbed and I almost lost him; and then I would spend hours just looking at him, marveling at his unique fur, his black streaks, his unusual but alluring hair, his strong, loving arms, even the way he breathed while he slept entranced my gaze, only making me want to be reunited with him again that much more. Then, when day came around, I'm sure he would think the same things about me. Then when night came back we would once again switch. The nights during which he slept soundly were few and far between, the majority of them he would move around endlessly in his chair, tormented endlessly by nightmares, waking up dozens of times, always checking on me to make sure I was still alive before uneasily falling back in his own hellish prison.
Last night, however, was one of the rare nights where he slept soundly. His eyes slowly opened, a smile on his face for the first time in a while. He stood up and walked over to the window and looked out into the rising sun, small flakes of snow lazily fluttering down, painting the ground a beautiful sparkling white.
"Alexis, it's snowing!" He said excitedly at seeing snow for the first time. "You should really come s... see it..." His voice trailed off at the end, head lowering in sadness. He shuffled back to his chair and slumped down, almost feeling a type of guilt. A knock at the open door made his jump, the small smile returning to his face when he saw whom it was.
"Knock knock Ierlex!"
"Reiken! What are you doing here?"
"Want the long story or the short story?" He said, walking over and sitting down next to Ierlex.
"Well, I've got all the time in the world right now sadly."
"Well, Melissa and I were just surfin the web about two days ago when we came across a link to the hero of a city in the north, so I decided to click on it. We read the story they had on it with the whole collage fiasco, then there was another link to the pictures that were taken. We clicked on it and lone behold, the first picture was of you carrying Alexis, sprinting down the street, covered in blood. The next day was the two weeks we had off for winter break, so we decided to try and head up here. Sadly for Melissa, her family already had plans, but I convinced my parents to let me get a train ticket up here. I told 'em I wanted to visit a friend of mine. So just twenty minutes ago the train arrived and I found my way here." I looked at Reiken curiously. He sure had grown since I'd seen him a while ago, and at least now he was wearing a shirt, but still only had shorts on in the cold weather.
"So, how is she?" He asked Ierlex.
"She, she'll make it. The doctors don't think so, but I know that she'll be fine. There are times even I can almost feel her by me, and can almost hear her. Does that mean I'm driving myself crazy?"
"I-I don't think so man. I mean, maybe her mind is still functioning fully and it's just her body that isn't fully recovered yet." Ierlex nodded, the both of them sitting quietly for a moment.
"Reiken, is it possible to miss someone so much when they are right next to you?"
"Yea, I'd say so. Hey Ierlex?"
"Yea?"
"I really think you should come with me for some brunch, it would do you some good." Ierlex hesitated for a moment, not really wanting to leave me.
"It's all right Ierlex," I said. "Go with him, it's ok." I could've sworn that he actually heard me, because he nodded and stood up.
"Ok, let's go."
"Well, I don't have much on me, so do you think you could cover this?" Reiken said, heading towards the door.
"Don't worry, I've got over eight hundred thousand in the bank." I heard Reiken shout in disbelief as they walked down the hall, leaving me to me, myself and I.
I walked around the room, simply trying to pass time, until I heard a rustling behind me. I turned around to see the cloaked crow once more.
"Ah, you again. I almost wanted you to show up again. It gives me someone to talk with."
"I'm not all to certain that it gives you someone to talk to, but more of something to talk to. Either way, I suppose I am still able to converse with you."
"So," I said, sitting down. "How old are you, if you know what I mean."
"I have existed for many many ages, before recorded time even. There is the material world, the spiritual world, and between those there is the sub-terminal of lost souls. All three have existed since the beginning
of time, and therefore beings like me have existed since the beginning as well."
"Well, do you gain anything from your job? Like a succubus, or a soul eater?"
"No, I gain nothing from guiding a soul from here to there. I exist to do one job and one job only, and I do it without question, as do all other messengers."
"Do you normally talk with souls like this?"
"No, most times I offer and they accept, unlike you, who continues delaying the inevitable. I still don't see why you decide to waste your time here, waiting for something that won't happen." I stood up defensively again, balling my fists.
"You know exactly why I'm staying, and I know that soon I'll be out of this prison." He brought a paw to his head, massaging his temples.
"Ahh, so very young, so very ignorant."
"What was that?" I said, stepping towards him.
"You know so little, and think you understand what's going on here but you don't. I have seen this many times anon, and ultimately it ends as I see it."
"But this is different, this is"
"This is love, correct?" He interrupted. "This is a battle of life and death, love plays no factor, and death is triumphing, but you fail to realize it."
"You're wrong!" I said, swinging a fist at him. However, just before my paw got to him, he disintegrated into smoke, disappearing and leaving my fist to swing at the air. The smoke flew past me and fused back together. I turned around, swinging once more at the crow, and once more he turned into darkness, transforming back into a crow beside me.
"Anger is the second step. First is denial, then anger. I shall return when you reach the next step, and hopefully won't be so edgy then." With that he vanished into the shadows, leaving me in my anger.
"God damn, why doesn't he understand?" I shouted, pacing back in forth. Doesn't he have feelings too? I stopped walking, thinking for a moment. He said he was always and only a messenger, so maybe he never had feelings, and doesn't understand love or hate, but only knows the definition, not its true meaning. I continued pacing around the room, my mind perplexed with possible ideas and theories.
My pondering was cut short as I heard laughter down the hall. I waited near the bed, anxious to see who it was, even though I had a pretty good idea of who it might be. My assumption was correct as Ierlex and Reiken walked back into the room, smiling and laughing, arms friendly around each other shoulders.
"So then I was like, hey officer, you might not want to ticket me for parking illegally, and literally just then another car smashed into his, just because the cop car was hanging halfway into the street." They both laughed for a moment before Ierlex tried to compose himself.
"But dude, I don't think you have a drivers license yet, do you?"
"Nope, but the cop didn't know that until I had driven my ass outta there real quick!"
"You crazy bastard you." Ierlex said, lightly punching him in the arm. It made me happy to see Ierlex smile and laugh again, knowing that he could still find happiness with the state I am in. But I sure would do anything to be able to share his happiness and his smiles with him.
"So, it appears you've moved on to bargaining, have you not?" I turned to look at the crow, not even really surprised that he was here.
"Can you read minds or something, because it's sorta creepin me out."
"There are things I need to know, and some things become apparent just because I know what to look for. I've had a lot of practice, trust me." The crow responded in a poised manner.
"Um, I'm, um. I'm sorry for what I did the last time you were here. I was just, I mean, it's that. I-I'm sorry."
"Fret not, it is only natural for one to become flustered and defensive when they have to accept the knowledge of a higher power; I took no offense to your actions."
"Ok, thanks. But one more thing... Do you have, feelings? I mean, can you feel love, or hate, or sadness or happiness?"
"While I have no feelings of my own, me and others like me have a very strong understanding of your emotions. We cannot feel love, but we can sense it. We cannot feel hate, but we can sense it."
"Yes, now that makes it a lot more understandable. So, is what you can do a good thing or a bad thing?"
"At times it is helpful, but during other times it is horrible, absolutely cruel. The wars you fight are so meaningless, and yet you still send each other to kill one another, your brothers and sisters. All I sense during these times is hate and pain. Sometimes I almost feel pity towards you all, but then I cannot feel, so it all is meaningless, just like the reasons why you start wars."
"Wow, that must be tough having to deal with that."
"It doesn't matter, for it has happened and it will happen, for some reason merciless, unreasonable killing is in your nature." I turned around to see if Reiken was still here, and found both Ierlex and him sitting in the chairs quietly. I looked over my shoulder and saw that the crow had disappeared again, so I went and sat on the end of the bed, losing myself in my thoughts once more.
I felt sad, lonely even. I wasn't too sure if I was going to come out of this coma anymore. I looked at my body, sighing to myself. Screw life, why do I even want it back so badly? I don't even really care anymore, just fuck it, whatever.
Months past, winter turned to spring, and February was in swing. I sat on the edge of the bed, looking at my beloved Ierlex, who was in his chair as usual. Even in his sleep he looked sad, and I was tired of him being unhappy.
"Now why are you moping around on a day like this?" I stood up and turned to face the crow again.
"You know, sometimes I think he could almost be happy again if I just, died. He was smiling and laughing when he was hanging out with Reiken. As long as I'm stuck in this coma he will never be happy again, and I'm convinced I won't come out of it." He nodded in agreement.
"You know, my name is slightly skewed on its real meaning. I am not just the messenger of death, for that is only half of my job. I am a judge, per say, of life and death. For one cannot be touched by the light without casting a shadow. One cannot exist without the other, therefore death is only half of my job, and I'm convinced that you understand life and death, and that you, in my mind, have passed."
"What do you mean? I don't understand."
"You'll know when it happens, and it shall happen soon." With that he vanished. I looked behind me to see Ierlex was gone again. I sat back on the bed and tried to make sense of what the crow had said. I think I could handle death, but no more could I handle being so separated from Ierlex, keeping him from his happiness. Yes, I could accept death. I heard someone walking in the hall, approaching the door. I stood up and saw Ierlex walk in, a dozen roses in hand. He walked over to me, sitting down.
"Hey there Alexis. Today's Valentines Day, and I got you these roses. I was going to get you a box of chocolates, but then I remembered that..." He laid his head on the bed, near my shoulder and started crying. "God I miss you so much. I miss your touch, your laugh, everything about you. I love you so much."
I looked at him, wanting to be with him but knew that it probably wasn't possible anymore. I felt, cold? Wait, spirits don't feel things like temperature or pressure. My body felt chilled as my vision grew lighter, until all I could see was a blinding white from all over; then it suddenly went black.
I opened my eyes, looking up at the ceiling. I moved my fingers, my actual fingers, for the first time in a long time. To my right Ierlex was crying, his head on the bed and eyes shut tight. I leaned up and wrapped my arms around his chest, hugging him tight.
"A-Alexis?" He said confused. His entire body froze in shock and went completely rigid.
"Oh Ierlex, I missed you so much." I began weeping, holding him tight. His muscles relaxed as he pulled me closer and started crying hard into my shoulder, me doing the same. I felt a tugging at my arm and a crash of equipment, but that was the last thing on my mind right now, all I cared about was that I was with Ierlex again.
"Oh my god Alexis I missed you so much."
"Me too Ierlex, I love you so much."
"What is the commotion?" One of the doctors walked in after hearing the crash.
"Oh my god, is she, is she?" He stuck his head into the hallway and shouted.
"Quick, come here, Alexis came out of her coma!" Three sets of rushing footsteps came rushing into the room as I sat up on the edge of the bed, still hugging Ierlex. The four doctors looked in shock of what they thought was the impossible.
"Alexis, I thought I was going to lose you forever. I was so afraid that I wouldn't be with you again."
"Me too Ierlex. Me too." I stood up, taking the IV tube out of my arm and checked with the doctors if I could leave.
"Umm, I suppose you two could leave just after we do a few checks to make sure nothing is all too wrong with you." The lead doctor said, fumbling with the equipment on the ground.
We were done with all the checks within an hour and in the lobby, waiting the final word on if we could leave. I looked at the doctor in the hallway and he nodded, meaning we could go. We got up, hand in hand, wanting to share the rest of Valentines Day together. I looked back one last time before walking out the door and saw, in the corner, a crow, dressed in a white cloak. He nodded to me before vanishing into darkness, retuning to his domain.
"Thank you, wise crow." I whispered to myself quietly. I walked into the street, hugging Ierlex tightly as we were finally back together, happy as could be.