The Adoptable
A little parody of the "adoptable" thing over on FA, where people sell the same picture six times for $5 a pop. Can you tell I'm not a fan?
The Adoptable
Carol walked into the office confidently; dressed to kill. She'd been out of work for a while now, and she needed to make a good impression. She'd put on her best suit, hinting strongly at the "slutty secretary" look without actually looking slutty. Carol smiled at the secretary, a busty, middle-aged lioness tapping at a keyboard without much conviction or interest.
"Hi there! I'm Carol Pepper, and I've got an appointment to see Steel about now. "
The secretary flashed her a bland, corporate smile in return. Her expression as impenetrable as an armoured car, except less open and friendly.
"Ah, excellent. You're right on time. Steel said to go right in."
The secretary's voice was a deep, coarse purr that made her sound as though she smoked forty unfiltered cigarettes a day and was moonlighting from a phone sex line.
Carol hesitated before moving on, deciding to try her luck. It didn't hurt to ask.
"Do you know what he wants to see me about?" she said.
"Couldn't say. Door's not locked."
The secretary turned back to the computer, clearly finished with the conversation. Carol wasn't going to get any clues from her, either. Steel had refused to say what this meeting was about over the phone, which was either a very bad or a very good sign. The brown-furred rat took a deep breath, puffed out her chest and strode confidently into Steel Ankh's office.
The rat had redecorated since she'd last been inside his office. When she'd last set foot in this room, they hadn't even installed the phone line yet. Steel did all his work with a cell phone and a dying laptop and the secretary's office was little more than a graveyard in which decade-old newspapers were left to rot amongst the dust. Steel had only just opened the business back then, and he'd been too busy to clean it out and too broke to pay someone to do it.
Now, there was a black carpet on the floor, and a broad wooden desk in the centre of the room. The wall to Carol's left was one large cabinet filled with souvenirs and memorabilia: old props from stories; signed photos of characters that had worked for Steel's company, some strangers, but some of them old friends of Carol's; and a single, small gold trophy. On the right wall were many framed pictures, mostly of furs in various states of undress. Some of them were the same males and females as in the publicity photos, others apparently just there for the eye candy.
Steel was much neater and cleaner in comparison. The years seemed to have been good to him. He was still in good shape, with a healthy amount of muscle stuffed into a navy blue suit. There were noticeable bags under his eyes that weren't there before, but he seemed not to have changed much. He was busily typing away, his eyes fixed upon a large monitor upon his desk. He didn't notice her at first, so Carol cleared her throat politely.
Steel looked up and smiled broadly when he recognised her; his expression was friendly, but his eyes gave nothing away.
"Carol! It's fantastic to see you again! Please, sit down!"
He gestured to a chair across from his desk, which was liberally sprinkled with paperwork and pink sticky notes. The movement draw her attention to a folder on the desk in front of him, with "CAROL PEPPER" written prominently on it. It also had her publicity photo from six years ago, looking cheerful and optimistic in a pink bikini.
"It's great to see you too, Steel. It's been way too long," she said, emphasising the last part.
Steel either ignored or failed to pick up on the dig.
"Yes, Carol! You're looking fantastic, by the way. You haven't aged a day. Still gorgeous, I see."
Steel glanced down her top a little, but Carol had been expecting it. She'd been counting on it, in fact: her blouse was unbuttoned a little lower than it necessarily needed to be. Clearly, some things hadn't changed, even with the office upgrade.
"Well, that's what you pay me for, isn't it?"
"You're right there. It's why I wanted to see you, in fact."
Steel leaned forward and put his elbows on the desk, one hand clasping the other.
"We're still having major trouble with our supplier, Erato. Steel Ankh Productions is struggling to be competitive in the crowded furry porn market place, especially with the economy the way it is. Even before the recession, major producers like Jeeves were squeezing us out. He's put out a compilation book with more material than we could ever hope to achieve, even if we got Erato to provide a massive uplift in our idea and motivation supply."
Steel shook his head and folded his arms.
"I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but I don't see any other way forward. There's no easy way to say this, Carol, but I'm selling you on FA as an adoptable." he said.
"What?"
"We've been surviving on residuals and royalties for the past year and a half, but that's just not sustainable. We need income and we need it fast, but we're not able to produce new work at the moment."
"Steel, you can't turn me into a frigging adoptable. This is bullshit."
Steel held up his hands for calm.
"I don't have a choice! Damien and John sued for breach of contract for cancelling their series one story in, and they won. We need the money or we're out of business."
"So make more stories! Remake your old crap and release it as an "extended edition"! You don't need to resort to fucking adoptables!"
Carol stood up and leaned over the desk, glaring down at the other rat.
"You can't do this to me, Steel. And why me? I've been with the company for years!"
Steel leaned back defensively, trying the calming gesture again.
"If you examine your contract, you'll find that I can do what I want with you. As for why you? Your retainer isn't much, but it adds up, and you appeared in more of my stories than any character."
Steel sat up in his chair a little and cracked his knuckles nervously, popping each joint in turn.
"Besides," he said. "You can't just leave a character you're not using alone, these days. You're expected to exploit them."
"So why me?" Carol snapped. "Why not just get a new character and pimp HER out? Take some nobody, claim she's a character you no longer use and sell her?"
Steel looked taken aback.
"Well, that would hardly be ethical now, would it?"
"Ethical? ETHICAL? Since when have you cared about ethical, you greasy, snivelling fucking rat! I should-"
"It's too late, anyway. We've already started making "sisters" for you. Each one virtually identical bar the fur colour. You wouldn't believe how good you look purple. You'll get to meet them later. Nice girls, if a little bland."
Carol sank down in her chair, the wave of anger giving away to a shocked numbness. This was worse than getting fired. This was worse than being forgotten about.
"Steel, don't do this. I've been with the company six years! I'm still a good character!"
The rat leaned forward and shrugged helplessly.
"Of course you are. That's why I'm sure this sale will be a success, in fact. It's just that I feel I've taken you as far as I can."
"Oh fuck you, Steel!"
Carol stood up abruptly and leaned over the rat's desk again, waving a finger under his nose.
"You'll be hearing from my attorney. See you in court, you frigging jackass."
Carol stamped out of the room and shut the door with a nice, satisfying slam. She stalked past the secretary without a word, her mind already shifting into high gear. Call brother, get copy of contract, find loophole, file suit, take Steel to the frigging cleaners. Her paw dived into her purse, fishing for her phone.
Her shoulder bumped into someone's chest, drawing a squeak of pain from whoever she'd hit. Carol looked up and glared.
"Why don't you watch where you're going?"
"Sorry."
Carol suddenly had the eerie feeling she'd walked into a hall of mirrors. Five women looked back, rodents like herself. Exactly like herself, in fact. From the shape of the ears all the way down to the length of the tail.
"Sorry about that," said the one with white fur.
"You should apologise too, though." Said the one with green fur.
"Holy crap, you must be Carol!" Said the purple furred one.
Carol's "sisters" clustered around. Suddenly, she was being hugged and kissed on the cheek from all directions, the same voice coming out of six mouths. Only one of them was screaming with rage.