A life forgone

Story by Eric_S on SoFurry

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#1 of The World of Music


Heya guys Eric_S here and here's my first story of what could potentially be a new set of stories. Just so we get things straight this "series" will be a series of stories that are NOT connected to one another but I'm lumping them together under the same series because they are related i nthe sense that the stories are music & song based. So yeah my first submission and more will be along when I can finish them. So enjoy yourselves please.


Source of inspiration

Song title : Vincent (Starry Starry Night)

Artist : Don McLean

I had known Vincent for quite a while now, ten years to be exact. In all of that time we got to know each other quite well and I had always considered him my best and closest friend. He was always there whenever I needed him and more than willing to help out on almost any project no matter how small and insignificant. I had often asked myself how he could manage to afford the time in order to do this in addition to all of his schoolwork and his art. He would always dodge the question whenever I asked him however but judging from that smirk which seemed to be forever plastered across his lupine face, I just knew that there was something that he was hiding from me.

Upon reflection I now only wish that I could have been there when he was in his hour of need but let me back up for a bit and explain the predicament which I found myself in all those years ago.

"So what did you get on that portrait?" I asked him one day during morning recess. He gave me a cheesy grin as he took a bite out of an apple, his tail swishing back and forth behind him.

"Eh it wasn't that bad. I still think I got the proportions and the shadows a little wrong though. The nose is a little too big in my opinion,"

Vincent was an artist at heart and a good one to boot. He refuses to admit it though despite what everyone says, always finding minor faults which most people wouldn't even notice. It was probably the one thing about him that annoyed me, that he couldn't take a compliment to save his life. He was always going about how he needed to improve his work and he usually asked me to see if something looked better or worse. The problem was that I usually couldn't tell the difference between his normal and his 'improved' work. He tugged at the tie that hung around his neck, loosening it slightly so he could wipe away some of the sweat that had collected around his collar with a handkerchief.

"Your work is fine dude. Nobody will notice the difference! What's the next assessment that they have you guys working on anyway?" I responded. The grey wolf suddenly fell silent as he took another bite out of the fruit in his paw. I couldn't explain it but there seemed something different about him now, almost like he was keeping a secret from me for some obscure reason. The grey fur on the nape of his neck prickled slightly as his ears swept back and his tail suddenly stopped moving.

"Um... I think the next topic is couples or something. Some romantic theme," he finally responds. I was too oblivious to bother asking about his sudden change in tone and too consumed in my own little world to say anything later but I was starting to get an inkling that something was off. Don't get me wrong, Vincent loved his art and so did everyone else around him meaning that it was unusual for him to suddenly fall silent over something concerning his work. I had never seen someone so skilled with a pencil, paintbrush or pastel in my entire life.

I had a feeling that my mother would have been able to decipher the odd sensation I was feeling that day when I came back after school. I knew better than to say anything about it before dinner so as I dumped my bag in my room and changed into something more comfortable I stared a little at my reflection in the bedside mirror. Here I was a seventeen year old husky and instead of worrying about my studies for the mid-year exams later in the term I was worried about my best friend instead. This wasn't the mentality that my parents had instilled in me while I was younger. Lazing on my bed I knew that I would have to get started on my chemistry if I didn't want to start falling behind. Seeing a figure dart by my door I paid it little attention and if it wasn't for my sister poking her head in the door I would have probably forgotten that dinner would have been served soon.

I fingered the crucifix hanging around my neck as I marched into the dining room. It felt strange asking my parents about Vincent. Ever since they met him I had always felt that they had something against him. It was subtle but always there, this sensation of mild hostility towards somebody who probably didn't follow the scripture as strictly as they did. After saying grace I was arguing with myself about whether or not to raise the topic at all. Dad seemed more stressed than he normally was and mum didn't really seem to be in a talkative mood for some reason.

"Is something wrong sweetie? You haven't touched your dinner,"

I could tell that mum was addressing me with that statement as I poked at a piece of carrot on my plate.

"Well just this one thing," I admitted, "Vincent mentioned his next art project for school in conversation today but he wasn't enthusiastic about it. It was like he was disappointed by the choice this time around,"

Mum mulled this over in her head as she chewed on a few beans.

"The topic was romantic couples I think," I added, hoping that the extra information would make interpreting the situation easier.

"Well... give this some thought sweetie," mum started, "Remember back to your ball earlier this year? How Vincent didn't bring a girl along? I think that it is just because he hasn't been in a relationship before that makes him uneasy about the topic,"

My mind trailed back to the ball earlier that year. This did make sense as even I had been in a fleeting romance for a few months. To be honest Vincent had often kept to himself despite a lot of people always wanting to get to know him better. He was always the solitary one, silent and mysterious to those who didn't know him.

After dinner I retreated back to my room, partly to do my homework and partly to give some thought to my best friend. Closing the door behind me, I looked up at the portrait which he drew for me about a year ago. He was very adamant to draw me for my birthday present and I was simply too overjoyed to say no. A simple pencil work but I couldn't help but feel touched by this gesture. I stared at the signature written off in the corner with a fine marker while the portrait stared down at me. A tingle ran down the length of my spine as I looked back at it. The shadows drawn in with incredible precision so that even the gentle smile looked disapproving and stern as it stared back with a look that bore into my soul.

"Maybe I should talk to him," I thought to myself as I took a book out of my bag, "It's odd for him not to be happy about his art,"

Vincent can be really tetchy at times over certain topics when he's unhappy, meaning that I would have been unable to talk to him about it for at least a few days about it. The weekend soon passed and come Wednesday afternoon I had finally built up some confidence to ask him about his art. Wednesday was always study session day for the two of us. More often than not I helped him with chemistry while he helped me with physics. I attribute his skill in the subject to the fact that proportions and maths make up such an important part of art. I'm probably wrong of course but at this point I'll be making excuses left, right and centre to explain why I'm not particularly good at it. As I walked up to his front door after school though I felt a chill run through me despite how warm it was outside at the moment. The high school we attended forced us to wear ties, despite how tacky it looked and I wrenched it free from around my neck before stuffing it into my bag. I could hear yelling coming from inside the house now though and I hesitantly knocked on the door, unsure just what the commotion was. If it was something that could be avoided then why was I still here? The door opened a moment later, revealing Vincent's father, a very menacing wolf and that despite all the time I had seen him, the level of intimidation never went down.

"Oh it's you... Vincent is not having any visitors right now. He's grounded as of further notice," he growled before starting to close the door. I wasn't going to miss my chance to talk to him so I stuck my foot in the door cringing slightly as the door slammed into it.

"Please sir can I have a few words with him first? This is about some assignment we have to do for school," I responded. It was the same trick I usually pulled on my parents whenever they asked where I had been. As long as you mention that it's for school they tended to relent a little and be a little more flexible. I could see the same reaction on the burly wolf in front of me, the hint of hesitation followed by the sigh of resignation.

"Alright fine but make it quick,"

A small feeling of elation soon followed as I was allowed inside of the house and my how much cooler it was compared to the stifling outdoors. There would be no need to head to Vincent's bedroom as most of his time was spent down in his "studio" which he had set up in the basement. Tentatively opening the door I could hear him pacing around in circles. Descending the stairs, I could see that he was clearly in no mood to be drawing, let alone studying. His tail lashed back and forth furiously, his brow furrowed and his paws balled into fists. I wasn't sure if he was aware of my presence or not so I stayed at the base of the stairs, waiting for him to address me.

"Damnit it's not fair!" he grumbled to himself as he turned around and swiped a few pencils off a table onto the floor, "Why can't they simply accept this? Are they stupid or something?"

I stood patiently as his heavy breathing finally caught up with him, a tinge of sorrow tainting a voice full of anger and hate. Looking up from his table he turned around to see me standing there, mouth agape as I watched his maddened tirade about something which I had no prior knowledge about.

"What are you doing here Steven? Dad said that I was to have no visitors," he demanded before turning back to look at some half finished work he was doing.

"I was worried about you. You seemed so reluctant to talk about anything recently," I answered. He scoffed at this remark, his tail lashing out again as he swiped something else off the table.

"Ha! You lie! If you knew the reason you would be out of here so fast your head would spin!" he grunted as he sat down, not bothering to even look at me as he gripped a pencil tightly. I was perplexed, just what could be so important to him that he didn't want to share with me?

"We've known each other for so long Vincent, nothing you could tell or show me could ever change my opinion of you," I reassuringly tell him. All I get is a finger pointed in one corner of the basement. Looking over at the largish piece of paper nearby I walk over to examine the rough sketch that adorned it, intent on getting some answers to the questions that I now had. Judging from the faded pencil marks, somebody had made an attempt to erase the sketch that was on the paper. I saw nothing wrong with it to be honest, two individuals holding each other's paws while they shared a kiss together on a park bench under the darkness of the night sky.

"What's wrong with this?" I demanded, "All I see is somebody who is grumbling over nothing!"

I had no idea just how hostile I had sounded when I said that. I wouldn't have been so critical had I known the context behind it all.

"Oh really?" he countered, his voice starting to crack slightly, "Then why would the art teacher have started ranting at me about that Godforsaken Leviticus chapter then huh? Look more closely for the detail that you have seemingly forgotten!"

Taking the Lord's name in vain was something that I had seen quite a lot in the schoolyard when no teachers were around, though if they did catch you the punishments were quite severe. Vincent hardly seemed like the kind of person who could do such a thing so I was puzzled when he said it so easily. It was almost like he had rehearsed it beforehand. I take another long hard look at the picture and then it hits me, the whole magnitude of the issue suddenly overwhelms me with a feeling of disbelief.

"They... they called you out just because of this? How... I don't understand!" I cry out.

"Damn bitch of an art teacher saw my sketch and then called my parents while we were in class. They searched through my room,"

I was stunned. Even my parents knew better than to violate the sanctity of my room. I couldn't fathom anybody who would do such a thing.

"They... they can't do that!" I cried, "It's wrong! Why didn't you say something about it?"

Vincent scoffed at the remark as he gripped a crumpled piece of paper in a paw.

"You say it as if I have any authority around here! You know what they're like! They're so hung up on that stupidly retarded idea that 'I'm older than you so I know more' mentality! I've put up with it for so damn long and if it wasn't for the fact that they are computer illiterate they would have searched my hard drive as well,"

The wolf's computer was where he kept all of his darkest secrets and I wouldn't be surprised if he kept his personal diary on a document there as well. Even I was not allowed access to certain parts of his hard drive and at times I was given more liberties than his parents were.

"They already found this... I'd hate to think what they would do if they saw what was on my computer," he muttered as he turned around and threw the crumpled piece of paper at me. It bounced off my nose and fell to the ground beneath my feet. Bending over to pick it up, I walked over to him and carefully straightened it on the hard wooden table. The pencil work was faintly drawn in but the detail was still there, the lines staring back at me revealing the haunting visage set on paper. The uneasy silence weighed on my shoulders like a burden I had never felt before. I stared at the crumpled picture in front of me as my tail twitched slightly.

"How long have you been hiding this?" I asked as I felt his tail brush against mine.

"Ever since we were fourteen. I wanted to tell you sooner but I couldn't bring myself to do it,"

I walked back over to the picture in the corner of the room and compare it to the crumpled one. There was no mistaking that it was the same two individuals in both of them, a wolf and a husky.

"How long have you wanted to be together?" I press. I hear him sigh as he rests his head on his arms, his voice now muffled behind them.

"Just over a year now... Steven... just... just get outta here! Get outta here before I do something stupid please!" he cried, his voice cracking a little more as he said it. I could hear the soft sobbing emanating throughout the room and was torn between either leaving or staying to comfort him. I knew that overstaying my welcome wouldn't be the wisest idea as that only jeopardised my chances of seeing him again in future. But I wouldn't feel right to leave my best friend as a crying, sobbing mess over something as trivial as this. A part of me wanted to run while another part wanted me to stay.

"It's gonna be okay dude... just chill. Things will pan out in the end," I whisper to him as I give him a gentle pat on the shoulder before taking my leave. Bringing up God in this situation would have been a volatile and unwise choice as I walked out the front door under the disapproving gaze of his parents.

I felt weird as I walked back home that afternoon. The mixed emotions that were currently churning around in my mind honestly made me think about my reaction to Vincent coming out to me. I had never considered something like this before in my life and I must admit this made the current relationship between us that much more complicated. The Leviticus chapter that he referred to rang in my mind as I tried to reason with myself as to what to do next. It was obvious enough that he had fallen in love with me. Thinking back I remembered some of the harsh things I said about gays when I was younger and obviously more ignorant. It certainly explained his somewhat hostile response towards me when I asked. I hoped that he got the message that it didn't bother me whatsoever that he was interested in guys. In the end it wasn't his response that I should have been worried about... but those of his parents.

Vincent was unusually quiet at school the next day. There weren't any rumours floating around just yet so with some luck, his encounter with the art teacher was done when nobody else was around. I could already tell that his parents would continue to be giving him a hard time in trying to make him give up this supposed "sin" but his unwillingness to talk meant I could only speculate. The grace period didn't last long however and word soon spread of the drawing Vincent was doing for his art project. Then was when it all started to collapse. The rest of his social group started to drift away soon after, lest they get caught up in the whole scandal that was spreading like a wildfire throughout the school. Rumours were always dangerous especially if it was something that was mentioned in the scripture as well. It wasn't long before I was the only one staying around him. I didn't care for the jeering nature of the other students. All it proved was that I was more thick-skinned than Vincent was. He soon became more reclusive than ever, often disappearing for periods at a time and only turning up to classes when he had to.

"Dude why are you letting these idiots get to you? I thought you were stronger than this!" I asked him one day after school had ended. The name calling had been going on for weeks now and even I was starting to get a little sick of it. Their latest tirade involved people claiming that we were currently dating and having sex on an almost daily basis.

"Damnit Stevey a man can only take so much!" he bellowed, shoving me roughly against a wall, "It was only a matter of time before I'd crack!"

His grip on my uniform was unusually loose. I was expecting a firmer grip from the threatening display, unless it was all just for show. I watched as the last student vacated the hall we were standing in. Then the loose grip on my uniform soon disappeared as he let go of me. The pounding of my heart slowed as he turned away, the silence of the corridor almost deafening to my ears. His tail drooped and his ears flicked backwards as he balled his paws into fists before releasing them again.

"I'm sorry man," he started, rubbing his temples ruefully, "It's just that I didn't expect all of this to happen,"

I give him a sympathetic look as I place a paw on his shoulder. The weight of the world must be on his shoulders right about now.

"Dude things are gonna be fine. They'll stop eventually,"

He shrugs my paw off before dropping the volume of his voice.

"I'm guessing your parents didn't tell you then," he murmured before turning to me, eyes cast down at the floor as he shifted uncomfortably, "They're sending me to a gay rehab camp,"

My silence must have spoke wonders. I simply cannot comprehend why anybody would want to cure something which God had obviously given to them as a part of their personality.

"What? How... how can they do something like this?" I demand, "You have to do something!"

He gives me a funny look before turning away.

"Remember what I said about authority in my house? They're pulling rank on me. I don't have a say in the matter," he continues as he starts to walk to the door.

"But surely they can't control every aspect of your life!" I call out as I start to follow him, "If you won't stop to fight them then I will!"

He pauses, unsure whether or not to take my advice or to continue going along the path that has already been set for him.

"Do yourself a favour Steven... don't get involved. The last thing I want to see is you getting hurt because of me. I don't think I could put up with the guilt,"

I leave him as he walks out the door. Hanging my head in defeat I start to head off home, unsure of what I should do next.

I had a fitful sleep that night. Memories of the past started to haunt me, of a time when issues like this seemed non-existent. The Vincent I knew now was the same one that I knew all those years back and I feared that this camp would somehow change all of that.

"Are you serious? You've never tried a milkshake in your life? Man you are missing out! I am buying you one right now no questions asked!"

"Listen Stevey, don't be intimidated by them. Seek their weakness and exploit it. Over there in Point... they don't have any fielders. Hit us a six man!"

"You okay man? You took a pretty hard tumble there. Can you move? Here let me help you up. I'm taking you to the nurse. You gotta be careful, those things are dangerous,"

My school day didn't fare much better. I spent most of my lunch time trying to find out whatever I could about these camps and counters to any verse that mentioned homosexuality and by the end of the day I think I had something workable. Nobody had noticed that I was mysteriously absent from Vincent's side that day and I guessed that they were giving him a hard time as usual. The only people who would have possibly seen me would have been all the nerds of the school, those who would probably have been thankful that there was a new scapegoat around meaning that they were left to their own educational devices. I always had a feeling that those who dedicated so much time to studying like that weren't as religious as some of the others but I never talked to them so I wouldn't have any idea whatsoever. I managed to corner Vincent some time after school in the strangest of places. The chapel was the last place I expected to find him given his current situation.

"Dude thank goodness I've found you," I cry out as I pull a few sheets of paper from my bag, "I've got an argument that you can use! I've been wracking my brains but I finally got something substantial!"

I watch as he reluctantly takes it and glances at the different pages. The normal bubbly and happy-go-lucky wolf I called Vincent was now starting to become a ghost of his former self. With some luck I would be able to restore that confidence I loved so much.

"Why are you making such an effort to help me? Aren't you worried that your parents will do the same thing to you?" he asks. I keep my mouth shut, I wasn't expecting that sort of response and I had no immediate reply which I could use.

"Well no not really but come on man, this thing is worth fighting! Look I'll come with you and present the argument myself if your parents won't listen to you. Perhaps they'll listen to his best friend!"

He handed the papers back to me. The unenthusiastic expression on his face did little to encourage my efforts but I was more than determined to make my point.

"You can try but don't think that you're gonna make a difference. They can be pretty stubborn at times,"

"I wouldn't have asked you to come here for you not to loosen up! Come on and get your shirt off! I'm sure a couple of girls want to see that hot bod of yours!"

"I know your parents are giving you a hard time over failing that test but that's the thing. It's only one test. Things will pick up soon, I guarantee it! You can do it Stevey, I believe in you!"

"Dang man that is incredible! You got top of the class for that test! I am so proud of you!"

We walked back to his place in silence. I wanted to say something but I had nothing to tell him that he probably hadn't heard before. He hesitated as he reached for the door handle. I could tell that he was having second thoughts about this and to be honest I didn't blame him for thinking them.

"Listen maybe you should go home, you shouldn't get caught in the crossfire," he starts, turning to me briefly before grasping the door handle.

"Vincent you've helped me out so much in the past. I want to fight for you as this is just plain wrong!" I reassuringly tell him. He lets out a soft sigh of defeat as I prepare myself for a verbal square off with his parents.

"This is gonna get ugly real soon. I sure hope you know what you're getting yourself into," he muttered as he cautiously let me into the house.

My argument didn't go down as well as I had planned. I soon learned that some people get incredibly hostile when you quote mine from the Bible despite the fact that so many other people do it. All my argument did was get me thrown out of the house, quite literally I might add. I never knew how much strength one could hide behind ones big bulk.

"And don't ever think about setting foot in this house again!"

Groaning slightly I turned around just in time to have my papers thrown in my face before seeing the front door close in front of me.

"Well that could have gone down better. What a jerk!" I mutter to myself as I pick myself up off the ground. My mobile rings a moment later and after brushing myself down I open up to read the text message I've just received.

"Sry bout that. Didn't work huh? Thx 4 trying tho" it read. I debated whether or not I should reply to the message and thought that doing so could risk him getting his mobile confiscated until further notice. There would be no doubt that I would have to watch my step very carefully in the next few days.

Getting back home later that day, I started to wonder what the effects of my little tirade would have. Vincent's father was heavily built and if he could quite easily throw me out the door then there would be no imagining how painful a punch from him would be.

"Nah they wouldn't lay a finger on him... if they did maybe we could get them on assault charges," I thought as I opened the front door. Taking off my shoes I pad to my room and drop my bag before opening the fridge in the kitchen for something to drink.

"My goodness Steven what have you done to your uniform?"

I bang my head as the voice of my mother catches me by surprise. Rubbing the sore spot with a paw I follow her gaze to a brownish mark on my white school shirt which I hadn't noticed before. There was no doubting just where that had come from.

"I... um... I was playing soccer and I slipped on the ground," I lied. Lying wasn't something I did on a regular basis and because of that the few times that I did meant I usually got away with it. She sighed slightly before going back into the dining room.

"Just be careful sweetie, unless you want to start cleaning your uniform yourself,"

I wince slightly. She always knew how to make me feel bad about whatever I did but I knew that now wouldn't be the right time to tell her the truth. After examining my shirt for the brown patch, which was larger than I had first thought, I dumped it in the laundry bucket before heading to my room for a change of clothes. I questioned whether or not I was making the right decision in helping Vincent. I don't ever remember him being so miserable in his life and even then this issue was being reflected in his art. While his previous work used to be bright and vibrant involving incredible landscapes and wondrous portraits, his scenes had now become dull and plain. His most recent work involved a darkened smudge overlooking a ruined cityscape. It was beautiful in its own merits but seemed depressing when compared to his earlier work. He claimed to show pride in his work but it was merely all a charade, a cover for the mental anguish that he was going through.

Days flew by and it wasn't long before the holidays had arrived. I gave Vincent as much support as I could but was it in vain? I tried not to think about it that way, not when he left and not when he came back. Every night I worried that I might come back to see a changed wolf, his new personality replacing the old and relegating it to the past, a relic of an age long past. If I had hoped that he wouldn't have changed much then I was chasing a dream that I could never catch. It was subtle at first as we came back for our third and last term for the year. Originally I just thought that he was merely tired from a lack of sleep but as the days went on, the changes grew more and more obvious. The school had left us pretty much alone after the holidays and the only remnants of the rumours before were now nothing more than a few whispers by those late on the news. While normally energetic and boisterous he had suddenly become listless and apathetic. Those bright eyes and enthusiastic personality I had come to love had become dull and pessimistic. The personality change was just so extreme that I wasn't sure whether or not would be wise to ask just what had happened to him. Weeks soon passed and I eventually roused the confidence to timidly ask him just what had happened to him on that camp and why the old Vincent I knew was now nothing more than a decaying husk in the recesses of my mind. The response I got scared me more than I had hoped to ever think of.

For some reason the ban on visiting Vincent had now been revoked because he had supposedly been 'cured' of 'the homosexual disease' as his parents put it. I knew better than to open my mouth lest I get thrown out again because of it.

"Vincent is down in his studio. I think he's working on something for his art class,"

Descending the stairs I found the wolf standing in front of his easel, putting the finishing touches on one of his paintings from the looks of things. The cooling basement must have been a nightmare on really cold days and I shivered slightly as the cold air brushed past me. He must have heard my footsteps as I came down as he turned around, beaming with a look that I don't remember seeing before in my life.

"She's a beauty isn't she?" he asked, stepping back from the easel, "I got the inspiration shortly after I came back. It marks my triumph I guess,"

I give him a blank stare before turning my attention to the picture. I couldn't forget that scene even if I wanted to.

"This wasn't for school was it?" I ask him. He shakes his head.

"Nah they don't want to see something like this. I did this for myself!" he proudly announced, "Though I stuffed the proportions up a little. Look at it the guy's right paw is huge!"

I ignore the petty detail that he mentions and look again at the full image. Vincent was not normally a violent individual so the fact that he could come up with... with this? A lone wolf stood above his defeated enemy, another wolf, caked in blood and wielding a bloodied serrated dagger. With head held high it was as if the victor was calling out a mighty battle cry proclaiming victory over his fallen adversary. The background was dark and murky, as if the fight had taken place in a back alley of sorts, the moon displayed in the dark sky, obscured slightly by the dark hazy clouds. A tingle ran down my spine as I stared at it, my tail drooping and my ears flicking slightly. Something was wrong; this was not the same person I loved being around.

"What have they done to you?" I ask, my voice now dropping to barely above a whisper. He chortles in an almost dismissive tone as he puts his painting gear away, presumably for another project.

"What have they done? They have liberated me!" he responds, "They saved me from a life of sin! Is that really such a bad thing?"

And there it was. I was afraid that this would have happened. I read the stories of those who had supposedly been changed by these 'ex-gay ministries' and they almost always seemed to end tragically. My heart skipped a beat as the stories ran through my mind. Could he be at risk? I shook the depressing thoughts away as I start to climb back up the stairs and take my leave. My mind was overloaded with the realization that I would never have the old Vincent back as my friend.

"I'll see you in school on Monday," is the only thing I can think of saying as I leave the house, my mind awash with different emotions.

As I walked back home, I received a text message from Vincent. I pondered why he was doing this and why he simply didn't tell me while I was in his studio but I flipped open my phone anyway to take a look. The message contained within confused me more than ever.

"Plz help me!" it read_, "I can't bear it much longer! I can't fight it!"_

I scratched my head as I tried to make sense of it. So did the camp work or didn't it? I was tempted to turn back but I knew that if I was late coming back home I would be grounded and that was something that I did not need to happen to me. Looking back in the direction I came, I wrapped my scarf around my neck more tightly as I fumbled with the keypad. Winter sure can be a pain and wearing gloves does not make it easy to use a small keypad on a mobile. After sending a reassuring reply to him I continue on my way home and hope that he doesn't do anything stupid in the meantime. I still believe that this was the point where I should have turned back instead of going home.

Monday soon came and back to school. We were almost halfway through the term and end of year exams were soon looming. The stress levels were running extremely high and I was no exception. While I seemed to be weathering the increased stress I could only wish that Vincent was doing just as well. He seemed to become more exhausted and sullen with every passing day and I soon confronted him over this. I approached him after school one day and after noting the very prominent dark rings underneath his eyes asked him just what was going on. I was sure to only ask when there was nobody around given what had happened last time. The response I got wasn't particularly surprising.

"What's happening to you? You okay?" I asked him. He slammed his fist into his locker as his arms trembled slightly.

"Do I look okay?" he responds, now turning to me, "This... this camp it's nothing more than a psychological nightmare! Every day it's with the preaching and the scripture, telling me how much of a sinner I am and how I deserve to burn in Hell unless I repent! I... I,"

His voice is cracking at this point and I could already tell that he is on the verge of tears. I never had to deal with someone so upset before so I'm unsure of just what to do.

"It's okay man I'm here for you," I whisper to him, "Do you want to talk in the library? We're probably safer there,"

He reluctantly agreed but only after a brief explanation how nobody ever goes there after the school day is over. Sure enough when we arrived the building was practically deserted; the only souls still here are a couple preparing for their exams, sitting in a small corner away from the main bulk of the building. I gesture for him to take a seat and as I sit beside him I can tell that just being close to him was easing the tension a little and hopefully make him more willing to talk.

"Do you want to start from the top?" I ask. He fidgets with a pen that somebody had carelessly left behind. This was going to be harder than I thought. I place my paw on his arm.

"It's okay. Always remember that I'm here for you. If you don't want to talk about it that's cool too," I add. He eventually meets my gaze before letting out a sigh.

"It was a nightmare that camp. There were maybe about twenty of us, a good mixture of guys and girls. The first day was all the introductions and such then... the guilt trips started. Leviticus, Sodom & Gomorrah the entire works were sandwiched together. They ordered us to renounce Satan and to give up this... this unnatural lifestyle choice and I... I... I just can't fight it anymore!"

He starts quietly sobbing at this point and I wearily look up at the couple who were over in the corner... they're gone. I turn back to Vincent to see that he's crying into his arms. So the camp didn't do anything except make him feel even worse. I lean over and cradle his head in my arms. Nobody should have to go through this kind of systematic torture.

"Shhh... its okay I've heard enough. They were wrong to do this to you. You're a wonderful person; don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise," I coo as I run my fingers through his hair. I watch as the tears stream down his face, a once proud artist now reduced to a blubbery mess in front of me. Was this really what Christianity was teaching me? To hate others because of what the scripture says? Whatever happened of "hate the sin but love the sinner" or "judge not lest ye be judged"?

"It... it's only a ma... matter of t...time be...before my parents f...find out," he sobs, "They...they hate me for what I've be...become! Dad even said that he... he had no son before I left today,"

I'm left speechless by this point in time. Even I wasn't sure that I could bear the thought that my parents didn't love me. His family ties were definitely a lot stronger than mine so to be left out, alone and abandoned like that? It was no wonder he was in such a state.

"That's not true... you're parents still love you... they're just a little misguided at this point in time. I'm sure God will show them the error of their ways. Chin up man things will work out,"

I'm bluffing by this point in time. I've seen some of the things that people have done in the past but when dealing with someone so uptight on an issue like this? One can only pray that they'll see the error in their judgement. What also puzzled me was why the school wasn't doing anything about this? Surely they would have known by now... or were they partly to blame for the problem? There were so many questions yet so few answers. I pull out my handkerchief and start to dab gently at the trails that Vincent's tears have left behind.

"Things will work out soon, I promise," I whisper.

"I'm scared," he whispers back, his sobbing seemingly to have stopped.

"I know I'm scared too,"

Things only got more heated as it came closer and closer towards exams. Then it happened.

It was a Sunday afternoon just one week before exams when I received an ill-fated call on my mobile. I was happy to have a distraction from my study and didn't think of it at the time as I answered the phone call.

"Stevey? It's Vincent," he started, his voice low and solemn.

"Hey man, what's up?" I respond as I lean back in my chair.

"I wish I could spare the same enthusiasm," he continues in that same monotone.

"Dude what's wrong? Did something happen?" I whisper frantically as I sit properly. There's a brief moment of silence where all I can hear is his gentle breathing.

"I'm ending this now Steven. I'm putting this issue to rest once and for all," he tells me. I'm only given a few moments to decipher the message before he continues with his message.

"I'm sick of it Steven. I don't want to deal with all this anymore and I know the one solution to it all and it lies within the plains of Oblivion,"

"What are you talking about? What's going on?" I demand.

"I have the key to the lock and I'm ready to unlock the secrets of the universe now. I will know what God's plan is for the world and for people like you and me,"

"Don't do anything stupid Vincent! It's not worth it! You're better than this! Don't let them get to you! Don't let them win!"

"It's too late Stevey... I'm taking the next step towards the future. Goodbye Steven, I'll see you on the other side..."

The line goes dead as the magnitude of the short exchange slowly sinks into my head. It takes a short moment before my soggy mind galvanises into action and I realize just what has been relayed to me. I jump up from my desk and run for the door, swearing and cursing my head off in the process. Mum pokes her head around the corner and yells at me for swearing in the house but I'm in no mood to listen as I quickly explain the situation before running out the front door and towards Vincent's house. I was thankful that he only lived a block away meaning that I wouldn't have to run far but every second counted now. My heart pounded in my chest as I sprinted forth before turning a corner, my heavy panting revealing the fact that I would have to work on my cardio in future. Running up the driveway with the roses growing next to it, I pressed the doorbell several times as I caught my breath.

"Hey open up!" I panted, "Something bad is gonna happen!"

I had no idea who was in the house at that time but they were certainly taking their own sweet time in opening the door.

"Steven? What are you..."

I immediately shove Vincent's mother aside as I make a mad dash for the basement.

"Come on man don't do this! Don't throw away what God has given you!" my mind screams as I wrestle with the door handle for a few seconds before shoving the basement door open. Stumbling down the stairs I hoped to catch him before he carried out his entire plan.

I was too late.

I stared dumbfounded as my best friend of ten years hung suspended by a solitary rope from one of the beams of the basement, a discarded chair lying on its side a short distance aside. I slowly crept forward and picked up the chair and stood on it. Instinct took over and I immediately felt for a pulse...

Nothing

He was gone.

I felt weak as different emotions surged through my body and questions surfaced in my clouded mind.

"Who caused this?"

"Why did it happen?"

"Why is he gone?"

"Who can I blame?"

I hugged his body tightly as some of my favourite memories of him played back like a film reel.

"Hey you're that new kid aren't you? I'm Vincent it's nice to meet you!"

I didn't want to believe he was gone!

"Here I got this especially for you. I know you've been feeling a little down recently and I thought this might cheer you up a little!"

I wouldn't!

"I'm so proud of you! This deserves a celebration. I'm paying for dinner and I'm not taking no for an answer,"

My arms trembled slightly as I started to cry into his shoulder.

"Hey Stevey can I let you in on a secret? But not now, wait until we get to the park... I'll tell you there!"

I didn't hear the soft footsteps of my mum and his parents descending down the stairs until the sound of an uttered, "Oh dear God no," caught my attention. I reluctantly turn my head, bereft with grief and with tears streaming down my face as I look to my mother then to Vincent's parents. All of them are as surprised and as scared as I was and I feel a moment of sympathy before I remember why my best friend had hung himself, surrounded by his greatest love. I see red.

"Murderers!" I scream as I jump off the chair and reach for the sharpest object I can find, "I'll kill you for this!"

His parents run up the stairs in fright as my mum somehow manages to hold me back. In my frenzied state all I can think of is revenge and slaughtering the people responsible for Vincent's death.

"Let me go! They deserve to die for what they have done!" I snarl.

"This isn't the way Steven! Think for a moment!"

"They didn't think when they convinced him to kill himself! They didn't love him like I did!"

"Vincent is with God now, killing his parents out of spite won't do your cause any good!"

There's reason behind my mum's words and I'm intelligent enough to listen to them. I stop resisting and drop the improvised weapon. Sinking to my knees, she hugs me while cooing gentle words of reassurance. I grip her tightly as I try not to think about the events that had just transpired around me, sobbing uncontrollably into her shirt as the emotion overwhelms me.

I don't eat dinner that night and instead spend all the time in my room thinking about what I have lost.

"They didn't hurt you did they? You gotta be careful before picking fights like that. Here let me take a look at that... hmm.... you'd better go see the nurse. You don't look too good with a black eye,"

I guess I should have seen the warning signs.

"I just don't understand why they're so against it. It just makes me so angry that they can't accept anything outside of their ideal world. I just want to drill it through those thick skulls of theirs!"

How could I have been so blind?

"Stevey do know of a good way to get to sleep? I can't settle down as easily as I used to. Do you know something that might work?"

Why didn't I do anything?

"Here I want you to have this. I'm getting a little old to be having soft toys on display anymore. I think it'll look better in your room,"

How could I have let this happen? I curl up into the foetal position as I run through the things I could... I should have done to prevent this tragedy. What I could have done, when I could have done them... was it all in vain now that I didn't have that chance? My ears twitch as I hear a gentle knocking on my door.

"Sweetie are you okay?"

I turn my head to the door and see my mother enter before closing the door behind her. I turn back to face the corner of my room. I hear her sit on my bed before patting it with her paw.

"I know you're still upset sweetie, your father is worried about you. Do you want to talk about it?"

I make no attempt at moving initially. I wanted to be left alone to wallow in my own misery but I felt that without her guidance I would make even more mistakes. Letting out a quiet sigh, I reluctantly crawl over and sit next to her before lying down with my head in her lap. My tail twitches a little as I feel a paw run through my hair.

"Do you want to start from the top?"

I spill everything. Starting with the discussion I had with him about their topic of couples in their art class, to the constant bullying during school, being sent away to the rehabilitation camp and his struggle when he came back. I never once did look up at her, instead choosing to face the wall opposite me where a stuffed teddy bear, Vincent's stuffed teddy bear, stared back at me with its glass eyes. When I finished there was a calming moment of silence as my mother digested all that information. She let out a sigh as she eventually came to a decision over her course of action.

"I think I'll be having a very stern conversation with his parents over this," she whispered as she carefully got up and gave me a kiss on my forehead, "Try and get some rest. You've had a very stressful day today,"

The last week before exams was a voluntary week meaning that us 17 year olds didn't have to turn up to class if we didn't want to. It was highly advised that we did turn up though as many of the teachers usually dropped hints at what would be covered in the exam itself. My mum constantly told me that if I didn't feel like turning up to school that it was okay that I stayed home but I was adamant about getting as many hints that I could over my exams. Although given my current state how much of a help that would be was questionable. I turned up to my chemistry class as usual amongst half of the other students. Many of these were the really smart ones and there were a few from other chemistry classes that I had never seen before. Mr. Rockstead was arguably one of, if not, the best chemistry teachers that I had ever had the pleasure of knowing. A tall and lanky otter, he was more devoted to his job than anybody else I had seen in the school. I liked him a lot; he was very patient, often helping those who seemed to be lagging behind a little with his own special set of notes. This wasn't to say that he ignored the talented students though. He gave them tough and challenging questions that left many of them scratching their heads in confusion as they worked in teams to figure them out. Class started as it normally did with him giving a brief revision session of our last class before he started to hand out a revision booklet to everyone present. He was a little surprised to find me sitting at the back all by myself given that I always sat alongside Vincent in the middle of the class.

"Where's Vincent today? I was expecting him to turn up to class. I wanted to congratulate him for his improvement in last week's test,"

I slump in the chair I'm sitting in. Do I tell the truth or do I spin an elaborate lie?

"He... he passed away yesterday," I blurt out. He pauses for a moment as nearby students turn to look at me, probably expecting me to explain myself.

"Oh dear... I wasn't aware. I give my condolences to you Steven; you're very brave choosing to come in today. Will you be okay for next week's exam? Because I can apply to get you an exemption if you don't feel up to it,"

I want to say no but I can't bring myself to say it. I feel more than capable of taking my exams at this point in time.

"If you don't mind me asking Steven," Mr. Rockstead continues, "Do you know what was the cause of death? I know it sounds terribly clinical and if you don't feel like discussing it I understand, but I just want to know,"

"He... he committed suicide yesterday. He said that he couldn't take the pressure about being gay any longer," I finally respond. Everyone turns at this point and I feel the firm but comforting grip of Mr. Rockstead's paw on my shoulder.

"It's such a shame that it had to get to that point. When will these people learn that it's actions like these that make people turn away from religion? It makes me sick to think I pray to the same God as they do," he muttered, a slight hint of distaste in his voice as he shifted the papers in his other paw, "At least the pain has ended for him now. I'll see to it that the school holds a vigil for him. Nobody deserves to die because of issues like this,"

As he walks back up to the front of the classroom, several of the other students offer their sympathy over the loss. Most of them I had never spoken a word to in the past but they all seemed saddened by the loss. Even some of the students who had given me and Vincent a hard time apologized profusely, citing that they didn't think things through before acting on impulse. I didn't want to accept their apologies at first but I was reminded that forgiveness overruled and all of them seemed to be truly sorry over what they had said, all of them except Roger Valens. He snorted dismissively as he folded his arms across his chest. The stallion stood a good head taller than I did and was an extremely cocky individual as well. If it wasn't for his skill in football I reckon he would have been expelled a long time ago.

"You guys are all wimps I tell you! The fag deserved to die! Why I hope that he's burning in Hell right now!" he hissed. The venomous words are enough to make me stand up and if it wasn't for the other students holding me back I would have lunged at him.

"Mister Valens!" Mr. Rockstead roared, "I will not tolerate any form of discrimination or hate in my classroom! This goes for religion, species, sexual orientation or any other pathetic reason you can think of! To speak of the deceased like that is unacceptable! I will see you in this classroom after school for detention. You will be there or I will tell your parents about what you have said today!"

This was by no means an empty threat. I had supposedly heard that Roger's parents were very strict on discipline and spending an hour in detention was the lesser of two evils compared to what his parents would do to him.

I was left pretty much alone for the rest of the day. News was spreading very slowly because that the few people that were here tended to be the unsociable academics anyway. I assumed that it would spread over Facebook that evening. Walking back home I passed by the art room and gazed inside to see the many finished drawings, paintings and sculptures that stood within. I wondered how many of those works were Vincent's as I searched for whatever detail I could.

"Oh hey you hang around with Vincent don't you?"

I turn around to see the source of the voice. A pretty skunk girl looks back at me with her dazzling eyes as she holds a small bag in front of her. I rack my brains in an attempt to remember her name as she continues speaking.

"I haven't seen him around today and he didn't turn up to art class to pick up his display piece. Miss. Monroe wanted to talk to him about using the piece for his TEE exams. Incredible piece that one,"

I'm guessing that she didn't hear the news just yet and I explained the situation to her. She seemed to take it a little harder than I had expected although I partially attribute it to the way I said it.

"So he's gone? Damnit! He was such a sweet boy as well. I'd better tell Miss. Monroe that he won't be picking up the piece. Unless you want to take it home,"

I nod my head and follow after her. I don't really intend on taking it back and after taking a look at it this merely cements my decision, it's quite large and walking home with it would be a problem.

"Um... Steven is it? Miss. Monroe wants to have a brief word with you seeing that you know Vincent more than anyone else,"

I proceed down the corridor and see a short rabbit moving art back and forth within the room.

"Ah you must be Steven. I'm Miss. Monroe and it is truly tragic to lose Vincent like that. Such a talented artist as well,"

I look uneasily at all the well drawn and coloured pictures around me. I could never dream of producing something as creative and inspirational like that.

"So what did you need me for then?" I ask.

"Ah yes where are my manners? I would like to have him remembered by the art department and I wonder if you could manage to obtain some of his work. I know that he tends to do a lot of art at home and if you could bring me some of them I would like to put them on display,"

I think about this for a moment. I wasn't even sure that his work would be safe from his marauding parents.

"I'll try my best but no guarantees," I respond, "Can I go now?"

"Yes dear, school has ended for the day,"

I turn to leave but something crops up in the back of my mind and I ask before I forget.

"Um before I go can I ask you something?"

"Of course Steven what is it?"

I hesitate a little but ask anyway because I want answers to this unresolved question.

"Vincent mentioned an art teacher earlier in the year who kicked up a fuss and said something about Leviticus or something like that. Whatever happened there?"

I notice Miss. Monroe pause for a moment. Was she thinking about it or was she hiding something from me? I couldn't tell.

"She was fired. The principal soon heard about what happened and fired her shortly after. Said something along of the lines that discrimination was not allowed in the school under any circumstances regardless of what the Bible says,"

I feel a little more relieved to discover that she was gone but it still doesn't bring Vincent back to the land of the living.

"Thank you. I needed some closure is all," I tell Miss. Monroe before taking my leave.

I had no idea just what mum had in mind when I came back later that day. I guess she had spent the entire day just doing research judging from the pieces of paper she had next to her. I looked at them briefly and noted the similarities to the argument that I presented a few months earlier.

"I did a little snooping around to see what I could dig up. The fact that some people still follow the old translations is quite surprising,"

Looking up from the papers, I see my mother's gentle smile upon me as I continue reading.

"How was your day sweetie?" she asks.

"Better than I expected. Everyone seemed supportive for some reason. Even some of the bullies apologized for what they did. I think they want to hold a vigil or something for him,"

My mother nodded and went back to her duties while I went off to do my homework.

I emerged later for dinner and to get a glass of water when I heard the rehearsed discussion that my mum had created. I paused in the hallway to listen in as it raged between my mum and Vincent's.

"Don't you dare quote that Leviticus chapter at me! There are so many things inherently wrong with Leviticus that you should either follow them all or none of them! Do you happen to eat shrimp or wear clothes or two different materials? What do you have to say about that?... Oh so Sodom and Gomorrah now huh? You ever read Ezekiel 16:49?"

I didn't bother to listen to the rest of it but by the almost enraged tone of voice my mum was using I could tell that she was on the warpath.

News soon spread in the school about what had happened and the flood of support I got was bordering on overwhelming. I was given a pardon from my exams and despite my protests all of my teachers insisted that I take it. Anybody who dared to speak out against me was soon either sitting in detention or promptly beaten up while the teachers swore blind that they saw nothing. I was surprised to be honest, I never expected such an outpouring of support from a Christian establishment and it did my morale well to see it all. They held a vigil for him on Thursday complete with prayers as a mark of respect and we planted a tree in the courtyard as well. As it turned out another student had committed suicide a few years before we enrolled and another tree stood as a testament to the soul whose life had been cut short by an uncaring and cruel world.

In the end I never forgave Vincent's parents. We as a family had a major falling out with them because of Vincent's death. They blamed me for causing their misery while I blamed them for their heavy handed approach based on misinterpreted scripture. At the funeral we avoided looking or talking to one another. Conflict was the last thing we needed given the situation. They left almost immediately after the service while I lingered around a little longer to pay my respects without anybody else around. It was almost as if they wanted to erase Vincent's existence from the world entirely as we found a lot of his work lying on the ground outside their house later that day. I retrieved them of course as the school would be able to make a proper memorial for him. Those which I kept for myself were hung up in my room where I could always look back upon them and remember a time when we were still innocent and didn't have to worry about the world around us.

Twenty years have passed since then. My faithful wife of eighteen years and my children aged sixteen and thirteen respectively still don't know why I come down here to this cemetery once every month. They never asked about the faded paintings that I hung up around the house nor did they ask about the worn and faded teddy bear that had been washed and patched up several times by different people that sat proudly on display on the mantelpiece. They know not to ask about this memory which I have kept alive all this time.

"Hey there buddy how are you? Today's a special day for you," I whisper as I take out a broom and carefully sweep away the dust that has gathered about Vincent's tombstone.

"You're 37 today! Don't think that I would have forgotten your birthday,"

I take out a cloth and wipe away some of the grime that has covered the slate tombstone.

"I know I say this every year but I hope that you've found somebody special to you,"

I take out a small box and open it up, revealing the cake slice before placing it down and putting a candle in it. Taking out my lighter I light the single candle before putting it back into my pocket

"I know you've been nagging me to stop smoking for the past few months but just give me a bit more time. I'm on the nicotine therapy now like you recommended. I hope you've made peace with your parents. I'm sure that they're sorry about what they've done,"

The snapping of a nearby twig catches my attention but it's only the caretaker doing his rounds as usual.

"You've been my guardian angel for so long now. I wanted to say thank you for all the things you've done for me. You've been nicer to me than anyone else I have ever met in my life,"

I have a moment of silence as I think back and reflect on all the time that we had ever spent together and how that it still hurts that those days would never happen again.

"Well I'd better be going now. Take care of yourself okay I want you to be happy,"

Gathering up my things, I bow my head in respect and take my leave as a gentle breeze blows past and extinguishes the flame.