Animorphs: Lost Journal 5.5, Chapter 1 - If At First You Don’t Succeed

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#10 of Animorphs: Lost Journals


My name is Tobias. By now you all know my last name. Yes, I'm that Tobias, the "Animorph."

Jake had us all record our thoughts in journals, just in case the Yeerks killed us all. Our parents would find the journals, and maybe publish them, or something. Now that the war is won, and Earth is free from Yeerk control, we released all the journals written over the years.

Or what you thought was all of them. But there are more, many more, that we didn't release. Here and there, each of us skimmed over things that happened, things that were far too real. But I'm here to fix the record.

Marco and Cassie both redacted this journal, insisting that it had nothing to do with the war. They didn't even give the rest of us a chance to read it and form our own opinions. Every journal, even this one, shows vital information about how we, as teenagers, were dealing with our new-found powers and the unending stress of war.

Chapter 1

I can't believe I'm writing this. But Cassie's right, Jake told us to document anything involving morphs. So I guess I'm writing about the worst day of my life since I found out the terrible truth about my mother. Admittedly, what I'm about to write is a lot better than that day. Just horribly embarrassing.

So Cassie called me up on the phone at 8:00 PM. She normally doesn't call me, but I could tell she had been crying. I didn't know what to do.

Her voice was raw, and I heard her sniffle and say, "Marco, I need your help."

"Cassie, what's wrong?"

"I'm at the clinic, and my dad just gave up."

"Gave up? What are you talking about?" I asked.

She explained to me that they had two Kashmir red deer at the Gardens, our local zoo. It's kind of a big deal, I guess, because there are only 150 or something in the world, and the zoo wants to breed them. But they're having trouble, so they sent the two to Cassie's dad at the Wildlife Rehabilitation Clinic.

No one is better than Cassie's dad with animals that I've ever met. They care for all sorts of weird animals there: squirrels, foxes...they even had a cougar once. But not even he could get the two deer to breed.

"So what do you want from me?" I asked.

She sniffled again, saying, "I'm not ready to give up. We have a chance to help save an entire species from extinction, Marco! I want to sneak into the clinic tonight and try again."

That sounded just like Cassie. I swear she would risk anything to help animals, even something stupid like a skunk. "But where do I fit in?"

"I just need someone else there with me. The male is kinda big and unpredictable, and I don't want to be alone in the clinic if something goes wrong."

Now wait a minute. "Wait, wait, wait. Why me? Why not Jake?"

Cassie was quiet on the other end of the phone for a while. Then she said, "I'm going to be getting the stag to mount an A.V..."

"A.V.?"

She coughed. "Artificial vagina."

Right. Okay. "Uh, yeah...so not Jake. But what about Rachel? She'd be perfect for this."

Cassie replied, "Rachel has family night at home, I already called her."

I did not want to sit around late at night with Cassie watching a big deer going to town on...something. I had to get out of this! I almost started to suggest Tobias, but that wasn't going to work. "Uh...how about Ax?"

"Are you joking? Just imagine Ax there. What do you think would happen?"

She had a point. Aximili was an Andalite, an alien from a distant galaxy that looked particularly like some weird cross between a person and a deer. And an insect, I guess. He didn't always know how to act in these situations. He might even...well, let's not think about that.

"Fine. But I'm busy here too. Dad's got a..." I scrambled for an excuse.

"Marco. Remember your biology test last week?"

So that's how it was going to be. She was hardly being fair! I had needed her help, or we could all have been in danger. We'd been so busy tracking Yeerk movements that I hadn't had any time to study, but I was always a whiz at biology. But if you don't know any of the material, well, you're doomed anyway.

The four of us had agreed that no matter what happened outside of school, we had to keep up with our studies. If one of us started suddenly getting bad grades when we had been doing well, questions would be asked. Some of our teachers were Yeerks (I had always suspected Mrs. Ehlenz was an alien), and we didn't want them wondering why the four of us suddenly seemed to have a lot less time to study.

At least algebra was fine. I could fail those tests and no one would know the difference. But not biology. The test had been on animal behavior, and Cassie could pass it blindfolded. So I had asked her to take it for me. I honestly was just trying to be safe! She seemed to think I wanted to use our powers to cheat on a test.

Still, she had helped me out of a tight spot, morphing into me and taking the test. She'd even gotten a B+ without having attended a day of my biology class! So I really owed her one.

"Ugh...fine. I'll ride out there, but after this, we're even. You're not going to guilt me into doing your laundry for a month or something."

"Thanks, Marco."

It was almost 9:00 PM when I finally arrived at the Wildlife Rehabilitation Clinic. Well, it acts as a clinic, but it's really just a barn. A really big barn, with lots of rooms. It seems like every time I go there, there's another room I haven't seen yet.

I parked my bike on the side of the barn that wasn't visible from Cassie's house. I got the impression that this was sort of a secret meeting, or Cassie would just ask her father for help. As I approached the doors, Cassie opened them.

"Hey, Marco. Thanks for coming." She ushered me inside, glancing over at the farmhouse before closing the doors behind me.

"Alright, Cassie, what's this all about?" I asked.

"I told you. I've got to collect a sample from the zoo's Kashmir red deer. I won't let them go extinct."

"Extinct? I think I saw 4 deer just riding my bike here. In the dark. For ten miles."

Cassie's eyes swivelled around in her head. "Those are whitetails. There are only 160 to 300 Kashmir red deer left in the wild."

She started walking past the rows of cages holding all sorts of animals. The two wolves that had been poisoned were still in their cages. I waved at them.

"When are you going to release those wolves back to the wild?" I asked.

Cassie said, "Dad says we're going to have to ship them to a different rehabilitation center, where they can introduce them back to the wild, slowly. They're too trusting of humans right now."

"Oh." I looked them over. The female was wagging her tail at me. "I hope everything works out for them..."

Cassie glanced at me. "I do too, Marco."

At the end of the cages were two larger cages, holding deer. Cassie stopped in front, saying, "Here they are."

The deer were covered in brown fur speckled with gray. The doe was backed up into a corner of the cage, apparently afraid. Her large black eyes watched me intently, her ears perked up. She stood about 4 feet at the shoulders.

Except for the coloring, the male didn't even look like the same species of deer. He was almost 6 feet at the shoulders, and much bulkier. Each heavy antler had 5 points, and he didn't seem afraid of me. I guess I wasn't a very imposing sight to such a massive buck.

"Okay, so what's the problem, Cassie? Why are we here in secret, at night? Why did your father give up?"

Cassie sighed. "I've been pretending to study in my room for two hours, knowing Dad would never let me try this alone. He didn't know I have a gorilla for a friend. Marco, I sneaked out the window - that's not like me. I won't give up on these deer."

"Okay, okay, but what's wrong?"

Cassie held up two fingers. "Two things. First, when we put the two in the same room, Ronno is interested, but -"

"Ronno?"

"That's the male. The female is called Bambi."

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. "Very creative. I thought Bambi was male?"

"Look, Marco, I didn't name them, the zoo did. Anyway, Bambi's in heat, but she won't let Ronno get anywhere near her."

I looked from the doe to the stag. Now I'm no muscle-man, but I was pretty sure I could carry the doe with a bit of effort. The male was huge. "Can't say I blame her..."

She nodded. "Neither the zoo nor Dad could get the two to breed, so we decided to try artificial insemination."

"What's that?" hoping I didn't sound too ignorant.

"We take a sperm sample from the male and implant it into the female's uterus with a long tube."

"Oh, ah." Too much information. My stomach was tingling uncomfortably as I asked, "So, yeah. So what exactly am I supposed to do?"

My eyes widened as I watched Cassie start to put on a bike helmet. She said, "The male can be a bit hard to handle. All you have to do is watch and make sure he doesn't hurt anyone."

"Wait, don't I get a helmet? Are you sure we should be doing this without your dad?"

She fastened the strap under her chin, saying, "If we don't, there will be that many fewer Kashmir red deer in the world, Marco. Besides, I'm sure Big Jim can handle a three-hundred pound buck."

Big Jim was the name of the silverback gorilla I had acquired. I had fought enough crazy alien monsters that I guess Cassie was right. Still, I took a step back when she opened the cage.

"Come here, Ronno," she said, grabbing the rope around his neck. Ronno wasn't about to be lead anywhere, but with a few suggestions from the rope, the large stag meandered toward the operating room door.

Inside the operating room I saw a bunch of cabinets full of supplies, a refrigerator, one of those examining tables, and something I'd never seen before. It was shaped like a "T", only the top bar was cylindrical and tilted so that it wasn't parallel to the ground. At the lower end of the slanted bar, there was a circular entrance about 5 inches wide with what appeared to be some sort of shiny plastic inside.

"There's the A.V., Marco. Ronno didn't take to it before, when we tried...but I'm not ready to give up. The problem is that it's made for horses, and even the smallest one is too loose for a deer. I've since added some liner to the..."

She said some other veterinary jargon, but I kind of tuned it out. I looked at the sizable hole for the A.V. If that was for horses, I didn't envy mares. Though, to be fair, female wolves didn't have it so easy, either.

When Cassie was finished, I simply said, "Oh."

She seemed to pick up on the fact that I hadn't been listening. "All you have to do, Marco, is make sure Ronno doesn't get out of hand and hurt someone. Okay?"

I nodded. At that point in time, Ronno was walking around the operating room, sniffing at things on the counter. I kept my distance, while Cassie walked over to the A.V. with a small plastic spray bottle. She sprayed a thin mist all over the entrance to the A.V.

"What's that?" I asked, though I immediately regretted the question.

"Concentrated doe in estrus urine and other pheromones. It should get Ronno's attention fairly -"

She had to stop her sentence short to step aside as Ronno approached, the massive stag clopping quickly across the tile floor. The way he grunted and tossed his head, I decided I had better get out of my outer clothes and into just my morphing outfit, in case there were trouble.

I no longer even felt awkward walking around in skin tight spandex in front of the girls. I guess when you're locked in a brutal war for the fate of the entire earth, other things seem more important. I wasn't about to let one of Cassie's animal welfare fancies risk one of the six people who knew about the alien invasion and could do something about it.

But Ronno ignored Cassie, focusing single-mindedly on the A.V. He sniffed at the entrance, and the scent spray showed evidence of working immediately. I felt like I should look away, but Cassie's back was to me, so I figured I might as well look.

Ronno's penis was unlike anything I'd seen before. His shiny, red organ filled out until it was a foot long and then some, and looked to be about an inch-and-a-half wide. I'd say it looked something like a broom handle, or a really long cucumber. I had to say, I felt a little intimidated. But at least I was "bigger" than a gorilla.

Like most animals I'd seen, Ronno didn't waste any time. Once he was fully extended, he leaped onto the mounting block as if he couldn't tell that it wasn't a doe in heat. Animal instinct was powerful stuff. Pulling himself forward, he shoved his hips forward ruthlessly, driving his full length into the over-sized hole.

He adjusted his back feet, pulling back before shoving forward again, the force of his thrust causing the mounting block to creak and sway, despite being bolted to the floor. I knew I didn't want to be anywhere near the horny stag.

That was when Ronno grunted loudly, pulling back. He dropped down from the block, tossing his head. Two thrusts? Was that all it took?

I swear I heard Cassie curse under her breath. "...Dang it. Not again."

"What happened?"

"This is what happened last time. He won't take to it. I was sure the extra padding would work."

I tried to be comforting. I really did. It's just not my thing. I said, "Well, at least you tried."

She turned to me, and I noticed the tears in her eyes. Not again. She cried, "Trying won't save their species. Don't you get it? These deer are poached every day to make ointments and poultices and things out of their antlers, bones, and...heck, even their penises. Trying won't stop the poachers."

Then I really goofed up. I said, "Well, it won't really matter at all, if we can't stop the Yeerks. We're doing the most good just by fighting them."

"What good will it do the Kashmir red deer if we save the planet but they're extinct? What if there's nothing left to save when the war is over?"

I was just making things worse. "Well, what can we do if the male won't cooperate?"

"You...you're right, Marco. Let's put him back in his cage."

I glanced at Cassie, suspicious. That was a quick turnaround. She seemed lost in thought as she walked over to the big stag to grab the rope.

In the blink of an eye, the stag reared up, flailing his front legs at Cassie. Everything seemed to move in slow motion, as I jumped forward, trying to change into Big Jim. But I couldn't make it in time! Cassie dodged the first hit narrowly, Ronno's hoof glancing off her bike helmet. Even as I felt my arms begin to change into massive tree-trunks of muscle, Cassie ducked to the side of Ronno, placing her hand on his flank.

I wouldn't have believe it if I hadn't seen it, but the frustrated buck stopped his wild attack, dropping to all four legs. I could even see his erection fading away in seconds. By the time I was my full, 500-pound self, the danger was over, with Cassie standing next to Ronno, patting him.

My jaw dropped, which must have looked odd on a gorilla. But I should have realized what had happened.

Cassie said, "You should really turn back to Marco. You might freak Ronno out, and I can't do this again."

<What happened? Are you okay? That was a nasty hit at your head.> I thought to Cassie, as I began to shift back.

"I'm fine. The helmet did its job. As for Ronno, I 'acquired' his DNA. You should have realized that."

It's not like I do that every day, okay? I only had 8 morphs: gorilla, osprey, dog, wolf, some sort of fish, dolphin, seagull, lobster (that was a blast), and I don't even want to think about ants.

Cassie continued, "I can't tell you how handy that trick has been with some of the more unruly patients here."

I wrinkled my eyebrows. "Just...how many morphs do you have, anyway?"

"It's not polite to ask. Now go open the door so I can get this guy back in his cage before he starts acting up again!"

That was a little snippy, but I guess I couldn't blame her. She'd almost been brained by one of the rarest deer in the world. I opened the door, and rushed to get the gate to his cage open as well. Cassie closed the gate behind him and sighed.

"I really thought that would work."

"Well, don't beat yourself up over it, Cassie. I'm sure your dad will think of something, okay?"

She shook her head. "He already said he'd tried everything within reason."

I looked down. I knew how hard this must be for Cassie, though she seemed to be taking it pretty well now. Too well.

When she looked up at me, I noticed a gleam in her eye. She said, "But Dad can't do what we can do."

This didn't sound good. "What're you thinking, Cassie...?" I dared to ask.

"Maybe Ronno won't work out, but there's another way to get a buck that will cooperate."

"You're not saying what I think you're saying."

She was. "C'mon Marco. I need your help. They need your help. This is your chance to be part of something bigger than all of us."

Funny, I thought our unwinnable war against the Yeerks was pretty big. "You can't seriously expect me to turn into Ronno and... Jeeze, Cassie, I'm too young to be a father."

She gave me one of those looks only girls can give. The kind where clearly I'm being ridiculous, and any reasonable person would agree with her. "Marco, it's not like it's your DNA. It's his. You aren't going to be a father. I don't even have to be in the room or anything; it's all set up. Just acquire him and go in there."

"Now wait a second. Why me? You could do it just as well, and you've already acquired him!"

Cassie paused, considering that one. I continued, "Doesn't sound like such a great idea anymore, does it?"

"But I'm a girl," she started, but I gave her a dirty look. "Fine, Marco, how about we rock, paper, scissors for it?"

Why did I agree? This wasn't my problem. If Cassie cared so much she should do it. Maybe I'm a sucker for rock, paper, scissors. "Just one try, okay? No best of three," I said.

Cassie nodded. One. Two. Three!

A few minutes later, I found myself in the operating room, the proud owner of a ninth morph.

At least Cassie was waiting outside. Still, I could feel my flushed cheeks as I looked at the A.V. This wasn't how I'd planned to spend my evening!

Morphing is always an unpleasant experience. Unless you're Cassie. Even Ax seems jealous of Cassie's natural ability to morph. But for the rest of us, changing into an animal involves awkward bone-shifting, random body-parts growing, and revolting faces. I would never encourage you to watch a transformation in progress.

At least Ronno was a mammal. Sprouting fur looks a lot less gross than sprouting an exoskeleton! Soon, I was standing in the operating room, a 300-pound Kashmir red deer. Now there were 151 in the world.

One of the first things you have to struggle with with any new morph is to control the animal's instincts. Red deer stags were alert, but not as afraid as I would have expected. I guess that's why they're endangered. Tonight, however, I was supposed to give in to my instincts.

Flicking my black tail, I started toward the A.V. I could smell that scent from here, and it was intoxicating. I sauntered over, sure of myself. This was a doe that needed my services.

I'd fought the instinct of fear, playfulness, and even an overwhelming sense of nothingness. I'd fought the desire to eat, and even to sleep. But I had never had to fight the unrelenting scent of a female in heat. I tried to control any aspect of Ronno's behavior, but I just kept walking forward with one thing on my mind. Now I know how Jake must have felt...

I managed to turn my head, and my sideways-facing eyes caught a glimpse. That foot-long penis was now mine. I snorted, lowering my muzzle to the scented opening. She was ready. Ridiculous, I know. Even then, I knew that the mounting block wasn't a doe. But the smell was everything.

I mounted. The top bar seemed awkwardly tall and I had to struggle to get my legs around it so I wouldn't slip off. Then I had my grip. With all the force of semi-truck, I pushed forward. I couldn't miss the wide entrance hole. My penis slid between the folds of the warm plastic liner. I was in her! A bellowing bleat echoed through the small room.

Cassie's extra liner worked wonders at making the A.V. tighter around my erection. I grunted and thrust again. At this rate, I wouldn't last long. Why did Ronno object so much? I had to admit there were worse things I could be doing on a school night.

<Owwwwww!> I exclaimed. The soothing, erotic haze that wafted around my head suddenly dispersed as a gust of pain blew through my mind. I didn't mean to think it to everyone, but I thought-spoke, <My dick!>.

My eyes went wide as I heard Cassie reply through the door, "What happened!?"

Even as I was pulling myself off the mounting block, she was opening the door. She stopped short, looking me over with concern on her face as I stood in front of her, my huge...well, dick hanging quite noticeably between my legs.

<Cassie! Get out!>

She ignored my request, moving closer to me. "What happened? Are you okay?"

I had to turn toward her so that it'd be harder for her to see my dick. Turns out deer can't blush, or I would've been. But Cassie didn't seem to notice.

Sheepishly, I said, <Well, uh, it just hurt. The A.V. I mean.>

At least that drew her attention off of me. She walked over to the hole I'd been using only seconds earlier, and stuck her arm in it. She ran her fingers along the plastic liner, and said, "No wonder Ronno didn't like it. There's a tear in the liner. It must've scratched him!"

<Hey!> I yelped, as she walked beside me, bending over to look between my legs. <What're you doing!?>

She said, "There's the injury. Just a little raw." She grabbed a jar from the counter and flipped the lid, dipping her fingers into the gooey stuff. With her greased fingers, I watched, speechless as she reached under me and spread some ointment on my sore penis.

At first I was too shocked to use thought-speak. Then, as she continued to rub me, I was too distracted to speak. I didn't think about the fact that it was Cassie's hand, but having my dick stroked felt just as good as ever. And I have to admit, the heat smell floating around the room didn't help my willpower.

Still, I managed to pull myself away from the pleasure long enough to exclaim, <Cassie! What are you doing? That's my cock!>

Cassie stepped back suddenly, letting go, her eyes wide. "Oh, God, sorry Marco!" The best she could do at that point was shrug her shoulders and say, "Veterinarian instincts. You'll be fine, it's just a bit of rough skin."

<Of course I'll be fine, Cassie,> I snapped, feeling more than a little violated. <I can just morph back and...>

"No, don't morph back. I can work around this." She rushed over to the cabinets on the far wall.

<I'm not getting on that thing again.> It still smarted, despite Cassie's ointment.

"Not that, we've got a handheld A.V. We didn't think to try it because the mounting block is usually so much better. Now, where is it?"

I blinked. Handheld? <Now, wait a minute...>

She said, "I know it was in this cabinet..." She ignored me, continuing to root through the drawers. Finally, she took out a box. It didn't look like an A.V.

She walked toward me, pulling something out of the box. It looked like a roll of small garbage bags. She pulled one off the roll. They were a foot and a half long, and strangely wider at the bottom of the bag. The plastic looked stronger and more flexible.

"Okay, Marco, I couldn't find the handheld one, but I've got the solution. Let me put on this condom."

That was a condom!? I was so surprised that I wasted time cracking a joke, rather than backing away from Cassie. Even while she was reaching under me with the garbage bag, I thought to her, <Who's that for? Godzilla?>

Then her hands were on me again, gripping the tip of my cock gently as she slid the large opening on. I hadn't expected this. Her hands were so small and soft... She said, "They're for horses, but they'll work for collecting your sample."

My sample? I rolled my eyes, finding it very hard to believe that any of this was happening. Was I dreaming? <But we don't have an A.V.> I protested.

She said, "I'll just provide manual stimulation."

<What do you...> I started, but suddenly it became all too clear what she meant. With the condom fully in place, she gripped the middle of my dick and squeezed, sliding her hand further up. My eyes rolled up in my head again, but for an entirely different reason.

Her tight hands rubbed me back and forth, gliding smoothly against the ointment she had placed earlier. Now that I'm writing this, I wonder how the heck she found the willpower to do this. Or how come I didn't stop her. At the time, I wasn't thinking about much of anything.

With Cassie's hands rubbing and stroking my cock, I began thrusting my hips. She only had two hands, and I was about a foot long, but I have to admit she was doing a good job. Was this something veterinarians had to do? With one hand she put pressure on my tip, while the other slid up and down my full length, all the way down to where my shaft met the soft, white fur of my sheath.

I can't remember, but I think I heard Cassie say, "There you go. Good boy..." I'm probably imagining that.

While she handled me, I started stumbling over to the mounting block, which still reeked of horny doe. My state of mind was somewhere between Ronno's dedicated urge to breed and my own lustful pleasure. I hopped onto the mount, not thinking clearly enough to try to avoid the painful deathtrap that was the A.V.

Cassie helped me out, holding my dick to the side so that I didn't enter the A.V. while I began to thrust wildly into her hands. I grunted and bleated, echoing through the room.

"Marco! Too loud..." she groaned, unable to cover her ears because her hands were occupied. I'm pretty sure I ignored her.

She redoubled her efforts, one hand pressing tightly along the length of my erection as it slid back and forth, her other reaching further back to grip my balls. At this point I couldn't care less that my best friend's pseudo-maybe girlfriend was giving me a handjob.

I rocked my hips back and forth wildly, still bleating. I felt so good, knowing that in moments, I would breed my doe. Anticipating this, Cassie grabbed the back of the over-sized condom, clenching her fist around the base of my cock to hold it in place.

That was all it took. Flagging my tail, I squealed in triumph, tensed my forelegs, and gave one last powerful thrust before I felt a stream of fluid flowing through my cock. My balls pulsed with each wave, still gripped by one of Cassie's hands.

I spent the next several moments in bliss, my eyes rolled back into my head with my tongue lolling out of my mouth. I thrust harder, colliding slightly with Cassie before releasing another powerful gush. I heard Cassie say, "Oh, God, Marco..." but I didn't care. She said, "Stop! Let me get the condom, I still might be able to collect enough!"

If only I'd listened. But there's no way I was going to stop. Lust kept powering through me like a freight train. I looked down to see Cassie scrambling on the ground for the condom. Startled, I realized it must have flown off me when I accidentally knocked Cassie away. Most of my contributions had spilled on the floor.

Now Cassie was crouched just in front of me, trying to grab the wet, sticky condom, hoping to get it back on me in time to collect my last spurt. Like I said, I wasn't about to stop. I'm not sure I even tried to stop. Instead, I thrust my hips again, and emptied my balls.

It was probably my strongest ejaculation. My balls ached with the pressure with which they forced the last of my seed from my cock. Cassie was crouched beneath me, right in the path. There was nothing I could do.

Cum splattered her back, even as her hands were covered in the stuff from trying to pick up the soaked condom. I fired again and again, more and more semen splashing onto her. In seconds, she was a sticky mess, and I was gripping my lovely mounting block and panting.

Cassie stood up, stepping away. I could tell she was frustrated. I said, <Uh...look, Cassie, that...wasn't my fault.>

"Damn it, Marco. We've got to try again."

Standing there, half my size and covered almost head-to-toe in my cum, she looked more determined than ever. Her expression made me want to bolt from the room. If only I had.