“Wabbajack The Cat” A Story inspired by Elder Scroll’s IV: Oblivion
WARNING: Trying to make sense of this story may cause irreversible insanity! Followers of Sheogorath welcome!
"Wabbajack The Cat"
A Story inspired by Elder Scroll's IV: Oblivion
Many strange and odd stories have come my way, most are very humors and some are unpleasantly disturbing and heretical, but the one story that has stuck in my mind for so long now is the strange tale of a mad Khajiit known only as Wabbajack the Cat. This strange tale starts within the Imperial providence of Cyrdiil in a small town bordering the Khajiit providence of Elsweyr named Leyawiin.
A young Aragonian named Mud-Scales was outside of the town walls, doing his usual job of collecting a list of ingredients for the local Mage's Guild. He was currently picking through a small cluster of Dragon's Tongue weed, looking for the best ones to harvest for the guild and leaving the inferior choices behind. He stopped picking for a moment when he heard the sound of a male's voice speaking aloud the words.
"Wabbajack, wabbajack, wabbajack!" The Aragonian stood up and listened more closely to the voice and soon could easily distingue it to be a male Khajiit from the gruff sound in his voice.
"Hop, hop, hop! Hop, hop, hop!" The voice continued and soon the Aragonian could clearly see the owner of the voice and it was indeed a male Khajiit and a very odd one at that.
The Khajiit was almost completely naked except for an old feed bag that was wrapped around his waist and around his neck he wore a rotten fish carcass on a string of twine. The Khajiit continued to speak his very odd set of words and he said, "Wabbajack, wabbajack, wabbajack!" He would skip happily down the trail and when he changed the words to, "Hop, hop, hop! Hop, hop, hop!" He would take the stance of a rabbit and hop in sync with his words.
"This cat has gone mad in the wild!" The Aragonian said to himself as he cautiously watched the insane Khajiit continuing down the trail. The Aragonian would have very much preferred to remain unseen by the crazed animal, but unfortunately the Khajiit caught sight of him, stopped his mad ranting and waved to the Aragonian.
"It's a fishy! Hello fishy!" The Khajiit called out as he waved to the Aragonian. Normally the Aragonian would have been insulted by someone calling him a fish, but he forgave the mad cat since he was obviously insane.
"Er...yes...hello!" The Aragonian called out and forced himself to wave back. The Khajiit then broke off the path he was fallowing on the road and skipped up to the Aragonian. The Aragonian instinctively wrapped his fingers around the dagger he carried at his side for protection, for there was no telling what harm this mad cat was capable of.
"What do you want?" The Aragonian demanded and took step back as the stench of the Khajiits rotten fish necklace hit his nostril. "And for the love of all that is decent..." The Aragonian stopped for a moment as he covered his nostrils with his free hand and continued, "Why do you wear that stinking fish around your neck?"
The Khajiit only smiled and he took his amulet in hand he said, "Oh this? This Wabbajack's magic staff! It's what Wabbajack uses to protect himself! Staff likes dead fish, so Wabbajack lets it be a fish!" The Khajiit then thumped his chest three times and said, "Wabbajack, wabbajack, wabbajack!"
"I see..." The Aragonian replied and decided to change the subject back to his original question, "What do you want?" The Khajiit changed his stance back to the rabbit and as he started hopping a circle around the Aragonian, he replied, "Wabbajack came because the rabbit made him! He is wicked creature!" Just then the Khajiit twitched his nose and gestured with his teeth as a rabbit would. "I hate the rabbit! Wabbajack is tired of hopping!"
"I see..." The Aragonian replied and was now completely sure this poor Khajiit was too far gone and completely insane. "Um...why has the...rabbit...made you come all this way?" The Aragonian asked and the Khajiit replied, "He is looking for carrots and cabbage! He makes poor Wabbajack hop all over the land, looking for nasty carrots and cabbage!" The Khajiit the thumped his chest three times again and once again said, "Wabbajack, wabbajack, wabbajack!" Suddenly he changed back to his original stance and smiled.
"Why do thump your chest like that and what in all the gods names is a Wabbajack?" The Khajiit giggled and as he pointed to himself he said, "Wabbajack is me! Wabbajack is my staff! We are one in the same! I'm Wabbajack the cat! Wabbajack must remind himself he is Wabbajack or else the evil rabbit will take over!"
The Aragonian had enough of this crazy cat and decided to make an exit. "Well Mr. Wabbajack, I'm sorry but I must go. I need to deliverer these ingredients that I have harvest, so if you would please excuse me, I must go!" The Khajiit looked a little sad that he Aragonian had to leave and politely said,
"Oh...ok! Goodbye fishy! If fishy finds any nasty carrots and cabbage, please give it to the rabbit so Wabbajack can stop hopping!" Just then the Khajiit returned to the stance of a rabbit and started hopping around randomly and every time he hopped he said the word, "Hop!"
The night after the Aragonian delivered the ingredients he had harvested and was paid, his mind kept returning to the poor insane Khajiit that was most likely still hopping outside the town walls randomly. "You're a fool Mud-Scales!" He said to himself as he walked over to a nearby market vendor and bought a single cabbage and carrot. "But..." Mud-Scales said as he looked at the cabbage and carrot. "Maybe an insane action can treat an insane mind." Mud-Scales then headed back outside the town walls to find Wabbajack the Cat.
The Aragonian didn't have to go far, for the Khajiit named Wabbajack was more or less in the same area he had met him and right now he was doing his rabbit impersonation and still hopping around. Walking up to Wabbajack He hand the carrot and cabbage to Wabbajack and said, "Um...here, I think this is what you wanted...um...Mr. Rabbit?" Mud-Scales felt like such an idiot humoring the mad cat and playing along in his madness, but he was curious to put his theory on treating insanity with insanity. The Khajiit took the cabbage and carrot in hand and bounced up and down excitedly.
"Cabbage and Carrots for me? Oh you are a good fishy!" Just then the Khajiit's expression instantly changed, he made a sick face and as he threw the cabbage and carrot as far as he could and yelled,
"YUCK! Wabbajack hates nasty carrots and cabbage!" He then shuddered and turning his attention back to the Aragonian he said, "Oh thank you so much kind fishy!" He then rushed up to the Aragonian and gave him a big hug. Mud-Scale could only pray that Wabbajack was not still wearing the rotten fish necklace.
"You have saved Wabbajack from the mean rabbit! He is forever grateful to kind fishy!" Mud-Scales gagged and guessing from that the gooey feeling he felt between himself and Wabbajack, not forgetting the nasty fish smell...Wabbajack was still wearing the nasty necklace and he had mashed it into his best work shirt. "Great...just great!" Mud-Scales said as he rolled his eyes.
Over a small period of a week, Mud-Scales and Wabbajack became somewhat good friends. Wabbajack no longer did his rabbit routine, but every day he came up with something different and each one more or less entertained Mud-Scales and so he let the mad cat follow him around. Wabbajack would often get into a heated argument with himself and in the end wrestling with himself on the ground like he was fighting, then there was times Wabbajack would find a piece of cheese and claim that he had fallen in love with it and compose love poems to it all day, but when the day came to an end he would eat it and claim ignorance to have fallen in love with a piece of cheese. The majority of Wabbajack oddities were stuff like this.
One day as the Mud-Scales was once again looking for ingredients for the Mage's guild, three Nord thugs ambushed him and were set to kill him for shear cruel sport. He managed to escape the gang for a brief moment and ran as far as he could, but they chased him and began closing in fast. Mud-Scales was badly injured and as his legs gave out, he collapsed on the ground. The gang of Nord thugs encircled around him and laughed at his attempted escape. The leader said a loud, "Looks like I got new pair of skin boots!" Another joined in and said, "He'll make a nice skin sheath for my sword!" Mud-Scales sighed and expected it to be the end, for the last thing he saw as he closed his eyes was the glint of the Nord's sword being drawn from its sheath, but suddenly out of nowhere he herd a familiar voice say,
"Bad Nords! Very bad Nords! You leave Wabbajack's fishy friend alone!" Mud-Scales shot his eyes open and standing not too far away was his best friend Wabbajack. "You got a problem cat?" The leader of the Nord gang said as he raised his sword and pointed it at Wabbajack. Wabbajack he drew his ears back and said in a serious voice as he twitched his tail angrily,
"You touch one more scale on Wabbajack's fishy and Wabbajack will make you regret it!" The Nord leader laughed at his threat and just then kicked Mud-Scales in the ribs. Mud-Scales let out a loud painful groan and the Nord mockingly said, "Oops...I touched him! What are you going to do about it house cat?" Wabbajack hissed angrily and suddenly as he pounded his chest and snarled the words, "WABBAJACK,WABBAJACK, WABBAJACK! TURN INTO A STAFF" The rotten fish necklace that was around his neck suddenly changed into a staff and fell into Wabbajack's hands. With the staff in hand, he aimed it at the Nord leader and angrily chanted the words,
"Wabbajack, wabbajack, wabbajack! TURN HIM INTO A PIG!" A bolt of energy shot from the staff and as it hit the Nord leader, he let out a loud agonizing cry and suddenly changed from a Nord into a fat pig. One of the Nords yelled in Surprise, "BY THE GODS!" Wabbajack then turned his towards the Nord who yelled out and chanted the words,
"Wabbajack, wabbajack, wabbajack! TURN HIM INTO A GOAT!" Suddenly another bolt of energy shot out from the staff and as it hit the Nord he let out a loud cry and transformed into a goat. Wabbajack then aimed the staff at the last Nord who was desperately pleading for Wabbajack not to turn him into anything. Wabbajack keeping his ears drawn back, he aimed the staffed at the Nord. "P-please! M-m-mercy!" He begged, but Wabbajack showed no mercy and chanted the words,
"Wabbajack, wabbajack, wabbajack! TURN HIM INTO A WOLF!" Once again a bolt of energy shot from the staff and as it collided into the Nord who let out a long agonizing yell of the word, "No!" he transformed into a black wolf and at which point, the wolf attacked and killed the other two Nords that Wabbajack had transformed into animals.
Wabbajack walked around the Nord who was now a wolf and currently eating the flesh of the other two Nords who had suddenly changed back in there human forms after the wolf tore out there throats when they were in animal form. Wabbajack helped his friend Mud-Scales to his feet and took him back into town where he received treatment for his wounds.
The next morning Mud-Scale was awoken to the awful smell of rotten fish and as he opened his eyes, Wabbajack was standing there smiling down at him. Mud-Scales smiled back and as he looked at Wabbajack's necklace he said, "I guess you were telling the truth about that necklace being a magical staff." Wabbajack giggled and said, "Wabbajack never lies to his friends!"
Suddenly Wabbajack remembered something and said, "OH! The mean nasty Nord is now in a house for crazies!" Wabbajack giggled and continued, "Nord believes he is a wolf now! Guards found him eating his friends and screaming 'I'm not a wolf! I'm not a wolf!'" Wabbajack then snickered and continued, "Silly, silly Nord! Wabbajack's magic only lasts a short while!"
Mud-Scales head ached from that beating he had received the night before and he groaned loudly as it throbbed. "Awe, fishy should rest today yes!" Wabbajack said as he tucked his friend back under the covers. "Wabbajack would love to stay and keep his fish company...but..." Wabbajack took a deep sad sigh and continued, "Wabbajack's got a problem again!" Mud-Scales smiled, chuckled and as he nodded he said and asked, "I understand...the rabbit right?"
Wabbajack shook his head no and said, "Oh no! The wicked rabbit is gone!" Just then Wabbajack got on his hands and knee, barked three times like a dog and as he thumped his chest he said, "Wabbajack, wabbajack, wabbajack!" He stood up again and said in a frustrated voice, "The dog wants Wabbajack to find and burry his bone!"
The End