Awkward Moments.
"...Awkward Moments"
Lola closed her eyes quietly as the hot, steamy burst of water from her shower's faucet caressed her naked, shapely form. Being a gym teacher at Acme Loo was hard enough, but keeping her shape was even harder. After a long workout and several hours into the gym, a lengthy shower did wonders for her body. She let her eyes drift shut, and sighed into the heated touch of the shower's massage. That's when she heard it; the audible thump that crashed into her senses and made her instantly reach for the shower's handle. There was someone in her home. Somebody had violated the security, and privacy of her house, and made the mistake of making her aware of it. She let her lips twist into an angry snarl, and stepped out of the shower, grasping the towel hanging from the rack and wrapped it around her body. She may have been a bunny, but she wasn't a bunny to be trifled with. She was more than able, and willing to defend herself, and any thief in her home was going to find out the hard way that they had chosen the wrong house to rob. She narrowed her eyes and boldly stepped out of the shower, swinging the door open with a force that she hoped would catch whatever thief was in her room off guard.
Her mouth dropped open and her eyes grew wide as dinner plates. If it had been Yosamite Sam with a pair of pistols aimed at her, she'd have been less shocked. Or maybe Martians from Moron Mountain ready to kidnap her and demand a rematch. Something like that would have been considerably less disturbing. Instead she found her boyfriend- Bugs Bunny, standing in front of her full length mirror, wearing the snug pair of panties she'd laid out on her bed for the evening. Bugs wasn't moving- staring in terror at the mirror which reflected her image. Her very, very, angry image.
"Eh...err...uh...What's up Do-"Asked Bugs.
"Are you wearing my panties?" Said Lola.
".........I'm checking for weevils." Said Bugs
"..." Said Lola.
"You're angry, aren't yo-"Said Bugs.
"Very." Said Lola.
"I can explain." Said Bugs sheepishly, taking a step back.
"Wrong." Said Lola.
"Look, baby, dis is just what I do. It's funny! It's funny, cause I dress up like a woman to fool my enemies and den trick them into making out with me." Bugs hastily explained, holding up both his hands with a nervous grin. A powerful silence weaved it's way through the room. Lola stared.
"IT'S FUNNY, DAMN IT!" Bugs insisted. Lola pressed the palm of her hand to her face with a despondent sigh and slowly shook her head slowly, feeling a new wave of something else weave into her being. It was a haphazard mix between anger and disgust, blended with disbelief and served with a side order of what-the-fuck.
"Lola, it's perfectly natural for a rabbit to dress up in women's clothing." Bugs whimpered nervously, trying his luck again at an explination.
"As long, as said rabbit has a VAGINA!!" Lola snapped. Bugs took a step back sheepishly and bit his lower lip, shaking his head.
"B, but I don't...I don't have a va-"
"You might when I'm done with you." Snarled the girl bunny, taking a step forward, both her hands twisted into angry fists. Bugs whimpered nervously once again, taking a step back as Lola approached.
"N, now Lola, d, dere isn't any reason to be upset..." Bugs whined, ears flopping down to either side of his skull in growing fear, while Lola's eyes turned red, glowing with an unearthly rage at Bugs' insessent babbling.
"I CAN COUNT SEVERAL. YOU BROKE INTO MY HOUSE. YOU'RE STEALING MY PANTIES. YOU'RE -WEARING- MY PANTIES..."
"Okay, OKAY!! Let's just...let's just calm down..." Bugs shrieked, bending down to peel the panties off. Lola quickly shook her head with a groan at the sight of the bunny's limp maleness bouncing free of her own underwear- something she'd never wanted to see happen to her favorite panties.
"No no. You keep those. They're yours now. Forever." She quipped and Bugs gave a girlish giggle, pulling the panties back up around his hips.
"Don't do that." Said Lola said, her patience like a thin, horrific plain of ice that dared not hold her weight. Bugs gave a whimpering, simpering smile and bit at his lower lip, searching rabidly for an explination, or an excuse to weave his way out of this unfortunate incident.
"Alright, Alright. Lets just...let's just agree to disagree..." He started and Lola crossed
her arms.
"I agree that I disagree with this ENTIRE situation." She spat. Bugs let his ears droop cutely again and he flashed her a sheepish, pathetic grin.
"N, now honey, we can...we can work this out. Y, you know me. You know my cartoons. Dis is just...dis is just..."
"Weird? Bizarre? A really REALLY good reason to go back to being single? An explanation for the strap on you got me for my birthday? A reason to punch you in the face? An extremely good story to tell my psychiatrist." She groaned. Bugs tilted his head to one side curiously at the last comment.
"You have a psychiatrist?"
"After THIS? Yes. Yes I do." Lola whined, burying her head in both paws. Bugs shook his head nervously.
"L, look Lola, Doll, I just...I'm da man, damn it! I AM! I run dis relationship and I don't hafta put up with dis! And uh...I uh...I just...called you doll...didn't I?" Bugs whimpered.
Lola stared.
"LORD ALMIGHTY WHAT IN CHUCK JONES NAME DID YOU -DO-" Screamed Daffy as he braced himself against the Principal's door with his rabbit co-worker, trying to keep the horrific, trembling force of rage and fury contained on the other side.
"Eh, It's a long story doc. Just try n' keep her out until da police arrive." Bugs groaned, bracing himself against the door next to Daffy, jolting forward with the next blow from Lola against the wood.
"I'M GONNA MURDER THE HELL OUTTA YOU!!" Screamed Lola, throwing her weight into the next strike she made with the axe, doing her best to put a hole into door Bugs cowered behind. Where on earth had she gotten a fire axe? Bugs didn't know, didn't care and made a mental note to make an announcement regarding the proper use of axes in the coming days of school. If he had any.
"Uh...Miss Lola? Whatcha doin?" Asked a familiar voice that sprung up next to the enraged rabbit. Lola panted quietly and glanced to her left only to find young, innocent Buster and Babs standing in the school hallway, watching the wacked out gym teacher intently, eyes wide, and glistening with wonder.
"Just...um..." Lola hesitated. On the other side of the door, Bugs was thanking his lucky, lucky stars. God bless the innocence of children. He might get out of this with his life yet. It was long after school let out, so Buster and Babs caught the older female by surprise. Buster bit his lower lip while Babs took a bold step forward.
"Relationship troubles?" She asked quietly. Lola bit her lower lip, twirling the axe idly in her palms. Her anger was slowly beginning to ebb away.
"You...might say that." She said quietly.
"First degree murder never helps Miss Lola." Said Buster. Babs jabbed him in the side with an elbow and flashed him a dark look.
"This is women talk. You go find Professor Le Pew, please." She snarled. Buster rolled his eyes and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He had to admit, if anyone knew anything about romance and issues that probably involved potential restraining orders, it was Pepe. He twisted about on his heels and walked away grumbling, while Babs gave a dry chuckle.
"Boys...right? Um, Miss Lola, I know you're mad now, but I think deep down, You really love Principal Bugs and I know he loves you. I don't think any problems that you have can be answered by"- Babs began. Lola gave a snarl and slammed the axe into the door again.
"He broke into my house, stole my panties, put them on, then made snide, sexist comments about how he should dominate the relationship in which he referred to me as an object. Doll." She snapped, driving the axe into the door again. Babs just stared.
"I have a chainsaw in my locker." Barbra growled flatly.
"Go and get it honey." Said Lola.
"NO BABS! NO CHAINSAWS!" Screamed the voice on the other side of the door.
Babs scurried off, just as Pepe and Buster rounded the corner from the other corridor.
"Hurry Professor! I don't think Principal Bugs has much time left!" Buster yelped, pushing the skunk along, whom stopped momentarily to look the situation over.
"Ahh, Mademoiselle Lola. Lovely as evah I see. What seems to be ze trou-"
"CAN IT FRENCHY!" Lola snarled, pointing the axe towards Pepe. The male skunk gave a grim chuckle and shook his head.
"Zare is no need for ze outrage Miss Lola. Zis anger...she shall pass, and zen, you and ze boi bunny will be making ze sweet romance once more, no? Hohoho, it iz ze way of ze rabbits. He iz ze like ze bold knight and you, ze sweet damsel in distress. "Said Pepe cheerfully. Lola glared.
"Why, do I have to be in distress? Huh? Why is it always us girls?!" Lola snarled venomously. Pepe gave a sheepish grin, reaching up to adjust the fur around his neck nervously. Things were not looking good.
"W, why it is always ze way of ze fairytales. You women...you are not very strong...always getting captured by ze dragons...ze knights, ze witches ....And...uh...m, madam...y, you should n, not glare like zat...I, it sends ze w, wrong messages..." Pepe whimpered, taking a second step back.
"Eh...Way ta go, doc." Said a voice from the other side of the door.
"Run." Lola hissed. Pepe gulped nervously and turned towards the door.
"Oui. Zis iz ze very good idea!" Pepe squealed, followed by the sound of a heavy axe chopping into....something... with a wet splat. Bugs winced behind the door- which subsequently burst open with a furious chop from Lola's axe.
"HERE'S LOLA!!!" Screamed the girl bunny.
"FADE TO BLACK!! FADE TO BLACK ! QUICK!" Screamed Bugs as Lola slowly approached, axe gripped furiously in her fingers, the rabbit snarling with an angry, spurting hiss of-
*Fade to black*
"Geheghehghehge, That's all Folks!" Said Porky.
"Danks, doc. You really saved my bacon." Squeaked Bugs.
"Hardy har har." Porky snorted.
The end.