Skin Deep
Ok, this is my first story. So bear with me if its not the best written, and please Critique.!! Depending on the response I get, I may or may not continue so feel free to pm me on your thoughts, I want to hear them, or just post a comment. Enjoy!!
"Skin Deep"
"Another bleak morning", thought Toki as he stretched in bed, arching his back and ruffling his thick coat.
Well if it could even be considered a bed, after all it was a government issued cot. Feeling several joints pop as he sat up in bed, he groaned aloud, idly rolling one eye towards the night stand. Looking at the clock he immediately sprang up. 5:30!! "Oh my god I slept in!"
Rushing from the musty smelling cramped bedroom, Toki ran down the small corridor into the bathroom. His shift started at 6 and it was a 20 minute walk to the base. Not caring, Toki threw on yesterday's pants and a greasy shirt. Then, in his rush to the kitchen, Toki almost slipped on the puddle waiting for him outside the door, "great another leak." Forgetting the issue, Toki made a right arriving in the kitchen. Grabbing his wallet and identification card, he dashed down the short flight of steps and into the chill morning air.
As he locked the door behind him, a satisfying "thunk" could be heard as the bolt went home. "Saying a silent prayer no one broke in, he let his paw slide off the handle, "goodbye," he thought to himself as he left his only refuge in the entire world.
The walk to work was uneventful, and he had arrived with 5 minutes to spare. Greeting the two guards, and handing them his ID, he looked in aw at the compound in front of him. It was a fortress, towering 8 stories high and covering half a block, its drab gray steel walls giving nothing away as to what went on inside. Toki shifted his feet paws, waiting for the guards to clear him, and as they did so he smiled. They didn't. It was his usual routine, and he was used to the behavior of the guards, Zach and Butch; an ugly bear and an even more disturbing lion that was missing his entire left eye. They didn't talk much but it never hurt to be on friendly terms with as many furs as possible. Especially when working for a gang, the more furs who knew you, the less likely you'd be "retired."
The day looked to be another overcast, cold and windy day. It was winter after all, and living on a frozen ball of ice for a planet didn't help either. He was born here, in the city of "New Hope." Ironic that it was actually a place for despair and misery, an inescapable prison designed to look inviting till you got there, then it would never let you go. Just simply pull you deeper and deeper into despair and sadness. There was no color here, just grey; no love or joy, or hope. Just a deep sense of dread.
Toki entered the compound..
It was another day at work for the grey furred wolf, his deep blue eyes impassive as he walked to his office, thinking, "Why do I come back here everyday, assisting these brutes in their campaign to make life miserable"
The answer was clear, "it was a job." And he was thankful he had it, despite every instinct telling him otherwise.
"Have a seat...," came a deep voice as Toki walked past an open office. In front of him was his boss, Karrg, a mean looking polar bear covered in a filthy pelt, topped off with more scars than Toki could count.
Taking a seat in the adjacent chair, Toki took a second to take in his surroundings. Hmm. A wooden desk, worn white walls, covered in dilapidated wall paper, A picture.. It was the only one, and it was hung from the wall to the left of the door. It depicted 5 bears pulling a wolf to pieces... Toki's stomach became a knot, "is that symbolic of something" Toki thought to himself, as he gulped.
Karrg didn't notice Toki's diminished demeanor, but continued talking. "I have another assignment for you, this one harder than most. I need you to rig a semi with a detonation charge that'll kill whomever is inside, but leave the cargo unscathed. The truck is parked in tunnel 5, main entrance, you have until the end of your shift."
Toki nodded and left.
He hated the assignments that ended in someone dying because of his handiwork, it gnawed at him from the inside, making his body feel feeble and weak. Hating the feeling, he brushed aside his momentary weakness and continued to the service elevator, descending to sub-level 5 and walking to the entrance of tunnel 5. The elevator stopped after a minute, the doors opened and he walked out. The air was cool, damp and dark, the tunnel around Toki seemed to be closing in on him as he walked deeper into the abandoned mine. As he began the half-mile trek to the truck depot, his thoughts ran away with him.
"What am I doing here? Why am I still doing this? It has been 9 years Toki!" Toki was ridiculing himself. "You will never amount to anything here, leave, go somewhere else. (where do I go??)" The anger and turmoil was boiling up from his past. He saw the face of a raccoon, caved in after being crushed by the purposeful collapse of his house. Then a fox whom had been in debt, blown to pieces by the exploding transport on his return home to his family. Finally a wolf, with dark brown silken fur and green eyes burned into his minds eye. The she-wolf was staring blankly at him with the look of death. Toki casting an eye down, her entire torso was gone and she had died alone..
It was all his handiwork, his explosives, his design!! Their screams echoed through Toki's mind. "WHY!!" yelled Toki,
"why do I do this... My life is a blackened painting, no color.. no good is painted on my life. I am sick..." Toki was resigning himself to self-pity and anger as he thought about suicide. A quick death, just walk into the frozen wastelands not a mile from the city limits. It was so tempting...
Toki continued towards his destination, his paws felt cold and cracked, his mind feverish, the fur on his back, damp and unkempt, he looked in a sorrowful state. The depressed wolf hadn't realized how much he had let himself go over the past month as his depression hit rock bottom. "At least I still got muscle" thought Toki as he reached the compound gates, swiping his badge as he entered.
The truck he was searching for had already been prepped and was ready to be driven to his workshop. It had definitely been stolen and so he guessed at its purpose...
` Waving to the nearest fur to get his attention, Toki got a scowl in return.
"The keys are in the ignition!" The response from the fur, showed barely contained anger. "Get going!"
Toki, not wanting trouble, did as he was told. Turning the ignition, the truck started with a deep rumble as its combustion engine roared to life. Toki honked the horn and drove off.
The trip back took less than 5 minutes, leaving little time to think. But Toki still thought about suicide, he wanted desperately the feelings of pain, and anguish to be gone, no more the horrible nightmares that invaded his mind every night.
His work was complete shortly after 5 which meant that he got paid for a full day but didn't work the standard 12 hour shift. Satisfied, Toki clocked out and headed home.
The air was frigid, there was hardly a fur on the streets and things were too quiet. Toki continued the walk towards his house. It had a calming effect on the lithe gray wolf and some of his anxiety slipped away with the breeze.
Toki was single, he had never found a mate in school, nor secondary school. He had always been a loner, without friends or support. His parents had died when he was young and the only support he received from anyone was a government stipend at the end of every month. It had been generous enough, it kept him fed and clothed, with shelter, but that was it. There had never been anything extra. Now, working for the Veshens, Toki had money, but not a lot. Yet he would give it all away to rid himself of his guilt and sadness. His thoughts changed.
Taking a turn Toki abruptly headed away from his house and towards the city limits. "this ends now."
It took half an hour before he saw the outer wall. It was 10 feet tall and was meant to help with draft control. But really, Toki believed it was actually meant to discourage furs killing themselves by going into the frozen tundra beyond.
The wall didn't look at all hard to climb and Toki casually walked up to it, gauging his jump to reach the top. With a powerful upward thrust Toki managed to grab hold of the top of the wall and pull his lower half onto the cold surface. He sat there, listening to the howl of the wind, and the chilling idea of jumping off to the other side. Toki sat for a long time. He was in deep thought, reviewing his life with scrutiny and scorn.
"It wasn't fair! I was just a pup, barely 12 years of age when they died." He remembered the funeral, the government guy taking his arm and leading him to a mirror. The German shepherd told him to look at the mirror and asked him what he saw.
Toki had replied that he saw a little wolf, the wolf had grey fur with black around the muzzle and eyes, as well as his feet paws which were black running up to his lower leg, above the ankles. He said he saw a wolf who was pathetic, and weak, who hated his parents for leaving him, and that he was afraid. The government man replied that he saw the heart of a warrior in Toki, that he was a grown wolf now, and would have to fend for himself.
Toki didn't want to grow up so fast, but he did. The Funeral ended and the few people who had showed up left quickly before Toki could talk with them; to plead for them to take him. Toki was utterly alone in a world where organized crime ruled, and where even the best and most protected succumbed to terrible fates. Not knowing where to go, what to do, or how to begin, Toki simply succumbed to depression, few furs aided him and no one ever loved him.
The onslaught to his soul tore him apart and left his psyche in tatters. Leaving him to find the pieces and bring them back together, into some state of acceptance. Remembering the years that followed, Toki could see the faces of all the other furs pairing up and being mated, he had stood alone, without a mate, without love, and without a heart.
Toki then remembered the day the Vishens first approached him. It had been a year since the government stipends stopped coming and he was broke, without a job and surviving on scraps. They had pulled his records, he had been trained in chemical engineering and they offered him a job. Toki could still feel their cold breath on his back, he had known that if he said "no" they would have killed him. The answer had been simple, YES. He had replied, Toki had no love, no emotions besides pain and despair but he wanted to live. Toki still had the instinct to survive, the want to live and experience new things. But that was then, not today, 9 years later.
Toki was about to return to his apartment, another failed suicide attempt. When he heard a distant whimper, like someone had tickled his ear, it was so light. Toki leaned forward erect, ears pointing in the direction the noise had come from. The wind surged again and it carried with it another faint whimper, this one clear enough that Toki could tell exactly which direction it had originated.
"It couldn't be" thought Toki. He had never heard anyone outside the city-limits before, Yet there it was again, fainter this time, just barely audible in the howling snowstorm.
"Whatever it was is either going further away, or getting weaker", thought Toki. He had to make a decision and fast. Mind racing, Toki searched his feelings. "If he went out there he may get lost, and die, maybe it's a good thing, maybe a not. At least he would die peacefully. Or he might rescue someone, and that may make some of his hollow being disappear, maybe even make him happy, like doing one good act could suffice for some of the wrong in his life."
Toki jumped, and with a solid thump landed 10 feet below. He was now outside the city, the temperature was lower and the wind bit into his fur, 'maybe that wall really did help..."
Walking towards the last whimper, Toki hoped to find something. Minutes passed, and then an hour. No sound, not even a hint was heard, by this point Toki had began to get cold, his body temperature was dropping rapidly and the night was still early. He could see the dimness of the city lights and headed towards them, settling on what he had heard as a ghost or figment of his imagination.
Toki was slow to advance, his body was stiff and his brain unresponsive and slow. Then, as if out of nowhere a shriek, high-pitched howl was released. It was long and mournful and it brought Toki out of his stupor. The fog around his mind lifted and his body gained strength. Toki took off to the location of the sound's source. He ran. For minutes he ran; and as the howl became weak, he answered. Returning it with his own. He was weak and short-winded as he ran, still racing towards the noise, he was getting close.
Up ahead Toki could make out what looked to be a snowdrift. He ran faster and looking up again from the torrent of snow pummeling his face, he saw it was actually a jagged face of rock jutting from the ground; rising horizontally it created a small sheltered hollow underneath. What Toki saw sickened him, blood was everywhere, wolf blood. It was in the snow, smeared on the ground, and seemed to pool under the boulder. This was where he heard the mournful howl, and seeing a furred body poking out, Toki immediately thrust himself under the rock, pushing further in, his jaw went agape at the sight.
Right in front of him was a wolf. A beautiful, thin, white furred wolf. She was covered in her own blood, dying most of her fur a tinge of red.
She noticed him, and shrieked.
She screamed, "NO, Pleeease, don't hurt me, PLEASE! I gave you what you wanted, Just LET me go". She was kicking, and more blood seemed to flow from somewhere.
"I'm not here to hurt you. I..." Toki was cut off by a swift jab to his face with razor sharp claws.
"LEAVE! Let me die in peace you fowl MONSTER!" (her voice became a whisper) "I did everything you asked, I obeyed and didn't put up a fight." The she-wolf continued, "pleeeeease don't hurt me any more." Her ears were rooted to the back or her head, her eyes freely flowing tears, and her muzzle so low he couldn't make out her face. New tears broke fourth and the arctic wolf broke into shudders.
Toki knew that if she kept struggling, she would die of blood loss, so he changed his approach. "I heard your whimpers as I was on my way here to kill myself. I want to help, please let me help! I don't want you do die..." Toki said it with as much love as he could muster from his dead heart. Hoping it would be enough.
The white wolf stopped her struggling, she stared at Toki, with deep emerald green eyes, they showed so much pain and grief. She looked like a broken, kindred spirit. Someone not meant to ever feel such pain. Toki began to cry.
"Why do you cry wolf?" she asked
Toki responded, "Your eyes, they show such deep pain and sorrow, I feel it, just looking into them, I feel like you were never meant to feel such pain and despair and seeing it in your eyes makes me cry for you. Please let me help!"
Toki approached her, she didn't seem to notice, "she must be in a fog, slipping into unconsciousness," thought Toki.
Toki gingerly looked at the she wolf's lower body, She had been raped, and by the looks of it, pretty bad. Her vaginal opening was trickling blood, it looked... ripped. (Toki imagined what they did to do that, he shivered and was repulsed by the fact that such furs existed)
"Do you have a name?" asked Toki
The she-wolf looked beaten, and was about to cry when Toki embraced her gently. He was astonished at how cold she was. Toki knew she must have lost a lot more blood than he thought, or that she had been here for some time. Tears welled in his eyes as he struggled to hold back his sobs. "It just wasn't right, no one deserves this, especially this gentle, innocent female."
Struggling for just an instant, she gave up, without strength to continue, she replied simply, "my name is Narr", and passed out. Her breathing became more labored and her whole body seemed more diminished.
Toki knew her situation was dim at best, and more likely utterly hopeless. But he did everything he could for her right there and then. Remembering his emergency medical training, Toki ripped strips of cloth form his shirt, and using cotton from his insulated jacket, he made a makeshift bandage. Gently, he secured it around her waist; stemming the bleeding. Then he wrapped additional layers making sure that the blood couldn't continue to escape. Toki felt lightheaded as his body temperature continued to drop, he had taken off all of his clothing, besides his boxers, and wrapped Narr as best he could. She lay there, as deep into the crevice formed by the rock as possible. She didn't look good and was so pale Toki could see it through her fur. Then, with some effort, Toki pulled himself in as close as he could to share body heat, and lay there, freezing to death, utterly spent and exhausted.
Toki knew that if he slept he would not wake up, and so he kept silent watch, singing to himself a tune his mother had taught him. It was all he remembered of his mother and he cherished it, singing it whenever he asked for strength.
A lone tear fell down Toki's muzzle as he imagined this she-wolf dying as his mother did, a cold lonely death filled with despair and pain. It was all Toki could take and he began to cry, gently and quietly, with small sobs into the she-wolfs neck, licking gently and affectionately.
Toki prayed, "Oh, God, please don't let me lose her, I beg you please let her live! Don't let her die like my mother..." With that Toki broke into slow, mournful, almost silent howls of grief as he continued to cry into her shoulder.
The night drew on, the wind howled, and the temperature dropped. The weather seemed destined to end the lives of the two wolves huddled under the rock. Yet a new passion burned in the chest of Toki, he felt love for the first time as he had cared for Narr. Toki would not resign to death easily tonight. As he let go all the hatred and pain that had consumed his life, looking instead at the shining beacon lying next to him, Narr... Toki knew she would make it, and he felt compelled to make sure she did, he would not let go..