Live (A Side Story)
He stood there, cigarette in mouth, left paw inside his brown jacket. I had noticed the raccoon several times before, mostly because of his blatant disrespect of our campus` new smoking rule. I almost just wanted to tell him that if he wanted to smoke he should do it on the sidewalks and not against the side of our dorm building.
"What are you looking at?" he said, eyes turning on me.
"N-Nothing," I heard my voice stutter out a reply.
"Liar. I notice youre always looking over here whenever Im out smoking. You gay? See something you like?" Trails of smoke left his mouth every few words.
"No. Why would you think that?"
"No reason. Just figured Id say something to get you to talk. So why are you always staring at me if youre supposedly not attracted to me?"
I shifted to my left food, my eyes darting and trying not to come eye to eye with him. "You know you`re not suppose to smoke within thirty feet of campus buildings. You can smoke on the sidewalks instead."
The raccoon pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and laughed. "Youre not only a good-looking weasel but a smart one. What makes you think that I would so kindly move at your request? Whats in it for me?"
"Well, those who don`t smoke would appreciate not having to smell it from their dorms above you."
"So what if they can smell it? That doesnt concern me. They can just deal." He took another drag. "Wheres your dorm? Got a roommate? What`s your name?"
"Jared. I live on the other side of the building on the first floor. Alone. I paid extra money to have a private dorm," I replied with pride.
"Lucky. I ended up on the fucking fourth floor with a roommate. You and him would get along like a married couple. Does nothing but complain about how the smell of alcohol on my clothes is going to get us both kicked out. I don`t give a shit."
We stood there in silence for a moment, him smoking still as I watched him pull the cigarette away each time he blew out smoke. With the last drag, he threw it on the ground and stamped on it, ending the flame that had given it life. He shoved his right hand into his jacket and leaned further against the wall. I just stood to his right a little.
"So, whats your major? Bet its something like sociology or something to help the public if you`re so damn concerned about your fellow dorm mates above us," he said, turning his body toward my direction and staring at me intently. His gaze was chilling and I rather not look at them so often.
"Actually, I want to be an Elementary teacher. Preferably Third Grade. I feel as if it`s a hard time for children, so I-"
"I get it. I just asked your major, not your lifes story. A teacher. Sounds stupid. My teachers never gave a rats ass about me. All they wanted was to make sure you could regurgitate the information they gave you. Turn you into little machines."
I felt my face furrow into a slight frown at his comment. "That`s not true. My teachers were very nice to me and my class."
"Really? What was your rank?" he said, an eyebrow raising with slight curiosity.
"I was the third best in my class."
"There you go! They knew you didn`t have enough common sense to think on your own two legs, so of course they liked you. You are like fodder to them. The perfect mold for turning into a machine. I bet they put it in your mind that you should always do your best."
"Naturally, of course."
He chuckled and walked over to me, my eyes growing wide as he came closer. When we were just a few inches away, he stopped. As much as I had tried to prevent it, we were face to face, eye to eye. His gaze was more than just chilling. It was very uncomfortable. Why were there others like him? Why couldn`t the world just be nice?
"Let me ask you something. Have you lived? Have you ever really lived? Experience life with all it has offered?"
"Yeah. I am standing before you. If I breathe, therefore I live. And if I am living, I am experiencing right now. Every morning is a new experience."
He shook his head. "Im not talking about that textbook mumbo jumbo. Im talking about beyond a book. Have you ever smoked? Been to a party? Kissed a female? Felt her up? Ever jacked off in the shower and hope to whatever`s out there that no one walks into the shower stall next to you?"
I felt myself blushing slightly at his words. Anyone could be walking past us and hearing these words, thinking that we were not right in our minds. Well, I knew that part was at least true for this raccoon, but not for me. I had to maintain my position in this.
"Well?"
"I`d rather not say."
He grinned at me. "That answers it. Youve always been mommy and daddys perfect son. Never drank, never smoked, a perfect gentlefur to a female. Though I bet there`s a sock stuffed somewhere when you did decide to jack off once or twice to experiment."
I felt my blush deepen and my cheeks grow hot. "Why are you even asking me this? Like you said, why do you even give a shit?"
"Exactly! Why do I even give a shit? Ill tell you why. Because we have parents wet dreams like you walking around, acting like they own the whole fucking world or theyre better than everyone. They never once stop to even think about the reality in things. And even if they care, they dont get it. Theres another world out there that theyll never understand unless they experience it."
"What`s your point?" I quickly interjected.
"My point? You dont get it. You dont get what you dont get. Youll never live until youve actually lived. Ive seen so much. Ive seen so much that itd give you nightmares. Id show you, but I wouldnt want to be sued for traumatizing some parent`s perfect son. But I just ought to. I just ought to so I can prove to this fucking world that no fur is an exception."
He eyes were glaring into mine, burning through to them like some deadly comet hurdling toward the world. Not the kind that burn up in the atmosphere, but the kind scientists keep predicting that would destroy us all. Maybe the comet was already here? Maybe it had snuck up on us in the form of some living fur. Maybe he was the comet.
He leaned in close, his whiskers touching my neck and ear. "Youve might been a gentlefur to a female, but Im not nice. Ive taken males like yourself into the closet and just shoved myself into them. Ive grabbed them and locked lips with them, my blood pulsating and urging me on. Ive even been grabbed before, held down, and taken like a prisoner with no love. And thats just the beginning."
I shuddered as he pulled back slightly, feeling the chills go down my spine from the sensations of his whiskers and breath tickling my ear and neck. It was so strange. It was not scary, but it still made me uncomfortable, having this raccoon so close to me.
"Well, Jared, have you got an image inside your mind? Are you going to run away and drown yourself in books, trying to forget what I just said? Cause you will fail. Because now you know a little of the truth. A little of what goes on outside of this little bubble you call life. But you`ll never get it."
"I bet I could," I heard myself whispered. "I bet I could if I just decided to follow you out somewhere one day."
He smirked again. "Like a stalker? Ive had those before. They were fun. I enjoyed teasing them. And when they finally caught me, well, lets just say I made sure they enjoyed themselves. Of course, if you even tried following me, you wouldn`t be any fun at all. You would try clinging to me like a mewing cub, wanting your mommy and daddy to come save you."
I frowned once more. "Im capable of standing on my own two feet. Im capable of living."
He let out a small sighing sound, almost as if it was between a low growl and sigh of annoyance. "Really? You think you can?" He quickly grabbed my paws with one of his, holding them against my pants. With his other paw, I felt his arm wrap around my body, pulling me forward. Our lips locked, my eyes widened.
His tongue pushed deep into my mouth, holding the kiss with a growl. I struggled against, making him only hold me hard against him. After a few seconds, I closed my eyes, asking why was he doing this? Why could I not free myself?
He finally pulled away. I fell backwards, landing on the grass on my behind. I looked up at him, eyes widened once more, looking up at him like I expected him to just grab me and kiss me again. Wait, why was I thinking about him kissing me again? I felt my face go flush as I heard him chuckling.
"My point exactly. You wouldnt last five minutes in my kind of situations without my help. Youre weak, close minded, and a fool. Look at yourself? Youre still sitting on the ground like youve been caught by something vicious. Oh, trust me, my weasel friend. If something vicious had caught you, you wouldnt have been given a chance to run like youve been given right now."
"Please, what do you want? What can I do to understand?"
"Nothing, except live. Escape from these chains these idiots have made for you. Or else youll be a slave to them your entire life. You have a decision to make. I hope youll make the right one." He turned around, shoved his hands back into his jacket pockets, and began to walk away.
"Wait!" I called out. "Where are you going?"
"You dont want to know. But I just ought to tell you. Id even invite you along, but youre not ready. Even I can see that. I got a friend down the block who wants to 'hang' out, if you catch my drift. Besides, Im sure you`ll see me around still. After all, I live in the same building as you."
I do not know why but I was almost sad to see him go. I continued to sit on the ground, my body still not answering back to what I wanted it to do. It was as if that kiss had turned off all my sensory receptors and opened up something else. Something I was not even sure I understood.
"You better get up before they think I shot you or something. Like I said, I dont need some parent suing me for damaging their special snowflake. But Ill be thinking about you, Jared. And I`ll be seeing you soon. I hope your begin your journey eventually."
I watched him cross over into some furs yard and disappear around the front of the house, continuing on to where his friends house was. I sat there, wondering what had just happened to me. Why had I been singled out by this raccoon to be dealt this way? Why could it have been anyone else but me?
After a minute, it struck me. I did not get his name or anything about him. I knew him nothing more other than as the smoking raccoon who had kissed me. The thought of the kiss sent another chill down my spine once more, the memory of it still etched in my mind.
But, also, somewhere in my mind I wanted to see him again. Something about him made me curious and very uneasy. He was something different, beyond what I was use to. And I wanted to know more. I wanted to know what he had meant. He was right. I did not get it.
(Another side story. I think I may make another story about these two. Got to see if Jared learns how to live.)