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Omnipocalypse

Reign of Rats: Yeen Queen

By Von Krieger

Some predicted the world would end in fire, others in ice, yet more believed the world would be swallowed by void, or consumed by zombies, invaded by aliens.

In the end?

It turns out that everybody was right.

And wrong.

Today the world ends and a new one begins as one apocalypse battles another on the battlefield tainted by a third in a pattern repeated again and again across the globe.

The darkest horrors of human imagination crawl out of the woodwork. Have they only just arrived, or in all the chaos have they only chosen now to step out of the shadows and into the light? Lycanthrope, vampire, alien, demon, horror, and so many others.

Upon a college campus the end has come in the form of Angels seeking perfection, to put the world in its most exalted state where it will remain forevermore.

As each tiny apocalypse kicks off, the discovery of two ancient artifacts of long forgotten divinities releases their power as the world cracks, letting things from outside reality in. An opportunistic automated system, created in a universe that no longer exists many layers of existence away slips in, eager to spread its gift far and wide.

And what form shall salvation take for those poor souls doomed to such a fate?

A world that does not end in fire, nor in ice, but in rats.

And nerds.

And nerdy rats.

And ratty nerds.

And an astonishingly friendly black hole.

And the aforementioned divinities.

And also a snake.

Sssss.

-o-

The world ended on a night just like any other. The rich and famous gather to carry out strange, eccentric parties put on by their equally strange and eccentric social groups, unaware that it will be the last. Video game fanboys waiting with rapt anticipation of the impending announcement from their favorite series, unaware that their beloved scenarios will shortly become all too real. Investigative reporters investigated reports of strange activities in strange locations, unaware that they're soon to become the strangest of them all.

And a noodle enthusiast whose quest for high sodium at low prices results in him being in the wrong place at the right time.

Tonight the end comes, but it won't be the only thing coming as twin beams of light lance upwards into the sky. As David stared upward at the sudden lights, his mouth full of discounted gas station noodles, another flash hit his eyes, this one in the form of a blue box.

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Welcome to the System!

Your universe has had the good fortune of being integrated into the System, as without it covering the places where reality has cracked all sorts of unpleasant, undocumented monstrosities could slip in.

The well-known and widely documented monstrosities provided by the System are, on average, much safer and easier to deal with.

As a result of the cracks in your reality, wellsprings of non-native energies have begun to leak into your world and rather than allow them to build up to levels where the sudden release will cause widespread calamities, the System provides an outlet in the form of monsters and items created from these otherwise dangerous energies that are yet unknown to your world. Probably.

Your sector has been closed off and "instanced" to allow the System to slowly stabilize this section of reality before spreading outward.

Several of the parameters of System integration will be chosen by this zone's controller and Prime Player, Error_Flynn, whose party was in control of two of the three Wellspring Nodes in this sector. This process often takes a period of several hours as each option is considered in detail.

Please take this time to explore the various aspects of the System and to select the capacities you wish to be granted, as well as performing tasks to draw the attention of various powers who act as sponsors who will assure your status as a Player.

Failure to be interesting enough to warrant patronage of a higher power will result in minor physical, mental, and spiritual adjustments in order to facilitate your adaptation into a System-managed world, so please use your time wisely!

Welcome to the System!

|

David, unfortunately, got to read none of that, as the window appeared and disappeared in the blink of an eye, present for far too short a time to recognize it as anything more than another flash of light.

The window that appeared a moment after the first one disappeared lingered, and the sudden presence of a solid-looking blue and white wall with text on it startled him so hard that he jumped backwards.

|

As the first individual in your sector to consume something edible, you have drawn the patronage of the All-Consuming Hunger of Hegemonic Hunger LLC which will give you additional options during Character Creation.

You are the second Player acknowledged in your sector.

Your sector's Prime Player has selected "Ophidian Overlord Orochi" as the System Manager for this sector, and has put the sector's starting faction slots up for auction. By utilizing pre-existing data patterns, the development of your sector will take place at a more rapid rate, and the energy credits offered by the bidding parties will be put to use improving your sector and its residents.

Hopefully by now you have put the time it took for the Prime Player to carefully weigh and measure each of the options against one another to find the most favorable outcome to explore your potential options.

Your selections can now be locked in and your own personal integration with the System will take place shortly.

You have not completed Character Creation and without it the System will integrate you according to the settings of the auction winner, the Guild "Daughters of Fellstar" of the Ratling House Konker.

As a Player you will be given five additional minutes to undergo an expedited version of Character Creation before integration begins.

First select two aspects to serve as the primary criteria for your class search.

|

Alas, once again David was unable to read the rather important and decidedly life-changing text. With his sudden appearance of the System window he uttered the word "MOTHERFUCKER!" filtered through a mouth full of pasta.

|

Magic and Fighting selected as your primary aspects.

Please provide an additional two aspects to refine the search parameters and select your class.

|

David slurped his noodles, trying to clear them from his mouth as he was vexed by yet another window.

"What the fuck?" he muttered.

|

Slut and Fuck selected as search refinements.

Given the keywords chosen, your current class is Paladin and your subclass is Devotee of Fellstar, Priestess of Pleasure selected.

The patronage of the All-Consuming Hunger has altered several of your class abilities and granted you additional ones.

Would you like to change your class selection or proceed with your System-granted essence integration?

|

David managed to gulp down a section of the noodles, but these were the kind of noodles that originally came in a compact brick consisting of one exceptionally long noodle and thus the gulping drew in yet more noodles as he attempted to protest the system's search results.

"No! I don't wanna be some kind of priestess!" he growled with annoyance around the noodles.

|

"Go on" and "Freeform Essence'' selected. Freeform mode has the potential to allow you to integrate anywhere in System Administered worlds, though it is very likely you will gain the Essence of the first creature to defeat you in combat. Do you..."

|

It finally occurred to David that he could just bite down and let the mouth-clogging glutinous mass drop back down into the styrofoam cup.

"No!" he cried, quite clearly for the first time.

|

You do not want to change your essence selection.

This completes your Character Creation, Devotee of Fellstar.

Your Essence-gathering tutorial will begin shortly upon the application of your System-granted abilities.

Please enjoy your world's newly established integration with the System!

|

David drew in a deep breath, accidentally inhaling a bit of noodle that had gotten lodged behind one of his back teeth and his cheek.

"What the hell were all those weird blue windows?" he sputtered as his body attempted to expel the Ramen Legion from his lungs.

He waited for more blue windows, or whatever this Integration thing was to happen.

Nothing did.

Feeling safe for the moment, he pulled a bottle of Spurt soda from the bag where the rest of his noodly purchases resided.

He sighed and closed his eyes, taking a big gulp to try and settle his respiratory system and process whatever the hell had just happened.

|

You have performed a Devotion to the All-Consuming Hunger!

For being the first Player Character in this sector to consume both food and drink you have discovered your patron's Devotion.

As your sector's Prime Player has enabled Sensory Streaming for the realm, your patron(s) can experience what you experience.

Each of them has their own preferences, wants, needs, and desires.

Each has specific acts of fealty that they approve of, allowing them to experience the mortal condition.

At special milestones in your development you will gain the opportunity to provide mystical, spiritual, metaphysical, and other ethereal, non-matter based offerings as sacrifices to your patron in return for power.

As the All-Consuming Hunger's first Player Character to receive patronage, you have the opportunity to make a sacrifice within the next 24 hours.

Greater sacrifices mean greater rewards!

Please think carefully on what you will offer up, as your reward will not be known until the offering is made.

|

David spit out his mouthful of soda as he attempted to parse what was before him.

"Sacrifice? Player character?" he managed between renewed coughs.

|

You have chosen to sacrifice your player character status in favor of deeper integration with the new world being created by the System.

This is something that has the potential to greatly shape your future growth, both in its removal, and as the new path your patron will grant you.

Are you sure you would like to make this offering?

|

David answered with a continued surge of hacking and coughing.

|

You have selected "Heck yeah!"

|

David felt something imperceptible up until that moment be rudely yanked away from him. It was like discovering that he had a pair of extra-dimensional testicles that had somehow managed to evade his notice up until the moment an NFL kicker punted him between the metaphorical uprights.

And then all of a sudden the pain went away, replaced by a strangely intense, hot pressure.

The five minutes the system had given him had passed.

|

Phase 0 integration beginning.

Analysis of Sector Wellspring: Reliquary of Fantomiel Fellstar

Analysis of Sector Wellspring: Altar of the Veridian Beastmother

Analysis of Sector Wellspring: Remnants of the Ancient Astronaut

Routing Wellspring: Remnants of the Ancient Astronaut's output to System task: Sector Isolation and Instancing.

Routing Wellspring: Reliquary of Fantomiel Fellstar and Wellspring: Altar of the Veridian Beastmother's output to maintaining dimensional integrity.

System's zone management functions will now be supplemented with the usage of Virtue and Vice energies.

Initiating System effects.

|

David wondered what kind of fresh nonsense he was going to be made to undergo this time.

|

Lust and Patience Applied!

Usurpation of micro-scale flora, fauna, and matter engaged allowing for easier application of System administered systems.

Entropy ceased.

Aging ceased.

System will now oversee functions relating to matter, removal of detritus, and spawn deletion.

|

David wasn't sure if that was good or bad. Lack of entropy and aging were good things, right?

|

Wrath and Chastity applied!

Faction system, Friend/Foe system, and Alignment system integrated.

Conflict drive increased in System-driven spawns.

Spawn/Respawn systems integrated.

|

This one did sound kind of bad, at least so far as the conflict drive thing was considered. Did that mean monsters and stuff? Alas, unbeknownst to him, David's question had already been answered by one of the previous mysterious blue windows that had appeared and disappeared in an instant for whatever reason.

|

Greed and Charity applied!

Item system, Inventory system, Looting system, Crafting system, Enchantment system, and Patronage system integrated.

|

This one seemed pretty good, maybe? Hunting for rare and powerful items as well as making your own optimized, custom gear from scratch were some of David's favorite parts of video games. He wondered what this Patronage system was exactly.

He'd managed to acquire a patron through eating noodles and drinking pop for some reason? Was that Sensory Stream the System mentioned like some cosmic Twitch stream for demons and Lovecraftian entities and stuff?

Great, Would Dread Cthulhu be tut tutting in chat every time he took a leak?

|

Gluttony and Kindness applied!

HP system, MP system, Stamina system, and Consumables system integrated.

Effects of compatible matter intake will be processed immediately.

Buff system and Debuff system integrated, System will now simulate conditions to preserve resources.

|

Well, maybe Dread Cthulhu wouldn't have to disapprove because leaks would no longer need to be taken. Maybe. It sounded like things like food and drink would apply instantly.

He wondered if the debuffs thing would mean that rather than having a broken leg that the system would instead simulate the pain and difficulty of motion rather than actually having somebody deal with a broken bone? That could be better or worse. Then again, if reality was becoming a video game it would make diagnosing illnesses pretty easy, since every video game David could think of had some sort of UI indicator that you were suffering from a debuff.

Maybe he could figure out what the hell made him want to sleep for three days straight every time the seasons changed.

|

Sloth and Temperance applied!

Rest system, Lore system, Skill System, and Morality system integrated.

|

The System being able to control your morality? That sounded absolutely terrible! David didn't want anyone or anything messing around with his mind.

|

Envy and Diligence applied!

Harvesting system, Exploration system, Housing system, Settlement system, Achievement system, Class system, and Questing system integrated.

|

Yay! More game-based stuff that actually sounded like fun and not like evil worms were going to slither into his brain and pilot him like some kind of meat-mecha.

|

Pride and Humility applied!

Essence system integrated.

Please stand by for application.

|

Wait, what?

What the hell was an Essence system?

He'd managed to accidentally skip that entire section, as his noodly growling had resulted in him being saddled with a "Freeform Essence," whatever the hell that was.

The System had said that he'd likely end up with the Essence of the first creature that defeated him in combat.

How did that work?

David wracked his brain trying to figure out what game mechanic applied when you were defeated in combat. One that required an entire system to be devoted to it.

|

Error 1 of 2!

Invalid Essence selection.

Freeform Essence is not available for Non-Player Characters.

|

That sounded bad.

|

Error 2 of 2!

Patronage cannot be applied to Non-Player Characters.

|

That sounded worse.

David had been a part of the System for just a little over five minutes now and already it seemed like he was going to lose the one thing he'd actually managed to accidentally earn from this strange thing!

He braced himself, as bad things always came in threes.

|

Unable to resolve errors.

Patronage should not be able to be granted to Non-Player entities.

Patronage contracts cannot be broken by the System.

Freeform Essence cannot be removed due to integration with Patron-granted class features.

Contacting System Manager Ophidian Overlord Orochi to resolve errors.

Please hold.

|

There it was.

David's mind raced. Getting the attention of some powerful being that could manipulate a system that manipulated reality seemed like a really bad idea. Especially one with the title of Ophidian Overlord.

Were Serpentor and Cobra Commander going to pop out of a hole in space and rip out his Freeform Essence and Patronage while screaming "COBRAAAAAAA!"?

Think, think, think.

"Um, System, sacrifice those two errors to my patron?"

|

Processing...

|

David got the sense of an immense void in space, blacker than black, through which not even light could escape. Titanic conical spires the size of planets rose from the abyss, almost like the horns of some impossibly huge beast. Horns with continents, oceans, and clouds upon them.

Deep within the darkness somehow light managed to escape, shining out in simple shapes.

>>>OmNomNomine: o,..,O

>>>OmNomNomine: O,..,o

>>>OmNomNomine: !O,..,O!

The black hole was... what was it doing?

It wasn't quite text, it wasn't quite speech, it wasn't quite a mental image, it was all of these things and yet somehow none of them, embedded right in David's brain without the courtesy of being filtered through one of his five classical senses.

But whatever it was, it was... making emoticons at him?

David felt the presence of another entity in the darkness, also clad in shadows. A sort of slithering serpent with many heads and great titanic wings. Beady eyes glinted sinisterly as the light caught them at an angle, half-illuminating a reptilian face upon a sinuous neck that extended from the collar of a pristine white shirt with a slightly iridescent scaly black tie that emulated its wearer's own skin.

The creature interlaced its talon fingers before itself and rested its snout upon them.

Wait.

Was this serpentine horror-being doing the Gendo Ikari pose?

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Nom! What did you do?!

The not-voice sounded a bit high pitched and panicky for an eldritch horror. One that also has a slight Spanish accent for some reason. Despite being named after a Japanese monster.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: I'm not even supposed to be working right now! We were supposed to have more time than this! How in Gehenna did somebody manage to go through Sector Setup AND Character Creation in seven seconds?!

>>>TripleO_TripleS: X-(

>>>TripleO?TripleS: X-(=<

>>>TripleO?TripleS: X-(==<

>>>TripleO4TripleS: X-(=<

>>>TripleOVTripleS: X-(

David experienced the weird mishmash of senses and not-senses of several serpentine heads slowly peeking into his mental "screen" from the sides. Rather than intimidating and sinister, the oil-slick black dragon-serpents looked kind of cute and... well... derpy as they flicked out their forked tongues.

He got the feeling that the System Manager had done the equivalent of getting up and leaving the room while the webcam was running and his pesky little brothers had entered the room.

>>>OmNomNomine: o,..,o;

>>>TripleO_TripleS: SPIT IT OUT, NOM! SPIT IT OUT!

>>>OmNomNomine: -,..,-;

>>>TripleO_TripleS: OPEN YOUR CONNECTION'S MOUTH, DAMMIT!

>>>OmNomNomine: .,_,.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: OPEN! DAMMIT, OPEN!

>>>OmNomNomine: x,_,x

>>>TripleO_TripleS: DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!

Oh shit.

Did David just accidentally kill Black Hole Cthulhu?

...would that be worth XP?

>>>OmNomNomine: x,?,x

>>>TripleO_TripleS: System errors? Nom, how did you get a hold of System errors?

"I wonder what's the brain-chat equivalent of walking away while whistling nonchalantly." he wondered, while one of the derp-snakes left the "screen."

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Okay, I can clear these out.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: ...

>>>TripleO_TripleS: ...

>>>TripleO_TripleS: ...

>>>TripleO_TripleS: The fuck.

That had pretty much encapsulated David's feelings on the whole System matter as well.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: How did you give an NPC patronage? We don't even HAVE NPCs spawning until Phase II Integration! The reformatting has barely even started! I didn't see a note about NPC patronage anywhere!

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Well, I can't break a Patronage contract without permission, and you're not really in any condition to consent to that.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: And you've given out one of your usual Essence-centric doohickeys, and... ah. Yeah, that'd do it. Can't take away a thing that's already been given by a Patron, but a Patron can't sponsor an NPC.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Let's see here... ok. Ratlings. Good, good! We've got Clan Fleshmyth, they do Essence-related stuff. Mark the Freeform Essence as an implanted essence, mark the source as from a player. Players can craft that stuff, eventually. I shouldn't really give out end game content, but it's not like there's going to be anything too horrible in this Sector to start with. It'll probably get filled with common junk in no time.

Oh good, it looked like David was going to be able to keep everything, especially this Freeform Essence that apparently had the potential to gain some really powerful... whatever it was that Essences gave you.

|

Error 1 of 1!

A Player cannot implant an Essence in characters of an unaligned faction.

|

Or not.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: So align it then! Looks like you're going to be a Ratling of House Konker anyway, might as well tag you before you integrate.

Do what now?

>>>TripleO_TripleS: I mean, your subclass is Devotee of Fellstar anyway, you'll fit right in with the Daughters of Fellstar. Shouldn't be any conflicts there. Dropdown box, why is it open in the middle of the alphabet? Mothers of Destruction, Koboldly Go!, HiHiHiHive, oh hells what is this monstrosity made entirely of lower case ls, uppercase Is, and |s.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: I don't want to know.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Dragon Court, Disciples of the Viridian Beastmother, Disciples of Meatgristle, Dead Men are Marching Again, Daughters of Fellstar, here we are!

David felt a momentary sensation in the very core of his being, like he'd been stabbed with a very thin, very sharp, very cold needle in his mind and in his soul. Then the sensation vanished as it rapidly warmed, but he could still faintly feel the pressure again.

It was like the pressure that had appeared when his Player status had been sacrificed. Exactly like it, as a matter of fact, as it felt like something was being poured into him through that needle. It flowed down to join the other pressure in various parts of his body. But it mostly seemed to be going straight down his spine to gather at his tailbone.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Alright! It's applying!

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Essence error cleared.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Don't worry, buddy! I'm going to get this thing out of you!

>>>OmNomNomine: x,?,x

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Fiends. I hope I don't have to give your connection mouth to mouth.

Hot snek on black hole action.

The missing derp-snake reappeared holding a card with words scrawled on it.

>>>TripleO?TripleS: [We're not allowed to call the Patron Sensory Stream brain-chat. Technically it's Blatherudite.]

"Oh crap. They can hear me."

Three of the snakes smiled, closed their eyes, and nodded up and down. The other one just stared like a hockey goalie who in the offseason played drums on tour with his band, forked tongue sticking out of one side of his mouth.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Ok. Now that that error window is out of the way, let me open this up.

>>>OmNomNomine: x,?,x

>>>TripleO_TripleS: How did you even get this wedged in here sideways?

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Okay, can't have an NPC with patronage. Can't take away the patronage. Can I put the player status back somehow?

"Yes! Please put it back! I don't want to be an NPC!" David shouted to the heavens.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Nope. The System very neatly scooped it out and filled up the space. Okay.

"Dammit!" David growled, "What if I sacrifice my NPC stat..."

All four of the snakes peering from the corners of the window started shaking their heads from side to side.

"Okay, yeah, trying to ram more stuff down this guy's throat would probably make things worse."

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Can I just reformat the NPC?

The blood drained from David's face and a chill went down his spine.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Nope. Dammit. Putting it in the buffer would have let me get the error out of Nom's mouth.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Can I just wiggle it free?

>>>OmNomNomine: x,?,x

>>>OmNomNomine: x,?,x

>>>OmNomNomine: x,?,x

>>>OmNomNomine: x,?,x

>>>OmNomNomine: x,?,x

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Man, it's really wedged in there. What kind of an idiot would feed you error messages? Probably the same kind of idiot that would somehow manage to speedrun Character Creation and Sector Creation.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: What kind of a hellhole world is this where not one, but TWO players want to brick up all their old memories and take on a new identity?

"NO! I DIDN'T AGREE TO THAT! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! THE SYSTEM'S SPEECH DETECTION WAS SCREWY!" David yelled, completely ignored by the System Manager who wasn't in front of his "camera" but was apparently within "microphone" range.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Probably some kind of Corporate-run Greedworld where they're using some kind of Veil of Secrecy to hide magic or alien technology from the so-called "normies" and are instead trickling it out to them for huge markups.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Okay. It wants a Player's tag here. I can't put a Player tag there because after the scooping the System did the code equivalent of cauterizing it.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Ugh. Hate hate hate hate hate cauterizing. Stupid kid heroes with their stupid flaming holy swords lopping off your heads willy-nilly. It itches! It itches so bad when that happens!

The four heads shared a collective shudder.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: So if it needs a Player tag, and I can't put a Player tag here, could I put a reference here and make it work? Do what I did earlier by waving a magic wand and saying "A Player did it!"

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Yeeeeeees! There we go!

>>>TripleO_TripleS: That's the errors out of the way and...

>>>TripleO_TripleS: THERE'S MORE CRAP IN HERE?!

>>>TripleO_TripleS: The Prime Player's in reformatting, or reform "ratting" as it were. So she couldn't possibly have given you anything as a sacrifice.

David winced at the pun.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: You don't have any other Characters in your Patronage list. So how did you get two different sacrifices?

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Wait. How do you even HAVE that perk? It's a 1 in 100,000,000 chance to get Seven Sinister Sins AND a reroll as your Player Perk! Not only should you not have it, but there shouldn't be anybody ELSE.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: You're broken as fuck, compadre.

David's brain felt broken as fuck.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Man, twice the result or twice the quality in half the time. That's a 4x multiplier. Wow, on things you craft, find, AND buy? So that's pretty much everything that isn't a System-based perk. You can sacrifice to a Patron twice every twelve hours. It doesn't have a cooldown, so I better get this thing out of Nom's throat before you try and stuff something else down his gullet.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Or maybe you'll give something to me. Who knows? I'll just route it to the System's settings folder, I don't want any weird little presents sent to me.

"Weird little presents, huh? I'm tempted to sacrifice my computer's porn folder." David said, that feeling of weird pressure doing an odd little wiggle.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Oh man. I'll just add my Patronage right here. I have no idea what you two are going to do, but it's at least going to be interesting.

The eyes of three of the four snakes on David's mental screen widened.

"Wow, Gendo Ikari pose and now they've got actual sweatdrops going on. This Orochi guy seems like he's a bigger nerd than me. He'd probably like it if I sacrificed my porn folder to him."

The three snakes looked around worriedly, while the weird one in the corner wiggled its spiky eyebrow ridges.

"Yeah, you know what I'm talking about."

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Alrighty, let's send this little NPC on their way. Set you as a one-time only event encounter that makes you drop yourself, and boom!

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Now, let's open you up big and wide.

>>>OmNomNomine: x,?,x

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Reach in and...

>>>TripleO_TripleS: ...

>>>TripleO_TripleS: ...

>>>TripleO_TripleS: ...

>>>TripleO_TripleS: ...what the fuck am I looking at?

The snakes seemed to have calmed down, as they weren't suddenly awash in lewd catgirls. Or worse.

The weird one seemed disappointed.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: OW.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: OW.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: OW.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: OW.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: IT BURNS! WHY DOES IT BURN!

>>>TripleO_TripleS: NO! YOU STOP THAT! I MAY BE A DIGITAL DAEMON, BUT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET AT MY CODE THAT EASILY!

David thought that he should be going now, but his legs were locked in place.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: SHIT! I NEED TO STICK THIS SOMEWHERE! Fellstar's Patronage list, nada. Friends list, what the hell is a Standsplat Meatgristle? Patronage, Irma Flynn. Friends list. Damn, beyond the system's reach.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Fuck. I wish I had gotten the time that a NORMAL setup ought to have. The System would've assigned the other Oversectors system managers that I could talk to about this stuff.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: And while I'm wishing for things that won't happen, I might as well wish for a folder full of internet porn so I know what kind of horrible, degenerate Daemons are going to form once the System links up to this world's Internet.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Oh Fiends. What if they don't have an internet?

A quiet pinging sound could be heard and one of the snakes vanished offscreen for a moment before returning with an envelope in its mouth that it passed to the snake in the opposite corner, who then vanished.

"Well, he's asking for it. You heard him, System. I offer up all 19 of my porn folders on my computer at home to Orochi! Especially number 5, since apparently I'm going to be amongst Ratlings and all. Might as well tip the scale towards cute Skaven girls."

The two normal serpents ducked out of the frame, while the third one bared a mouthful of sharp and decidedly non-snake-like teeth and nodded up and down slowly with a Jack Nicholson smile.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: That would suck.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Where else would I be able to get the digital salt I need to season my food?

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Oh hey, AniMeiONaise. Heh. Anime. Mei. Mayonnaise. There you go Miss Mei, enjoy your newfound fame and fortune as a Player in the System.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Note to self: Influence her Media drops with your collection. She is obviously a woman of culture and worthy of respect.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Huh? What's this?

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Oh sweet, the System probably already got some of the Lore entries from the newbies. I'll look at those in a bit.

The snakes returned, looking rather relieved, except the one who looked disappointed.

"Dammit, I must not be able to sacrifice things I don't have access to."

He sighed, "No cute Skaven girls for me, I guess."

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Okay. That's done. Next on the list: Player integration.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Hmm, three Players with four Patrons between them in the first 15 minutes of integration. That's probably some kind of record. Sucks that I'm not going to have any more early start Players.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: I'm going to be so bored waiting for full release.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Let's see here. Oh man, she was locked in Character Creation, unable to move and got attacked. That sucks!

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Looks like everybody gets to roll on the Ratling form and mutation table today.

David heard the sound of dice being rolled across a hard surface.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: What? No! Three natural 1s? That's not supposed to happen. What the heck is up with this Sector's weird, impossible luck?

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Let me check the RNG generator.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Oh.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Oh.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Oh madre de diabolos.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: "Bork grab weird rock and throw. Bork gets 1. Random number generator always give 1! Very random because Bork roll weird rock for randoms!"

>>>TripleO_TripleS: What kind of a dumbass let an Orcish Super Mutant work as a System Manager?!

>>>TripleO_TripleS: That explains all this weird crap I've had to work with.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Who knows what other land mines I'm going to pratfall right on top up? Ugggh.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Good thing I brought my own RNGs with me. Never leave home without them.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: 2, 18, and 19! Couratesan, Khymerat, and Khymerat Titan.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: What's a Couratesan?

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Oh, I see it now! Courtesan with an A because rat. Heh.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Who named these things? He sounds like a fun guy.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Well, a rat, not a fungi.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Oh, hey, there's an idea!

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Guys! Go find my Dwarfallen Mines stuff! That'd tie in thematically with Fantomiel Fellstar. Fallen angels are bad ass.

David agreed, Fallen Angels were pretty bad ass. But he really wanted to move and start hunting for whatever Essence was.

As cool as Skaven were, he wasn't particularly thrilled with the idea of becoming one of the paranoid, backstabbing, warpstone-snorting little blighters.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Hey OmNom, you feeling better?

>>>OmNomNomine: @,_,@

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Yeah, you should lie down and rest and let your connection's throat heal.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: I had to yank two error windows and a whole-ass Player data package out of you.

>>>OmNomNomine: @,_,@!!!

>>>TripleO_TripleS: You would not BELIEVE the craptastic random number generator they gave me. It rolled nothing but ones!

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Hopefully Bork the Orc was a One Hex Rex, because I'd hate for somebody else to get stuck with his hand-me-downs too.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Hmm. Yeah, just merge origins. It's not like they're going to be particularly powerful merged.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: And two of them are going to be physical powerhouses anyway, and the third might as well just have the origin as well anyway. It's not like her job is going to be any different.

The mental presence of the great black hole tilted to the side, still looking rather worse for the wear for almost choking on David's offerings.

He hoped his Patron didn't hold a grudge.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Oh yeah. It's too late to fix that, the system has already rolled for their first Player perk.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: It's one of the major plot arc related ones, 'cause it got boosted up one color tier due to it being the perk AND a reroll. So it's national scale now, not just local.

The black hole creature nodded.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Yeah, it sucks. I didn't catch the shitty RNG until I did some manual rolls to fix the errors that were stuck in your mouth.

The All-Consuming Hunger closed its eyes and pulled a blanket of darkness over itself.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: You have a good nap, bro.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: I've just gotta wrap up here and then I'll kick off Phase I integration.

The sinister serpentine figure moved away from its default Gendo Ikari pose, the light no longer gleaming menacingly upon its eyes.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Oh man, I left brain-chat on. Get out of here, you dweebs! Shoo!

>>>TripleO_TripleS: >:(

>>>TripleO?TripleS: >:(=<

>>>TripleO?TripleS: >:(==<

>>>TripleO4TripleS: >:(=<

>>>TripleOVTripleS: >:(

>>>TripleO_TripleS: STOP DOING THAT!

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Anyway, yeah. As OP as these guys are going to be having to deal with their rolled role... Heh heh heh. The faction and social-based disadvantages are probably going to help balance them out a bit.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: It's a kick-ass start for the Daughters of Fellstar, though.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Starting off with three whole Broodmothers.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: Yay! It's the first bit of System-extracted Lore.

>>>TripleO_TripleS: What the hell is a "big titty feral"?

And with that the weird presence in David's being faded away and he was able to move again.