Luck and Fate
It all started with that smile.
I know that sounds like a corny thing to say, believe me. But that's simply the truth of it.
There I was, sitting in my English Literature class in my third year of college. The professor is taking attendance, running through the list of names. I've got my laptop out, not to take notes, but to spend the next hour playing flash games. I prefer to work ahead with my assignments, so I've already got my schoolwork for the next two weeks finished. Showing up to class is merely a formality at this point.
As it's the third week of the semester, I've already got the attendance list memorized, silently saying each name in my head before the teacher rattles them off. With my last name being Silver, I know it takes a while for the list to reach me.
"Adin Collins?"
My head looks up. That's a new name. I look around, searching for anybody new in the class, when a voice answers right behind me, "here". I turn around. Sitting in the seat directly behind mine is a white-and-gray wolf, wearing a simple black t-shirt and matching jeans. As I turn to look, his eyes meet with mine, and I hold them. They're a brilliant forest green, as though pools of nature had decided to collect in his irises. Before I can catch myself staring, he smiles at me, showing off just the hint of his canine teeth. I quickly look away, feeling my heart beating slightly faster than usual.
"Ah, Mr. Collins," says Professor Eve, a black pantheress in a sharp business dress. "As we discussed, you will have quite a lot of catching-up to do to make up for the three weeks of classes you were not able to attend."
"Understood, Professor," the wolf replies, his tone a mixture of acknowledgement and laziness.
"Three weeks?" I think to myself. "That's an incredibly late time to start a new class. Most professors here give one week at most for people to decide whether or not they enroll." I turn around again to look at the wolf. His eyes lock with mine once more, and that grin returns to his muzzle. I look away again as the heat rises to my cheeks. Why does he keep smiling at me like that? And why is that grin so prevalent in my mind? The details of his smile are already burned into my thoughts. The way the corners of his muzzle tug upwards to a degree that would make you think he'd gotten a BMW for Christmas. The way one tooth is just slightly visible on each side, peeking out from between his lips...
I shake my head. What am I doing? Some wolf smiles at me and suddenly it's all I can think about? Am I that desperate for attention?
It's only then that I hear Profesor Eve's voice. "Kayla Silver?" I look up. She's got a half-amused, half-annoyed smirk on her face as she looks at me. I instantly feel my face flush again. Evidently this wasn't the first time she had called my name.
"Um, present," I get out, my high voice almost catching in my throat.
The pantheress shakes her head. "Miss Silver, I presume you were distracted by the game on your computer?" The rest of the class snickers. Blushing even harder, I manage to squeak out, "maybe?" More laughter.
Professor Eve shakes her head slowly. "Well, seeing as how you're already caught up on your assignments, I'll let it slide, though I would encourage you to pay attention in my class regardless. Is that clear?"
My tail nervously sways as I look at the professor. "Y-yes ma'am." She nods, apparently satisfied, before continuing with the names.
The truth was, I wasn't distracted by my game. I turn around again, looking at the wolf. Adin Collins. He gives me that same smile, this time accompanied by a wink. I turn back once more, but I can still feel his gaze on me. I wonder what he's thinking. It's probably something along the lines of "why does this weirdo dragoness keep turning around to stare at me?" I shake my head again and return my focus to my game.
The hour passes quickly enough, and the class soon comes to a close. I pack up my laptop and quickly make for the door, deciding I'd rather not make a fool of myself anymore for the rest of the day. As I make it out into the hallway, I feel a paw touch my shoulder. I turn around and there he is again. Adin Collins, still wearing that damn grin on his face. I fidget nervously. "Can I help you?"
"I just wanted to introduce myself," he says plainly. "Adin Collins. I just transferred to this school, so I figured I should start to meet new people." He holds out his paw for a shake.
I look down at his paw, and then at his face again. "Kayla Silver," I say hesitantly, taking his paw and shaking it.
He grins again. "Pleasure to meet ya. But I'm guessing that's not your actual name, is it?" I look sharply at him, eyes narrowing. "I beg your pardon?"
Adin shrugged. "I mean, I doubt "Kayla" is the name your parents picked out for you since you're a crossdressing boy."
My breath catches in my throat. I subconsciously readjust the shoulder straps of my camisole as he says this. "Shit, how did he figure it out?" I quickly run through a mental checklist. Did I let my voice drop without noticing it? No, I didn't say anything all class, except for at attendance. He couldn't have picked up of the truth from that one moment, did he? Maybe it was something in my face. I didn't approve of makeup, so I kept my face completely unchanged when I posed as a girl. Did he notice from looking at my face?
That stupid grin is back on his muzzle. Dropping my girl voice, I ask, "what do you want?"
He puts his paws up in a "woah, there" gesture. "Like I said. I'm new to this school and I'm looking to make some new friends."
"And you singled me out because...?"
He shrugs again. "You caught my eye. I haven't exactly seen a lot of other gay guys around here."
I take a step back, eyeing him warily. "What makes you think I'm gay?"
He arches a brow. "Dude, you're wearing a crop top camisole and women's skinny jeans. With the amount of midriff you're showing, you may as well be wearing a neon sign that screams "I'M GAY."
I can't really argue with that. I doubt there was a straight person alive who would willingly walk around in public in my current attire. Heck, I'd been pretending to be a girl in classes for the past three weeks.
"It's okay, I'm not judging," he quickly says, noticing my hesitancy. Leaning in, he mutters, "I'm gay too."
I freeze at that as he moves back, looking into my eyes to gouge my reaction. I certainly wouldn't have pegged him as gay, pun not intended. He was a slim guy, maybe 5'10, with some subtle but definite tone to his abs showing beneath his tight t-shirt. Handsome, certainly. But gay?
"Look," he says. "As I keep saying, I wanna get to know you. Would you be willing to talk to me?"
"Are you hoping I'll be a compatible boyfriend for you?" I ask, arching a brow.
That grin appears on his muzzle once again. "I'm not asking you out on a date, unless that's what you want it to be," he purrs. Damn him, he's good at making my heart beat faster. "I just think it would be good for us to talk, one gay guy to another." There's that mischievous smirk on his face, but behind his eyes I see sincerity. He truly does want to know me, whether as a potential boyfriend or just a friend.
I sigh. "I'm free from classes for the next three hours."
His grin widens. "Great! What do you say to the sandwich shop a little ways off campus?"
__________________________
So it turns out Adin wasn't gay.
He was, however, bisexual, as I found out when he mentioned that he had two girlfriends before in high school.
"So how did you learn you were into guys then?" I ask as I take a bite out of my turkey-and-cheese sandwich.
He grins. "From porn."
I roll my eyes. "Of course."
"Hey, don't judge." He munches on his BLT. "I just stumbled upon it one day, and suddenly it seemed to make sense."
"What made sense?"
He shrugged. "The way I always checked out guys before. I'd look at their muscles, their butts, you know. At first I thought I was just appreciating how well they looked after themselves, but after I jerked off to a guy getting pounded in the ass..."
"You realized that's what you wanted all along?"
He purrs. "Something like that." He looks at me. "Now it's your turn."
"I'm sorry?"
"When did you realize you were gay?"
I frown. "There was this one girl, in middle school. She was nice and good-looking. We were just friends, and as time went one, it seemed we would become more than friends." I looked at Adin, judging his expression. He gave me a slight nod, as if saying "go on then."
"When the school year ended, she kept emailing me. It wasn't just once a day. It was multiple times, sometimes as early as five in the morning or midnight. She kept asking for my phone number. I wouldn't give it to her. The emails were bad enough. I didn't want her calling me at three in the morning asking me what I was doing."
Adin nodded slowly. "What did you do?"
I winced, the painful memory slicing into me. "I ghosted her. Cut off all communication."
Adin whistled. "Wow."
"I'm not proud of it," I say quickly. "I was young, and had never really been in a relationship. Still haven't, actually. I didn't know what to do, so I did what I knew would stop her from constantly messaging me. That was the last time I ever gave any serious thought to being in a relationship with a girl."
Adin peers at me over his sandwich. "So that was it, huh? One bad experience with a girl, and no more? I'm going full gay?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
He looks at me, amusement in his eyes. "That was all it took?"
I roll my eyes. "Okay, the gay porn might have had something to do with it as well."
He laughs. "And the crossdressing?"
"I didn't really start doing it until my third year of high school," I reply. "And I didn't actually start pretending to be a girl until this year."
"Why'd ya start? To scare off the ladies?"
I shrugged. "To boost my confidence. I wanted to walk around in girly clothes, to show the world that I could do whatever the fuck I want and they couldn't stop me."
"Do your parents approve?"
I sigh. "My mother couldn't care less. She isn't the type to get bothered over whether or not someone is gay. She does enjoy making fun of my outfits, though that's less of a homophobic thing and more of an I-just-like-making-fun-of-people thing."
Adin nods again. "And your dad?"
I take another bite of my sandwich. "I'm...not really sure."
Adin arches an eyebrow. "You're not sure?"
"He...he didn't approve when I started going out in drag. Constantly asked me why I wanted to start dressing like a girl. When I came out as gay..." My eye twitches, anger at the old memory resurfacing in my mind. "He said I was just 'going through a phase'. He said I was going through puberty, that my brain was confused and it would soon be back to normal. I'm still angry with him for that."
"Has he changed his mind?"
"I don't know." I take a sip of water. "I don't think he's homophobic. He's never seemed to have an issue with gay people before. I think he just..."
Adin looks at me, I guess trying to figure out exactly what I was thinking. "He just wishes it wasn't his son," he finishes for me.
I sigh again. "Maybe. He hasn't kicked me out of the house, and he's supported me in everything else I've done, so I guess things could be worse. I just wish I could be sure of his support for my sexuality, ya know?"
Adin nods. "I do know."
This gets me to sit up straighter. "You do? Are you in a similar situation with your parents?"
For the first time since meeting him, Adin looks nervous. His fluffy tail twitches nervously behind him as he picks at the remains of his sandwich. "Well, I know what it's like to not be sure of your parents' support."
I look at him, trying to decipher the meaning of his words through his expression. It dawns on me as he stares down at his sandwich. "They don't know, do they?"
"No, they don't," Adin agrees. "My mom, I don't think she'd be too upset. She keeps asking me when I'm going to bring another pretty girl home. She really wants grandchildren, and my being gay obviously hinders that. And my dad..." he stops, takes a deep breath, and continues. "Dad is a complete homophobe. Detests the idea of two men together. Whenever a guy does anything even slightly unmanly, he calls them a faggot. He says "only a faggot would ever do something so shameful". That doesn't exactly make me want to tell him I'm one of those faggots he hates."
He falls silent after this, and so do I. I couldn't imagine being in such a rough position as Adin was. Being gay, but keeping it a secret because your father made it clear he'd hate you if he ever found out? I think to my own father. He clearly wasn't happy about it, at least not at first, but he never threatened me over my sexuality. I'd certainly never heard him use the word "faggot". I wondered if he'd ever thought it. Then I wondered if he'd ever thought it when looking at me. The possibility made my stomach curl.
"So yeah," Adin says. "I'm hoping if he ever finds out, it will be long after I need to rely on him for anything." He finishes his sandwich, then takes a huge gulp of his coke. When he sets his cup down, he's smiling again. "So, your last name is Silver, huh?" Though he's smiling, I can see the pain in his eyes. He's obviously trying to move the conversation away from our talk of parents.
I let out a very unladylike snort. "Would you believe me if I told you that I'm the first dragon in our family in years whose scales actually fit that name?"
"Oh?" Adin's looking at me curiously now, obviously interested.
"Silver scales were bred out of our family generations ago," I continue. "My own father's scales were brown. His father's scales were a tan color. My mother was the one with silver scales. My father married her, they had me, and just like that we had a dragon in the family whose scale color actually matched the family name." I smile at old memories. "My grandfather used to say that it was fate, that my mother's scales were a sign that she and my father were destined for each other. I never believed that stuff."
Adin arches a brow. "You don't believe in that stuff? Like 'soulmates', or whatever?"
"Nope. I believe my father got really lucky finding a dragoness who wanted to marry him, who just so happened to have silver scales. Not that it matters. Scales haven't really been more than a pretty feature since the great dragons."
"So you believe those stories?" he asks. "That giant flying dragons used to rule the earth?"
"It's no less believable than the story of God creating the world," I reply. "And having a son through a virgin tigress."
He chuckles. "Fair enough."
"It doesn't really matter anyways," I continue. "Any dragon who believes those stories now just wanna pretend they're better than other species, just because they might be descended from these majestic dragons who may or may not have existed. I don't pay it much attention."
"Gotcha." Adin looks down at his phone. "I've got class in half an hour. I guess I should go get ready for that." He gets up, then gets out a piece of paper and scribbles something down on it. He hands it to me, and I see that it's his phone number.
"Hey, I know that you said you weren't exactly looking for a boyfriend right now. But I'd be happy to just be a regular friend, if you're willing." He looks at me hopefully as I stare down at the number. I consider this. He's just transferred to my campus, so I doubt he's lying about wanting to meet new people. I certainly need to meet new people too, after spending 3 years in college shut away in my room. I'm not exactly a social person, but I know I'm going to find myself pretty lonely if I spend my life holed away playing video games.
"I'll think about it," I say, as I rise and shake his paw. "Nice meeting you, Adin."
"Nice meeting you too..." he tilts his head curiously. "You never did tell me what your actual name was."
I hesitate only for a moment before I oblige him. "It's Kayden."
He smiles again. That smile. Why does it make my heart flutter? "Nice to meet you, Kayden." And just like that, he's out the door, leaving me alone with his written phone number in my hand.
I told Adin that I didn't believe in destiny, or soulmates. I believed people got lucky when they found someone to love. Yet as I slip the paper into my backpack and head for the door, I couldn't help but wonder if my encounter with the grinning wolf had been more than luck after all.