FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

This is a work of fiction. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents in this story are either the product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. All characters are of legal and consenting age, likewise if you are reading this story, you should be of legal age in your respective country.

All characters are my own creation, any resemblance to existing characters is purely coincidental and not intentional, please do not use them without permission. If you would like to use them in a story, please feel free to send me a PM either as Inja on SoFurry or TheRealInja on FA. As always, I am open to new story ideas or situations with existing characters as well.

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Foreword: This was originally two different stories, neither felt right or complete on their own. The more I added to each, the more I realised they were the same thing I was trying to write, just with different characters and voices. A lot of this dialogue comes from internal conversations with myself lately, I guess it's just something I am feeling more, the older I get.

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Unlike most in her profession, Estelle Fraley loved driving at night, especially in the rain. She found the solitude calming and soothing, the persistent whisper of the rain tapping against the roof and windscreen of her truck "Ursula" was all the company she needed to be content. Soft country music played from Ursula's speakers as she drove along the seemingly deserted backroads, making the bloodhound crossbreed feel like she was the only person around for miles. With the rain pouring in a constant staccato temper, the black and purple Kenworth T680 tractor rumbled along the deserted backroads on a cross country trip hauling a heavy load, from Seattle to Boston, a nice run of about three thousand four hundred kilometres, or a little over two thousand one hundred miles depending on who she was talking to.

As her headlights rounded a lazy corner and Ursula's nose dipped down to follow the contour of the land, her beams caught the back of a lone figure plodding along the side of the road, partially obscured by the downpour. Even from the distance behind, Estelle could see the shape was a smallish fox, their shoulders slumped and from the look of the small backpack, they couldn't have been carrying much. She'd stopped over at the last town for supplies, so she was well aware they were far beyond the town's limits. She'd driven this trip enough times to know there wasn't anything ahead for quite some distance too.

"Don't do it, girl. You don't need that drama..." Estelle grumbled to herself as she tried to ignore her gut instinct and just keep on driving. But instead of her foot pressing down on the gas, she found herself shifting into a lower gear and gently applying her brakes until she came to a stop beside the stranger. "Fuck..." the bloodhound crossbreed chastised herself before shifting over to the passenger side and rolling down the window to call down at the small form. Whatever reluctance or lingering hesitation she had about her choice in stopping quickly vanished when she saw the face staring back up at her, even though he was soaked to the bone, Estelle could see the young fox had been crying. Though neither of them spoke, a lot was said in that simple look before she opened the door for her new passenger and slid back over to her own seat.

"Thanks" the small soaked fox mumbled as he slammed the door shut behind him, instantly putting his hands out over the dash when he felt the warmth blowing from Ursula's vents. Estelle gave him a quick look over, deciding he was not a threat nor posed any danger, she slipped from her seat and climbed into the back compartment where her bed was. When she returned to her seat, she handed the fox a towel to dry off with, along with a heavy blanket to wrap himself in to warm up.

Again, Estelle looked him over, she knew how to read people and right now, she could see the fox wasn't in the mood or even in any shape to talk. "Heading to Boston, got somewhere you want me to drop you off along the way?" was all she'd ask, his simple nod and a mumbled "Pennsylvania" was all the response she needed for the moment as she got Ursula moving again.

She didn't know the fox's situation, but she thought she could see bruises under his left eye and a split lip. Estelle knew better than to ask, right now the fox's defences were up and she hadn't earned his trust just yet. Whatever it was he had been through, the fox had clearly burned through whatever energy reserves he'd had to get out of town. As soon as he began to warm up, he lost the battle to stay awake and was soon fast asleep in the passenger seat. From the whimpers and snippets of talking in his sleep she could make out; it was obvious the kid hadn't had an easy life. When she looked over at him, it made her heart ache a little. He was a handsome kid, if he filled out a little more and grew a couple more inches, he'd be a real heart-throb probably. But right now, he was as thin as a rake, downright scrawny and frankly, also rather dirty.

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"Here, eat this" Estelle said as she held out a sandwich to the young fox a couple hours later when he sat up with a start, looking around in a panic.

"I'm good" he tried to say, declining the offer just as his stomach began to groan and rumble.

"Bullshit, eat." the older canine said with a bit more bite to her words and a stern look at the fox. Sure enough, as soon as the taste of the simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich touched his taste buds, the sandwich pretty much vanished from sight immediately.

"Thanks" he mumbled again, a little sheepishly this time.

"So, what's your story kid, running to or running from?" Estelle suddenly asked without looking at him, her eyes on the road ahead.

"Huh?" he responded, as if the gears in his mind were rather gummed up from lack of sleep.

"Well, the way I see it, folks only do what you're doing if they're either running to something, or running away from something. So, which is it?" The older bloodhound crossbreed asked, this time turning to look at the fox with a direct and piercing gaze.

"Away from...I guess. Just looking for somewhere I fit in...somewhere I belong" he replied after a moment's thought, his own gaze lowering to his lap where he was clutching his backpack and what few belongings he still had.

"You've probably got a small dick, so you should fit in anywhere" Estelle muttered without thinking, she was known to be rather direct if not a little crude. Perhaps a side effect of her profession being so male dominated.

"Heh..." the fox snorted softly, shaking his head and smiling a little.

"Oh, he can still smile. That's good to know, not completely fucked up yet, then. There's hope for you after all, kid." Estelle noted, a slight curl to her own lips as she smiled lightly back at the fox.

For a long moment there was nothing but the sound of the rain to break the heavy silence between them. The fox stared out his window at the darkness beyond, not really looking at anything in particular, Estelle could see his eyes in his reflection in the passenger side window and the look in them. His mind was working, thoughts buzzing around the young man's head as he tried to work things out.

"I'm just looking for somewhere I belong, somewhere I'm accepted" he eventually turned to say, staring over at the older woman. His eyes were more focused now than when she'd seen them looking down at him standing on the side of the road a few hours ago.

"What if you don't belong anywhere, would that really be a bad thing?" she asked simply, briefly looking over at him.

"What do you mean? We all belong somewhere..." the fox replied with a note of surprise.

"You're thinking about it too literally, you think that "somewhere" is a physical place, a set point on a map," Estelle began to explain, this time focusing forward on the road ahead, as if it contained all the answers she could ever need or want. "I don't belong in one place; I belong on the road. It's where I feel the most like me, at peace. Sometimes we lose ourselves in looking for something, when we're not even sure what we're looking for exactly, that we pass by the very thing we're looking for and not even notice it." Now she turned to look over at the fox, as if what she had to say was important. "You're not looking for a place, you're looking for a feeling, or at least something or someone that gives you that feeling, a feeling of peace. A feeling where you aren't constantly fighting, fighting yourself, or fighting the world, nothing. You're just being, existing without having to do a damn thing" the bloodhound cross finished off with a note of finality.

"Sounds nice" the fox replied softly after taking a moment to mull over what she'd said. Again, he turned to stare out the passenger window for a long while, Estelle could see fresh tears in his eyes this time. She'd not intended to upset him, but then they didn't look the same sort of tears as when she'd first seen him either. Perhaps what she'd said had struck a chord in the young man, whatever it was he was wrestling with, was clearly twisting him up inside something awful.

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"I tried to be a good person, but it wasn't enough. I wasn't what they wanted..." His voice broke the silence, it was soft, but the hurt was still clearly evident in his words.

"The problem with people these days is they expect too much. They expect life to treat them the same way they treat others, they think just because they're good and kind, that life will treat them the same way. But life is a bitch that doesn't give two shits about you or your feelings. The world was here first, she doesn't owe us a goddamn thing" Estelle replied with a touch of a growl to her words, her scruff raising a little before she caught herself and shot an apologetic look at the fox.

"She said it was too hard, for her...for us...that her folks wouldn't approve. Well, she was right, they didn't..." he winced as he raised his fingers to touch at his split lip.

"People want an easy life, they think that if something is hard or not easy, it's not for them. But that's bullshit, nothing worth having is ever easy. You gotta fight for what you want, otherwise it doesn't mean as much or doesn't hold much value in your life. Folks are too quick to turn their back on things because they can't handle a little bad, but you learn far more from fixing what's broke than you do by just moving onto the next thing" the bloodhound cross replied while staring straight ahead again.

"So, you think I should go back and try again?" he asked with a frown.

"Is she worth it? If you can imagine a life without her, then no" Estelle responded.

"No...I guess she isn't" the fox replied after a moment's silence, once again staring down at his hands resting palm up in his lap. "I used to think she was, I thought we could be happy together, that things would change. Maybe that was just foolish hope."

"Nothing wrong with hope, but that bitch is a double-edged sword. I can guide you to doing great things, but it can also cut you deeper than you'd ever realise" Estelle replied gently, as if she'd experienced the very same thing before. For a long while after there was silence inside Ursula's cab, even the soft music fell on deaf ears as both young fox and older mixed breed were lost in their own thoughts.

Estelle continued to direct Ursula along the roads well into the morning, when the sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon. A dark night sky filled with infinite glittering stars was soon replaced by the fiery hues of a new day surging into existence. The only sound was the soft country music playing over the speakers, but neither the bloodhound cross nor her passenger felt the need to talk. Even when Estelle pulled into a truck stop to catch some shuteye, the fox didn't say anything.

"There's a shower round back of the big building, best get cleaned up. You can have the top bunk; if you come back" she offered before climbing into the more spacious lower bunk and curling up with a pillow. The fox watched Estelle for a moment, finding it somewhat curious that she would cuddle a pillow to her chest; she seemed far more confident than that. "Quit staring at me like a pervert..." she suddenly grumbled half asleep, making the fox jump and scurry from the cab.

As he stood under the warm water, feeling the dirt and grime wash away, along with some of the tension he'd been carrying around with him, Todd realised he hadn't even introduced himself to his would-be saviour, he didn't even know her name come to think of it. She reminded him a lot of his favourite aunt, the closest thing he'd ever had to a mother. But his father's drinking had put an end to that relationship, she'd tried to get him out, but the courts had decided against it. She was the closest thing he could remember to feeling what Estelle had described. But then, somehow the more they talked, she made him feel the same way too. She'd picked him up off the road, a complete stranger, never even asked his name. She just gave him shelter from the storm, and not just the one outside his head.

After a nice hot shower, Todd felt a bit better about himself and the world. At the very least, Estelle proved that there were still good people out there, even if they weren't how you expected them to look. He'd learned that the hard way, the supposed good types, the Sunday fanatics or just plain religious types had proved that just sitting in a Church didn't make you a good person any more than sitting in a garage made you a car. He'd fallen in love with the Pastor's daughter, but the old ram had not taken kindly to the likes of a fox wanting to date his precious daughter. For a man of the cloth, he sure had a mean left hook, Todd thought idly as he touched his split lip.

Then again, after what Estelle had said, was he actually in love if he could so easily imagine a life without her? She'd turned her back on him so easily and with so little incentive to do so, even after everything he'd done for her. She hadn't even tried to stand up for him, even when she saw him lying on the ground, covered in his own blood. He'd bled for her, but she hadn't so much as said a single word for him. Todd had stood for a long while under the hot water, letting it wash away his tears of anger and frustration, until he just felt numb.

After getting dressed and making his way back outside, Todd spotted an old payphone on the outside wall of the truck stop. He'd not seen one for quite a few years, perhaps before even his aunt had left their backwater town and moved away. His aunt, he should call and tell her he was coming. Patting his pockets in search of change, the fox found he was skint, without a single penny to his name. With a sigh of defeat, he leaned against the payphone and banged his head against the edge of it.

"Ow..." Todd grumbled and rubbed the spot where the metal had impacted his forehead. A faint metallic tinkle sound caught his ears, curiously he reached a finger into the coin return slot and sure enough, he withdrew a quarter. With wide eyes he stared at the coin, it was as if the world wanted him to make that phone call. His hands trembled as he put the coin into the slot and lifted the handset, more than half expecting the line to be dead, but there was a tone. He'd never had much of a mind for numbers, but his aunt's number had been etched into the inside of his mind. She'd sent him a birthday card once, though he doubted it was the only one she sent. He'd just managed to get to the post-box first that day, before his dad. She'd told him to call her if he ever needed her, but that had been years ago. He wasn't sure if she even still had the number, but there was only one way to find out. Every press of a number made his heart beat harder and harder inside his chest.

"H...hello, is this..."

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"Still here I see" Estelle said through a yawn and bleary eyes when she awoke around noon.

"Todd...Kemp" the fox turned to give Estelle a weak smile.

"Todd...you're a fox and your folks named you, Todd? Well, Todd...Kemp, you look and smell a damned sight better than when I picked you up. Shower did you some good then?" the bloodhound cross asked as she brushed her fingers back through her curly red hair.

"Some, yes" Todd replied with a little nod of his head. This was the first real good look he'd gotten at Estelle; she wasn't beautiful in the way the world considered people to be beautiful these days. But there was just something about her, even with her slight roundness in places, the intelligence in her eyes, Todd couldn't help but think she was just that, beautiful. It was more than just skin deep with her, he had no doubt in his mind that beyond her gruff and crude exterior, Estelle was just simply a beautiful person.

"Quit that" the bloodhound said through another yawn as she stretched her arms above her head.

"What?" Todd asked, feeling the warmth of a blush blossom in his cheeks.

"Quit your staring, I ain't no work of art" the bloodhound cross grumbled and scratched under her left armpit while staring straight at Todd.

"Art is in the eye of the beholder" the fox replied with a genuine smile.

"A regular Romeo, ain'tcha" Estelle laughed with some amusement. "I'm hungry and could do with a hot breakfast. Assuming you're joining me for the next leg, so why don't you go inside and order us something hot and meaty. Tell Bianca to put it on my tab, she knows what I like."

"Sure!" Todd replied with perhaps a little too much enthusiasm, scampering out of Ursula and inside the diner to do order them dinner. Or at least himself dinner, considering Estelle's sleeping schedule, it would be breakfast for her.

Estelle couldn't help but laugh to herself as she watched Todd walking away and toward the diner. Sometimes the place you belong isn't the destination, but the journey.

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Pt.2 Preview snippet?? (Yes, this is how my stories look before fleshing them out.)

E: I'm curious, kid. We've been at this a while now, stopped at plenty of places, not found anywhere you feel you belong yet?

T: (Pensive silence as he stares out the window)

E: Kid? I'm not kicking you out or nothing, don't worry about that. Just curious to know if you're any closer to finding that feeling.

T: Yes, I have. (Intense stare)

E: What, why're you looking at me like that?

T: You, here.

E: Look kid, just because we did the nasty...

T: No! (Blushes brightly) I mean, that's great, but...seriously. When I'm here, with you, I'm...I'm at peace. I don't want or need anything else; I can just be.

E: I'm old enough to be your mother, kid.

T: So? I'm not asking you to marry me, or to have my kids. I don't want anything other than to be here, beside you. Wherever you go, whatever you do, just take me with you...please?

E: Sure, Kid. I'd like that (Smiles and drives off into the sunset)