FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

John and Josh were avid outdoorsmen. They were exploring through a cave one day, when John found a metal sphere the size of a basketball. Expecting it to be too heavy to lift, he was surprised when it proved to have the buoyancy of a soap bubble. He stroked its mirrored surface, and pointed corners lifted out of the metal sphere. Soon it had transformed into a cube, and then more complicated 3-dimensional figures, and soon it was emitting blinding light. John and Josh backed away as it floated in midair, spinning wildly, violently whirring the air around as it spun, too bright to look at. Just as they were in fear for their lives, it all stopped. And before them stood a young woman with some very unusual characteristics. For she appeared to have nine fox tails streaming out of her behind, and two furry triangular ears stood proudly on top of her head.

"A, a gumiho?" John said, in shock. He had heard of the legend of the fox creatures that took human form and had a penchant for eating human livers.

"They call me that in the land of Korea," said the being. "But I have other names. Kitsune in Nippon. In India they called me Kali, though to them, I looked like this," she said, transforming into a many-armed woman with blue skin. "In Arabia they call me djinn. In Europe they called me both werewolf and vampire. In Phoenecia, Ba'al. But I'd have to say my favorite one, is El Chupacabra. Though the story you may have heard about me in that persona, is not exactly accurate. But this is my preferred form," the being said, transforming once again into the 9-tailed fox woman.

"Djinn?" Josh asked. "As in genie?"

"That too," the fox woman said.

"So, you have to grant us 3 wishes then, right?" continued Josh. "Is it 3 total, or 3 for each of us?"

"I don't have to do anything. But I will grant you wishes, if it amuses me. Maybe 3. Maybe 6. Maybe 1. Maybe a hundred. Maybe none at all. What is it you desire?"

John almost spoke up, but Josh was too quick. "Money. I wish for a billion dollars!"

"US dollars I take it?"

"Oh yeah, that's a good point, yes, US dollars."

"All right, one billion counterfeit US dollars, coming right up," the fox-woman said.

"Wait a minute!" Josh said. "I don't want counterfeit money!"

"Oh, ok, then who do you want me to steal it from? I know, the Boy Scouts of America. I freaking hate them."

"Um. No, I don't want it to be counterfeited, or stolen."

"Well, it *has* to be one of them," said the fox-woman. "If I make new money, it's counterfeit, by definition, even if it's a good counterfeit. If it isn't new, it has to come from somewhere. Which will it be?"

"How about, an alternative?" John spoke up.

"Sure, so something of value, worth a billion dollars then?" the fox-woman asked.

"Yes, that will do!" Josh continued.

"All right." The fox-woman then held out her hands and two brown cloth bags appeared in them from nowhere. "Catch," she said, tossing one to each of them.

"What is it?" asked Josh.

"Sand," said the woman. "Each bag, contains one million grains of sand."

"Is it, magic sand?" asked John.

"Nope, regular sand," the fox-woman said.

"How is this worth a billion dollars?!" asked Josh angrily.

"I'll show you how," the fox-woman genie said. "All right, you," she said, pointing to Josh.

"My name is Josh."

"And I'm John."

"Right, so, Whatsyourface, offer to sell your friend So-and-so here, one grain of your sand, for 1000 dollars."

"What?" they both said together.

"Do you want this to work, or not?" the fox-woman said.

"I'm not giving him a thousand dollars for a grain of sand," John said. "I don't even have a thousand dollars."

"You'll get it right back, just ask him to spot you the money for now. You, Whatsyourface..."

"Josh."

"Whatsyourface. Offer your friend So-and-so to sell him one grain of sand for a thousand bucks already."

"John, would you like to buy one of my grains of sand for a thousand dollars?"

"Sure, why not," John said, impatiently.

"Now, So-and-so, you offer him to sell it back to him, for a thousand dollars."

"Josh, want a grain of sand? Only a thousand dollars! Such a deal!"

"Why, of course! With prices that low, how can I say no!" Josh said back.

"Great," said the fox-woman. "Now we have established a market price of the sand at one thousand dollars per grain. And so, through the miracle of market capitalization, your bags of sand containing one million grains each, are each worth a billion dollars. Congratulations, you both are now billionaires."

"What kind of a scam is that?" asked Josh.

"That scam is exactly how the stock market works, gentlemen," the fox-woman said. "All that wealth, it doesn't really exist, the sand's value is every bit as real as any of it. Want to be trillionaires next? Just do the same thing, but with a million dollars per grain of sand this time."

"You are a terrible genie," Josh said.

"Do you have any other requests?"

"How about, eternal li... no wait, no I don't want to be outliving the universe. How about, biological immortality. Just, never growing old or dying of diseases?" Josh asked.

"Oh that's easy," the fox-woman said. "Is that what you want?"

"Yes," Josh said back.

And then the fox-woman opened her mouth horrifyingly large and swallowed Josh in one bite.

John was stunned into paralysis.

"He is part of my biomass now, and as I don't grow old or die from diseases, I have granted his wish. So, what do you want? What wishes do you want me to grant for you?" she said, staring John straight in the eyes.

"No, I'm good," John said.

"Wise choice," the fox-woman said chuckling as she walked off, patting her distended belly, wagging her many tails.