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Drom 4: Reincarnation

Milo's vision was a sea of blurred blues and greys as the world slowly came into focus. His mind felt clouded and sluggish, as if he was waking from a long, deep slumber. He felt weak, so weak he could barely move. The starry night sky finally came into focus before him. As his wits slowly returned, it became apparent that it was not the night sky but a star field beyond a large, deep window. He rested in a soft, low bed in a small dark room. The carpeted floor and metal plated walls made the quiet room feel somewhat sterile yet at the same time tranquil and calm.

Attempting to rub the sleep from his eyes, the German Shepherd froze as a large white canine paw suddenly rose up to strike his face. He jerked away as he tried to push the unseen assailant away from him. His eyes widened in astonishment as the white paw struck away, meeting only air. Milo tried to rotate his paw, and and watched dumbfounded as the white paw moved in response to his mental commands. Bringing it up to his eyes, realization dawned on him.

'Has someone dyed my fucking fur?!' The astonished German Shepherd inspected the white limb. Snowy white canine fur covered his whole arm and chest. His arm was wasted, the muscles atrophied. No wonder he felt so weak, he had no muscle mass to speak of. 'What the hell is going on here?' the floundering Milo thought as he lay back in the bed.

A pillar of light temporarily dazzled him. A door slid open and closed as Adelaide entered the room. The Cheviot ewe wore combat boots, cargo pants, and a white singlet. Her close cut fleece allowing the clothing to show off her athletic form.

Upon seeing the ewe, a wide-eyed Milo sat bolt upright, throwing the blankets off him, his atrophied body allowing only clumsy, stiff moments. As his wasted body screamed in protest at the rapid movement, Milo felt increasingly vulnerable. In his current condition, he wasn't sure he could stand, let alone defend himself from the deranged ewe!

She slowly advanced on him, her voice harsh and demanding. "Where did you get the case, Milo?"

He shifted backward away from her, his eyes darting around the room, searching for an improvised weapon. His rear suddenly lost support as he moved off the edge of the bed and he began to fall backward. Milo felt a moment of uncontrolled descent as Adelaide nimbly sprang towards him, seizing his chest fur and pulling him back onto the bed. He steeled himself for a coming blow, a weak snarl forming on his muzzle, the only act of defiance he could offer to the ewe who had murdered him.

"Fine" she said, all menace disappearing from her voice. "We'll do this the long and boring way." The ewe dropped him back onto the mattress. She moved around the bed, dropping herself onto the crook of the large windowsill. One lithe leg dangled casually over the edge as she leaned back, gazing into space.

Silence filled the room. Milo kept a weary eye on the ewe as he rubbed his white chest, sore from the sudden jerk.

Minutes passed without the ewe talking, or even looking at him. Finally Milo dismissed the silence. "Why ..." It was painful to speak, his voice raspy and weak, barely audible. "Why am I white ...?"

Adelaide turned to him. "You see that ...?" She tilted her head toward the portal with its celestial vista. "A sight only seen by people who are great at sucking Commonwealth cock, and you want to know why you look a little different?" She snorted, returning her gaze to the eternal darkness.

Milo was trying to work up the strength to respond when the door opened again. Squinting until the harsh light disappeared, he observed the newcomer.

Before him stood a Huacaya alpaca. Around the same hight as Adelaide, most of the alpaca's body was covered in a thick layer of sliver-blue-grey fleece. The short fur that covered her hand-like hooves and face was much lighter, almost white. The fleece around her white face was blue-black, fading into grey down her long neck. While Adelaide's fleece started at the top of her neck, the alpaca's began in a great mop of unruly black head fur, almost hiding her stiff, tubular ears. Her fluffy neck was long, at least 30 centimetres, raising her head above her body. Her dark eyes were large and expressive with soft, thick eyelashes. The thick fleece maintained her modesty, allowing the alpaca to wear only an open lab coat. In one hoof she carried a book-sized data pad.

She smiled warmly at Milo. "Hello, Milo. My name is Kalifornia Myers. You can call me Kali if you like. I'm a doctor." She approached the bed, giving Adelaide a irritated look. "I see that you have already met Adelaide. If she makes you feel uncomfortable, she can leave."

Adelaide snorted. "Milo's a big boy. I'm sure he can get over it."

Milo gave her an astounded look, his mouth slightly agape. He didn't typically consider his own death an event to 'get over'. Not that he knew what to think currently.

"I know you must have a lot of questions." Kali returned her attention to Milo. "And I'll do my best to answer them." She reached out and placed a hoof on his shoulder. "Don't worry, Milo, despite what you might think, you are safe here."

"No he's not. I'll kick the shit out of him if he tries anything," said Adelaide.

Kali winced. "Adelaide, please," she said through clenched teeth. "You agreed that we would do this my way."

The ewe snorted again "Fine."

Kali continued. "Please don't pay attention to Adelaide, Milo. How are you feeling? Is there anything you want to know first?"

Milo blinked. There were a million questions whirling in his head, but in the face of such radical and fundamental change he had to go back to basics. "Where am I?" Milo wheezed.

"You are on board a space ship, a ship much larger then the vessels the Commonwealth uses." replied Kali. "I'm sure you are aware that the original inhabitants of Drom, the people we owe so much to, had gigantic ships that could travel faster than light. It is general knowledge that all the people of Drom, along with their space faring vessels, returned to Drom before the apocalypse befell that planet. This bizarre behaviour is unexplained until this day. There is still so much we don't know."

"All the space ships returned to the space above Drom, and are now little more then floating hulks. All ships, as far as I am aware, except this one. A long time ago, a very young Adelaide entered random coordinates into a teleporter, something most consider suicidal. There are far more dead teleportation pads than active ones. She ended up here, on-board a gigantic, empty ship. As far I can tell, the crew abandoned it to return to Drom. As with all Drom technology, any information about the Drom people themselves has been destroyed. Besides that, it seems to be in perfect working order, even after centuries of being idle. The only room we don't have access to is what I think is the ship's central computer."

"I tried to blast my way in there once," said Adelaide. "I stopped when it started shooting back."

Milo brought up his paws to rub his face again. It was almost unbelievable. He paused as white canine paws rose up to his face.

"Why ..." an exasperated Milo croaked again, "... am I white?" He waved his paw in front of himself, still coming to grips with the fact that it was his.

"I think I should start from the beginning." Kali took a deep breath. "If at any time this all becomes too much for you, just let me know and we will let you rest."

"Adelaide was on Drom doing what, well, Adelaide does. She met you and um..." The alpaca averted her gaze.

"Had a good fuck," interjected Adelaide from the windowsill.

"Yes. Anyway, then she, well, she ..." Kali again stumbled, lightly stroking her own long neck with the back of her hoof.

"Then brutally murdered you." Adelaide gave Milo a grin, ignoring the obviously uncomfortable alpaca.

"Yes. She did." Kali inhaled deeply. "Afterward, she took your equipment, searching for anything of value. She found a large metal case. Inside that case was ... something of great value. So great, in fact, that it became an imperative to discover how you came to possess it. I blame myself for the next part. I had often told Adelaide of the incredible abilities of this ship's completely intact medical facilities. This ship, combined with my knowledge of Drom medical technology, allows me to undertake surgery and treatments that others would consider impossible."

"It was for this reason that Adelaide considered it plausible to extract the information she needed from you, given that your life had only recently ended. I think her reasoning was that, well, a body was unnecessary for that purpose."

Milo's eyes widened in horror.

"She detached you head from your body. She then brought it to me in order to, well, to ... um ..."

Adelaide made a scooping motion with one hoof. "It involved an ice cream scoop and microscope slides." She grinned.

"Yes, well. I was unsure how to undertake that request." Kali continued. "I was, however, aware of a way to prevent the degeneration of brain tissue and eventuality restore you to a body."

Milo looked down at his white furred chest. A white furred chest. Whose white furred chest?!

"We acquired another body to reattach your head to. It was no small feat. I had to dissolve and then reconstruct a large portion of your central nervous system, reprime your immune system, not to mention the surgery itself. Overall, it was not uncomplicated."

Kali took one of his paws into her hooves. "I want you to know something, Milo. I did nothing to your higher brain functions." An intense look entered her eyes. Her grip intensified, almost becoming painful. "You have my word, I swear to you I did not alter your brain, who you are, in any way."

A shocked Milo looked down at his new body. He didn't know what to think. He was somewhat attached to his old body. And yet, he was alive! The incredible events had yet to sink fully into his mind. A new body. He felt almost the same, the body responded and moved to mental commands just as his old one did. There seemed to be no confusion between his brain and his body, yet the mental shock, the entire concept of being in new body was impossible to grasp.

Milo forced a word from his raw, dry throat. "Who?" He couldn't take his eyes off his white arm. It was so alien, yet so much a part of himself as it followed his every command.

"Where did we get the body from? You have Adelaide to thank for that."

"I should thank you, Milo." Adelaide said. "I can now cross off 'broke into a morgue and stole all the bodies, six times,' from my list of things to do before I die."

Milo turned to Kali, mouthing 'six times?!'

Kali refused to meet his eyes, looking sheepish. "We had to find a compatible match. You should also be aware that you are now technically a chimera. Your body is intact, but two different sets of genetic information are now contained within. Your own, in your head and most of your nerve cells, and your 'donor's' everywhere else."

She blushed, shifting her hind hooves uncomfortably. "There is something else you should know. I'm sorry, Milo." She gripped his paw tighter, looking into his eyes. "I know many males would find this extremely distressing. I couldn't save your, um, male essence."

Terror gripped Milo. He couldn't feel his balls. He slid a shaking paw down his new body, trembling with dread. His paw hovered over a soft sheath. He took a deep breath, trepidation making him pause before he plunged his paw down. He held his breath, his heart freezing as he prepared himself for the unpreparedable.

His paw curled around two warm, firm testicles.

Milo released a great sighed of relief, his head falling into the pillow as Adelaide burst into laughter.

"She means they're not yours!" She sniggered. "I made sure you were 'adequately equipped'. If anything, you're a bit bigger now. You can thank me properly later."

"What I mean, Milo." Kali said in a small, soft tone. "Is that you can no longer reproduce sexually. The genetic information in your semen will be that of your donor."

Milo shook his head weakly, giving a small dismissive wave with his paw. Frankly, not being able to have kids was the least of his worries. Far more important now was the silver case. He had to get it back to Thomas before he ran out of time.

Milo slowly sat up, rubbing his head with one of his new paws. It was a lot of information to take in, but he knew he had to cut it down, extract the useful parts and work on a plan to retrieve the case and return to Thomas.

"Where is the case you found now?" he said. His voice was finally returning. Blissfully, as far as he could tell he sounded just like his old self.

"I have no idea," said the alpaca with a shrug.

Adelaide's voice became cold and guarded. "Somewhere safe," she said as she crossed her arms.

As an uncomfortable silence befell the room Milo decided to change the subject. He was in no position to make demands. Not yet. "How long have I been here?"

"Since you came aboard? About six months," replied Kali. "Your recovery, while mostly without complication, took some time."

Milo's blood turned to ice. Six months. Six months meant that he had well and truly failed. He had no doubt that Thomas would carry out his threats in full. His whole family, forced to such disgusting acts all because he couldn't drag a silver box a few kilometres without getting killed. The enormity of his failure rose up in him as a great wave of grief. His head fell into his paws as he felt tears streaked down his muzzle. It had all been for nothing. His fallen clan. Anna. His Keen addiction. The rabbit, her pain, her suffering, all that blood on his paws, had all come to exactly zero. There was no point to it all.

'Everything the universe could throw at him.' The motto had never before felt so hollow.

Milo had nothing left.

Nothing except for a promise. A promise he had made long ago. He would make this have purpose. He would bring reason to the rabbit's death, and his own torment.

He would kill Thomas Hinderson.

"It's alright," Kali cooed softy as she wrapped her arms around Milo's shoulders. "Everything will be OK."

Milo shrugged her off him. "Get out. I need to rest," he said through gritted teeth.

Adelaide stood. "And I need everything you know about that case, Milo. You are alive because you have information I want. Do not forget that."

"It's alright, Adelaide. It's been months, a few more days won't hurt." said Kali as she stepped away from Milo. "I'm sure Milo will cooperate as soon as he has the strength."

Milo nodded slowly, meeting Adelaide's cool gaze.

They were going to be mighty disappointed when they discovered just how little he knew. Not that Milo cared. He would do anything to advance his new goal. Even turn this ship around and ram it into Thomas's mansion. He would guide it to the ground personally.

Kali sighed in relief. "You're in good enough condition now that I'm going to give you some muscle stimulants, Milo. It may be a little painful, but they will put you back onto your feet in a few days."

"Then you talk, Milo." Adelaide's tone made it clear that is was not a suggestion.

Three days later, Milo sat with Adelaide and Kali in the mess hall. The living areas of the ship had obviously been designed with aesthetics and comfort in mind. The large oval room had floor-to-ceiling viewing screens with more star fields, carpeted floors and padded walls with an open kitchen. Not a single speck of dust or dirt was present in the room, giving no hint of just how long the tables had stood empty.

Milo sat with Adelaide at one table while Kali busily prepared a meal a few meters away. While Milo had spent most of the last three days bedridden and was still some distance away from his former fit form, his muscles were at least of a healthy weight and he could move around normally. Normal, that is, for his new body. The first time he stood he knew he was a tiny bit taller, a tiny bit wider. A million things he would never notice about another person became apparent. His arms felt too short, his legs too long and his paw pads rougher. Normal was anything but. Besides the adjustment to his new body, Milo was impressed by whatever Kali had given him. He had suffered injury during his military career, and despite excellent and modern medical care, he recalled a long and painful recovery. Nothing like the quick bounce back to health he was now experiencing.

"Again, Milo, I'm sorry we don't have any clothes for you. I don't have many and all of Adelaide's are too small," called Kali from the stove.

"I don't mind," said Adelaide with a smirk. "Besides, who are you going to offend? There's only three people on board, and we've all seen you naked."

"It's fine, really." Milo didn't have any hang-ups about wandering around in nothing but his own fur, and the ship's climate was pleasant, but every time he looked down he was reminded that he was no longer in a German Shepherd's body. Everything below his neck now had the classic colourings of a husky. The dark back and tail was not unlike his old colouring, but he was still getting used to the snow white arms, legs, belly and his new fluffy tail. "Adelaide's right. It's not a problem," he said, reaching up and stroking his throat.

"I'm waiting," said Adelaide from across the table.

"Fine. You want to know all I know about the case? Here it is, and don't blame me when it's not what you want to hear." Milo cleared his throat. Some creative truth was necessary. He was not about to tell them, or anyone, what had really happened.

"I was hired by someone on my home planet, Carda, to come to Drom and retrieve the case. I was given the location. I went there, found a few dead Commonwealth soldiers, got the case, and as I was returning to my camp I met you."

Adelaide was silent for a moment. Her eyes were cold and her face expressionless, giving no clue to Milo if his ruse was working.

"Who hired you? For how much?" she finally spoke.

"A Lynx named Thomas Hinderson. For 10,000." Milo gave a random number.

"How many dead soldiers?"

"Two."

"Just two? Did they look like they had seen combat?" The question were rapid and harsh. Adelaide never gave a hint of what she was thinking.

"I don't know, I didn't hang around to ask. I got the mission, left Carda, did the mission and then met you. That's it."

"So you were given its location, given equipment, placed on Drom and expected to get the case alone?"

"Yes."

"And you never looked in the case?"

"No." Milo didn't hesitate. That much was true.

Adelaide leaned back in her chair. "You're right. That's not what I wanted to hear."

Milo shrugged. "That's what happened."

Adelaide just sat, staring at him with her unreadable eyes. Milo tried to meet them. He had no idea if the ewe brought the story or not. Hopefully, he had left enough of the truth intact that it sounded plausible. As he sat staring at the ewe, his paw unconsciously crept to his neck. He couldn't help it, every time he thought of Adelaide he was remind of his own bloody end at her hooves. Somehow, he knew with absolute certainty that he would never forget the feeling of the world dimming, falling away from him as he lay in a pool of his own blood.

"You know, at some point you're going to have to stop touching your neck every time you look at me," she said.

"Well, you know, traumatic memory association and all that." Milo was grateful for the change of subject.

"Really? You have no positive memories of our time together at all?" she leaned towards him with a seductive glint in her eyes. "Because I still haven't tried your new knot," she whispered. "you know, the one you have me to thank for. Don't think I got it just for your own use .... " The sudden switch from cold demeanour to lecherousness was jarring to Milo, but he wasn't about to bring up the case again.

"Nor have I. Besides, seeing how well last time went, I think I'll pass," he said.

She sighed as she sat back. "Will you just get over it already? It's getting tiring."

"Get over it!?" Milo's voice rose in disbelief. "You KILLED me! The least you could do is be repentant!"

"I will not. Listen up, Milo, because I'm only saying this once." Adelaide's frustration boiled over as she raised her own voice to match his. "I was on Drom. On Drom with a man I was certain was another mercenary. An enemy combatant ready to slit the throat of anyone who got between them and the artifacts. You knew what you were getting into when you got to Drom, and if you didn't then I'm shocked your stupidity hadn't already killed you. I struck before you could. That's what happens in war zones."

Milo gritted his teeth, meeting her fierce gaze with his own. It was obvious that neither of them would back down.

"You two, please, drop the subject. It's not important right now." said Kali as she placed three plates on the table.

Milo held his tongue. She was right. An argument now would do him little good. He still had no idea how to get of f the ship. "This is not over," he said. The ewe just shook her head in response.

The smell of freshly cooked bacon reached Milo's nose. He felt a ravenous appetite rise in him. After all, this was his first solid meal in six months. He licked his lips, feeling himself salivate as he drew the plate in front of him, his thoughts of the case and Adelaide put aside for the moment at least.

"We could have just had protein bars and vitamin pills, but I thought that I would do something a bit more elaborate for your first meal." Kali sat at the table. The two herbivores had piles of greenery on their plates. It just smelt like wet grass to Milo, but by the way Adelaide was shovelling it into her mouth it must have been palatable.

Milo devoured his food. The bacon was hard and overcooked, but he savoured every last bite.

"How is it? I don't normally cook meat," said Kali as she consumed her own meal.

"It's the best meal I've ever had!" said Milo joyfully around a mouthful, almost in tears.

"I can tell," remarked Adelaide. "You're making a mess."

"Sorry," he said with a grin. "So how did you end up here, with Adelaide?" He asked Kali.

Adelaide and Kali shared a sideways glace. "well . . . Adelaide sometimes suffers injuries when she is on a mission. I know a great deal about Drom medical technology, so it was natural that she got me to assist her."

"Really? That's it?" probed Milo.

"Yes." said Adelaide definitively as she gave him a hard look. Milo dropped yet another subject. These two seemed to have a few secrets of their own.

Milo continued to wolf down his meal. Like all canines he ate relatively quickly, sharply contrasting to the much slower, deliberate pace the ewe and alpaca set. He followed the last of his meal with a tall glass of cool, pure water.

Licking his lips, he watched the others eat. Kali's small and dainty hooves were graceful, and she ate with slow, eloquent movements. Adelaide, however, stalked her plate with her eating utensils. She speared offensive greenery as if she was sure it was about to flee her plate.

Adelaide was the first to finish of the two. She pushed her plate away with a satisfied smile. She looked up quizzically, as if a thought had suddenly struck her. "Hey, Kali?"

Kali hummed in acknowledgement as she continued to eat.

"Have you ever taken a knot?"

"I make knots all the time for stitches. Staples or glue are sometimes better, depending on the wound," Kali replied disinterestedly.

"No, I mean THE knot. You know, doggie cock."

Kali almost choked on a bolus of food. She descended into a small coughing fit as she glanced at Milo.

"Yeah, I'm thinking of his old one. The way it kind of bursts into you, then expands." Adelaide murred contently as she looked Milo over. He got the distinct impression that she was not admiring his mental attributes.

Decidedly not looking at Milo, Kali hissed in a low, harsh tone. "This is not appropriate conversation, Adelaide!"

"It's not?" Adelaide gave Kali a blank look. She grunted in disappointment. "Fine. I'll wait until Milo leaves."

Kali placed a hoof over her eyes, exhaling in exasperation and embarrassment.

"It's alright," said Milo. He was inwardly a little amused at the Alpaca's discomfort. "Well Kali, have you taken a knot before?" He said with a mischievous smile.

'And would you like to? cause I got one you can use ...' he added lewdly to himself.

An image flashed into Milo's mind as he chuckled at his own dirty joke. His knot. Covered in Sara's blood and his cum. He tore it from her as she begged him to make the pain stop. She crawled away from him, crying in pain and fear, blood leaking from her battered orifice. He got his combat knife from his pile of equipment. Unfortunately, he had to stop cutting her or she would faint from blood loss. He harshly jammed the hilt into the rabbits eye socket. He wanted to know if the eyeball would pop. Milo gripped the table, the others' words fading into a dull buzz as he started to tremble, sweat forming on his brow.

Kali blushed, oblivious to Milo's distress. "well ... um ... once, Yeah. I had a Ethiopian wolf boyfriend. It didn't last long. Just, long enough ..." She wiped her month with a serviette, shifting uncomfortably in her seat.

"Give plenty of detail, Kali," said an genuinely interested Adelaide.

"It was ... well it was ... a large bulb at the base of his ..." her voice dropped to a whisper. "... penis." Kali kept her eyes firmly on her plate. Who knew what Milo was thinking of this conversation?

"I know WHAT a knot is, Kali. How did it feel? You know ..." Adelaide leaned into Kali, lowering her voice to a dirty whisper. "when it forced its way inside you." The Alpaca gave a small meep.

His knot forced its way into the rabbit's mouth. Her bruised and swollen muzzle had stopped fighting some time ago. He wondered what it would feel like to slit her throat and fuck the warm hole as gore poured from her. Unfortunately, he only had one plaything, so he had to settle for watching her turn blue, her eyes rolling back in her head as she desperately spasmed, choking around his member blocking her airway. Milo's trembling became violent shakes. His vision began to tunnel, becoming smaller and smaller as he felt a giant crushing weight encase him, pushing at his mind from all sides.

"OK!" Kali said shrilly, standing. "I think we are all done eating now." She hurriedly retreated to the kitchen.

"What's got you so worked up, Kali?" said Adelaide. "We've talked dirty plenty of times before around the table. Hell, we even once got dirty in here, remember?"

Kali gasped, covering her mouth with her hooves. "Adelaide! Shut up!" The insides of Kali's ears blushing a bright red.

Adelaide stood, walking around the bench to Kali. "I was in my heat, and you were feeling randy for once in your life. We started talking about past lovers, when you said you had never made out with a woman before. Then I did this."

Kali backed away from the ewe, her back running into a bulkhead "No, Adelaide, don't ..."

Adelaide leaned into Kali. She looked deep into her eyes as she pulled the Alpaca's hooves away from her muzzle. Leaning forward, Adelaide took Kali's lower lip into her ovine muzzle. Both females closed their eyes and murred into the contact as they embraced. Adelaide became more insistent, holding Kali to the wall as she deepened the kiss.

Kali made a sound of protest before she roughly shoved Adelaide off her. "I said no, Adelaide!"

She stopped saying no. Pity. He liked the sounds of the rabbit's protests. It was so small. So pathetic. So irrelevant. She now just lay there, dull eyes staring into space. He told her to suck her own gore off his cock and she obeyed with her bleeding muzzle. She was completely broken. He hit her again anyway. Milo began to hyperventilate as his heart rate accelerated. He doubled over in his chair as his chest tightened painfully.

"Kali, what's the problem?" All mirth had left the ewe's voice as she looked at the alpaca with confusion.

"We can't do anything, not with Milo around," whispered Kali.

"Who, him?" Adelaide made a dismissive gesture towards Milo without turning around. "I already fucked him. I wanted him to join in!"

"You know you don't understand this kind of thing Adelaide. Just ... just no."

The ewe stood for a moment, searching the alpaca's face in confusion. "You know what?" she said, rolling her eyes. "Whatever. I'll be in bay 6." She turned away from Kali, finally facing the table. "What that hell is wrong with Milo?"

"Milo!" Kali exclaimed. She immediately rushed to his side. The convulsing Milo lay over the table, gripping his own head tightly, his knuckles white, unseeing eyes straining in their sockets between his digits. Kali withdrew a light from her pocket. She shone it into his eyes before checking his pulse.

"I need you to breathe, Milo," she told him calmly and deliberately. "You're going to be fine. I need you to breathe for me."

Adelaide leaned back on the bench. "If he dies, you're dragging his corpse to the airlock," she said coolly.

Kali held Milo in her arms. She cooed to him. "It's OK, Milo. You just need to breathe. I think he's having a panic attack." Milo clung to the sound of Kali's voice. It was a lifeline, the only solid object in the maelstrom that was overwhelming him.

"Panic attack? He didn't seem like such a pussy on Drom."

"Adelaide, can you just ... just be quiet," an exasperated Kali said. She returned her attention to Milo, stroking his shoulder. "Can you hear me, Milo? It's OK. You need to calm down. Just breathe and listen to my voice."

Milo felt his shaking weaken and then cease. The crushing pressure suffocating his body and mind slowly lessened. He could finally hear and see normally again. He bathed himself in the reassuring sound of Kali's voice, feeling it calm him.

As his breathing slowed and deepened, Kali continued to comfort him. "You're doing well, Milo. Just keep breathing. I'm here, It's alright. You're going to be fine."

Milo felt shaken. He had never before felt such helplessness, such terror closing in on him. He shook his head as he slowly relaxed. "Th... Thanks Kali," he whispered, once more feeling in control of his own senses.

"I thought he would adapt better to the shock of having a new body. He was young, healthy in both body and mind. Still, I did get that information from you," Kali said to Adelaide. "You're not the best yardstick for mental stability." Kali immediately regretted her words. "Adelaide, I didn't mean... I'm sorry!"

Adelaide's face darkened. Without a word she stormed from the room.

"What was that all about?" said Milo, thankful for the distraction.

"It's not important right now. Are you alright?"

"Yes. I'm fine." Milo returned Kali's caresses. "Thank you."

Kali smiled at him before giving him one last squeeze as she sat down at the table beside him.

"I know this has all been a lot to take in, Milo. I'm sorry we didn't go slower."

"It's not that, it's just ... never mind."

"It's natural to feel afraid, Milo. You thought you were dead, then you woke up in a strange place in a strange body. Nothing could have prepared you for that. If there is anything you want to talk about, anything at all, I'm here."

"I know, Kali. Thanks, for everything." Milo desperately wanted to change the conversation. What would she think if she knew? So far, Kali had seemed like such a caring individual, she gave so much and asked so little. If she knew of the monster he really was ... he didn't think he could take that rejection. Not now that he was so alone in the galaxy. "There is one thing."

"Please, what is it?"

Now that Milo had regain his senses, something was bugging him.

"Why have you done all this? If all you wanted was information, why not lock me in a room and shoot me full of truth drugs, or as Adelaide put it, smear my brain on a microscope slide?"

Kali sighed. "Yes, I can see why you would ask that. I would never do that to another person, Milo. I would rather die than violate someone like that!" Her voice was forced, a desperate look in her eyes. She took a deep breath, calming herself. "Besides, Adelaide is fairly sure she can best you in a fist fight. There are no weapons on board that you have access to. Well, that and ..."

"And what?"

"I've been here with Adelaide for almost ten years now. She still hasn't given me the coordinates for the ship's teleporter. I can leave and go wherever I want, but only Adelaide knows how to get back here. In short, Adelaide doesn't consider you a threat, at least not when you're this weak."

"Ten years without trusting you? That's ... frankly bizarre. Why is she so... I mean, she seems a little off. To put it politely."

Kali sighed again. "She wouldn't want me to tell you."

"To be honest," said Milo, "she doesn't seem to care much for what other people want, so why not reciprocate?"

"That's kind of the problem." Kali looked into Milo's eyes. He could almost see the wheels working in her mind. She seemed to come to a decision. "OK, but don't tell her I told you this. It's only a matter of time until she works it out, but I hope for a few days' peace first."

Milo nodded.

"Milo, Adelaide is ... well, I did some digging soon after I came aboard. With my connections, I was able to see some psychological reports from her youth."

Kali paused, taking a deliberate breath before continuing.

"Milo, simply put, and don't read too much into this, it has many nuances and complications ..." Kali sighed. "Adelaide is a psychopath."

Milo sat back in his hair, eyes wide "What, like a crazed axe murder?!"

"No Milo, not like that. It's a bit more complicated. There are many different levels and intensities for this kind of mental disorder. Adelaide's main difficulty is that she is incapable of feeling empathy. As I'm sure you can imagine, this colours almost every facet of her interactions with other people. You have already felt the brunt of that, I think."

Milo nodded. "It kind of makes sense. Her disregard for other people, how she so easily ... dispatched me."

"It's not that she doesn't know what empathy is, she logically understands it, she once even told me she sees why large social groups of animals need it to function, it's just that she does not feel it herself. She also finds it extremely irritating that she cannot predict how people will often react to things she finds perfectly logical."

"I feel I should warn you, Milo." Kali continued. "This effects how she thinks, how she acts, on a very fundamental level. Once, two years ago now, after eight years of us working together, I asked her how much money she would need to take me back ... off the ship, if someone wanted me dead." Kali shivered. "Without so much as a pause, she said 250,000 standard Commonwealth currency units, about a quarter of her normal price. I wanted to know why it was so low. She told me it was because I would be so easy to 'take out'. She didn't even think about it, Milo, she just knew, like she had already worked it out."

Milo reached out and touched Kali's arms. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "It must have been hard to hear that from someone you considered a friend. Or anyone for that matter. It must get lonely out here, with only her for company."

"It's not so bad, really. Adelaide can behave in strange ways sometimes, but overall I can deal with her. She is difficult, but not impossible to relate to. Which reminds me, she feels very deeply about this issue. Never imply that she will never understand something because of her mental disposition. She will become extremely offended."

"Kali. I need to know something. Has Adelaide ever forced you to do anything? Has she ever become violent towards you?" Milo knew what a monster without feeling what capable of. If it was possible, he would never let that happen again, not to or by anyone.

Kali shook her head "No, Milo. We have heated arguments sometimes, but I think she knows I am much more useful to her willing than unwilling. There are many things I can do to someone strapped to my gurney." Kali almost chuckled before adding hastily, "Not that I would."

Milo smiled, nodding. "Don't worry, Kali, somehow I know you just don't have it in you. Anyway, I think I will go for a walk."

"A walk?"

"I have been cooped up for six months. My muscles feel like jelly."

Kali shook her head. "I don't think wandering around by yourself is a good idea. You might have another episode."

"I'm fine, really. I won't go far, that way if anything happens you're still around."

Kali shook her head. "I just feel you need further monitoring. At least let me check you over in the med lab."

"Please, Kali, I need to feel like I own my own feet again. You're right, this has been a whole lot to take in. I think it will do me a lot of good to feel like I can make my own decisions, even if it's only how to spend my time."

She paused. "Well, if you're certain. Here." Kali withdrew a data pad and tapped away for a moment before passing the device to Milo ."The ship is large enough that you may get lost wandering the corridors, this has a map. You can also use it to call me. Please, Milo, at the first hint of a relapse, I need you to contact me."

"I will," he promised, standing.

"If you need me, for anything at all, I will be in Medical lab two, it's on the map. Do you need me to show you?"

"No, I'll work it out. It's not the first time I've used one of these." Milo waved the data pad in the air. "Thanks, Kali. For everything."

"Don't mention it."

"You can wave away six months of work and a life saved with a 'don't mention it'?"

"Well, don't give me too much credit. I had a professional interest in completing the process that led to your revival." Milo saw a glint of pride in her eyes.

"I'll be around, OK?" he said.

"OK," she replied.

Milo left the room. As the the large doors closed behind him, he let out a deep breath, leaning against the door.

"Fuck," he said.

It was still there. Inside him. He could feel the need, the craving for Keen. It was smaller now, it almost disappeared sometimes when he was distracted. But every quiet moment, every time he closed his eyes, he could feel it clawing at him. It was as if a part of him was missing, as if he was incomplete. All he needed to become whole was one shot. He was sure that once he had some again, once he felt it in his veins, he would stop shaking. Stop having panic attacks. Stop having nightmares. The nightmares were the worst. He could barely sleep, and what little sleep he got was plagued by flashers of the things he had done to the rabbit. He woke a cold sweat, horrified to find he had an erection. Milo slid down the door, cradling his head. He was the monster. He became aroused at the thought of what he did to the rabbit, even as he loathed it to his very core.

Milo came to a decision. After Thomas was dead, he would kill himself. A sick creature such as he, who found others' pain so enjoyable, didn't deserve to live.

/////

Edited by hyenakona.

More information on this chapter can be found in my journal entry by the same name.