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'Come on! Hurry up!'

'Hold the door for me!'

I held the door open for Samantha as she ran as fast as she could, holding her bag above her head to keep somewhat dry. While Sam and I made our way to the gym that Friday night on our bicycles, we got caught up so all of a sudden in heavy rain. Within minutes, we were absolutely soaked so we tried to peddle our way to the gym faster. It saved us a shower to say the least. After she closed the door behind her, we stood in the small hallway while the water was dripping off our clothes. Our hair was a total mess and my hair kept falling down, covering my eyes. Samantha moved her hair aside and looked at me while she had that distinct smile on her face...

'Blimey...'

'I can't remember the last time it rained like this.'

'I think it never rained like this before.'

'Come on, let's go inside.'

It's been two weeks since I confessed to Samantha that I'm bi-sexual but nothing really happened in those two weeks with Sam and me. Things stayed relatively the same except that Sam knew now that I had a little secret and that I had a huge crush on her. The thing was that I was scared shitless and thought that my friendship with her would change because of it. I saw it happening before... But Samantha was so sweet and said that nothing would change between our friendship because of it... Of course, I was a little upset that she doesn't have the same feelings for me but I was expecting an answer like that. Nonetheless, she told me about something I wasn't expecting at all that made everything right... About her bi-curious tendencies... It made me realize that not all was lost for us... And that it might turn out a little different than I had in mind...

We opened the door to the gym but to our surprise, we didn't see anyone... Just Frank behind the bar, enjoying a bowl of peanuts and a beer while he was watching television...

'Hi!'

'Hey, Frank!'

'Ah, my ladies!'

We made our way to the bar and well, the wooden floor was kinda slippery because of our soaked clothes. I can honestly say that Frank wasn't too happy that we left a trail of water...

'Aww, come on, I just mopped the floor!'

'We're sorry, I'll mop it up for you.'

'Naah, its fine, sweet pea. Just get along your business as usual. I'll mop it up later.'

'Frank?'

'Yes, Ceylan?'

'Where exactly is everyone?'

'I don't know. I guess on nights like these, everyone likes to stay at home. Big tough guys practicing Tae Kwon Do, kickboxing, Kempo, Muay Thai, Taijutsu, and hell, we even got Radjeev to master Silat Melayu but a bit of rain is stopping them all from coming here.'

'Radjeev?'

'Yeah, the big lion guy. You've seen him around. He still has a huge crush on Samantha.'

'Oh please...'

'Haha! Lemme tell ya, this one time, Radjeev tried to talk to Samantha and brought her a rose! And then Samantha-'

'Okaaaaaaay! Let's go to the changing room!'

'Aww, I wanted to hear that story!'

'Frank always exaggerates...'

'I do actually.'

'Hehehe, never mind, then. I thought it was gonna be hilarious.

'Do you expect anyone else to come?'

'Joey and Marcus might be coming soon. I don't know about the rest, though.'

'Alright, well we're gonna get changed so see ya in a bit.'

'Sure thing, sweet pea.'

Sam dragged me to the girl's changing room where we could get dressed. She placed her bag on the wooden bench and got out her things. I did the same but I watched her every move from the corners of my eyes... She took her jacket off... And then she sat down and removed her high heeled boots and socks... She got up again and took her top off... Unbuckled her belt and unbuttoned her jeans... Sam slowly pulled her jeans down and because our clothes were soaked, it was difficult for her to get them off... Her strong muscled legs are so sexy... Seeing her standing in her underwear really did it for me each time I saw her like that... To see her bending over to pick up her jeans... "God, that ass..." Her entire body is so gorgeous to see... "No wonder Devon wanted to fuck her so bad..." I'd still do anything for her if she let me love her... If only Sam knew that... "She's taking her bra off..." And Samantha has lovely breasts... I'd reckon she has a size thirty-four C... Bigger than mine compared with my measly size thirty-six B... The cold rain made her nipples erect... And when she noticed I looked at her, she looked straight back at me and had this sweet smile she always has... "She's so adorable and so sweet... Why the fuck did Devon ever broke up with her...?" Sam placed her bra back in her sports-bag and got out her shorts... Her left feet gets in first... Her feet aren't as big as mine but her feet are a little wider and her toes are rounder... I'd suck and lick her toes if she has a foot-fetish... I'd do everything she asked me to do to please her... "No, no, no, don't put your top back on just yet, I'm not done staring yet! No- awww..." Samantha got out her gloves and put them on. She did her hair in a ponytail and after that; she was ready... She took her clothes and mine, hanged it to dry over the heater, and looked at me while I was finishing up.

'You ready, Ceylan?'

'Hm-mm.'

The way she looked at me made me think that she knew I was watching her... She knew I already had a huge crush on her so it wouldn't surprise me if she knew. But Sam didn't really seem to be uncomfortable about the fact that I was looking at her breasts... I've seen her breasts and her lovely pussy many times before so it wouldn't make a difference now that she knew I was bi, right...?

As we made our way back to the gym, we noticed Frank enjoying his peanuts again while he was watching TV on the wall. Frank already mopped up the wet trail we left on the wooden floor by the time we came back. Samantha and I walked up to the nearest punching bags and did our thing. We kicked and punched the shit out of that punching bag...

After an hour or so, I noticed that Frank was walking aimlessly around the gym, looking at picture frames on the walls scattered throughout the gym. Every now and then, you saw him smiling before he walked off to the next one. We watched him for a while and then Samantha walked up to him. After a moment of hesitation, I followed her as well and went to Frank.

'You alright, Frank?'

'I'll be alright...'

'What's wrong...?'

'This place isn't what it used to be, sweet pea... Thirty years ago, this place was crawling with people who shared the same passion. I'd never thought I'd live to see the day that only two people are here...'

'Heh...'

'Well, I'm sure more people will come once it stops raining...'

'That's not it, Ceylan... I started this place thirty years ago with my brother, Byron. Look... There he is on that picture, the third one from the left.'

'I can't remember I ever saw him...'

'Naah, you never knew him, Sam... He died when he was thirty-four years old from a heart attack. Way too young... He left a wife and his two kids behind...'

'I'm sorry to hear that...'

'You miss him...'

'Yeah... We tried to teach those little squirts that came walking in some discipline and how to defend themselves. I even trained Sam and her father.'

'Why'd you ever stop teaching if you loved it so much...?'

'For medical reasons, Ceylan... Byron and I were born with a heart disease and it's the reason why Byron passed away... So I was forced to quite, really. And nowadays, it's just a place people pay monthly for to keep up their skills.'

'P-Pay?'

'Well yes, of course. The place isn't gonna pay by itself...'

'O-Oh well, I didn't know, I thought it was just a community building or something. I'll pay you everything I owe you, Frank, I swear.'

'Meh, don't worry about it, Ceylan. Any friend of Sam is a friend of mine, you see. You don't need to pay to visit. Don't tell anyone I said this to you, though.'

'Yeah, of course... Thanks, Frank...'

'Hehehe...'

'Well, a lot of things changed over the years...'

'I know, sweet pea... It's a small community. People used to come by all the time and sometimes they just watched how others were working out. It's quite impressive to see. Some people just came here having a beer or just to catch up with other people. It's so much more than a gym for some people... But you know, they move on with their lives. People move away from the neighbourhood and forget this place ever existed...'

I looked at Samantha while she looked at me and I knew she thought the exact same thing. I've been coming here to the gym with Sam for the last four months and already I was very fond of this place... I love it there... And maybe I loved it because it was the only way for me to see Sam naked by showering together afterwards...

'What do you mean by that...?'

'That we have to face the facts, Sam. With the way things are going now, I could keep this place running for a year tops. I'll just try to make the best of it and I'll have to sell the business before it becomes a risk to me...'

The moment Frank mentioned that he had to sell the place; Samantha was truly shocked... I can imagine that she considers this place as her second home, seeing as she spend half of her childhood here, meeting so many people, and having so many good memories... I think that Samantha found it difficult to accept it... The expression on her face said enough...

'Frank... I've been coming here ever since I was five years old...! This place means so much to me! And what about Joey a-and all the others?!'

'I guess they just need to find a new place...'

Samantha was really upset when she heard Frank say it... What was supposed to be a fun night out turned to a rather grim one... To be honest, I couldn't imagine this place to disappear as well. To me, it felt as if the gym was some magical place that took all my troubles and worries away. This was the only way for me to vent things out. Even if Sam and I were going to another gym, it just wouldn't be the same... I took the gym for granted... It stayed silent for a moment as I could see that Samantha was thinking deeply. Then she looked at me and I knew what she was thinking...

'What if you try to get back at training kids...?'

'I can't... We had two instructors, one passed away, and the other one can barely go upstairs to his own apartment without wheezing his lungs out.'

'I didn't say you have to train them...'

'Then who would?'

'I could do it... I can teach them!'

'And maybe I can teach too!'

'I really appreciate your enthusiasm but I don't have the resources to employ you. And besides, you still got school and everything. School goes first before anything else.'

'No, no, no, listen! We can teach every Friday night and we'll start with a small class, let's say uh... Ten kids or something. You charge their parents a six-month subscription fee, so they'd have to pay for those six months. Let's say they pay thirty dinar a month, times ten kids is three-hundred a month. Multiply it by six and you get, uh...'

'Eighteen-hundred dinar based on a six month subscription..'

'Thanks, Ceylan. And that's only for kickboxing. Another eighteen hundred will add up for Tae Kwon do.'

'Thirty six hundred dinar in six months...? I don't think that's going to cover it...'

'Then we'll raise the class to sixteen kids! That'll make like uh... Like uh...'

'Five thousand, seven hundred and sixty dinar based on a six months subscription, Kickboxing and Tae Kwon Do lessons together.'

At that moment, Samantha looked surprised at me. I've always been good at maths. Not that I liked it but I was good at it nonetheless...

'Seriously, are you a calculator or something?'

'No, I just look like one. But Frank, we'd teach them for free! And once we raised enough money, you can employ instructors and expand!'

'Girls, even then, I don't think it would be enough.'

'You can't do this on your own, Frank... Please, let us help...'

'I appreciate it, I really do. But maybe it's time to take it into consideration that I have to sell it... I'm already looking for ways to stay in business. It wouldn't be the first time, sweet pea. I might be able to find a business partner or something to help out. Don't you worry your pretty little head over it.'

'Okay...'

Frank gave us a reassuring smile and walked back to his bar where he enjoyed another beer and started to watch TV again. Samantha and I were sparring against each other and while we were at it, she stopped in the middle of our fight and looked towards the door. And when I looked, I saw a small group of people coming in... Frank knew them apparently, judging the way he greeted them... The mood of the atmosphere changed so all of a sudden when they arrived... We weren't the only ones making sounds anymore... To hear people talking in the background was wonderful, knowing we weren't the only ones that still loved this place. Samantha looked so happy when she saw other people coming in... It made us feel confident that this place wouldn't just disappear... People disappeared in the changing rooms and came out a while later. Some were working out with the dumbbells, others did cardiac training by riding those spinning bikes, others were practicing on those punching bags... And some others were hanging out at the bar while Frank passed drinks around and chatted with everybody while hearing the roaring sound of their laughter... Samantha looked at me and smiled... At that moment, I realized why she cherished this place so much...

Many hours later, we saw people leaving... It was around half-passed eleven when Samantha and I stopped working out and enjoyed a Coke that Frank gave us. We sat at the bar, while Frank explained the situation. He noticed that less people were coming in and he was barely making a profit anymore. As much as he loved doing everything for free, it was of course not possible. Like he said, this place wasn't gonna pay for itself, so he made a concept of a business plan to keep this place running. And even though it looked very good on paper, I was still wondering how he was going to pull it off...

At around midnight, Samantha and I got our towels and went back to the girl's changing rooms. We got our bags from the lockers and placed them on the bench where we got out our other towels, washcloths, shampoo and shower gel. Then she took her top off and exposed her bare breasts... To me, it felt like a taunt, as if she was trying to say, "Come and get it..." I often imagined I could play with her titties for hours... And that night, I remembered thinking how much longer I had to watch her undress in front of me while I couldn't do anything... How much longer would she tease me with her delicious sweet pussy...? I could only imagine how it must taste like... The mere thought of it often caused me to play with myself whenever I was alone... Then she removed her thong, slowly revealing that juicy pink little slit of hers no male has ever penetrated before... I was dieing to know what the taste of her innocence would be like... "How much longer do I have to watch her like this...?" Again with that beautiful smile... She removed her hair band from her ponytail and let down her long blonde hair... I got undressed as quickly as I could and grabbed my things while Samantha was already making her way to the shower area... And just before she turned around the corner, she looked at me again and kept smiling... "Why the hell does she keep smiling at me...?" Then I thought of it... Just thinking of it sent aroused tingles through my stomach... A very bold and risky move to take... And it might change things between Samantha and me forever... But nevertheless, I got my things and went to the shower area myself...

When I entered the shower area, I found myself in a warm cloud of steam that only seemed to get bigger... The only sound that I heard was the ticking of the drops of water on the stone floor tiles... The closer I got to her, the hotter it became... The closer I got to Samantha, the more nervous I felt... I turned the shower on next to her while I watched her as her back was facing me... Her hands were going through her hair when she lifted her head up... The hot water streaming down her muzzle... And I remember how I wished I could be those water drops... Falling down on her, gently going down on every part of her body... And to make her feel how that hot water made her feel... Relaxed and soothed... Was I able to do so...? I fantasized about this many times whenever I was alone in bed... Sometimes, it felt so real that it was always a disappointment whenever I realized it didn't happened... Sometimes, I didn't even see the difference between my fantasies and reality... And that's exactly what happened to me that night... I couldn't tell anymore if it was real or not ever since that thought came up... Things went exactly how my fantasy portrayed it... I didn't know what compelled me to get closer to her... It felt as if an invisible rope pulled me over towards Samantha... And when I stood right behind her, I gently placed my hands on her shoulders and as I did, I knew that this was real... She turned her head and looked at me... And at that point, I had a lot of trouble to hold myself when I felt the aroused tingles in my stomach... I rested my head on her shoulder... But then she quietly whispered to me...

'Ceylan...?'

'Yeah...?'

'Do you still think about that kiss...? And what it made you feel...?'

'Yeah... Do you...?'

'Oh yes, definitely... I'm really glad we talked about this, you know... I just felt so confused about everything and I didn't really know what to do about it...'

'I know... Do you still believe it...?'

'Believe what...?'

'That kissing a girl doesn't determine your sexuality...?'

'Yes... You just either like it or you don't...'

'Exactly...'

'The night you told me you have feelings for me really startled me...'

'Why...? Did it upset you...?'

'No... But have you ever wondered if it's a wrong thing to like it...?'

'Of course I did... But it's not wrong, despite what some people might say...'

'Heh... Knowing that you have feelings for me really makes me wish I could explain this in a way you'd understand... Because I really don't want to hurt your feelings...'

'You don't have to explain anything to me, Sammi...'

'Heh...'

'Would you kiss me again if I let you...?'

'Yes, I think so...'

'Then why would you hesitate to do something you already did...?'

I could see the hesitation in her lovely green eyes... Samantha felt nervous... She really did... Maybe she was even more nervous than I was... So I kept looking in her eyes and gently caressed her cheeks with the tips of my fingers to take away the hesitation... But then she turned around and faced me as I felt how she placed one hand on my cheek and the other one on the back of my head... Her head came closer... And when she gently pressed her lips against mine again, the tingles I felt in my stomach exploded all over my body with such intensity... What I felt that night is something I can't describe... She's a great kisser... So gentle... So softly... So intense... The water drops seemed to freeze in mid-air while she kissed me... And that there was nothing else on the entire planet except for Samantha and me... I wished that kiss would've lasted forever... It felt so right to do... And then all of a sudden, she stopped... Sam looked at me for a short moment, closed her eyes and looked down out of embarrassment, biting her upper lip... I know how she felt after that... I know what she was thinking... I've been through the same myself... I gently nudged her chin up and gave her a hug... The moment she embraced me, I could feel that she was shaking a little... And when she whispered in my ear, I heard a nervous tremble in her voice...

'I-I don't want this, Ceylan...'

'What do you mean...?'

'I-I don't want you to get the wrong impression about me having feelings for you...'

'I'm aware of that, Sam... I know you don't share the same feelings for me...'

'Then why are you doing this...?'

'Because that's just what friends do... We help each other out whenever we need it...'

I made Samantha turn around and made her face the wall... I took her shower gel and squirted some on her back, firmly massaging her back until the gel turned into foam... Her back is muscled... But very soft and fuzzy when I stroked my fingers over her short fur as the water washed off the foam of her back... And then I quietly whispered in her ear again...

'I'll help you out with anything... You know that, right...? I'd never force you to do anything you don't want to...'

I felt how my hands made their way to Samantha's gorgeous waist... I rested my head on her shoulders as my hands slowly went up just below her armpits... I already felt the curves of her breasts... Was Samantha nervous...? Yes, she really was... Gently biting her neck scruff caused her to close her eyes and to sigh quietly... It's a very sensitive spot... The biting slowly changed into licking... Sam's a feline like me so she should know that whenever a feline is licking the back of your neck, it's a gesture of affection... And while I was licking the back of her neck, my hands made their way to her breasts... I felt so aroused when I was finally holding her beautiful breasts... Her nipples were still erect; I felt them in the palm of my hands... And when I gently started to twist them, I heard trembles in her sighs... Every now and then, I squeezed her breasts gently and went on to massage them... They're so firm and soft... And I noticed she didn't felt so nervous anymore... I slowly let my hand down her breast, over her stomach and slowly made her way to her crotch, to let her know of my intentions...

'C-Ceylan...?'

'Am I crossing the line...?'

'N-No... It's just... What if we get caught...?'

'We're the only ones here... Are you nervous...?'

'Kinda...'

'Don't think about it, Sammi... Don't question it... Just feel it...'

I did what she asked me even though I felt nervous... The moment the tip of my fingers reached her warm pussy lips, my mind just totally shut down... I closed my eyes as my fingers slowly caressed her slit... It felt so much better than my fantasies ever portrayed it... It made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside... I gently kissed her cheek and whispered quietly in her ear that I love her so much... Samantha quietly uttered that she love me as well... And that really did something to me... The longer I was caressing her slit, the louder her breathing became... Her clitoris was not difficult to find... Every time I caressed it, she gasped quietly... I was in control of everything... It felt good to know she enjoyed everything I did to her...

'Have you ever fingered yourself...?'

'I did...'

'Should I...?'

'Go on...'

Every time Samantha talked to me, she sounded very quietly... Timid and insecure about herself... And yet... She had no reason to be... Once I rubbed my fingers over her clitoris and used my other hand to caress her vagina, she closed her eyes again... Her gasps were quiet and irregular... Every now and then, she started to let out this sweet adorable little squeak of pleasure... Her pussy started to feel so slick and moistly when I gently started prodding her... She feels so much tighter than I am... It took a couple of moment but then her lips finally started to loosen up... I had no trouble to penetrate her... When I gently inserted a finger in her, she gasped once more... Going in and out slowly really did it for her when I was still caressing her clitoris... Her quiet little gasps weren't so quiet anymore... Her little irregular sweet squeaks of pleasure turned into quiet moans... And to see how much she enjoyed it... It was such a turn on... But my hands were full, so I used the next best thing to pleasure me... My own tail caressed my inner thigh and made its way to my vagina, firmly rubbing back and forth over my clitoris... It didn't take long for me to join in with the quiet moans... And then Sam did something totally unexpected... She turned around so all of a sudden and kissed me again... I really like that about her... Straight to the point... She placed her hands on my waist when she stopped kissing me and looked me in the eyes for a moment... Her hands were slowly going up but then stopped while I knew what she wanted to do... So I whispered quietly in her ear again...

'Go on... It's okay...'

I took her hands and guided them over my breasts... When I let go of her hands, she continued to feel them while my fingers were going down between her legs again... Samantha's hands were slowly going down from my breasts, to my stomach... And then she reached my waist, moving down slowly to my ass... The moment she did, I was giggling like a little school girl on the inside... Sam looked so sexy like that, being a little timid... It went fast when I was slowly fingering her again... Her hands reached down to my inner thighs... And when I felt her fingers were reaching out for my pussy lips, I moved a little closer to her... Samantha felt my pussy while her other hand felt my ass... "Oh god, yes..." Her thumb kept rubbing it while I was getting wetter with each minutes passing by... At some point, Sam managed to penetrate me slowly... While we were fingering each other, the two of us were quietly moaning in each other's ears... It was nothing like a porn flick, where they are moaning and yelling at each other that they're cumming... It's such a turn off for me when someone does that... Hearing sweet quiet little moans and squeaks of pleasure are things that really turn me on... And that was exactly the case with Sam, while we were gently fingering each other... My fingers were so deep inside of her and when I made that "c'mere motion" with my fingers, I felt something rather spongy... And the longer I kept touching it, the more intense her moaning became... Every now and then, she let out a louder squeak of pleasure... Sam felt so slick, it was amazing... And even though she did a great job of fingering me, I took her hand and removed it from between my legs... When I kneeled right in front of her, she looked down on me with wide eyes as if she couldn't believe what I was about to do... But I did it anyway... I spread her juicy lips with my thumbs and her clitoris popped out... Just like that... Every touch with the tip of my tongue only wanted me to taste more of it... And that's when I buried my face between her legs... "Om nom nom nom nom..." Sucking her clit made her squeak again... Covering every inch of her juicy slit... To feel how she was dripping on my tongue... Firmly licking her clit with my rough tongue... Oh, it was so amazing... It caused me to play with myself... She placed her left leg on my shoulder to make more room for me as she placed her hands on my head... And the longer I was going down on her, the tighter her grip around my head became... As if she wanted to shove my head up her vagina or something... But still... I saw that she enjoyed it... I felt it... I heard it... Sam's stomach started to contract irregular... I felt she kept wiggling her toes... It's a sign that lets you know she's close to having one... Her grip around my head tightened... And then it happened... Sam let out a long satisfied moan while she squirted right in my mouth... Her body was shaking when I kept licking between her legs, down to every last little drop... Then she slowly let herself down the wall to sit down, to catch her breathe...

We started to snap back to reality after that... And I remember thinking "what the hell just happened...?" And I bet Samantha had the same feeling... Even though it was amazing, I couldn't help but to feel a little awkward afterwards... It didn't really help that Samantha wasn't facing me as well... She might've done that out of pure embarrassment... And I started to feel embarrassed as well... So I went back to my own shower while the water was still running after all this time where I started to wash myself quickly... Samantha did the same... And everything happened in total silence...

Even after we got out of the shower, we weren't saying anything to each other... I didn't really know why but the two of us were quite embarrassed about what just happened... Sam kept looking at me but every time she did, I quickly turned the other way... And Sam did the same when I looked at her... After we got dressed, we made our way outside the locker room. Frank was waiting impatiently for us so that he could close down... He joked at us why it took so long for us to get dressed but we didn't respond. The only thing we mumbled was that we'd see him next week...

What happened between Sam and me was a good example why I thought it was such a bad idea to kiss her in the first place. It started out relatively innocent, but things have gotten out of hand that night... And even though everything was so great, I knew that this would change everything for the two of us. I've seen it before... And I saw it happening again... I thought at the time that it should've stayed with that kiss. And maybe I regretted at the time that I ever did it... Samantha asked me not to think any different of her... But truth be told, I started to think differently about her because of it. And she did the same to me... The week afterwards was really strange for the both of us whenever we saw each other... Out of pure embarrassment, we rarely talked ever since that night and if we did, the conversations felt awkward to me...It came to a dead... We tried to pretend that it never happened but of course, I couldn't pretend, which is why I felt regret... I felt that she wanted to talk about it but we felt so embarrassed towards each other that we didn't... And so, the week slowly passed by while the distance between Samantha and me grew...

On Friday afternoon that same week, I saw her sitting at a bench on the square at around half passed five when my class was over. Most people were going home for the weekend but not her. Samantha was sitting there as usually, waiting for her boyfriend. But her boyfriend wasn't gonna pick her up anymore... So why was she sitting there? I really had no idea what to do... Go to her or not...? To talk about it or not...? And it felt so fucked up to realize that I was gonna lose her if things continued the way they were... I stared at her for a moment while I was determined not to lose her... That's when I scraped all the guts I had left and walked up towards her... Samantha looked up, smiled weakly at me and then looked down again...

'Hey...' she said quietly...

'Hey, Sam... Can I sit next to you...?'

'Sure...'

'Are you waiting for someone...?'

'Nope, not really...'

"Man, this is so strange..." There was this awkward silence while Samantha was nervously twiddling her fingers... I heard a desperate sigh coming from her... And even though I didn't want any of this, I wasn't saying anything to her... But I had to do something... Anything...

'So uh... How you doing...?'

'I'm good, thanks... How about you?'

'I'm okay...'

'Are you going to the gym tonight...?'

'I might, I don't know...'

'Heh...'

I waited for the right moment to talk about it. And I think Samantha already knew I wanted to talk about what happened. When no more people were passing by us, I asked her...

'Was it something I did, Sam...?'

'Absolutely not...'

'Then what is happening between us...?'

'I don't know...'

'Did I cross the line last week...?'

'No, you didn't...'

Did it felt strange, trying to confront her like that...? Of course it did. I didn't know anymore... I know we both said that we wouldn't think any different of each other but for some reason or another, it still happened... We both promised that... But as I've experienced before, promises are easily broken whenever you're facing difficulties...

'Sam... I really think we should talk about it... I don't wanna lose you as a friend...'

'Same here... I don't wanna lose you as well...'

'Then talk to me, I beg of you... Please... Tell me...'

She let out another sigh and looked down while she took a puff from her cigarette... Sam exhaled through her nostrils as the smoke was twirling upwards... Then she started talking...

'You know how I think about it... I didn't mind what you did at first... I just didn't expect you'd go that far... And I didn't expect myself to let you do it... It just went a little too fast for me to understand, that's all... I just want to know if you thought if it was a mistake...'

'I don't think it's a mistake unless you regret it...'

'Regret it...? Hehe... Can't say that I do...'

'Heh...'

'And I think I can get used to the idea if we take little baby steps at a time, you know...?'

'What are you saying; you just want to have sex with me...?'

'If you want me to... I loved it... Maybe I was just too embarrassed to admit it at first...'

'You do realize what you're asking from me, right...?'

'I thought you love sex...'

'I do but that doesn't mean I'm some kind of fucktoy, Sam... If that's all I am to you, then I don't wanna do this... You know that this is very different for me than it is for you... Don't do this to me...'

'Look... I know that you're in love with me... And even though I can't say I'm in love with you, I really wish I was... I don't know how to explain it... I'm not in love with you but I can honestly say that you're more than just a friend... You've got everything I'm looking for... If only you were a guy...'

'What difference would it make if I'm a guy or not?! Just what is it that you're after?!'

'The same that you want...'

"Why the hell is she talking in riddles?!" I was so sick and tired of all these riddles and that no one ever seems to be truly honest against me. What was it that made them all lie about what they really want with me? I was honestly starting to think that it must've been me... But I never found the answer why... It was frustrating to say the least which I why I lost my temper...

'What the fuck do you even know about me?! You seem to know me a lot better than I know myself! Tell me what it is that I want, then!'

'You said it yourself! You said that you were perfectly fine being single and that you're not looking for a relationship! Yet you want someone close to you! You're contradicting yourself and you don't even realize that!'

"Oh, for fucks sake..." She had a point though... I always thought I knew what I wanted. And what I wanted at the time wasn't a relationship. What I wanted was to have someone close to me to love. So how the hell is that possible if you're not looking for a relationship with someone? If that's not contradicting, I don't know what is...

'Look... It got me thinking about everything, Ceylan... Everything you ever revealed to me. I think that we both don't have a need for a relationship. We both don't know what we want, really...'

'What are you saying...? I just want you, Sammi...'

'I know... So I was thinking that... Maybe we can have something in between, you know? Like... Doing it whenever we feel like it...'

'Doing it...? You mean like, sex...?'

'If you want, yes... And if you just want to cuddle and kiss, that's fine by me too...'

'I don't really get it...'

'What I'm trying to ask you is how you feel about having an open relationship... No restrictions, no obligations, nothing... Just a cuddle and a kiss whenever we feel like it...'

'And sex...'

'That too, yes... We shouldn't rush things. If we find someone else, we simply just stop...'

'What? You're being serious about this, aren't you?'

'Yes, I am...'

'Wow, uh... I, uh... I-I don't know, Sam...'

'We just pretend to be lovers every once in a while... That's all...'

'How the fuck can you pretend something like that?! You just expect to give myself to you like that just because I'm in love with you?!'

'Why are you getting so mad?!'

"Good question..." Why was I so mad at her? Because of the fact she only wanted to have sex with me? To be her girlfriend whenever she needs it...? To get nothing in return...? All of these reasons, I guess. I couldn't believe how she thought of me... It nearly made me break down in tears... But I didn't show it...

'I gave myself to you as well, Ceylan...'

'This is just so fucked up...'

It stayed silent for a long time... And even though I felt to just walk away from her, I didn't. While it stayed silent, I could think about everything... Samantha would allow me to kiss and to fuck her whenever we like. I wouldn't mind if Sam did that with me... So what's the problem...? It wouldn't feel real if she did. But how was I gonna feel the difference...? It's strange to have known that everything I wanted from her was right there for me. So why was I crawling back now that she wanted to? The idea alone made me nervous... But maybe this was just her way of saying "I love you". I wasn't really so sure of it... I might've overreacted because what she suggested really startled me. Having sex with your best friend? I couldn't really think of a reason why I shouldn't do it. "Her feelings are not the same as mine..." But she was right. We're both looking for the same... And maybe it takes two people to let it find us on our way. Samantha and I would take little baby steps at a time to get used to the idea... When I looked at Sam, I could see that she was thinking as well. She looked a little sad to say the least... I saw her hand resting on the wooden bench... I placed my hand on hers after I moved closer to her. And all of a sudden, she snapped out of it and looked surprised at me...

'This would be new for me, Sam...'

'It would be new for me as well...'

'If we're really gonna do this, I want to get a couple of things straight first.'

'Tell me...'

'We always talk about it whenever something is bothering us... No secrets for each other... We never lie against each other...'

'Okay...'

'Our friendship shouldn't revolve around sex... We love each other as friends...'

'Hm-mm...'

'We let no one ever come between us...'

'Of course...'

'Alright...'

Samantha gave me a big firm cuddle afterwards while she had a huge smile on her face... Did she really want to have sex with me so bad...? Weeeeeeeeell, I guess... It made me think I did a good job... A huge burden fell down my shoulders and I felt relieved to know that I wasn't gonna lose Sam... A kiss, a cuddle and a good fuck every once in a while didn't sound too bad to me. I still didn't know what to expect... Nevertheless, I already knew what I was going to do to find out...

'Are you gonna go somewhere tonight, Ceylan...?'

'We can go to the gym tonight if you want...'

'Well yeah, of course but I mean afterwards.'

'Oh, no I don't think so, why?'

'Well, my dad's not home tonight and I was wondering if you wanted to stay over for the night...'

'Remember, baby steps...'

'Yeah... Thought I could give it a shot...'

'Hehehe...'

I held Samantha close while she had a huge smile on her face... She gave me a quick kiss on my cheek and held me even tighter... It felt wonderful, to say the least... She sure was affectionate for someone who's not in love with me. Sam kept holding my hand and we stared at each other for a while... And then she kissed me on the lips... The moment someone was passing by, we quickly let go of each other... When he passed by us, Sam looked a little embarrassed while she had a bit of a nervous smile on her face. I kissed her lips again and smiled back at her... We'd see each other later that evening at the gym... We'd take showers together like we usually did...

I can honestly say that I felt very weird that day when Sam basically suggested that I can do anything to her what lovers do to each other. Kissing, cuddling... Passionate sex... I was intending to give myself to her if she did the same. Because no matter what kind of relationship you're getting yourself into, there's always a ground rule. It has to come from both sides. If one side decides to give that up, it'll shatter what you have in no time. I learned that when I was still with Mikaela... But Samantha wasn't like Mikaela and Sarah and that really showed. And like she said, the more I thought about it, the more I could get used to the idea. And you know, it's not really that strange to have sex with your best friend. I didn't know why I was making such a big deal out of it, really. The fact she proposed me to do so kinda startled me, I guess. I really wasn't expecting that. But now I was able to love her in a way I always wanted... And the way Sam cuddled and smiled at me really made me think if she wasn't in love with me as well. Maybe she wasn't realizing it yet. Maybe she was too embarrassed to admit that she is. Or maybe it's just the way she treats her friends... Whatever the reason, it made me feel on top of the world again. That Friday night, we were at the gym and we did our thing. And afterwards, we took a shower together like we usually did... But this time, she came to me instead... When I turned around, she stood there, with her hands on my cheeks... All we did was making out in the shower area... When we were finished, we got outside and talked for a bit until we both had to go home. And when I saw her driving off in the darkness, I regret that I didn't accept her invitation to stay over at her place for the night... She was all alone in her house... I wish I could've kept her warm in bed... But I realized that there was going to be many nights where I could keep her warm... So what exactly did that make Samantha and me now that we weren't really had a relationship? I didn't really know what to make of it. She was right, it definitely was something in between. She became my one and only "special" friend... But I was going to put her through the test... Despite everything, I still wasn't intending to give myself to her just like that...