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The faucet runs cold water down the Monsters paw, as they try and concentrate on the cooling sensation now crawling through their claws, as they can feel their fur getting more and more wet. They take deep breaths.

Iiiiiiiiinnnnnnn

Aanndd

Oouuuuttttt.

They look up at the mirror in front of them, hoping that being more grounded would calm their brain down a little bit. It has some success. Well maybe? They can recognise the image reflecting back at them somewhat, but on the other hand it's as if the features on their face they try and ignore contort, grow in size, wave with the current in the air itself. But the textures aren't right, the mirror looks like it has a texture around it, shared with the walls, the floors, the everything. It reminds them of a carpet pattern they'd see round their Nana's or something. Clearly they are still disassociating, but maybe not enough that they can' blag it to their complains outside the bathroom doors. They rub their now soaked paws all over their face. Deep Breaths again.

Iiiiiinnnn

Ooooouuttttt

The Monster finds at times like this it's best to just stop and take a long look into the mirror and regain composure. They hadn't really given themselves a good up and down for a while. Just a little moment to remember who they are. They couldn't help but notice all the little ways they had changed:

This identity is theirs and their name is; Butters. Their pronouns are They/Them... Well for now. They're Agender, since Non-binary got a little too Gender Trinary for their liking. They're still Anthro-typical with features of a Western Gray Squirrel. Their left ear is no less chipped, and they managed to only rip out their earclip the few times! They're wearing good 'ol faithful. What? No, not that old faithful, this is a completely new old faithful. Tho it's still a dusty dry denim jacket, this one had long sleeves and was a noticeably darker grey too. Perhaps the colouration this time was on purpose, instead of being left in the sun too long? It also turns out unsewing the patches from the old jacket onto this one was just a little above Butters skill set as a tailor, so they just started from scratch. Placing a patch of the Agender flag where the Non-binary one laid on their old jacket, as well as placing a big heart with the Pansexual colours on the front of the other side.

Iiiinnnnnnnn

Ooouuuuuuutttt

This is all to say Butters has been THINKING lately. Something they typically avoid because they may arrive at the conclusion that they can't walk face-first into the same brick wall until their grave. But they'd like to get in the habit, what about? Well everything! Kick open every Gender thought they've put off, their relationship with Humans, how they treat people, hot gay shit, everything! Golly gosh, maybe they'd even think about their repressed decades long, undying love for-

Iiiiinnnnnnn

Ooouuutttttt

Hmmmm maybe it's too soon for that.

Getting a little carried away with the thousands of thoughts running in and out their mind. Their increasing heart rate probably isn't helping none either. How did they get this out of whack? The Monster theorises it's the unfortunate side effect of being both an Autistic in their late 20s and being a Squirrel, also in their late 20s. All the fun of being a skittish Monster, on top of the sensory fun of hearing every conversation in a crowded place at the same time. Add that the fun of their seemingly never being any space for their towering bushy tail. No matter where they sit or stand. Every nerve ending being stimulated by something. Every. Single. Second.

Iiiinnnnnn

Oooouuuutttt

The Squirrel rubs their face with their paw, it makes no sense to re-live the stress all over again by thinking about it. They think what really tipped them over the edge was doom scrolling their feed, they caught another "Starred in a shit sitcom once." UK celebrity posting about "The dangers Monsters pose to Humanist values and interests" like Ugh, why do they even bring their phone with them if they're trying to have a fun night out? Ironically, their phone was meant to be the distraction from the absolute shambles of their day. Having successfully wound themselves up for literally no gain, The Monster tries to at least psyche themselves to enjoy the rest of the night. God, why is the act of relaxing in peace such an ordeal? Try as they might, they can't seem to nail down the art of not being unnecessarily present.

Butters perhaps reckons it's going to take a little more then iiiinnnnnnn and oooouuuuttttt for them to land on their back foot. They shut their eyes.

-Please everyone, I need a huddle up. Asks Butters

Well, you heard them, duty calls.

---

Their inner space has always been very no nonsense, a chequerboard floor stretching out for as long as the eye can see, illuminated under a single lampshade illuminating the chairs that stand therein. This is where we all go when we need to have our chats, for that purpose it's a very quaint space I suppose.

-Oooooff, hey everyone, can we talk about what just happened?

Alexandria (They/Them) leans over their chair as they ruffle their hair through their paws, before putting them inside their grey denim shirt. They lean back on their beanbag surrounded by low raise tables which to keep their drinks and devices within arms reach.

-Well I would, but it would just be "I told you so" for 5 straight minutes.

Oh, that was me Roseschwartz, She and Her, I said that. I also very sexily and attractively said that from my seat, a rustic lounge chair with, surrounded by the greatest records ever put to wax. I take some chewing gum out of my red skinny jeans and put my paws back into the pockets of my black bomber jacket, with a tartan inner lining.

-I hate leaving you in charge of that, you always take the piss. Complained the significantly less attractive Alexandria.

-Oh be nice! I thought that Human was gonna be nice, such a shame it all went so... Peculiar.

Raphael (They/Them) perches on the end of their sofa, wearing a grey corduroy jacket with a sheepskin collar. They calmly and idly knit whatever collage this headspace is conjuring up.

-I have no idea why we had any hope going into this, can we go back to being safe with other Monsters, please?

Stone (She/Her) sits upon a beanbag covered completely sans their head poking out in a blanket, with a grey jumper underneath. She idly sketches on a little notepad underneath the blanket away from prying eyes.

Alexandria takes a big inhale, knowing they will have to justify the night's events as "Maybe it's good if you think about it" to their audience. They get up from their beanbag as they start to pace in the centre of the room.

-Well...

-Bullshit. Interrupts Roseschwatrz, attractively.

-Oh come on, I didn't even say anything yet!

-Okay, let summon my clairvoyance. You were about to explain to us why our date with a Monster fetishizing Human weirdo was "Good if we thought about it, actually." Even though he absolutely ghosted us and how this means we have to honour the deal we made to ourselves.

Alexandria shuffles a little in place, uncomfortable they were called out with such violent accuracy.

-Well, we dunno if we've been gho-

-Hey, I've been defending how this all went, and even I'm not gonna sit here and pretend he didn't bail on us. Argues Raphael, never looking up from knitting. You know what Humans are like, they're clingy and never deviate from their rituals. So he's ghosting us for sure.

-Did you never think that maybe he's different and just wants to reply to our text when he gets home?

-Oh no, us? Monsters? Yeah, we'd do that because we're normal and entertain concepts such as "Doing things when it's convenient" If Humans don't send the polite text saying they had fun today, that is their version of spitting directly into your eye, Alex.

Alexandria groans as they recede into their bean bag, it seems another angle of attack is necessary.

-Okay, so we blew it with this guy, but the DATE itself was fine, right? It warrants another go?

-What part did you rank as fine? Asks Stone. The part where he kept bringing up our paws and tail the whole night? Or when he kept talking about how his little brother is a Monster too?

-Ooooff, when you put it all together like that... Ponders Raphael. I take it back, it was a bad date, we lose the wager.

Alexandria hoists themselves up in disbelief, as they start to pace in circles around their area.

-I mean, think about it Alex. Raphael begins to explain. What's the best case scenario there? Either he's infantilising us, thinking we're advertising an opening for a carer or summant. Or we're his conduit for his incestuous urges? Like it's bad vibes, no matter how you look at it.

-At no point should bringing up that we're a Monster, something we both clearly are, and he knew we were when messaging us, turn the tide of a date to 'Awwwh didums' like that! Argues Stone.

I'm wearing the biggest grin at this point, like I'm living for this.

-Do you remember when this was like every week guys? Roseschwartz asks. When it was just me and Alex, and they got Carte Blanche on going on these abysmal dates? I do and my god I don't miss it!

I blow kisses at Stone and Raph.

-I'm so glad you two moved in you know that? AAAAAHHHH I'm so glad you're to back me up stopping this hosafudge.

Alexandria sits back down on their beanbag having fully given up on this dialogue, a tinge of sadness perhaps? Dare we hope for self-awareness at the damage their mission to date humans does to our mind? What a difference a year... And y'know two additional head mates can do ay? Compared to that shit show that went down on Valentines.

-THAT I KNOW I WAS PARTY RESPONSIBLE FOR BEFORE ANYONE SAYS IT!!!!!

I look on the bemused faces of my three compatriots as I lean back into my seat.

-Hey, I've been on duty for a while do you mind taking over for this Stone? Asks Roseschwartz.

Why it'd be a pleasure, says I

-No, no, none of that, this isn't a first person thing. Explains Roseschwatrz.

Sorry about that.

---

Butters exits the loo's as they make their way to the beer garden, a duology of the ice cold air hitting the left side of their face, in contrast with the glowing heater hanging from the rafters illuminating the right. How many times has Butters witnessed this view, they wonder? The red hue of the heaters giving refuge from the cover of night, carrying the mist of the cigarette smoke lingering in the sky. As Monsters of all shapes and sizes find some way to partake in the vices of the venue. Aquatics blowing cigarette smoke from their gills, as towering giants use Blowtorches like torch lighters for their seven cigs all tied together with rubber bands. While fae, sprites and little critters nurse their shot glasses like a tankard. How many times has Butters seen this exact view? And will it ever inspire anything other then comfort and warmth to them? This more than any House, Room or Persons they had known: Was home.

The Hounds of Tyre.

Their old local, ever since they were a 18 year old gobshite growing up in Colchester. One of the handful of places in the town to serve Monsters in earnest and the only dedicated Monster pub too. Meaning for Monsters, Ran by Monsters, for Monsters. Even when Butters was in there, let's kindly call it "Their Human Loving Phase" they still needed the refuge of this place. Just a place where they didn't need to be some Human's first point of contact with Monsters, without the staring, the QUESTIONS and the general constant need to be alert at all times about their conduct, speech, how they're standing, just all of it. Here you can exist, and to just make it to another day? That's all that's ever asked of you.

Of course, there's the little problem of... Well Butters doesn't live in Essex right now, they live in Nottinghamshire. Luckily, The Hounds of Tyre has proved itself such an invaluable refuge for Monsters it's been granted partnership with the fae realm. Meaning no matter where in the country you may be, you're just a small fee on a fae app and a walk to the nearest Faerie maintained portal away from your beloved Saturday Night staple. Sure there are Monster venues in Notts, but man it's not the same, espec since a lot of the ones here are (ugh) accommodating to Human patrons. Look, it's just not that kind of night for Butters right now, they need their homey retreat tonight.

After walking further into the garden they saw the place was absolutely jammy, save for a lone table that only cater a single occupant: A Sheep, leaning back on his seat and playing on his phone, in a red corduroy shirt and skinny black jeans, with one leg hoister over the other revealing his brown brogues shoes. Lousid (He/Him) doesn't even look up from his phone as Butters takes a seat on the other side of the table.

-Oh? Did Chloe and Ell not come out with you? Asks Lousid

-Naaah, Chloe's trapped with Ell info dumping about some 90's snack fruit snack. Explains Butters.

-Wha? Why's that?

Butters leans forward with their paws touching the table, there's no other way to explain it but a "Admitting to a crime stance"

-Weeellll, I knew she were just gonna give me shit about my date tonight, you know how she gets about Humans and that.

-Which you know... Is the correct "Way to get." Explains Lousid.

Butters gives a small glare to Lousid before sighing and continuing their anecdote.

-Anyways soooooo... Before she could bring it up I ask Ell what they're thinking about it.

-No matter the context that's a loaded question. Remarks Lousid.

-She says something about these old adverts she saw as a kid about these flavours of like tape, they sold edible tape once or summant? Anyways there was a phone in for a new flavour where three new fruit goobers would fight to the death in these adverts and the winner would be whoever got the most votes.

This part of the story is enough to get Lousid to look up from his phone, giving Butters a smirk as he knows full well where this story is going.

-So I said to Ell: "Wow that's soooo interesting! I'm just popping to the loo but tell Chloe all about who won." and well here I am.

-Dear god Butters, that's so nasty. Lousid replies in between his giggles. Why did you do that to Chloe?

-Well first of the most important part is that: It was funny. Explains Butters. Secondly I know I'm not gonna get any lip about tonight from you right?

Butters points their cigarette cartoon at Lousid, as he rolls his eyes and goes back to his phone.

-Oh you know me Butters, you couldn't pay me to care about your self-destructive love life. Replies Lousid. Tho I can't say the same for...

Just then two Monsters slid on over to the chairs next to the left of Lousid at such blinding speeds they nearly damn near flipped the entire table over. The Harpy named Chord (She/Her) was wearing a blue workers jacket with matching trousers, over a vest with a necklace which contained one of her plumage. Next to her was Fluu (She/They) who was a slime, who managed to it their appendages into a Orange varsity jacket and blue denim shorts.

Both Monsters stared at Butters expectantly, as they refused to meet their gaze. Instead they glanced around the room, whistling and making noises to themselves.

-Yeah, it's been some really cold nights la-

-Shut the fuck up. Chord demands, slamming her talon on the table, interrupting Butters. You know what we wanna hear about.

Butters continues to preform being idle as they check the back of their paws, surveying a non-existant watch.

-I mean I was hoping maybe to talk about your day, or ma-

-How. Did. That. Little. 'Sapian. Grub. Ruin. Your. Daaaaaaayyyy? Fluu chants, colliding their arm streams together with every word.

-Come on, this was promised to be the highlight of my night. I've been telling everyone. Explains Chord.

Butters swings back on their chair, with both paws covering their face, as they slowly drag them both down their face.

-Like okay it didn't go ggreeaaatt, but it wasn't a comedic disaster or anything just your standard being lurchy, making comments about my paws and tail, fetishising me and that. Explains Butters.

They look on to a crowd of Monsters waiting eagerly for the punchline, as Butters sighs again.

-...I mean in-between him talking about how his brothers a Monster and...

Instantly the other Monsters are beside themselves, Lousid covers his face with his free hand in embarrassment as Chord lets out a hearty laugh. Fluu just slowly melts into the table with a huge smile on her face.

-Oh man you know wha-

-YES, CHORD. He was either thinking he'd be my Human saviour, infantilising me or wanted the closest thing to fucking his younger brother YES, I KNOW. I went over this in my own head. Explains Butters. But you know what? This was the last bastion and 'Sapians fucked it up, i'm done with them from now on.

-Yeah? This time for real? Asks Lousid with mountains of doubt in his voice.

-Yes this was just a little relapse, like the vegetarian going for the kebab on the night out or the quick pop into the betting shop. We all have moments of weakness! This was just mine, it doesn't mean I'm not healing, it doesn't undo how good I've been before this.

-In fairness, this is the first Classic Butters story i've heard in almost a year I think? Explains Lousid.

Butters gives Lousid a nod and a smile, genuinely thankful for the assist, as the other two Monsters seem to back off. Butters had always thought Lousid as someone that tolerated them rather then someone who liked them, they're genuinely surprised by this olive branch. Gosh could it be, that not spending every second of your life licking 'Sapian boots means Monsters mights actually like you? Nooooooo come off it. Crazy.

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