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The hospice was dark, save a few reading lights lighting the hallway through the open doors of patient rooms. Unlike any hospital, there was no equipment, no heart rate monitors and no ventilators to add to the noise. Some patients listened to radios, and some simply used the opportunity to talk to their loved ones until...until they die? Until they have no time left? Kyle thought to himself, making his way down the hallway, dressed in pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. "I don't even know what I'm doing here..." he mumbled to himself - but the feeling that he had to be there - that it was important that he drive down to Rochester in the middle on the night to see Alice right now - bothered him still. It had an uncharacteristic urgency to it, something that couldn't be ignored; something that compelled him to get out of bed, get dressed, get into his beat up Honda, and drive nearly two hours to see his obstetrical nurse mentor, Alice, who was at the end of her battle with brain cancer.

In the last six months of his two year obstetric nursing rotation, Alice had become almost a friend beside a mentor - teaching him to be a nurse first, and a man second; but only if there was time for the second part. Although he worked more closely with obstetricians in the clinical care of women in labor and delivery, he could always rely on Alice to ground his goals and keep him focused on being the best nurse he could be - male or female. While the doctors who provided his educational experiences, they could not teach him the compassion of helping a fellow person in need - their natures only allowed a clinical technique to come through. Midwifery was about compassion, caring, empathy, support and empowerment - skills only a nurse could teach. As Kyle looked for Alice's room, which had become her new home since her decline, he remembered when she told him of her final fight - her fourth battle with cancer which would be her last. It was there and then that she decided to befriend him, let him into her life - and she'd help him become what he sought - she'd aspire to make him the best midwife she knew how in the time she had left. Even before being accepted to the CNM program back at the U of M Twin Cities, she had arranged for him to deliver five babies - something relatively rare for RNs to do in the United States. Perhaps that was why, when he applied to the program, he was accepted - despite being a male in a predominantly female profession.

Kyle was not used to the atmosphere of the hospice. Death calmly roamed the hallways, casually taking those who were waiting to the place beyond this life - away from the pain and suffering that embraced them here. It was unsettling to confront death on these terms, where doctors didn't rush to save anyone, where everyone casually accepted death's presence and work - focusing on the dignity of the dying, and not fending off death itself. It struck Kyle that - in all of this - he was in his opposite element. As this place was a dignified place to die, he would be working at the beginning of life, welcoming new ones into the arms of their parents, families beginning from the mere couples who came hours before, families embracing their new members with love and compassion - the beginning of beginnings. His career was not at the end of life, but the start.

He finally found the room. East wing, room 213. E213 was where Alice Chambers, a robust chinchilla woman had first arrived on her own two feet, husband in tow, four grown children scared of what lay ahead. It was here that Alice's world had shrunk as her nemesis destroyed her from the inside, but had done so on Alice's terms - not battling with weapons like gamma knives, Decadron, or chemotherapy; but bringing the life she had lived to a dignified close. The door was open, and he could see Alice, a shadow of her former self, laying on her side toward her husband, Gregory, holding his hand with a grip he'd never seen before. Gregory was transfixed by her gaze, locked in a state of almost crying - not noticing Kyle at first. Now I'm intruding Kyle thought.

As if almost hearing his thoughts, Gregory looked up and saw Kyle. He composed himself a moment, not letting go of Alice's hand as he said quietly, "You came... I was just thinking...that I should...call you." he managed before he looked down at Alice, petting her hand.

"Is..." Kyle tried, before his voice gave way. It was like a punch to the gut, seeing the once strong and noble lady who made him fight for everything in his adult life, now lay almost motionless on the bed - near death. The room felt like a meat locker, despite wearing his heavy leather jacket. Mere words felt woefully inadequate, nothing he could think of made any sense in the face of what he saw. He managed another attempt, "Is she..." before his voice stopped - his lips moving but no voice came to him.

"No. She....but its good that your here. The... the girls were here but they..." Gregory paused, looking down at Alice, whispering, "Don't cry baby... they'll come back. They know... I know...its hard on them. I won't leave, I promise. Until the end, I promised" a tear ran down his cheek as he pet her hand. He struggled to regain his strength before he spoke again, "...they needed some time. Its close and they...are having a hard time" as another tear escaped his emotional restraint.

Kyle came around the foot of the bed, and saw that Alice, too, was crying. It was an eery show of emotion, as Alice's face remained fixed in one blank expression, but tears ran down her cheeks as her eyes searched sightlessly, interrupted occasionally by blinking. Kyle felt his emotions rushing back to him like a pallet of steel girders landing on him, crushing him. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry but he could almost hear Alice chide him about expressing emotions to clients - that he had to restrain his reactions to powerful events. 'You can smile, or offer a dry joke sometimes, but you should never show fear. Ever. Don't cry. Ever. Don't you even dare cry...' Kyle could hear Alice saying to him - words, doubtlessly from one of her nursing teaching moments, rushing back to haunt him. Kyle felt as if he held back the Hoover dam as he said, "I heard you, Alice. I'm here" with a neutral expression, a slow compassionate sad smile creeping onto his face. He took Alice's other hand with his right paw, slipping his fox paw left hand into Gregory's right hand, "We're here. And we're not leaving you. I promise"

Gregory gripped Kyle's hand, looking to him momentarily before returning his gaze to his wife, whose tears seem to slow in response to this show of solidarity. Gregory repeated his previous words, "We won't leave, until the end, we promise" as Kyle, Gregory, and Alice remain locked together in this hand-hold circle for what seemed like forever, lasting only a few moments before there was a knock on the door - a group of chinchillas waiting as the oldest one spoke, "Daddy? Is it too late?" as Kyle recognized her as Elana - Alice's oldest daughter.

"No. It's not too late. Please, come and hold hands with me and Mr. Waltman. He's one of Mom's friends from the clinic" Gregory offered - his hands full but he almost beckoned with his glance to them. The group entered the room quietly, as four of them broke from the others, walking slowly over as Gregory broke his grasp with Kyle, "Take my hand Elana. Sara, Maryann, Jennifer? Take my hand...and Jennifer? Take Mr. Waltman's hand." he directed to the others, who did exactly as he described, the youngest taking Kyle's hand as they stood by the hospice bed.

Alice seemed to stop crying, as the last of her tears rolls down her cheeks - almost as if she could see her family assembled in front of her. Her daughters stood silent, as each whispered to her - whispering things only meant between a daughter and her mother. Kyle thought back to his graduation, three months prior to this fateful night. Dressed in his cap and gown, he sat with his fellow students - all women. When called in turn, he received his certification - from a very surprised Dean of Students and faculty as the graduating class looked on; seeing what was a rare sight indeed - the creation of a male midwife. His mother, Sarah Waltman, was there to congratulate him after the ceremony, as well as Alice - who had come up from Rochester to watch the commencement. As she said at the time, 'Its not everyday you get to see the creation of a male midwife' with her characteristic toothy grin and sparkling eyes. Even disabled and on crutches, she told him that she couldn't miss this moment - the beginning of his career.

He felt her gripe on his hand tighten ever so little, as he felt himself say, "...I will Alice. I promised, I will" in words only heard between Kyle and Alice. She had asked him to make sure that her family would be alright after she was gone - as Gregory seemed to have developed a morbid air about him as she declined - and she feared that her husband would do something rash when she passed away. Kyle knew that his work was a bit easier with the arrival of their daughters, having come home to be with their mother during the end of her life. Some had taken leaves of absence, some had simply walked away from their jobs, and some transferred to Minnesota to help take care of their father, who was not a young man at nearly sixty nine years old.

Alice's hitched breathing brought Kyle back to the present, as the chinchilla woman's breathing became labored - short as her hands gripped Gregory and Kyle as her diminished body struggled before taking a deep breath, closing her eyes, finally exhaling as her struggle stopped peacefully. Her grip loosened, though not enough to drop either of their hands. Her daughters cried out, sensing what Kyle feared - finding himself instinctively letting Jennifer's hand go, reaching to Alice's neck to feel for tell-tale signs of respiration or pulse. When he felt none - he felt the massive control of his emotions finally fail, like one crack too many in the mighty dam holding the flood waters of his emotions back - a tear ran down his cheek.

The daughters held each other, crying as Gregory looked at Kyle, who looked back and shook his head. Words escaped him, he wanted to speak - he even attempted it, but his lips moved but it felt like someone had tightened a belt around his throat and squeezed the sound away - managing only a sad squeak.

Gregory said, "Goodbye honey..." like he could finally breath again, a sad relief that the suffering was over - that Alice was in no further pain. He looked to his daughters, before looking at Kyle. Kyle felt death in the room, whisking away Alice Chambers to the place all people go when life draws to a close - where ever that might be. Gregory slipped his hand out of Alice's grasp tenderly, putting her arm next to her gracefully as Kyle followed suit.

A portly coyote nurse came in from the door, where she had watched them for a time. She looked at Kyle, who said, "No respiration, no pulse." reflexively.

The nurse, whose name tag read 'Trina' said to the Chambers clan, "I'm sorry for your loss." before looking to Kyle, asking him, "Are you...are you a medical professional? Never seen a layman check vitals like that before"

Kyle's mind wandered, unable to summon the words to form a coherent response to the nurse's response, settling on a firm nod.

Gregory took a deep breath, before speaking, "He is a certified nurse midwife... and from what my wife told me...he'll be a damn good one" as the nurse looked at him confused as Kyle nodded.

"Passed my state exams. Just waiting on the confirmation letter and certificate number. Graduated three months ago" Kyle found the strength to say, thinking of Alice - who told him that he should never be ashamed of what he had accomplished, or what he looked to do with his education. 'Don't be ashamed, don't you ever be ashamed of caring for another person - its hard, harder than a lot of people will ever realize.' Kyle could hear her scold at his blush as he went to the phone. It was morning, dawn had broken and shined through the window - the start of another day. His fingers dialed the phone numbly, and held the phone to his head.

"Hello? Who?" the voice on the other end answered, a voice Kyle knew to be that of his mother, Sarah. Kyle thought for a moment, trying to think of his exact phrasing, before being brought back by a repeated, "Hello?"

"Mom, this is Kyle. Alice..." as his voice wavered, causing him to pause. The voice on the other end patiently waited, but seemed as if the news was already known. "...Alice passed away, Mom. I need my Mom" he found himself saying before he looked back at the Chambers family, who watched him. Nothing felt right, but one thing was sure - Kyle needed his mother.

"I'll drive right down. You need me to bring anything?" the voice on the phone answered, quietly and calmly.