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Chapter One

Kyle's Secret

"You don't know my name. You don't know anything about me. I try to play nice, I want to be in your game. The things that you say that you may think I never hear about them. But word travels fast, I'm telling you to your face. I'm standing here behind your back!

You don't know how it feels to be outside the crowd. You don't know what it's like to be left out. And you don't know how it feels to be your own best friend...... On the outside looking in...."

-Jordan Pruitt

My name is Kyle Oliver and I have a secret to tell. Sure everyone has secrets so why is mine any different? Because people with secrets like mine are hated in the place where I live. I live in your typical suburban white neighborhood. Everyone knows everyone but there is little social interaction between us.

Here there is only one main rule, an unwritten rule that everyone is expected to follow. Failing to follow it can lead to unpleasant consequences. Sure everyone likes to preach tolerance and acceptance. Be yourself and you'll be accepted but it is all lies!!!

Here you will be acceptable as long as you're the typical Hederosexual. Any signs of Homosexual attraction is strictly prohibited. Of course everyone will say it's no big deal and everyone is welcome but once you're outed you can expect a lot of pushback for being a "fag."

Early when you start school you hear about what others will do if they find out someone is gay. Stories get spread that so and so was found kissing another gay and what was done to them to make them get sent to the hospital.

So that's my secret! I'm sexually attracted to other guys but I have to keep it secret or else. What I didn't know was that my secret was about to get out and my world was getting ready to fall apart.

Oh sure, you might say it's no big deal, that I should just suck it up and be a man about it. Well it must seem so easy for you to judge me! Especially when You're On The Outside Looking In!!!

School had just ended for the day and I was walking out to meet my brother Chris. He is two years older than me and a favorite because he plays basketball really well. There's talk that he has a number of schools offering him scholarships so he can play there.

He has his license and mom and dad bought him a car. Not the best car in the world but a nic one so he could get from Point A to Point B. Made it easier for him to attend games so that they did not have to drive him everywhere.

My brother and I are really close and he drives me home from school everyday. He decided to do it himself and well.... I had no choice in the matter. Not that I mind, because we've always been close, but he tends to smother me sometimes.

Next to me was my best friend Tyler and we've known each other since we were little. He was maybe half an inch taller than I am. His brown hair is almost the same color brown as mine. I tend to wear my hair short while his is long and unkempt.

He used to wear a baseball cap but the older guys kept stealing it from him so he gave up wearing them. His jeans have more holes in them than anyone at school. He likes it being a fashion trend but there are times his underwear is showing. Had it been I would be embarrassed.

I was suddenly grabbed and held in a headlock as I struggled to break his grip. I knew almost immediately that it was Chris that grabbed me. Other kids that tried bullying me would get beaten up by him so most tended to leave me alone.

"Leggo," I whined and I heard Tyler chuckling as he watched but kept his distance. He knew better than to interfere or he would face Chris' wrath even if he were my friend.

"What'd you say to me?" Chris replied harshly then turned and laughed as Tyler joined in with him.

"Come on, Chris. Leggo!" I said as I felt my face turning red.

"You coming to my game on saturday?" He asked as he squeezed me tighter.

"Yeah," I said weakly then tried gathering my strength to shout louder. "Let go!!!"

"I said... Are... You... Coming... To.. My Game.... This... Saturday?!" He deliberately paused to shout each word at me. I knew I was trapped and he was not really asking if I was going but more like ordering me to go.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes!!!" I shouted then he quickly released me. I was adjusting my shirt when he bent his leg up from behind him to tap me on my butt.

"B out front in 5 I'll get you after I pick up Jennifer." He said as he ran off towards the student parking lot. I stood there adjusting my clothes and glared at Tyler as he just shrugged at me. This made me roll my eyes then we continued.

Chris sat in his parked car as he waited for his girlfriend Jennifer to arrive. He waved to her as he saw her leaving with a couple of her girlfriends as they chatted about who knows what. She waved to him and said her goodbyes as she ran up and tossed her books into his backseat.

"Hey beautiful," Chris said as they briefly kissed for a few seconds. She then sat in the passenger seat as she climbed inside. Chris tried to lean in for another kiss but she playfully pushed him away.

"Stop," She said with a glint in her eyes telling him she wanted him to do the opposite. "What if your brother's watching?" She asked .

"Then maybe he'll learn something. You know he's 15 and still hasn't asked a girl out on a date yet?! What's he waiting for? I've heard of late bloomers b ut this is ridiculous." Chris said.

"Well actually I've been seeing you just to get close to him." Jennifer teased as she leaned closer.

"Oh, really." Chris smiled back as he leaned in also.Jennifer suddenly turned as she stared at something out of the window. Chris stopped and turned to see what she was looking at.

A boy that was the same age as Kyle was walking on the sidewalk. He was dressed differently than the other kids. His hair was cut as if he was in the military, having the sides shaved but slightly longer on top. He wore an overly flamboyant t-shirt that had rainbow stripes running through it. Mostly feminine colors were the most displayed. His jeans looked as if they had been bleached completely white and he wore pink colored sneakers. He walked flamboyantly as if dancing like he was part of a musical.

Chris choked and had to turn away which caught the young man's attention as he watched them in the car. He frowned at the bigotry he was expecting them to display.

"Jesus he's a fag! What the hell is he doing around here? Did his cocksucking friends let him off his leash?!" Chris cried as Jennifer slapped his arm.

"Well actually," The boy said as he stuck his head inside the car from Chris' open window. He spoke with a lisp that made him sound more effeminate. Chris was trying to back away from him as Jennifer tried to suppress a chuckle. "The scientific community says that boys, like me, are born with more X chromosomes than Y chromosomes and are simply too fabulous to be bound by a single gender. Still I am a boy and what I've learned is that only another boy, like myself, can truely please other boys." He quickly looked at Jennifer before continuing. "Only a man that has junk knows the best ways to please the junk of other men. Sorry honey but stick to your own kind." He smugly replied then smiled as he laughed at his own cleverness.

"Whatever," Chris replied dismissively.

"Look, I don't mean to be mean to you," Jennifer began but the boy just rolled his eyes at her use of grammar. "But guys like you aren't welcomed around here. If you're gonna dress... like that then you'll get the shit kicked outta you." She said,

"Well first off, they can try but they'll soon learn the hard way that I am not just some submissive bottom they can push around. I'm definitely a dominating top, period.

Secondly if we're gonna talk about how one dresses then it should be noted that between the two of us, I am the only one with style."

"Listen freak!" Chris shouted.

"No YOU listen! You may sit on your high and mighty throne thinking you're better than everyone else. Let me tell you something! You have no idea what it is like to be someone like me and have small minded bigots hate you for no good reason.

Let me guess, you have a magical book of fairy tales that tells you people like me are evil and disgusting. Yet the rest of your book of fairy tales only applies to the parts you like but the parts you don't like, like when it shows how foolish it is to believe in it, you ignore it." he said.

"No, I just think you and your kind are disgusting trying to crawl up each other's butts." The boy rolled his eyes when Chris said that. He immediately pointed at Jennifer before he interrupted.

"Who is that? Your little girlfriend?! I'm sure you have no problem being a hypocrite doing butt stuff with her." He said as he raised an eyebrow.

"That's different, not that we do stuff like that." Chris countered.

"Oh I'm sure." The boy replied dismissively. "Well give me a call when you actually practice what you preach." He started to walk away when Jennifer called out to him.

"Who are you?" She asked.

"Charles Masters Esquire and no, that is not my favorite magazine. Remember my name because I'm not going anywhere and you'll be seeing a lot of me." Charlie said and he walked away singing the song "I Will Survive" as he flamboyantly danced to it.

The next day Kyle entered Mr. Preston's class and took his usual seat next to Tyler. The rest filed ion and were chatting as they waited for Mr. Preston to address then. He was a favorite teacher among most students because although he taught history he made it fun and interesting.

After the bell rang, Mr. Preston rose from his desk and filled out a notebook he used for attendance. Charlie walked in and there were gasps as they saw what he was wearing. He ignored then as he was reading his class schedule and looked around nervously.

Today Charlie was wearing regular blue jeans but still had his pink sneakers. His tye dye t-shirt had the words "Here, Queer, Deal With It" written in rainbow colors with a black border to make the words stand out.

"May I help you?" Donald Preston asked as he turned to face Charlie. He smiled and ignored the students as well as he tried to make his new student feel welcomed.

"Yes, Am I in the right place?" Charlie asked and his lisp made the others, except Kyle, laugh. Mr. Preston shushed them and he went over to read the class schedule Charlie held.

"Yes, welcome to my class. I am Mr. Donald Preston but I insist that my students call me Mr. P. I hate being called Mr. Preston, it makes me sound too old." Mr. P said and chuckled, making a couple of the other students to chuckle with him. A sense of relief crossed Charlie's face as this was the first class to actually make him feel welcomed to the school.

"Why don't you tell us about yourself...er...." Mr. P said, trying to encourage Charlie to introduce himself. This gave Charlie all the opening he needed.

"I am Charles Masters Esquire, and no, that is not my favorite magazine." This brought groans as the joke seemed lame to most students. Kyle was surprisingly happy to see his new classmate!

"I love history because my gramps died in World War 2 and Since President Bush called for war on Afghanistan, my dad was sent over to protect the country. I hope to join the military once I graduate." Charlie explained.

"Interesting. I look forward to your opinion when I start to cover World War 2. We're about to start The Civil War so we still have a ways to go before that." Mr. P explained and told Charlie to sit in the empty seat in front of Kyle. Kyle waved at him but then felt foolish and put down his hand as he blushed.

"Hey faggot I hope you wash your ass after you have sex with your boyfriend." A student that sat in front of Tyler whispered to Charlie as he was getting to his seat. Charlie just rolled his eyes as Tyler quietly chuckled.

"So guys and gals, let's begin. Who can tell me from your reading "What was the most devastating thing about the Civil War?" Mr P asked and then several students raised their hands. He quickly scanned the room and called on a female student.

"The most devastating thing about the Civil War was that families turned on each other. It was not simply one side fighting another but it had brother versus brother and father versus sons. It brought out the ugly side of humanity." She replied.

"Very good. But was it? There were other civil wars so why was this one different?" Mr. P asked knowingly.

"The book says it was the bloodiest because of advanced weapons. Like the weapons used were the most advanced for the time." Another student said. A black student raised her hand and Mr. P called on her.

"Mr. P, everyone talks about The Civil War as being about freeing the slaves. However that's not true and it's used as an excuse for why everyone was fighting." She said and Mr. P raised an eyebrow.

"So if The Civil War was not about freeing African Americans then what do you think the war was really about?" r. P asked and a few students chuckled but he quickly quieted them.

"Well my family talk about how it was Republicans fighting Democrats. The Democrats wanted to free the slaves and the Republicans didn't like that." She said.

"Well you're wrong there because if you look it up you'll find it was Republicans that wanted the slaves freed but the Democrats were in opposition." Mr. P explained.

"Of no it was the Republicans fault! They just try to push what they believe on everyone because their greedy and only about making money." She replied snarkily.

"Well Angella I suggest you Google it and see what it says. Now IF Google says that Republicans were the ones in favor of freeing the slaves, would you change you mind slightly about the hatred you have for Republicans?" Mr. P asked.

"No because CNN tells you how corrupt and evil they are." Angella replied.

"But do news sources tell you the truth?"

"Yes as long as it's not Fox news because they tell you lies." She said.

"How do you know that?"

"Because CNN says so!" She said.

"So if CNN was lying how would you know?" Mr. P. asked the whole class.

"They wouldn't because they only tell the truth!"

"But how do you know? The best liars are the ones that are most convincing. Do you think everyone believed and followed Hitler because they knew he was crazy and a liar? No he was very charismatic and his followers told everyone that he was truthful.

His followers spread lies and rumors about Jewish people and tried to cast them as being the bad guys. Just as you hate Republicans and Fox news is the same way That the Nazi felt about the Jews.

Sometimes it's better not to go with the crowd and to search things out to find the real truth behind it. Religions will teach that gays are evil.... but are they? TV will tell you to hate Republicans or hate Democrats because they are evil.... but are they? Just following the crowd will not make things butter but merely try to control you.

It seems to me that the people that speak out the loudest against fascism are the ones that engage in fascism behavior. Remember guys when you point a finger at someone you are pointing three fingers back at yourself.

The best thing is to always be skeptical of every claim until you have evidence that you can show to prove it to be true. Just don't take someone's word for it but have them prove it before you believe it because how are you gonna look if they provide evidence to prove YOU wrong? You'll look like a fool!" Mr. P lectured then changed the topic back toward Abraham Lincoln and The Civil War.

"Hey Faggot, I need to take a shit. Wanna eat it after I'm done?!" The student in front of Tyler whispered to Charlie. Charlie rolled his eyes as he ignored him.

"Leave him alone," Kyle whined as he whispered back.

"Or what? You gonna have your brother beat me up? Wuss!"

"Ahem, something you care to discuss with the rest of the class?" Mr. P asked angrily as he sternly looked at Mike. Tyler tried not to laugh at Mike for getting caught.

"Yes sir, perhaps you can help. You see this student, which called me a fag," Charlie started as he pointed at Mike. "Was asking if we think it's OK to have sex with your own grandmother. Now I told him that it was obviously wrong but he's not convinced. So let me ask you, don't you think it's wrong?" Charlie asked then he turned and sarcastically flashed a smile at MIke as he sank down into his seat and the students in class were laughing.

"I'll see you both after class." Mr. P replied angrily. He quieted the class and went back to his lecture.

Evening had set in and Kyle had just finished his homework. He was closing down the programs on his computer when he suddenly decided to look at some porn. He quickly took off his jeans and tossed them on top of his hamper.

He sat back at his computer and opened a private browser so his porn searches would not be saved in case his parents checked his computer. He found a couple of his favorite gay sites and began to watch with the volume turned off.

He slowly rubbed his penis through his underwear as he watched as he became more and more excited. What he did not see was that his brother Chris had slid open his window and crawled inside.

They live in a ranch style house that is basically one floor and Chris had a habit of sneaking in by climbing in through his brother's window. He saw Kyle at his computer and walked over to look over his shoulder to see what Youtube video he assumed he was watching.

"Ha those guys are naked..." Chris said and Kyle slid his chair away startled that his brother was there. Kyle blushed and tried to think of an excuse.

"What the hell?! Why are you watching that? What the fuck is going on?!" Chris shouted.

"Um I can explain," Kyle stammered.

"Yeah?" Chris fumbled as he turned off the computer, nearly throwing it in the process as his anger was building. "Then tell me and don't lie about this being some school project or something."

"Look I..." Kyle tried to say but Chris immediately interrupted him.

"LIAR!!!!"

"Chris, there's something I need to tell you." Kyle said as he looked at his feet trying to think of the best way to explain his situation to him.

"What is it?!" Chris said impatiently. He was beginning to pace and he was mumbling to himself and Kyle knew he was not listening. Kyle waited until Chris turned to look at him before he began.

"Chris, I think I'm gay." Kyle started.

"No, you're not." Chris moaned.

"I am!" Kyle said softly.

"No," Chris said as he sniffled and began crying.

"I knew something was different with me a while ago. It started in the boy's locker room when I found that the guys changing was turning me on. I thought it was just because of puberty and I was just horny in general.

I found ways to look at porn by using a few tricks I heard the other guys mention when they were watching porn. Sure enough they worked and I was able to view most sites. The trouble was that I didn't like any of the straight sites. I was mostly focussed on the guys and I skipped videos where there were none.

I then started checking out gay sites after I stumbled on a gay porn by accident that was mixed in with a straight one. It was then that I knew that I was gay. I've been working on controlling myself so when we shower for gym no one catches on to what I am." Kyle explained.

"All this time? You knew and didn't say anything?!"

"I didn't know what to say or if I could say anything because of how everyone acts towards us." Kyle replied.

"Don't say us! You're not one of them!" Chris said definitely.

"But Chris I am..." Kyle said but before he could finish Chris grabbed him and threw him to the floor then sat on top of him pinning him.

"We can fix this, we can fix this." Chris said absently to himself. Kyle struggled then gave up as he knew he could not win against his brother.

A sudden knock on his door made them both turn to see their father standing there. He watched them and Chris immediately climbed off his brother. Kyle stood as their father remained silent but just watched them.

"You both have a good explanation for this?" Mr. Oliver asked them.

"Sorry dad," Chris replied and Kyle echoed him.

"Well? Why do I hear shouting?...." Kyle stepped in front of Chris to try and explain but Mr. Oliver pushed him aside as he saw the tears on Chris' face. He went over to Chris while Kyle remained behind them. "Chris?! What's wrong son?" Mr. Oliver asked.

"Nothin' Kyle and I... got into a fight." Chris said as he looked at the floor to avoid his father and Kyle's eyes.

"You two? Fighting? What's all this about?" Mr. Oliver demanded to know.

"Kyle is..." Chris stopped and looked at his brother. Kyle pleaded silently with Chris not to tell his secret and finished by mouthing the word 'please'

"He's a jerk!!!" Chris said as he wiped his eyes and ran off towards his room. Mr. Oliver turned to look at Kyle.

"Do you have anything to say?" Kyle silently looked at his feet and after a moment Mr. Oliver raised his arms and let them slap his side as he walked off towards his own bedroom. Kyle let out a slight sigh of relief because he knew that his father had an extreme hatred towards anyone that was gay. He was not sure how his father would react towards him.

Kyle went and took out a p[Air of sleep pants and put them on before going to bed. Sleep did not come easily as he just looked at the door of his room afraid of what may come bursting into it. He wanted to get away and escape but he was too afraid to actually do it. He just watched the door until he finally fell asleep.

To Be Continued...