Doubts
#8 of K and M
Alrighty. Well, this one has been simmering in my head for a while, but I couldn't quite get the ideas to gel. Finally got it the way I wanted it, so, I am pleased to announce I finally completely finished an entire series, once again. It has been quite some time since I could claim that.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one. This whole series has been a journey. If you enjoy it, please let me know, so I can keep giving you what you like, and if you see anywhere were I can improve, please let me know that too. In any case, on with the show.
Michiko walked into Lew's, not really seeing where she was or what she was doing. Spring break was technically over, with classes starting up again tomorrow, and the famous off-campus eatery was packed as it usually was on a Sunday. The restaurant wasn't famous because it was especially gourmet food, or had something that no other restaurant had, for that matter. But, it was pretty decent, cheap, and open 24 hours a day. The staff also didn't much care if people stayed and hung out, or studied, so long as the place wasn't overflowing with people, like it was now. But, it wasn't like she was planning on staying long past the end of her meal today. She was here because she and Kael were planning on having lunch together one more time before classes started up again. The thought of being with him more still made her feel so warm and happy that she wouldn't have been surprised to find that her fur was glowing like a campfire as she joined the line of people waiting to order at the counter.
Break had been...odd and surprising was about the only way she could sum up the complicated mix of memories. The long drive home to Mastira had been surprisingly comfortable; more so than being on the road for so long had any right to be. While they had been on the road, she and Kael had talked. It hadn't been that they had discussed anything world shattering, or even that they had talked about the things they usually discussed. Mostly, it had been reminiscing about memories they had shared, and seeing them in a new light, now that they knew what they knew how they felt about one another.
The fact that he was now also her... boyfriend, didn't feel like anything close to the right word. It should have been. They had only been dating for a week. But 'Boyfriend' is what you call someone you are getting to know while you are dating, while you are figuring out whether you work as a couple. 'Boyfriend' was the term people used for all too temporary partners that you might or might not actually want to make work. 'Boyfriend' was not the right term for a young wolf she had been so close to for ten years; 'Boyfriend' wasn't what you called someone like Kael. She didn't know the right word for what they were to each other anymore, but whatever the term was, the fact that they were together made the stop over for the night in a hotel all the more special.
Her long experience with hotels from the time her and her mother spent driving around the country while moving so often had left her less than enamored with the whole experience. Or, at least, it had. Despite being tired from driving all day, it hadn't taken very long for their passion to flare once more. Not long, like, the time it took to close the door and drop their bags, sort of not long. It had happened again after they came back from getting food, and that time, she had experienced the wonderfully intimate comfort of falling asleep tied to her canid lover. The memory still sent a thrill through her, as did the one from the return drive to the campus, when they had duplicated the experience, tempting her to run the other times they had been together through her mind as well, but this wasn't the time or place to get worked up like that.
Waking up the next morning had been surreal, knowing she was in a hotel leaving her almost half certain that she had imagined the last ten years of her life. For a few terrible moments, she had thought that everything, the years of life she had lived, the friendships she had enjoyed, and even the very existence of the wonderful white wolf she loved had been merely a dream. That unhappy set of thoughts had lasted exactly the length of time it took for Kael to shift in his sleep, his white furred arms gently pulling her closer to him, his muzzle nuzzling gently against her neck. The unconscious contented sigh he had made before going still had made her smile, gently pressing herself more tightly into the wolf's embrace. Knowing Kael was there had made even the dreary conditions of the storm front they appeared to be chasing homeward seem bright and beautiful when they continued the drive home later that morning.
Better still than the comfortable road trip, had been the moment they had pulled up to her mother's house. Michiko hadn't been able to find the words to tell her mother that she and the handsome knight were dating when she mentioned she was coming home, managing just to say that she had some news that she wanted to share when they got there, but... Her mother had been standing on the porch, waiting for them when they pulled up and when the older red panda had seen the pair of them holding hands as they walked up the front walk towards her, she had absolutely lit up. Yuki had never seemed particularly old to her, but when the surprise and joy suffused her masked face, she had seemed twenty years younger, years of care and worry stripped away as she raised a hand to her muzzle, hiding the proud and almost mischievous smile on her muzzle, which had made Michiko feel immensely proud as well, though she still didn't know why.
Her mother had questions, of course, like how they had gotten together, and how long they had been dating. But never once had she asked if Michiko was happy, or if she was sure of her choice of dating partner. It was as if those questions had been answered long, long ago. Taking the news to Kael's large family had been far more daunting, the clan of ancient knights being as proud and tight knit as only wolves could be. But they had welcomed the news, and her, with such an outpouring of joy that she left the resulting gathering feeling more than a little overwhelmed. That memory made her smile broadly as the line inched forward toward the ordering counter, and she once again tamped down the warm flare of emotions that it brought on, feeling like she belonged among the knights.
Of course, it was not long after that, that things had changed a little. What had made the rest of break odd, was what came after they parted company at last, to spend some time at their respective homes. That had been when the doubts had started to creep into her mind. She knew Kael. Knew, knew him. Kael was a wonderful person, a literally noble individual, from a very long line of equally noble people. Though the Knights lacked any official power and standing, their families were accorded extraordinary respect, and for good reason. And Kael exemplified everything the knights were supposed to be; smart, goodhearted, strong willed, disciplined. More than that, he was handsome, fit... Hell with it, there was no other word for him. He was HOT, and everyone knew it. So, alone in her room back home, over break, she had found herself wondering... The handsome knight could have anyone, literally anyone, male or female or in-between. So honestly, what was he doing, dating her?
Kael was... well, everything that he was. And she...well, she was just her. And there was also his dating history to consider. He had gone out with many people over the years; granted, most of them had lasted one or maybe two dates, never enough to call a relationship. And, of those that had lasted to really be called a relationship, he had always seemed to put forth the effort needed to make it work, whereas the people he had dated, with maybe the one exception of Dan, hadn't. The thought that there might be something more to it, that he might be the reason things hadn't worked in those relationships felt wrong. It made her insides feel all twisted up to even consider that, to say nothing of... Closing her eyes, she tried not to think the dark thought that flitted through her mind. But, it darted into view anyway, despite her best attempts to stop it. What if it was a lie? What if...?
It was an unworthy thought to even consider, but what if Kael was the sort of handsome guy who was lovely and sweet and kind long enough to get into someone's pants, and then would drop them like a hot rock? He certainly had the skills in the bedroom to have that much experience. But she knew him. She knew he wasn't like that. And when they were together, there were no doubts. None. She never got even the slightest inkling that he was anything other than the wonderful person he had always been to her. When they had seen each other over break after spending time apart, it was like the sun burning off fog, all her doubts vanishing in an instant. But she couldn't help the doubts when she was by herself. Maybe it was just the wound from being treated the way Andy had treated her still being so fresh, but, though that certainly was a factor, it couldn't be the only reason she was feeling like this. Taking another few steps closer to the counter as the line continued to crawl forward, she sighed, looking down and trying to fight off a return of the doubts.
Truthfully, she suspected that the reason she felt like this, the reason the doubts kept creeping in, was precisely because she did know Kael. Knew him on a level that most of their friends couldn't grasp. Maybe, just maybe, if he was truly not as spectacularly good as he seemed, maybe she could be more confident that he would actually want her. Maybe she could accept that she truly was his choice. And that thought, more than anything, made her feel far worse than any of the doubts ever had.
Moving forward another pace in line, her train of thought was broken by her phone pinging in her pocket and she dug it out to find a new text message from her mother. Opening it curiously, she found that it read 'I am terrible at saying things like this, even to you. I couldn't say it when you were here, but I can't tell you how happy I am to see you so happy, Michi. Kael is a wonderful man. And if you ever have doubts, remember this.' Cocking her head to the side in confusion, the panda-fox tried to make sense of the message, which was helped by the sudden arrival of a second message, this one a picture.
When it loaded, Michiko felt her heart leap for her throat, as if it was trying to fly away at the sight, her free hand coming up to her lips, unconsciously mimicking her mother's gesture of pleased surprise. The picture had been taken in her room at home, on one of the days over the break when it had been raining. Unlike the torrential downpours that usually hit the city around this time of year, it had been a light drizzling with the sun occasionally peeking through the cloud to brighten up the city and highlight the rain. The picture had captured one of those moments, the view outside the window bright, the rain twinkling beyond the window. But that wasn't the important part of the picture.
In the picture, she and Kael had been seated on the window seat in her room, the handsome wolf resting with his back against the wall, with her lying back against him in his lap. From the angle it had been taken it was obvious that her mother had taken it without either of them being aware she was there. Michiko certainly didn't remember it, which was no surprise because she had been asleep at the time. She did remember nodding off for a few minutes while listening to the rain, her head resting back against Kael's chest. But, in the moment captured by the camera, the wolf had been looking down at her as she slept against him, his arms tucked around her, not holding her possessively, but just holding her. That candid moment alone would have been enough to make her smile, but the thing that made her heart soar and ache in equal measure, was the expression on the handsome wolf's face. The smile on his lips was one of such infinite and serene tenderness, affection and joy, as if he was at his absolute happiest right then, and there, watching her as she slept.
The fact that he looked at her with such love and affection when no one, not even her, could have seen it, turned her thoughts so far in the other direction from the doubts that when she typed out a reply, she was absolutely beaming. 'Thanks, mom. I needed that. I'll call you a little later.' Finishing off her message with both smiling and heart emojis, the hybrid girl tucked her phone back into her pocket and went up to the counter to order. What doubt could possibly withstand that?
"Hey Michiko, over here!" Naomi greeted as she turned away from the counter with her order card and a drink. She looked up to find her friend waving from a booth the mouse girl had claimed, and headed in that direction. As the hybrid girl settled her order placard on the edge of the table where it could be seen, Naomi looked her up and down, a grin growing on her face to match the wide smile on Michiko's masked visage.
"Hey Naomi." Michiko replied, taking a seat in the booth across from her friend, still grinning broadly. "How was your break?"
"It was good. Nice to be away." The mouse replied, smiling in that infuriatingly suspicious way she did when she was picking up on something gossip worthy. "You are in quite a mood today."
"Hmmm?" Michiko asked, her grin not faltering as she cocked her head at the mouse girl, not sure if she was ready to tell her gossipy friend about her and Kael yet. "Oh, I'm just in a good mood. Its spring, and the weather has been nice. How is Danny doing?"
"He is the same as ever; shy, cute and endearingly romantic when he wants to be." Naomi replied, narrowing her eyes at the herm girl sitting across from her, giving her a more speculative look. Then, she grinned broadly again and leaned in. "Oh that's right, you had plans with Andy over break. How did that go?"
"It didn't." Michiko replied, her smile only barely dimming. "We broke up." At Naomi's confused look, the hybrid girl shrugged. "Turns out he was only dating me because he made a bet with his friends about it."
"What!? That asshole!! That is awful!" She exclaimed, which was greeted by another shrug from Michiko, as if she didn't care in the slightest. "How can you possibly be so happy after that?"
"It hurts a little, I'm not gonna lie." Michiko acknowledged, "I just don't think about it much. I kinda... slapped him and then kicked him in the nuts when I found out."
"He deserved it." Naomi said, turning her head to give her the side-eye. "That isn't it though. You are almost beaming." Then, she giggled. "Uh huh. You got with someone else, didn't you?" When Michiko's ears folded back and she looked away, blushing under her fur, the perky mouse smiled a toothy grin at her. "I knew it! It must be someone really special to make you this happy after that." Michiko's reply was an even broader, and almost embarrassed grin, another self-effacing shrug confirming it. "So, tell me, who is it?"
Michiko was about to reply, when her phone chimed again, making her look down and smile at the message from Kael, telling her that he was almost there. Looking up at almost the same instant the restaurant's door opened, a familiar white furred wolf walking in, the silver crown mark on his head obvious in the stylized lights, tucking his phone away in his pocket. When he saw the pair of them sitting there, he waved a cheery greeting with a brilliant grin and joined the much reduced line to order. But Naomi wasn't watching the canid, even though a lot of the college students that packed the off campus eatery were doing exactly that. He was very distinctive after all, and his natural force of presence sort of attracted the eye. Instead, she was looking at Michiko, and the panda-fox started when she saw the mouse girl's mouth dropped in surprise, leaning in eagerly.
"No way..." Naomi began, a broad grin forming on her muzzle as Michiko's love struck smile broke into an expression of surprise at her friend's behavior.
"What?" The hybrid asked, sounding bewildered.
"You... and him?" Naomi asked, incredulous. All through high school, everybody had assumed the pair's long, close friendship meant that they were also secretly a couple, an idea that had only been reinforced by their appearance together at the Midsummer feast. But anyone who actually knew them, knew that they were only ever friends. Or at least, had been. As the panda-fox looked down at the table, her ears folding back, suddenly bashful once again, Naomi's grin became mischievous, her friend's reaction confirmation enough. "Michiko, that is great! How did it happen? When?"
"I..." Michiko replied quietly, still grinning despite her embarrassment, clearly so happy that nothing could dampen her mood. "When I found out about what Andy did, I went to see Kael. He was the only person I could think of that could make me feel better." Naomi's answering smile at her pronouncement made the hybrid shrug in spite of herself. "I explained what happened, and we talked and... Well, it turns out he has had feelings for me for a long time, years probably. And I...well, I think I have loved him for as long as I have known him. We...spent the weekend together, and then we drove back home to spend the rest of break with family."
"Meeting the parents, already? Must be pretty serious." Naomi teased, eliciting a chuckle from Michiko.
"Come on, Naomi." She admonished, taking a sip from her soda and looking embarrassed again. "We have only been together a week."
"No, you have only been official for a week." Naomi corrected slyly. "You two have been together since what, middle school?"
"I..." Michiko started to say, then sighed a sigh of contented resignation, along with a broadening of her now ever-present smile. "Oh hell, why argue?" Naomi laughed at that, sitting back to drink from her own glass. Then, she looked around conspiratorially, then leaned forward once more, her hybrid friend doing the same.
"So I gotta know..." Naomi whispered, "How is he in bed?"
"Naomi!" Michiko exclaimed, rocking back in surprise and the mouse girl giggled.
"Come on, Michiko," She insisted. "You are with about the hottest, most desirable guy in the university, maybe in the world. You gotta give me something."
"He's..." Michiko said slowly, her radiant smile returning when she saw Kael walking over from the counter, a glass of iced tea in one hand with another order marker in hand. In her mind, she saw the picture again and she couldn't help the words that came next. "Heh... Wonderful. In every single way."
"Wow Michiko." Naomi commented with another giggle, finally leaning back all the way again. "You've got it bad. Hey Kael."
"Good afternoon, Naomi." Kael greeted, giving her a nod and a smile as he set his order placard on the table with his glass before sliding into the bench beside Michiko. The wolf did not hesitate to settle one arm across the back of the bench, the hybrid girl scooting over slightly so she was sitting against him. The pair moved into a quick kiss, a motion that wasn't even close to the boundary of too much PDA before settling against each other, but nonetheless seemed to make a ripple of either adoration or jealousy pass through the other tables around them. When the pair seemed entirely oblivious to the reactions of the other patrons, Naomi's teasing grin became a warm one instead.
"Well, its about time." Naomi stated, and Kael looked at her in surprise, cocking his head in confusion. "Everyone wondered when you two were going to stop playing around and get together."
"What do you mean 'everyone'?" Kael asked while Michiko chuckled at his puzzlement, her grin broad. "We didn't know we felt this way about each other, how could anyone else?"
"You are kidding, right?" Naomi asked as a server settled the salad she had ordered in front of her. "Its so obvious to anyone who is around you for more than a minute that you two are a thing. I'm glad you finally figured it out."
"I guess we did." Michiko stated, looking at Kael with a warm smile and shifting to put an arm around his waist. Kael returned the smile and nuzzled his head against hers, making Naomi roll her eyes.
"Ugh..." The mouse girl said, picking up her fork and rolling her eyes. "Now you two are going to be utterly insufferable together, aren't you?"
"Sorry." Kael said, somehow managing to look both humbled and utterly unashamed at the same time. Michiko grinned just as shamelessly across at her friend while another server set her sandwich and chips down on the table in front of her.
"No, no," Naomi said around a mouthful of lettuce and spinach. "I'm just teasing you. I think both of you are adorable."
"Well, thank you." Kael replied, shifting slightly to the side to give Michiko more room to handle her food. Smiling at his simple reply, and the unmistakable pride on his face, the panda-fox took a bite of her sandwich and let her tail drape itself across his lap in the booth, the wolf smiling and dropping his free hand onto it, playing his fingers through the fur of its white tip. Her mother was right. She was happy. And the doubts? They didn't mean anything. Not really...
The End.