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Poképhilia Story

Love has No Bounds

The Pain of Another Year - Chapter 2

Birthday Special

By J.C. Solis

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The evening was one of terrible feelings of anguish and dismay, all of it culminating in a final moment of dissociation, anxiety, panic, and total loss of control. One such loss of control was enough to see a hole punched into the wall itself, followed by a collapse to the floor. It was all a horrible scene, one which resulted in the poor sufferer being restrained using psychic powers and being forces to take a extra dose of a benzodiazepine to make sure that no further escapades would occur as a result of a further loss of self. And though the house once again returned to a sense of calm, there was still the anguish that could be felt in the air, still the same feeling of dismay that led to this moment, and still so much more that the sufferer had to content with after putting his dedicated family through so much strife.

This, of course, was the tale of Justin, the man asleep in his room as his pokémon partner kept a close eye on him. Lillia kept was watching him intently as she lay down next to him, watching his shallow breathes as he was within the stasis brought on after taking a heavy dose of lorazepam. It would be a difficult time for her trainer to recover, even as he lay asleep and his shallow breathing being the only thing that told that he was still alive. Yet the Gardevoir would not stop from keeping him company, of making sure that he would not collapse into another episode of hysteria and mania as he had done before. It was fortuitous that even more damage was caused by the large and powerful man.

But even before he fell ill, Justin spoke about his symptoms and what he was feeling, which all told of a tale of psychosis and dissociation that was even more terrifying than a horror film. Mainly, it was Justin who felt as though he was in a horror film, and his symptoms all told the tale of a young man who was in the brink, of being so close to losing himself and the be lost within the madness that was inside of his head. He spoke of fell voices of people he didn´t know and the demonic utterances of creatures of the damned who told him many dark and terrible things. And worst of all were the visual hallucination, one which made looking at picture frames difficult lest he stare directly at red eyes looking back at him. And he didn't want to have to gaze upon things more than he had to.

It was a mental condition that didn´t allow for one to have peace of mind, especially when said mind was bombarded by all of these psychotic symptoms that seemed so real and so vivid. But one of the most horrible things that Justin experienced wasn't a hallucination or a delusion, but rather a feeling. His disconnection from reality also led him to disconnect from reality in general, leaving behind a body that could not compute what was going on around him. He was completely separated from his reality, his mind coming out of his body as he looked at his life not as the person himself but as the spectator. He had begun to dissociate from himself, his mind entering into a dreamlike state that seemed to rob him of the ability to feel his own life. He didn't know whether he was actually living his life or whether or not he was being a spectator from outside of his body.

All of these feelings combined to form an experience that was deemed to be close to hell - a mind that could not compute what was happening to itself, and when it did it only led to tears as it saw horrible things that looked to come straight from the pit. It all proved to be an experience that could prove itself to be very much fatal if nothing is done to resolve it, as so many people with schizophrenia have done. Taking one's own life has been a common occurrence with this in the mental health community, and especially those who have hallucinations so horrible that they feel they can no longer live their lives with happiness and joy. And all such joy seemed to be robbed from one's own life as a result of this horrible illness, slowly eating away at one's sanity and driving someone to extremes - to anything that could bring their suffering to an end, even if it meant death itself.

This was a fate that Lillia tried with all of her power to stymie. She used her psychic powers to soothe the mind of her trainer, doing her best to make sure he was in a mostly functional state. Though she could have more control over him, she did her best to make sure he remained with his autonomy and could still function for himself. And as she eyed him and his condition, making sure that he wouldn't have another episode that'd leave to another hole in the wall, she hoped that through time he would be able to pick himself back up without need of her aid. She made sure to give him his medicine whenever the Handy Helpers came bearing his pills and drinks, along with any sweets or candies that Mother Mary would send along with the small pokémon.

For now, though, it was the evening, and it was getting close to dinner as well. Though Justin would be forced to get out of bed in order to crawl his way off to go eat with his family, this time he found himself unable to get out of his bed.

"Master," called out Lillia. "It's time to eat. You need to eat something in order to have strength. You can't just lie in bed all day."

But the young man remained unmoving.

"I... don't..." He seemed to be unable to utter anything else.

It was then that a knock was heard at the door, and Lillia got out of bed in order to open it. On the other side were the Handy Helpers: Jax the Riolu, Sylvia the Sylveon, and Spooks the Duskull. It seemed that the helpers had come bearing Justin's meal, consisting of a rice bowl with meat and veggies, a bottle of water, and a small plate of sliced fruits for desert.

"Master Justin, we come bearing nutritious gifts," announced Spooks.

"Hope you're feeling better, Mister Justin," hoped Jax.

"And if not, then maybe we could cuddle up with you?" suggested Sylvia endearingly.

Lillia smiled at the Helpers and all that they've done for the young master.

"Thank you all for these things," she replied with gratefulness. "Though, to be honest, I don't know if Our Master would be up for a hug."

A voice was then heard behind her.

"I am," said the disheveled man softly. He had lifted himself up from his bed so that he was now sitting, not yet ready to stand up, but at the same time with enough strength to be upright. "Mind if you little fellows could give me a hug right now? I think I could really use one."

The Helpers looked at each other in astonishment, wondering what had come over him to accept their offer. But when all was said and done, a smile formed across their faces as they put the food they brought with them to the nearby dresser drawer and went for him along with Lillia. Together, the four pokémon went over to Justin and wrapped themselves around him. The look on the man's face was that of soft joy. It had been quite a while since he asked for a hug from anyone, let alone from his pokémon. But he was more than willing to have at it with them and enjoy their warm bodied cuddle up to his. In a show of strength, Justin wrapped his own arms around them and gave them a warm though powerful bear hug, wanting to feel comfort from them as they groaned from the sheer force of his hug.

But the pokémon were far from complaining, and they accepted themselves to be squeezed as the man looked at them with increasing joy. He was happy to be with those who cared for him, especially those whom he had grown up with. He was happy to be with Lillia, Jax, Sylvia, and Spooks - these four having been those who stuck with him through thick and thin. And now that he was feeling better, he hoped to eat his meal and then take his medicine. For a short while, at least, he was starting to feel better.

Justin let go of the Handy Helpers and his Partner Pokémon and saw the joy that was on their faces. They seemed to have been touched to have such a moment with him.

"Are you feeling better now, Master?" asked Lillia.

"A little bit," admitted Justin. "But enough."

This admission brought a smile to Lillia's face, a beaming look about her after hearing such wonderful news. Her master was feeling better, and soon he would be back to his usual, mopey self.

Justin stood up from his bed and attempted to walk, only for him to clutch his head as he began to feel dizzy. He leaned back and seemed to be about to fall over. But a power was keeping him upright that wasn't his own. Realizing who it was that was helping with psychic powers, he walked back to sit upon his bed. It seemed that he wasn't yet able to be completely mobile, even though he tried his best to push himself to move on his won. And yet it was clear that the man was just not ready to move around like before. He still needed to rest.

"Hmm, it seems to me that your body requires more rest, Master Justin," noted Spooks. "I deduce that another hug is in order."

"Well, I'm more than willing to give all the hugs that Master needs," said Sylvia gleefully.

"Count me in!" pepped Jax the young Riolu.

Justin could only open his arms again to receive the pokémon into them. Perhaps through the power of hugs he would slowly be able to heal. But the mind is a fickle beast, and Justin's was one that had little to no control. He was a man with a mind that didn't have the ability to tell reality from delusion. It seemed as though he was in a limbo of sorts, a place where he could not compute as to what his world around him was like. Was he really in a large bedroom that was slightly unkempt and full of knick-knacks and baubles, clothes on the floor, and with trash overflowing from the waste bin. Did he really have a Sylveon, Duskull, and Riolu in his arms as he hugged such lovely and affectionate creatures? Was he really in a brand new house after the old one had been torched by no-good criminals who wished harm on his family for social-political purposes?

It was all a confusion that the Mind of a Mortal could not overcome. Even with such caring pokémon with him, even with his partner with him, he didn't know what had become of his reality. And he was lost within a stasis that showed no signs of letting up.

Then, the sound of footsteps could be heard, with a tall and lanky man standing over at the doorway - one who was very familiar to the man who was sitting down with a lost mind. And if he didn't recognize this man, then he would certainly remember the Blaziken that was with him.

"Yo, Justin pal, how yah doing?" asked Jason in his familiar New York lingo. "Are keeping on keeping on, buddy?"

"What Dumb-dumb means to say is how have you been, Justin," clarified Camilla. "It looks like things are a bit messy in this room. Might need some work with having a tidy space in order to heal."

"I've been preoccupied with my master's health to tidy the room. I apologize for any unkempt and messy clutter that might be in this room. My Master's health has been my paramount for the time being," admitted Lillia, wondering if she should have cleaned things up around here.

"No worries, Lillia girl," replied Camilla. "My Dummy here tends to have a bit of a mess in his room as well. It's a wonder that he keeps a lot of his clothes pressed and ironed, cause he just tosses his underwear in a pile at the corner of the room."

"Hey! TMI, Camilla!" protested Jason.

The bickering that followed between Jason and Camilla - with Camilla chastising Jason for having a messy life with Jason retorted with all sorts of excuses - put a smile on Justin's face. He could always count on these two to put bring up the mood, especially when they were around their other friends. And slowly, Justin's heart began to soften as he felt the familiar warmth of being around familiar company. He was at last able to anchor himself down, getting a foothold on his reality.

With this, he was finally able to stand up again and be able to walk. Lillia remained on guard for when her trainer might fall down to the ground again, but thankfully such a thing didn't take fold. Justin walked towards a drawer that was off to the side, pulling out a jar that was full of candies. It was perhaps his most cherished little addiction, to each all sorts of sweet from gummies to spiced candies and even candies that were somewhat exotic. And he wasn't about to eat alone either, offering some of his secret stash to his friends. Though Jason declined, Camilla and Lillia took them up on the offer, as did the Handy Helpers. There was just something about sharing sweet with one's friends that made the treats taste even sweeter. And Justin was more than willing to share several pieces with each person.

As Justin put away the jar, Jason made the suggestion of heading off to the PokéPark, to which Justin agreed to do. With this, he asked for a bit of privacy so that he could change clothes - since he was currently dressed in shorts and his undershirt. Only Lillia remained with him, to which she helped keep him steady as he got out of his shorts and put on his usual outfit. Soon, he was covered in black slacks and undershirt, a white button-down shirt, a black blazer jacket and a black wide-brim fedora hat. When he left the room he fit in great with his bestie Jason, who was wearing burgundy dress clothes that made him look like a reject from Team Flare.

The two friends and their pokémon left the house and went down the street towards the PokéPark. The air was still rather cool, as Spring was now in the air and the breeze was blowing the fresh scent of the new season. It was a time of relaxation and respite after the brutal chill of Winter. And though it was not yet as hot as Summer, the new warmth made life feel much more alive and active. It was feeling that could be felt in every creature that walked down the street, both human and pokémon. And it was a feeling that somewhat elevated Justin's spirits as he arrived at the PokéPark with his friends.

The area was abuzz with activity, the ambiance truly alive as children played at the jungle gym with small pokémon and large nanny pokémon, the adults having battle in the battle courts, and everyone overall having a fun time. It was a time that felt truly wholesome and wonderful to experience, and even more so when people went over to buy Ice Cream at the local vendor, or whatever snacks that they'd like to eat over at the snack bar and concession stand. The feeling was enough for Justin to crack a smile - a small one, but a smile no less.

Lillia could sense the joy coming from her trainer, and though she wished to hug him then and there, she restrained herself out of fear of inciting him to frown. She let her trainer be for the most part, just happy that he was in better spirits and with an ambiance that was far different than his demeanor back home. Perhaps a change in scenery was what the man needed, and the happiness and hubbub of the PokéPark seemed to be just the place to lift up his spirits.

The two buddies and their pokémon spent their time talking a bit about life and the happenings they've experienced. Though Jason tried his best not to bring up work, Justin was adamant in hearing how his old co-workers were doing. Jason admitted that all the old friends really missed Justin, and that they were all sorry to hear that he had fallen ill. In truth, the news that Justin was quitting his engineering job at the Silph Co. PokéBall Plant sent ripples throughout the business. Even some of the higher ups were surprised to hear that the man was resigning, and some even paid him a visit and asked about what incited his decision. But perhaps the bosses and executives were wondering why one of their star employees - someone who made the company loads of money due to his brilliance - was suddenly leaving.

It was a decision that wasn't easy for Justin himself to make. But after he was becoming even more deranged mentally, he knew that he couldn't stay at his job unless he risk having an incident. Though it pain him to have to say goodbye to his fellow co-workers, he at least hoped to return once he was in a better condition. And for sure his bosses would welcome him back with open arms if he ever did decide to return. But his mental health came first, and that was something the had to address.

In truth, it had been an uphill battle for Justin throughout his stay at home. He seemed to go back and forth between his states, sometimes feeling better and other times worse. Though he tired his best to leave the house and avoid falling into stagnation, his state of mind didn't necessarily improve when he went to the park or whatever place he went. Whether it be the store, the park, a friend's house, or even some of his other haunts, the same miserable feelings were sure to follow. And it was a feeling that haunted the young man wherever he went.

But one constant that would never change was his companion: Lillia. The Gardevoir was a constant follower wherever he went, and she was more than willing to go out of her way for his wellbeing. She, in many ways, was the reason why her trainer didn't fall even further down into despair. She was his rock, someone whom he could lean on and use to pick himself back up whenever he fell down. He meant everything to her, and she was more than willing to do anything to make him happy.

That being said, the two were still indeed in a Poképhilic relationship. The two were Poképhiles to the end, and they vehemently supported the cause through and through. It was even starting to get known to the people around town that the son of Pastor Solis was in a Poképhilic relationship. While before this news would have been met with scorn for the young man, after the recent attack on the Solis Family home over Christmas, it was clear that the Anti-Poképhilia Crusaders and especially Team Shroud had taken things too far. Even hardliners like Anti-Poképhilia Priest Father Matthew Grint were forced take a step back after a high profile person like Pastor Solis was targeted, along with his family.

It wasn't often that Justin and Lillia got to consummate their relationship, with Lillia usually the one to be in control on account of Justin´s size and weight. He was afraid he might hurt or crush his partner with his girth, and so the much lighter Gardevoir took to riding her trainer and even committing Mild-femdom acts on him - mild because she didn't take things terribly far with him, and was always careful to put his safety and comfort to the foray. She was always careful to make sure her trainer enjoyed sex as much as she did, as she wanted them to have a shared experience.

But throughout Justin's ordeal with his condition he didn't feel all that up for having intercourse with his partner - mainly because he was in the throes of mental and emotional pain. He was in no mood to be having anything sexual going on in his life, and his mind was in such a state that it was hard for him to have any sort of control. And the pain he went through was truly something pitiable and all too much for his Pokémon partner to be able to withstand, the Gardevoir barely able to cope with her inability to heal her trainer. Though she was a psychic type pokémon, she was still powerless to stop his mind from losing itself within a state that so many people in the world struggle to withstand.

But today was not one of those days anymore. As Justin and Lillia sat next to each other, eating an ice cream that they each had in their hands, the man wrapped an arm around the Gardevoir and pulled her closer to him. It was then that she remembered that tomorrow would be his birthday. Perhaps with Justin turning 27 years old he would find something to make himself feel better - though in truth, he already voiced to her about how he was starting to feel old and that life was passing him by. Then again, he was not against celebrating his birthday and inviting his friends and family over to have a party at his house. And a party was something that was going to happen, what with Jason already assigned as grill-meister for the venue.

"Can't believe tomorrow you're gonna turn 27, buddy ol' pal," noted Jason as he sat next to Camilla. "Damn, time sure flies when one's having fun, eh."

"I wouldn't necessarily call the past few months fun, Jason," retorted Justin. "I guess you could say that this year started off as a write-off. But things are starting to look up."

"Chin up, Justin," joined in Camilla. "Dumb-dumb and I've got your back, and so do all the other pals we got."

"As do I," added Lillia lastly. "I'll do my best to help you be happier. And it seems that with your birthday coming up, you seem to be in lighter spirits."

Justin turned to look at all of his friends as a smile formed on his face. Perhaps the fact that he was never truly alone was what helped him through his ordeal. He always had people around to help pick him up - especially his Gardevoir partner who was with him through thick and thin. She was such a caring and sweet pokémon, a lass who truly looked after her master's wellbeing.

"I guess I'm kind a blessed," He reminisced. "I've been through a lot of shit these past few months. But I can never say I was truly alone. I've always had you guys watching my back every step of the way. I guess you could save I've had a load of guardian angels watching over me."

The friends all looked at him with expectant gazes, clinging onto every word he said.

"But it's difficult to go through mental illness. It robs you of your light. It robs you of your hopes and dreams, killing you slowly from the inside out. I've been through the worst of it already, but for anyone to have to go through what I did is just terrible. And I don't want to go through that again."

"And you won't," replied Lillia. "So help me Arceus, I'll do my best to save you from that fate. Even if I can't stop the illness itself with my powers, I'll be more than willing to keep you company at least. I won't ever leave you alone."

"What am I, chopped liver?" jumped in Jason as his New York accent got thicker. "I ain't bout to let my pals go down shit creek without a paddle. I'll gladly steer you guy's boat to less shittier waters."

"What Dumbass here means to say is that we'll do our best to help," corrected Camilla.

"'Dumbass?!' I resent that, Camilla." *conk* "Ow! And I resent that, too!"

"Just shut up already, Dummy."

Justin couldn't help but chuckle at his friends' antics. Jason and Camilla always knew how to make their poor friend laugh.

With their ice cream done, Justin told his friends that he wanted to return home. Jason said that he wanted to return to his own pad as well. And with that the two friends and their pokémon bid each other farewell. Justin walked back to his home with an even wider smile than the one he had before. He was not alone. He was never alone to begin with.

As he walked down the street with his pokémon partner, Justin began to reflect on his past. Back when he had severe mental health issues he always thought of himself as a burden. He thought himself as wasted air and someone who didn't deserve the good things he had in his life. But over time these thoughts began to diminish as the warmth from both family, friends, and pokémon reminded him that he still had hope. Hope was the biggest driver in his life, even when he suffered through the most horrible delusions or had the most destructive anxiety attacks. He began to build on his strength, and soon he was able to function much more.

But something happened that sapped his tremendous strength. Perhaps it was stress from overworking himself at the Pokéball plant. Maybe it was because of how his family was targeted by Team Shroud and his old home being burned to the ground. Maybe it was because of the betrayal of his friend James, who teamed up with the criminal group as a result of his own insecurities. Justin remembered hearing from his former friend how he felt like an outsider, like someone who didn't belong anywhere he went. He was not only branded by society, but that branding soon affected his own psyche to the point where he believed the haters and the crusaders against people like him. Little did he know that most people were supportive towards Poképhiles now and even sympathized with those who were victimized.

In the end, Justin had always been his own worst enemy. Lillia knew this well, seeing her master struggle with self doubt and self-blame. Even for the littlest of infractions the man would hold himself accountable, even when others had already forgiven him. And it was something that still affected him to this day. But she'd always remind him that there was no point in holding oneself accountable for things that had already come to pass and were no longer of any consequence. He wasn't annoying anyone - which he used to say before. He wasn't doomed or destined for failure. And it was because he regained his strength and began to believe in himself again that he managed to return to university and graduate as an engineer. He was able to finally conquer his inner demons and make the most of the life that he had.

Now, Justin had fallen off in another fallout that happened in his life. But in truth, the man was far from giving up. He hoped to pick himself back up and keep moving forwards. Already, he was working on his literature stories and poems on his home computer, and he was in the middle of writing a novel that talks about mental health issues and the effects they can have on someone, all while told through a gripping plot and interesting cast of characters. It was his hope to eventually get his novel published, and when he did he hoped to kick-start his secondary career goal as a professional novelist.

Justin and Lillia arrived at their house and stepped through the front door. Though it would be better if Justin remained outside, he no longer had the strength to bear the outside world and its many hallucinations and happenings. He entered his room and laid down on bed with Lillia to keep him company. Lillia used her psychic powers to lock the door and give them more privacy, though if she noted that her master would undergo more stress she would be sure to telepathically alert his parents. And with that, the two began to have a private moment together.

"I'm sorry, Lillia," began Justin. " I don't know what came over me these past few days. I just feel so helpless and distraught, like a flame inside my body has been snuffed out. I try to be strong, I really do, but I just feel as though I've reached another roadblock - one which I can't climb alone."

"Well, you're not alone, Master," noted Lillia. "You have family, you have friends, Father Arceus, and... well... Me..." She then reached her arms out and wrapped them round her trainer. "I know that you'll be able to pick yourself back up again. You've done it multiple times, and I know that your old strength has not yet left you. You just need to believe in yourself again. Try to be strong, for yourself and all those who love you. You have a full life ahead of you, and so much to do and hope for. You just need to Believe in Your Strengths and find the courage you had before to push ahead.

"I know you can do it, Justin. I believe in you. Everyone believes in you." And with that, Lillia looked the man in the eyes, smiling expectantly at him.

Justin looked back at Lillia with stoicism at first, though he soon felt his heart begin to beat. He could feel a surge of energy come up his body, almost as though he was finding the strength to get better. These kind and soft words, which his pokémon told him with so much conviction, was enough to light the path that he was too afraid to walk down. She was completely right, and he knew then and there that he indeed had much to live for and a lot to do. His work on this Earth was far from finished. He still had the strength inside of him to push forwards. It was far from too late for him to pick up the pieces.

And so, Lillia and Justin wrapped their arms around each other, with Justin put her chest horn to where his heart was at. The two shared a connection that He hadn't felt in a while. It was a feeling that was so familiar and warm. But it wasn't much of a sexual feeling, nor was he in the mood for anything sexual or lusty. Rather, he just leaned in to his pokémon partner and kissed her on the cheek, a kiss of gratitude and thanks. Lillia giggled at the gesture, happy to see her trainer back in higher spirits.

"Thank you, Lillia, for reminding me about myself," said the young man next to the Gardevoir. "I think I can pick myself up from here. It'll take a while, but I think I can get better."

"I know you will, Master," assured Lillia. "Believe in yourself. I know you have it in you."

With this, Justin moved his large arms to envelop Lillia and bring her even closer to his body. He was grateful to have such a caring partner, someone who was always willing to pick him up and remind him of his strength and mission. He didn't know if his current condition would last a short or a long while, but he was starting to feel okay. As he embraced his Embrace Pokémon and clung onto her warmth, at last he was starting to feel okay.

With a little bit of assurance, Justin began to feel okay. For the first time in many weeks filled with dread and dismay, He finally began to feel okay.

It was now the day of the party, with all of the gang having dropped on by to celebrate the 27thBirthday of Justin Solis. Everyone from Saria to Kiara, Fran, Sarah, Rose, and all of their pokémon were present to make merry. And though Natasha was still working in Ritz Regal City to drop on by, she gave a video call to the man and the friends as she and her partner Ivan wished him a happy birthday. And of course, Jason was there to man the grill and cook all of the food for everyone to dig in.

There was a heavy ambiance in the air, and one that was bolstered by the wide smile that was on Justin's face. The man seemed to have finally come out of his funk, though perhaps not enough to return to work. Still, he made much more progress with his novel, and would perhaps search for someone to publish it once he completed it and got it revised and proofread. There would still be many more steps to take before publishing it, but he was just happy to be with his friends to share and bask within the reverie that was clearly showing on his face. For once in a long while, he was happy. He was with those who cared for him, with delicious food, and he found the drive to push ahead.

In truth, Justin was a fighter. He never gave up even when things went completely against his favor. He always held onto Hope that things would eventually get better. He didn't want to wallow in the same pits of despair as he had done multiple times in his earlier life. He wanted to push past the pain and find joy in his life again. He didn't want to pity himself anymore, didn't want to live with the same doubts over his abilities and his future, and didn't want to become the so-called burden that he was always afraid of becoming. He was a man with a million dreams, and the present day was there to achieve them.

With Lillia by his side, and with people who cared for him all around, Justin didn't feel quite as depressed and lonely as he did before. Cracking open a can of beer, it was now time to partake in something that he hadn't had in quite some time - and it wasn't just Oranguru Bortus' Alolan Ale.

Once again, the burly man with a big heart found peace in himself. He was once again in a happy mood. He was once again filled with Hope. He was okay... He was finally okay...