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The nightmares didn't stop.

Helga had only gotten eight hours of sleep split between three days. Every night was the same. Go to bed, see herself torturing her girls beyond what their bodies could take, wake up in a cold sweat, nearly wake up Amy and Rebecca in the process, then go make herself a cup of coffee to last through the night. She'd start her morning jogs before Rebecca to keep her blood pumping, and stop by the closest gas station between drywall installations to pick up an energy drink. Often those five-hour shots.

The pig jittered with caffeine and her eyeballs felt like glass ready to shatter at any minute. She entranced herself with work to keep up with demand. Power tools and lack of attention did not go hand in hand. Something her boss was quick to remind her after her third mistake.

"Go home and get some sleep." He told her. "I can't have you making rookie mistakes like this. You're not fired, but I won't hesitate if you can't get this under control."

Instead of going home and collapsing into a bed for more nightmares, Helga decided to drop by a house on the edge of town. She parked her car in its empty driveway, then circled around the back through grass that needed to be cut.

"You look like shit." Tabitha spoke up before Helga saw her. The wolverine was lounging against a plastic chair, one leg over the wooden railing of her porch. She wasn't one to talk about looks given her scraggy blonde hair, loose sleeveless tee with stains the pig couldn't quite place, and black shorts outlining the monster between her legs.

"Yeah." Helga took the empty seat next to the wolverine, "Haven't slept."

"Why's that?" Tabitha opened her cooler and grabbed a beer. Helga held out her hand for it, but Tabitha cracked it open for herself. "Nope. Not giving you a beer unless you tell me what's up."

"Fucking seriously?" Helga whined.

She nodded. "Fucking seriously. I'm a bartender now, I gotta know a customer's needs."

"Well, what's up is that I haven't slept."

"And?" Tabitha raised her brow, "You're telling me a symptom when you know damn well what the disease is."

"And how would you know that?" Helga hunched over, looking the wolverine dead to rights.

Tabitha rolled her eyes, "I've known you for over a decade, Hels. You do more damage to yourself than jackasses did to us in bar brawls."

She forced a laugh, "I don't give myself black eyes."

"Hey, I'm the smartass, not you." Tabitha pointed at her, "You're the responsible one. The person who has the entire world on her shoulders. So you best tell me how heavy that weight's feeling right now if you want my advice. Or we can just sit here, not talk, and relax. I'm good for whatever so long as it helps."

For as long as Helga knew Tabitha, the wolverine had been too blunt for her own good. So was Helga, but Tabitha did it to cause trouble whereas Helga just hated pretending to be nice. Right now, she felt the opposite, and it made her almost proud of her shield sister.

"Had a weekend with the girls." Helga relented, "It went bad."

Tabitha popped open the cooler and tossed Helga a can. "Relationship troubles. Classic. How'd everyone fuck it up?"

A neutral observer. Not what Helga wanted but what she damn well needed. With the crack of the tab and the hiss of her drink, the pig told Tabitha everything. The question that started it all, the way she felt on the trip over, the safewords, the actual play, and how she ended it. By the first taste of the heavy malt, Helga felt like she could finally breathe. The beer had grown lukewarm. Helga drank it all the same. "Christ...I've grown soft."

"You were always soft," Tabitha said, "A hard person wouldn't give a homeless teenager the food their job was tossing out." A time before they hit the road. Back when Helga had loved someone she shouldn't have and Tabitha's stubbornness cost her warmth. "But it's not a bad thing, being soft. It's easier to change when you are. Get too hard, and you're just covered in scars."

"I've got plenty." Helga grimaced, "Remember that bear in Reno?"

"Remember the rabbit in Tucson? I could have sworn she kicked my molars out." Tabitha laughed, "Didn't you chuck her boyfriend out a window?"

"He landed on a closed dumpster." Helga remembered the metal thud of the crash, "Dude was still breathing."

"He cut your leg real bad. Good thing we had Allison with us by then." Tabitha snapped her fingers. "You know, maybe you could ask her about your problem."

"I don't think Allison would want to be bothered. She's probably enjoying the summer with her kids right now." Or at least the ones still home.

Tabitha shrugged, "Nah. Whenever I visited her for advice, she was pretty open to talk. 'Sides, out of the gang she's the only other person who does this 'lifestyle' thing as hard as you do. Maybe harder." The wolverine shook her head and took another sip, "Definitely harder. Can't imagine marrying a sadist."

A sadist. Gears clicked. "Yeah...maybe she is the right person to ask." Helga guzzled the last of her drink and tossed the can into the recycle bin. "Thanks, Tabs."

The wolverine gave a mock salute, "No problem. Call ahead next time."

***

Jewel's eyes blinked slowly to shy away from the light of her computer screen. The badger was no stranger to eye strain, she'd had enough marathons in her lifetime to make it a wonder how she didn't need glasses. But that was something she enjoyed, an inspiration that led to terrible fanfiction later. Not the same scene, again and again, to better figure out how to splice it.

She had volunteered to comb through all the weekend footage and make a video. Over twenty-four hours of kink and labor, with plenty of empty spaces in between that needed to be cut out. Except that her inner editor demanded to find something of value in those scenes. This, in turn, left her listening in on night audio for far longer than she liked. Every cage rattle, every snore, and every grunt Rebecca or Amethyst made had been ingrained into her mind. Only now had she moved to actual daylight activities, skipping ahead to watch the pitbull chop wood.

Rebecca certainly had the back muscles for it. They strained and pulled with each rise and fall of the ax. Jewel bit her lip and hit the replay button. What was a good part to record? When should she snip in footage from the pitbull's go-pro? Was the angle good? So many questions rattled her brain while those developed back muscles went to town.

Soft hands wrapped around her collarbone. "You're still on this? Did you take a break?" Alex asked. Jewel shook her head, leaving the wolf to sigh and rest her head against the badger's shoulder. "Babe, you've been doing this since you got back."

"I took a break when I got back."

"To watch some sappy vampire anime." The wolf said with the faintest hint of judgment, "A break from screen time shouldn't be more screen time."

Jewel sighed and looked up at her girlfriend. At a glance, Alex could be mistaken for a man with her wide shoulders, flat chest, and just how well she filled out her current pair of sweatpants. The only thing remarkably feminine about her was the pink highlights she'd been pushing in her black hair, and...Jewel squinted. "Are you wearing eyeshadow?"

Alex fluttered her eyes to show it off, "You noticed? I took the weekend to practice with makeup. Looked up a lot of tutorials. How's it look?"

Nice is how Jewel wanted to put it. Outside of her own hair dye, the badger didn't care much about her own looks and makeup. She'd been such a hikikomori in the past that it never crossed her mind. Seeing her girlfriend's subtle eyeshadow put that into a new light, especially with the crumbs falling off Jewel's chest. "Oh...oh wow..." She looked over her desk, finding empty soda bottles she'd bought from the local Asian market stacked into a pyramid, with discarded boxes of pocky and other Japanese snack wrappers laid out around her. "...I'm a mess."

"You are..." The wolf smiled, "But I'm ok with picking up messes." She reached for the trashcan by the desk.

"N-No, I'll do it." Jewel grabbed it first, "You don't need to clean everything."

"And you don't need to stay up watching...that." She didn't deign to look at the screen, "I knew it was supposed to be an intense weekend, but what's even the point of her chopping wood?"

Jewel shrugged, "I don't know. I think Helga told me it was about keeping them on a task?"

"And they're naked because?" Jewel answered Alex's question with a raised brow. The wolf knew why they were naked, just as she knew why they were doing the entire thing at all. Alex rolled her eyes, "Right, dumb question. Super intense slave play, or whatever." By her tone, Jewel figured the wolf didn't care for it. Not that she could blame her girlfriend. Not after the abuse the wolf suffered. Remarkable at all that she could stand a video.

"When do you need this done by?" She asked. Jewel shrugged, Helga hadn't given her a date. She hadn't heard from the pig since the day they got back, nor was she willing to talk with her. Something about almost dying in the front seat made her standoffish from conversation. Time was needed to heal, time she spent watching the damn recordings over and over. "So, if you don't need to have this done soon, why watch it over and over?"

Why indeed? Maybe, in the back of her mind, Jewel wanted an answer as to why Helga stopped it early. Why did she use her safeword when most resources only talked about submissive safewords? The pig had been looking like she was about to collapse at any second even before they rode off. Not to mention how snappy she'd been.

All Jewel had for answers was the recordings and her own curious drive.

Alex crossed her arms, "Well, promise me you'll take a break. A real break, away from the screens. And before I leave for work, please?"

"When's your shift?"

Alex checked the wall clock, "Three hours. Rebecca called in sick so I'm covering for her."

"Has she shown up in the last few days?" Jewel asked.

Alex nodded. "She's been less talkative, but yeah. Franny's been teasing her about it. He suggested we should give her a gag for looks now instead of keeping quiet for customers." She shivered, "I know he's just teasing, but holy fuck I do not like that."

"You should tell your boss about it." As much as she didn't want to ignore the workplace harassment, hearing that Rebecca had been quiet at work made Jewel worry. Were things alright at Helga's? Surely she, Amy, and Rebecca had talked about what happened. Right?

A knock at the door turned both their heads. Alex answered it. Jewel peeked around the corner to see who was there.

Amy and Rebecca stood in the doorway, both looking like they'd seen better days. "Is Jewel home?" Amy asked, "We need to talk."

***

Helga didn't think it was unfair to be surprised at the life Allison made for herself. No one in the gang, especially the rabbit, would have expected her to settle down and raise a family. They all turned out fine, more than they expected anyway. Dawn married a cop, Jo's got her business and offers discount tuneups for everyone, Tabitha's bar is doing decent, and Debbie...Helga didn't know what the doe did but she was never flack for cash and she assumed it was legal. Maybe it was an internet thing, she didn't ask.

Yet the sadist Helga picked up from Colorado bagged herself an electrical engineer and popped out three kids. She marveled at the white picket-gate house the bunny lived in, two stories and plenty of space. Well, plenty of space if Helga and her own girls lived there. For a family of five, it must have been suffocating.

Helga never planned on having more than one person living with her anyway.

She pondered this improbability as she knocked on the door. The same rabbit who gleefully made some rapist cry and beg for death now participated in local community drive bake sales and PTA meetings. Change was expected, but Allison didn't change. The moment she opened the door, Helga still saw that same fire burning behind those brown eyes of hers. The same fire she feared would engulf the world if no one held it back.

"Well, this is a surprise." The rabbit grinned, "Or at least it would be if Tabs didn't call ahead."

"She did?" Helga asked, then sighed. "Of course she did. Sorry, I should have called. You busy?"

"Littlest is at camp." Allison tilted her head inside, "Jack's teaching our son something about computers. Or maybe it's the reverse. So I've got bumfuck all to do beyond my nicknacks. Take your boots off."

She kicked them off and headed inside. The wall of the front hallway was littered with family photos. Camping trips mostly, the kind where idealistic families put aside their bullshit for that perfect smile. Unless they had teenagers, who rebelled half the time and scowled. "So, what's got you feeling like shit?" The rabbit asked when they reached the living room and settled down.

"Tabitha didn't tell you?" That sounded more sarcastic than she liked. "Sorry. It's been a weekend."

"She said it'd be best to let you say it." Allison crossed her legs, still hidden underneath her light green dress. "But the fact you're asking me of all people is a doozy. You're the responsible one of the group."

"So I've been told." Being the leader of the gang for so long had that effect. "But I figured you'd know how to better deal with...with what I'm feeling. You know, because of your..."

The rabbit leaned closer with a soft but wide smile across her face. "Spit it out, Helga. Unless you want me to force it out." Helga knew she was kidding, but the laugh was sinister enough to make her think otherwise.

She sighed, "Do you ever feel guilty after you do what you do to someone?" Helga asked, "Like...I've seen you play with people. I've seen you make people bleed and lick their wounds like you're a vampire."

"Would not recommend it. Had too many health scares from that," The rabbit said.

"I could have told you that. It's amazing you didn't catch anything from those junkies." Helga remembered the twitchy polar bear as clear as day. His neck fur matted red with all those tiny nicks. It frightened her to death when she saw it, figuring that Allison just made her an accomplice to murder. Then he started talking like a chipper moron. Helga brushed it aside. "But do you ever feel like you went too far? I mean, you don't go far with Jack, right?"

The coy smile across Allison's face dropped. The rabbit reclined back against the couch and stared off into space. Helga saw her friend's hand part her fingers as if to hold a cigarette. Old habits die hard. "Before I met Jack, I didn't really give a shit about other people when getting my rocks off. We were just gonna be gone within a day or so, what was the point about worrying if I'd scare 'em off? But Jack was...different."

"You hated him at first." Helga remembered the scowl Allison had whenever they crossed paths with the other rabbit. Back when Allison never dropped her smile. "I swore you'd end up killing him."

"I didn't know what to think of him." She said, "First time I met him, we fooled around and I figured I'd never see him again. Then we crossed paths three more times. I swear he was following me, and maybe he was, or maybe I was following him. I did nudge us to a few places on the road."

"What's that got to do with this?" Helga asked. She didn't mind a trip down memory lane, but this wasn't the occasion for it.

The rabbit rolled her eyes and shouted out, "Jack! You busy?"

"What?" He shouted back.

"I said, are you busy?!"

"I'm doing computer stuff!"

"Well take a break and git on down here!"

"Can it wait?"

"I said git!" Allison commanded. She kicked her feet out to the spare chair near the couch.

Jack's stomach didn't so much flop as he walked but waded. Helga had known the chocolate rabbit for years, and compared to his time on the road, he seemed to enjoy the 'dad bod' more than the abs. Confusion crossed his face when he entered and grew more prominent when he saw Helga. "Oh, hey Helga. You girls going out or something?"

Allison tapped her feet against the spare chair, "She's here for advice, sweetie. Now sit, I need your perspective."

"Yes, Ma'am." He plopped right down into the lazyboy and took his wife's feet into his lap, "What's this about?"

"What's the worst thing I've done to you?" Allison asked.

"You stole my wallet in Houston." Jack said without hesitation, "I was one punch away from free ice cream."

She laughed and shook her head, "No, no. Not that. I meant in bed." She nudged her feet against his crotch, "What's the scariest, most extreme thing I've done in bed to you? Or you can just make a list. Don't really matter much to me."

"Oh." Jack nodded and leaned back, hands busy massaging his wife's feet. "Hmm...well there was that time you decided to shock the sounding rod. There's that one whipping session where I couldn't get hard without stretching out the cuts, so I had to wear chastity for a week to heal. Then there was when you picked up kickboxing."

Helga's fingers fidgeted with every act described. He knew Allison went hard, but how her husband acted so casually about it just felt wrong. She couldn't imagine doing anything like that to her girls, even if they asked for it. The fact that they had three kids despite all the trauma Jack's balls took spoke enough of rabbit genetics.

Allison held her hand up, "And what did we do after those?" She asked, "Helga wants to know."

"Well, after untying me, we cuddled." He leaned in, "Felt like hours. I asked if you wanted anything to drink, and then ran a bath for you. Just like we do every time you think you went too hard."

Helga blinked. He did the aftercare? She looked to her friend with beaming eyes and tried to restrain herself from smacking the woman. She should know better than to have her sub do aftercare, especially after everything they did. Allison didn't respond with fear, but confidence. "We've been doing this for years, Helga. We have three kids, we found our techniques, and we know that drop doesn't just affect subs."

The pig said nothing. Her gaze warranted the explanation that Allison happily gave. "See, the more I met Jack on the road, the more I got afraid. Not of him, god no, Jack was such a sweetie pie that he wouldn't hurt a fly."

"Was?" The rabbit intervened.

"Yes, was." She winked, "I see how you enjoy holding the paddle when we bring a third." She turned back to Helga. "I was afraid of me. See, I fell for the big lug, and for the first time since I hit the road, I was worried about hurting someone in the bedroom. Our play grew less and less intense, and I felt more like a monster each time. I thought 'Did I hit him too hard? Is he going to hate me for this? Is he afraid of me?' and other such little nitpicks. I did everything I thought to do back then. I tried aftercare, I tried avoiding him when I really just wanted him near me. Hell, I even tried scaring him off for his own good."

"She pulled a knife."

She pointed back, "I pulled a knife! I was psychotic. Then came Kentucky."

"Hated Kentucky." Jack said. Helga silently agreed. Beautiful state. Too many crosses along the highway.

"I broke down in Paducah. See, he asked me if I hated him one night. All my fears swelled and I just cried, cause I didn't hate him. I was afraid of losing him. He wrapped me up in his arms and told me it was ok, and well, I felt ok. I told him why I'd been acting like I did, and I was thankful for the space he did give when asked, but I wanted him closer. I just didn't want to hurt him too much."

"Then I told her I enjoyed it." Jack said. Allison scowled, but he kept talking with a shit-eating grin. "I loved how creative she could get, and was worried I was boring her with every encounter. I think we settled this in the woods that night, I couldn't walk straight for days."

Helga did remember a mood shift with Allison when they were in Kentucky. A literal night and day. "So...you all just talked?"

"We talked, we listened, and I learned that dom drop is a thing." Allison laid back against the pig's legs and looked up to her. "Didn't think of it before 'cause I didn't give a shit about my partners. If I remember right, Amy's your longest relationship so far, right?"

Not exactly, but Helga nodded all the same. "And you've never had to balance with a second playmate either, not seriously anyway." Again, Helga nodded. "So, it makes sense that you've never experienced it. Most girls were just you getting your rocks off. With those two, you just care so damn much. And if there's anything you are, it's a caretaker."

Her chest felt blunt force trauma from the realization. She'd never taken it too far on anyone she cared for. Amy, Rebecca, they were her personal lights that she didn't want to smother. She'd snuff out her own fire to preserve theirs. Except she didn't need to do that, there was plenty of oxygen. Plenty of time to talk.

But that was running out. Helga got up, almost knocking Allison to the floor but the rabbit caught herself. "I-I gotta make a phonecall."

Her phone buzzed the moment she grabbed it.

***

Neither Amy nor Rebecca looked well. The vole's eyes were red, and the pitbull clutched her arm as if she'd fall apart the moment she let go. The two girls sat at opposite ends of the only couch Jewel had, leaving Alex to take the spare bean bag chair next to Jewel. The badger stayed on her desk chair, wishing she could sink into it as her visitors stared guilty daggers toward one another.

"You don't look sick." Alex broke the ice with the weight of a sledgehammer. Years of being a toxic woman's figurative and literal slave did not do well for her social tact.

Guilt crossed Rebecca's muzzle. She looked away to hide it, "I haven't been feeling up to it." She crossed her legs and tried to dig herself deeper in between the cracks in the couch corner, "Just...just a lot on my mind."

"It was my turn to do dishes." Amy mumbled aloud. Everyone turned to her for an explanation. Everyone, save Rebecca who sighed and rested her forehead against her hand. "What? It was my turn to do them." The vole grasped at her neck as if she had pearls to pull. "But the moment I walk into the kitchen, she's already stacked them and moved onto the vacuum. As if I'm not supposed to do anything."

"It's not like that," Rebecca said.

"So what's it supposed to be like?" Amy snapped, "Am I just that lazy that you need to do everything?"

"Well it wouldn't be the first time you skimped out on chores." Rebecca growled low.

"Oh, so it is like that." Amy argued.

Jewel blinked as she processed what was happening. Alex, again, brought her sledgehammer to the conversation, "Did you both really come here to argue about chores?" The wolf asked, tilting her head. "If you hadn't noticed by the great pyramid of cans, my girlfriend isn't the best person for advice on the subject."

Jewel sighed and made a note to deal with the cans when her friends left. Right now, they wanted something. Neither were willing to look at the other, but the badger saw doubt across their faces. Amy, since they were kids, had trouble expressing her feelings. "Amy, I can't promise I can help, but I'm willing to listen." She scooted her chair over the rug, close enough to rest her hand on top of her friend's. Amy didn't look at her right away. Her indigo eyes swerved around the room until she took a deep breath and exhaled.

"Helga's been distant." The vole's shoulder's dropped the moment she said it. "Ever since she nearly crashed...no, before that. Ever since she said her safeword, she's been keeping me at arms length. She's even choosing the couch over me." Tears swelled. She sniffed and struggled to speak. "Did...did I do something to upset her? Did I not try hard enough? She won't even look at me."

"It's not your fault," Rebecca said from the curled-up ball she'd become. "I'm the one getting in the way. The weekend trip should have just been both of you. It's better if I stayed and-"

"Don't fucking say that!" Amy shouted. Rebecca stared wide at the crying vole. "Stop acting like you're some fucking third wheel."

"So what am I supposed to do?" Rebecca growled back. "You're closer to Helga than me."

"Oh please, as if you both don't have your own thing." Amethyst sneered, "You both are out every morning, you both have a workout routine, and it's not like you've been hiding your study sessions."

"I barely passed highschool. She's helping me get into college." Rebecca said, "But we both know how she looks when she sees you. Her eyes light up."

"As if hers don't when she sees you? Not that it matters." Amy slumped against the couch, "She won't look at me anymore."

Jewel had listened to every word and did not know where to start unpacking. "Safeword?" Alex chimed in. "Helga had a safeword?"

The three of them nodded to the wolf. "Banana." Jewel said, as if that'd explain anything.

"And she used it?" Alex asked. Again, they all nodded. "Did you guys help her with drop?" Their vacant stares had Alex shake her head. "Oh my god, how do you three not know this?" She pointed two fingers to Amy and Rebecca, "You two are literally in the lifestyle, and you," a third at Jewel, "You research this stuff like, every day for your paper." The air quotes had Jewel blushing.

"Why would she drop?" Rebecca asked, "It's called subdrop, right?"

"Sub's aren't the only people that can experience drop." The wolf hugged herself and Jewel rolled over to comfort her. "When I was...with Phyllis, she would have me do things for her after she had her 'fun' with me. Things like running her a bath or giving her a massage. The former of which I preferred because I could get away from her for a few minutes. Though she liked having me watch if she didn't need something cleaned."

Jewel hugged her girlfriend tighter. The wolf was shaking with the memory. That bitch who hurt her was still out there, probably enjoying life without a care for the damage she caused. The best the badger could do was help the wolf move on, even as this hurt her.

"She'd...she'd call it aftercare. Phyllis liked to joke that she used to feel a drop after an intense session and that if it wasn't addressed, she might not be able to provide for me anymore." Alex grabbed Jewel's hand and squeezed, her breaths strained. "At the time, I thought it was just bullshit. Another fear tactic to keep me loyal. But maybe...maybe there was some truth to it?" She shifted her gaze to Rebecca and Amethyst. Both were leaning in, Amy gnawing at her mouth and Rebecca's ears furled. "Helga clearly cares for you both. If she used a safeword, it must have been too much for her. 'Cause that's what it's fucking for."

Both girls sat in silence. Then Amy broke it with a resounding, "Fuck!" She clasped her asymmetrical headfur and hunched over, "I'm such a fucking idiot!"

"You're not-"

She didn't let Rebecca finish. "The bags in her eyes, how frustrated she was, the way she pulled me aside to talk about my limits. How could I think she was looking down on me? Some valedictorian you are, Amy. Stupid, stupid!"

"So...is it my fault?" Rebecca pushed her question out, "I mean, I was the one who asked if we could do something like this. It was a stupid idea, I should have kept it a fantasy."

"I gotta call her." Amy shot up and pulled her phone from her purse, "I need to call her. Fuck, fuck, I can't believe we didn't help her. Fuck!" The vole held her phone to her ear and paced around as it rang.

Jewel kept her girlfriend close as she watched. The wolf pulled her in and didn't let go.