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Poképhilia Story

Love had No Bounds

The Pain of Another Year - Chapter 1

By J.C. Solis

"Are you okay?" asked the voice over and over again. "Are you okay?" The question was repeated over and over again. "Are you okay?" It seemed to be on a loop that did not know when to stop, and the anguish that it caused grew ever more painful for the young man to have to bear. Even with his face head-down on his pillow, his earbuds on listening to loud music, and with his pokémon partner by his side and doing all she could to console him, poor Justin was positively out control of his senses. He didn't know how to keep his mind from fraying even further.

"Master, please stay strong," said Lillia in her telepathic voice. "Please... know that I'm with you and want to help you."

Justin lifted up his head from his pillow, removing other earbud that was on Lillia's side, and looked at her with bloodshot eyes. The face of a man who was undergoing tremendous anguish looked back at her. His mind wasn't in an agreeable state. His thoughts were too cloudy to form any words, even as he opened his mouth to try and say something, anything, to sway the worry and fear that his pokémon partner was feeling. She deserved to have a response, especially after everything she'd gone through just to keep the poor man sane.

"I'm... sorry... Lillia," Justin was finally able to utter. "I... don't know what came over me. I just... feel so... tired... so tired."

Justin lay his head down on his pillow again, returning to his state as Lillia hugged him tightly. Her warm body provided perhaps a little bit of comfort for him, knowing that someone warm and loving was right by his side. Even if she could not prevent the psychosis that he was feeling, even if she couldn't completely take away all of his hurts, she would be sure to not leave him alone no matter what.

The door to Justin's room slowly opened, and in stepped Mother Mary. The poor woman was within her own throes of worry at knowing that her son was in this sorry state. She didn't want her son to suffer so much - as no parent would want. But at the same time she couldn't bear to feel how powerless she was at having no power to aid her son. All she could do was approach him and place a hand on his shoulder, being another person who could offer him comfort.

"Are you okay, Justin?" asked Mary softly.

"I guess," replied Justin weakly - though of course that was a lie.

"I'm sorry, Miss Mary, I'm doing all I can to help him," admitted Lillia. "Justin is just in a terrible state. Even his medicine isn't doing much to calm him down."

"I know, Lillia. Thank you for being at my son's side."

It was then that another familiar figure stepped into the room, one who was wearing a suit and carried around an aura of importance and authority - though in this case, he made himself be as soft and caring as he could in order to not antagonize his son's feelings.

"How is Justin doing, Mary?" asked Pastor Solis as he looked with worry at his son. "Is he feeling any better? He hasn't left his room all day."

"Not really, honey," replied Mary. "He's still in his state. I just wish there was more we could do to help him."

To this, Pastor Solis walked forward and placed a hand on his son's shoulder. Though his face displayed a radiant smile and a face that was amicable, in reality he knew this was a façade to what his true feelings were. He remembered the pain that his son went through during the past years, and he did his best as any good parent would to ease his son's suffering and offer him his support.

In reality, the state that Justin was currently in was a result of several weeks in a downward spiral. His psychosis was at an all time high, hearing voices and even seeing things like red eyes in photos or portraits of people. And what was worse was that he was slowly becoming unable to distinguish between what was real and what was all a production his insanity. The symptoms grew so bad that he even had to stop going to work, officially quitting barely a week ago. Though his coworkers were sad to see him for with Jason being especially sore that his food friend and buddy was leaving, he also knew that there was a good reason for it. In the end he was not about to let his good friend suffer just so that he could have someone to chat with while at work.

It was a curious thing for Justin to suddenly go down a downward spiral. It happened so quickly, with the man himself mentioning that his faculties have been diminishing over the period of a couple months. Slowly but steadily he began to lose his control. Normally patient and calm, the man started turning impatient and aggressive, though thankfully he was still able to control himself from turning violent and cantankerous. It was still hard for the rest of his family, however, to look at him and way he had become - something which was not him previously.

Even Cousin Sarah was surprised at what had become of Justin, with her wondering what had become of her normally calm and collected older relative. Though she felt like she wanted to do something for him, she knew there was little she could offer besides her support and her sympathies. All the while, Virgil the Zoroark gave his support to Lillia, hoping that she maintained her vigil on looking after her master. In reality, there wasn't much that the family could do for the young man except keep him company and make sure that he takes his medicine.

But on this Saturday evening, Justin was sitting within the house living room. This was the new house that his family bought after the old one had been torched by Team Shroud. Though the family lost many valuables and heirlooms, Pastor Solis was more than grateful that nobody was hurt from the ordeal. Though their new home was slightly smaller and less luxurious than their old home, he was more than content with what he had and considered it more than enough - remembering simpler times in his life where he lived with little. And Mother Mary was just as content as him to at least have the safety of her family in paramount.

The family ordered pizza, which was taking a bit of time in arriving. At the house we're Sarah and Jason, both having brought their pokémon with them to enjoy the ambiance. The family and friends were going to enjoy a movie from a large flat screen TV on the wall, perhaps an old-timey western movie from the Pastor's time. It was a modern classic of Daegar cinema, and it was something that Justin had previously suggested that he and his family watch on a movie night. All the while, the family, friends, and pokémon were helping themselves to slices of pepperoni and hot wings that were ordered alongside the pies, with everyone helping themselves to the food as they also washed it down with a soda. Though Jason would have preferred a beer, Pastor Solis prohibited beer this one time for Justin's sake, not keen on allowing his son drink alcohol when he was already pretty upset - and not wanting him to feel left out of his friends helping themselves to brew while he was left in prohibition.

But even though he was with those who cared for him. Justin just could not bring himself out of his funk. He looked at the TV, showing a cowboy sheriff going through shootouts and duels against outlaws of the old west while also using pokémon to do battle against other ruffians was all a scene that could get the average person engrossed and hooked on the movie's action, story, and settings. But he just looked blankly at the screen, taking slow bites out of the slice of pizza that was on his foam plate and doing his best to enjoy the show.

Soon the ending to the movie arrived, and the credits were rolling as the main entrance road off into the sunset with his partner pokémon after having defeated the bad guys. The family and friends were cheering and exclaiming their elation after witnessing what movie critics have been dubbing a masterpiece for decades. And yet Justin looked as stone faced as ever, seemingly unmoved by the ending that he saw. The man just sat at his seat, stoic and expressionless. Mother Mary noted this about her son, and son she turned to him and tried to get his opinion on the movie.

"How'd you like the movie?" asked Mary.

Justin just grunted, shrugging his shoulders.

"Aw, come on, son, you got to be more excited than that," added in Pastor Solis. "This movie was one that folks went crazy for when it came out in my time. It's a masterpiece."

"It's okay," Justin finally said. "It was good. I just don't have much of an opinion on it."

Sarah and Jason looked at each other, as did Camila, Lillia and Virgil. The friends wondered what was going on inside of their friend's head, the man just looking down at the ground with the same dejected face that didn't seem to change. It was almost as if all the joy was sucked out of him.

On hindsight, Justin was never the merriest person in the world. He often had a serious and rather stoic gait about him, and with how he dressed this only grew to make him look further intimidating. With a thin beard, broad shoulders, thick arms, and with a big torso, he wouldn't look out of place as being a tough guy. Though he had a gut and overall had an obese frame, one could not deny that he was as much strength as he was girth. But one thing that countered the intimidating looking man was his demeanor. In reality, he was a gentle giant, one who'd be more likely to turn the other cheek when hit or made fun of rather than give that person his attention. Though he had the capability of being a brute and a bully, the truth was that he was much more a lover than a fighter.

But now that Justin was in this funk, it seemed as though what little positivity that remained from him had vanished. And the saddest part of all was how suddenly this all occurred. It wasn't an overnight transformation, but it certainly caught many people off guard - including his parents. And as the days went on by, his mood only continued to worsen as his stoicism lead to what appeared to be depression. The thing was that what was going on inside his head was more than just a deep sorrow. Rather, his thoughts were intertwined with a loss of control. His face was blank and vacant, but when his condition would flare up his mind was in a flurry that he could not keep down.

Now, the man was unmoving though solemn. His heart was unsteady, and his thoughts were convoluted. He was in a state of depression, and he could not pick himself up. But at the same time he didn't wish for others to worry about him. He was not about to let his friends and family have a bad time together because of him. And he didn't want others to worry when he was in this state.

All poor Justin could do was stand up from his seat on the sofa. His face was gaunt and somber, the look of a man who was currently in anguish. And as friends and family and pokémon looked back at him they could only imagine the thoughts that the man was having. The mess within his mind was something that only someone with the condition could truly understand. Only Lillia could sense the pain her master was undergoing through use of her psychic powers. Her chest horn could sense his heart and mind, and she knew that her master was in need. She hated to see him in this state. And on looking at him stand up from his seat, looking at everyone with a face so distraught, she knew full well his pain.

"Is something wrong, son?" asked Pastor Solis, though he had an idea of what was happening.

"Nothing, Dad," replied the young man. "I just... I just... need some air."

"Want me to join you, pal?" asked Jason with hope of keeping his friend company.

But Justin thought otherwise.

"No, Jason. I just want to be alone."

But Lillia would not stand for it.

"At least let me accompany you, Master," the Gardevoir interjected. "I can tell that you're in pain. At least just let me help you. All of us here want to see you well."

Justin stopped midway from his walk and turned around to face the people behind him. His eyes were watery and his face was finally crumbling from emotions.

"Just... just..." The tears couldn't be held back anymore. "I'm sorry, everyone."

It was after saying that Justin couldn't hold himself up any longer. His knees buckled under his weight as his body collapsed into shambles onto the ground. Everyone erupted into commotion as they rushed to the man who just fell down in a nervous wreck. The tears that were damned behind his eyes gushed forth as his breathing became ragged and his wails were heard by all. There seemed to be mom consoling the man as he cried out in tears and yells alike, his mind coming apart at the seems as he gripped his chest from how tight it was becoming.

All of this was while the people and pokémon around him rushed to his aid. Jason was getting close to calling the paramedics to take him to the hospital, but Pastor Solis stopped him, telling that this was just an episode and that it would soon pass. In the meanwhile, Lillia rushed to her master as she put her hands on his temples, using Heal Pulse to calm him down and allow for his mind to wain from the shrill feeling of despair he was going through. But Justin would need much more than a soothing Pokémon move to calm down, and he would need the help of everyone present to return to a more calm and relaxed state.

But after some time, Justin's breathing began to slow as his cries also died down. Yet his misery was not yet over as his mind was still in duress. It would take a while longer for him to fully recover, and even more to resolve the many issues going on with his life. He would recover slowly, and with the aid of family and friends.

This was meant to be a happy time for the family, with Justin's birthday no more than a week away. The pastor even had plans of taking his son out to eat at his favorite restaurant in downtown Lakeshire Town - a place that served delicious Japanese food and sushi. And yet the young man could not psyche himself up to eat his favorite meals and make the most of the special day. Even before he fell ill he was often pretty neutral about his birthday, feeling as being another day in the year. His family was usually the one to take him to these places, of treating him to all the food he could possibly enjoy. And for sure Justin had no objections to eating such delicious food and going out to all these fancy places - even if he said he didn't want to.

For now, the family could only do their best to comfort him and make sure he was ready to celebrate his big day. But as Justin slowly lifted himself off from the floor, his face gave the whole depiction of his woe. His eyes were bloodshot, and his looked as though he might cry again. He was in a sorry state, and everyone was sore to see him hurt like this. The one who was most hurt of all, though, was Lillia, who had seen his downward spiral take fold all these previous days. And she didn't like to see her master get into a state where he couldn't control himself. She loved him dearly, and even made love to him on several occasions. The sight of seeing her master in such a state brought her nothing but sorrow, seeing how much he was suffering and had suffered.

The man got up from the floor and looked at everyone's worried faces, giving somewhat of a stoic smile.

"I'm sorry, everyone," he said in a somber tone. "I guess... I'm not as strong as I think I am."

Pastor Solis stood forward. "Son. This is why we are here for you. If you can't stand up, then we will help you stand."

"Big Cousin, you know you can count on me and Virgil to help you," added I Sarah.

"Bro, me and Camilla got your back. No sweat!" declared Jason.

"That we do," followed Camilla. "Dumb-dumb and I are here for you, Justin."

"As are myself and My Flower," said Virgil finally.

The family and friends all looked at Justin, making him the center of attention. All the man could do was look on with stoicism, with barely the tiniest hint of a smile forming across his face. It was good to have friends and family nearby to offer comfort and support. And there was no need to feel like he was alone - because obviously he wasn't alone. He had never been alone, and even if his mind worked against him he had all of these people and pokémon to rely on and help him.

But the pain that had plagued him would not end after the release from just one anxiety attack. Though he had built mental stamina and resistance to attacks after many years of having them, his dissociation didn't curb off. Even now, as he was recovering from his episode, he could feel his mind start to float around, almost like he was in a haze. His thoughts were flying off as his consciousness felt to be inside of a state of limbo and cloudiness. It was a feeling that was constant and unchanging, almost as though he was unable to captivate his own reality.

It was then that footsteps were heard behind him. Justin turned around and say the Handy Helpers come forward with a pill bottle, a bottle of water, and a jar of candies. The Riolu, Duskull, and Sylveon were carrying the respective items and handed them to Justin for him to consume.

"Hope this helps, Mister Justin," said Jax the Riolu as he handed the pills.

"Be sure to allow your pains to rest in peace," added Spooks the Duskull.

"And enjoy a good treat after all is said and done," said Sylvia the Sylveon finally.

Justin nodded his head at the Handy Helpers as he grabbed a pill from the container and took a swig of water to wash it away. And with that done, got a piece of mint lozenge, which was his favorite candy. The task done, he thanked the little pokémon and turned around to walk towards the others. Sitting down to rest his mind, he wondered what else he and everyone else could do now that his birthday was coming. He needed time to feel better in order to better spend it with a more carefree and amicable demeanor, not be some stick in the mid like he was now.

Whatever happened, he hoped to spend his birthday with whatever joy he could muster. As Lillia sat next to him and his parents put on another classical movie for them to watch, there was hope that he could enjoy this time with those who cared for him.

But the repercussions of mental illness would not go away so easily. He was still in no condition to return to work, and he had regressed to a state that didn't allow him the ability to be alone. Not to mention the paranoia that came from the recent attack on his family still haunted him, the fear paralyzing him and keeping him locked inside his house and away from anything that looked suspicious. Though Lillia would be there to keep him safe from those who meant ill, he could not forgo this paranoia as he often spent his time looking out the window and with fear in him eyes.

And so, there was hope but there was also terror. The next anxiety attack could happen real soon, and Justin would be powerless to stop it. There was only the hope that the future would bring better tidings and that no evildoers would come after him and his family again. But with his birthday on the horizon, who knew what the future would bring. And as he bit into another slice of pizza and hoped to Arceus that nothing would come of this, the fear of something happening was ever present.

There was only one thing that anyone could do, and that was wait and see what the future would bear. There were many days if tension, paranoia, hallucinations, and dissociation to come. And Justin would have to bear them all as they came crashing against the faculties of his mind.

And those would be feelings that were hell unto themselves...