Tik Tik's Taxing Adventure 1
#124 of Tik Tik's Tower
Tik Tik gets a visit from a mysterious woman on mysterious business.
This is an entry into my holiday series. What started out as a simple story got really weird because I got covid halfway through writing it. Enjoy this fever dream!
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It is a gray, rainy day in spring. In the confines of Tik Tik's Tower, the kobold wizard is deep in study over a collection of tomes she had recently acquired. Her pen furiously scratches along the page of a new manuscript detailing herbalistic remedies and aphrodisiacs when green slime emerges from the cracks of her floor.
Eshere congeals and reveals herself, placing hands upon the desk and leaning in over her mistress's works. "Miss Tik," the slime girl says. "You have a visitor."
"Do they have an appointment?" The wizard asks, keeping her head low, her finger running over the page of a particularly steamy paragraph.
"No, but she insists that you allow her in, as she cannot enter otherwise."
Tik Tik lifts her head, quirking a brow ridge. "Hm... curious. Let me see..." she puts her pen into its inkwell and fetches her cloak. She pushes her chair back, and the floor behind her falls into a spiraling ramp. The kobold spins as she goes flight after flight, eventually rolling along the smooth stone floor of the front entryway.
Cynwrig, her guardian beetle, stands in front of the doorway, his four arms crossed over his chest. "Don't worry. I'll protect you!"
"No need, no need." Tik Tik says in the language common to most speakers. "Not many boldly approach a wizard's tower." She says, stepping up to the large stone entryway. She claps her hands together, closing her eyes in concentration. When she opens them, they glow with magical might.
The stone doors spring apart, grinding against the ground as they slide into the wall, revealing the landscape beyond.
On this rainy, cloudy afternoon, a figure cloaked in a hooded traveler's cloak, white fur, and a pink nose underneath is holding a black umbrella that shades her.
"BNUUUY!" Tik Tik squeals, clapping her hands on her cheeks. "Welcome, welcome!"
The cloaked rabbit girl looked from under her hood, her red eyes practically glowing. "I come to see Tik Tik," she says in a nearly monotone voice in the dragon's tongue. "You are she?"
Tik Tik tilts her head but smiles, nodding. "Yep, yep. I'm Tik Tik, kobold wizard extraordinaire! What brings you here, miss?"
"I have some business with you," the rabbit says, still in that flat voice. "May I come in?"
"Oh, of course, of course! Get out of the rain, let Cynwrig take your coat. Eshere, get us some coffee. Are you here to commission me for some magical work?"
The rabbit steps a fuzzy paw into the threshold, letting out a breath, the first she had let during the entire conversation. She folds her umbrella and removes her cloak, revealing that underneath, the white-furred creature wears a well-pressed suit tailored perfectly to her body. Her ears are pinned back with a hair clip and made to be a ponytail. Under one arm, she carries a file bag.
"My, don't you look sharp." Tik Tik says.
The rabbit says nothing.
Tik Tik licks her lips, her eyes darting back and forth.
"So, how about coffee?" she asks, her tail swishing back and forth in quick, jerky movements.
"No, thank you," says the rabbit, looking down at Tik Tik. As she speaks, the sharpness of her teeth becomes apparent.
"Ah?"
"I'm Miss Harrison, and I'm here on some critical business," the rabbit responds, placing a paw inside her bag.
"Oh, yes?" Tik Tik asks, finally happy to see Eshere returning with a cup of the good stuff. The kobold sips it, her hand jittering.
The rabbit hands Tik Tik a piece of paper. Cynwrig watches her with his fists clenching, cracking his knuckles.
Tik Tik reads through the paper with great haste, speeding up as each line passes. She then pauses when she reaches the end and looks at the rabbit.
Miss Harrison stands tall and alert, watching Tik Tik with an inscrutable gaze.
"Uh..." Tik Tik begins to say, then she scratches her chin, looking at Eshere and then at Cynwrig. "I don't understand."
"It's all there in the paper," Miss Harrison offers. "Written in the dragon's speech, which should provide the most specific and clear directions."
"Should I throw her out, miss?" Cynwrig asks, stomping his foot.
Tik Tik holds out her hand, shaking her head. "No, no, that not necessary. Tik Tik just no know what call this word. Never see it and never know in common tongue."
Eshere scoots up behind Tik Tik, leaning in and reading over the note. Miss Harrison keeps her calm and silent demeanor the entire time.
Eshere frowns, looking at the rabbit and then looking to Tik Tik.
"Uh, I think I know what this is," says the slime girl. "Boss, you really don't?"
Tik Tik blinks, tilting her head, chirping with a curious and almost innocent excitement.
The rabbit's eyes glow a brighter red, and she parts her lips; when she does, she reveals the sharp incisors in her ghastly smile. "Tik Tik the Kobold Wizard, I am here on behalf of the Treasury of Blogondia to tell you you are being audited."
"That sounds bad," Tik Tik says, leaning towards Eshere. "What does it mean?"
Eshere grabs her boss, shaking her by the shoulders. "Please, Miss Tik, tell me you've been doing your taxes!"
Tik Tik blinks, frowns, and finally, she replies, "what are taxes?"