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[Anomaly was discovered posted on a number of popular video hosting services used by 'Scary Harry', presumed to be the subject located on XX/X/XXXX. The recording was purged approximately 27 hours after being uploaded after being viewed XXXX times. Research is ongoing as to the danger posed by media that references the anomaly; some anomalous effect is presumably still present.]

[Recording begins with subject facing camera. Subject is a heavyset bearded man in his late 40s in a small room filled with various pieces of movie memorabilia.]

Welcome back friends to Scary Harry's Horror Movie Reviews! If this is your first time, make sure to like and subscribe if you like this video. Want to hear about horror movie history, the most obscure horror films ever made or get in-depth analysis of the horror movie greats? You're in the right place!

[Scary Harry's promotions for sponsored products and services omitted from this recording.]

Okay horror movie aficionados, have I got a treat for you. Produced in 1988 by someone called 'Emerald Tree Boa' studios, 'The Snakening' is possibly the weirdest, most disgusting, most awful movie I have ever seen. I know, I say that every time, right? But this thing is in a class of it's own. The acting and production values are surprisingly good but... where to even begin? The mixed-up and insane structure and content of the scenes? The litany of bizarre logical and continuity errors? No, I definitely have to begin with the fact that this movie has some of the most realistic, gross, disturbing visual effects ever put on film.

It's no wonder why this thing was never released on the big screen because not only is it rated XXX but GOOD LORD is the adult content FUCKING WEIRD and SUPER EXPLICIT. Like, I can't believe ANYONE would make a movie like this. 'The Snakening' has more body horror than 'The Thing', more mindfuckery than 'In the Mouth of Madness' and more snake dicks than... *record scratch*

Wait, did I just say 'snake dicks'? Oh yeah. Keep watching.

I'd never heard of the production company before and a week of internet sleuthing turned up nothing, nada, zilch about them or their history. None of my fellow horror movie geeks knew anything, none of my industry sources; it just appeared in my mailbox one day with a return address located in the fucking Amazon rain forest! Clearly one of you Scary Harry fans out there has a sick sense of humor!

The start of the movie is a montage set to 'Monday, Monday' (Side note: uncredited in the credits! The only thing this movie violates more than your senses is copyright law!) where our 'protagonist' Brenny Dickerson is introduced. (Side note: every character in this movie has a really weird name!). Brenny is your typical slacker-loser college student; we're greeted to a scene of him falling asleep in his biology class interspersed with the events of the previous night where Brenny is seen smoking cigarettes and drinking at a bar, hitting on girls and playing pool. A nice bit of foreshadowing shows him playing an arcade version of 'Snaker' at the bar (it seems a lot like the 1982 arcade game 'Nibbler' but the snake depicted on the title screen and in the game is a vicious green python with a fanged maw and not the red cartoony version in the real 'Nibbler'.

As ole' Brenny boy sleeps his way through the lecture we catch bits and pieces of the professor's talking, though we don't see him initially. Instead, a droning, incredibly boring voice is our first introduction to the sort-of villain of the movie, Dr. Sivert Herpatropolis. I say sort-of villain because while his mad science type experiments end up being the crux of the horror he isn't exactly a ranting-and-plotting type of evil movie scientist. He's more of an absent-minded professor who can't seem to communicate in anything other than extremely long digressions. There's a running gag in the movie where the mad doctor is explaining something to another character but right before he gets around to an important point the other person has lost interest in the conversation or cut him off.

Anyway Brenny is sound asleep as the professor addresses him with a question about reptile biology, prompting a burst of laughter from the rest of the class as he replies with a snore. Herpatropolis tries to wake him with some polite coughing, which doesn't work. But then someone throws a textbook at him, which does.

Par for the course for an 80s college movie so far, right? But things start to go off-kilter at this point. The movie goes straight back to the lecture... for like, 15 straight minutes. No camera cuts. No jokes. No talking from anyone other than Dr. Herpatropolis. Fifteen fucking minutes about egg formation in non-viviparous snakes.

No, movie fans, I'm not exaggerating. The first major scene of the movie is fifteen minutes of the middle of a lecture on snake reproduction. I had literally no idea something related to sex could be so boring. Brenny falls asleep again and I almost did, too. The scene was the kind of of oppressive, hypnotic boring that almost seems designed to get you to turn the movie off and go do something, ANYTHING else.

I admit, even *I* was tempted to abandon the review at that point. But I soldiered on with the help of a red bull for you, movie fans. But forgive me if my recollection of the next few bits is kind of hazy. Brenny discovers he's going to fail the class if he doesn't ace the upcoming midterm, so he and his roommates decided to break into professor Herpatropolis' office to steal a copy of the test.

Side note: as they plan their heist we see the three of them seem to live in some kind of GIGANTIC ancient old-timey mansion that looks like a re-purposed set from a haunted house movie. The only semi-modern appliances in the whole place are a microwave and a black and white television.

Brenny's roommates are Jalopy Jackson, a greasy stoner with a huge mustache and Souritha Silverstein, a stone-faced goth chick who wears a black trenchcoat.

Yes. Those are their actual names.

So they spend a while talking back and forth about how much they hate going to college and hate needing to find work afterwards, none of them having any objection to the heist plan aside from fear of getting caught. Brenny just wants to drink and bang girls, Jalopy wants to get high and Souritha wants to form a coven of witches to terrorize the community. Stellar people these are.

Our three intrepid slackers get in to the biology building by bribing a janitor with a bottle of 'Captain Ahab' spiced rum and make their way up to Herpatropolis' office. For some reason they are dressed like movie ninjas in full black outfits. What college student doesn't have a full ninja outfit in their closet? Like with the haunted house set they live in, it really contributes to the feeling that the production company was a bunch of space aliens who didn't understand that movies come in different genres. Also the building they are breaking in to? Guarded like a central bank depository. What college in the history of the world has armed guard patrols with dobermans and CCTV cameras everywhere? And LASER TRIPWIRES?

They break into the professor's third floor office after some surprisingly tense infiltration scenes. Inside is a literal maze of filing cabinets, piled books and papers. It would be impossible to look for the test in all the mess, but in the back of the room is a completely clean desk with a computer on it, and what do you know? Jalopy the stoner is also a master computer hacker. Cue ridiculous 80s hacking scene.!

Jalopy finds the file containing the biology test but there is no printer. Souritha pulls some paper out of one of the stacks to write down the answers, but this starts a massive chain reaction that collapses the teetering stacks like dominoes. And, egads, a bunch of test tubes filled with glowing green goo fall onto Brenny! He wipes the nasty goo off like it's nothing, but the musical sting in the score lets us know something is up.

An alarm goes off, the three thieving slackers make a break for it by RAPPELLING OUT OF THE THIRD STORY WINDOW. (Note: no sign of this equipment on them in any prior scene). The successful thieves run off into the sight hooting and hollering as an AIR RAID SIREN goes off accompanied by the guards shouting at each other IN GERMAN accompanied by the song 'By the Rivers of Babylon'.

Movie fans, I literally could not stop laughing at this point. This film makes Tommy Wiseau look like Stephen Spielberg. But right after this scene is where 'The Snakening' gets... weird.

After a short interlude in which our intrepid trio of slackers are partying it up as they rattle off the answers to the upcoming midterm like slogans they go to sleep and we are treated to a dream scene of a giant freaky pseudo-3D yellow snake trying to push through your screen. Weird, right? It was actually jarring just how disconnected this was from the previous scene.

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So the next day scene opens in Brenny's garbage-strewn bedroom. The camera pans down across Brenny prone in his bed, and we see this big lump under the covers around his ass rising and falling with his snoring. His alarm clock starts blaring, he gives it a solid smack and rolls out of bed, and we see there is a fucking SNAKE growing out of his ASS. Like... right out of where the hole should be. I mean... WHAT.

Both he and the snake freak out, and they start acting like cartoon characters making exaggerated facial expressions. The snake tries to slither away and Brenny tries to run away, they end up smashing together like a rubber band. Then Brenny tries to pull it out of his butt- this is where we are treated to the first of the incredibly realistic and explicit special effects- only to discover that the giant green snake isn't so much growing out of his ass as it is *part* of it.

The snake gets annoyed by Brenny's tugging and wraps himself around Brenny's arms. Brenny is bunny-hopping around the room and screaming at the hissing snake when his roommates burst in to see what is going on. (Side Note: the first of many continuity errors also happens in this scene, where a poster in Brenny's room for 'Star Wars' we saw in previous shots is replaced with a poster for 'Escape from New York')

They all freak out. Another short comedy bit where they are running around the haunted mansion like an episode of 'Scooby Doo' before they all get tired and end up in the living room. They all come to the conclusion that whatever the green goo was that landed on Brenny must be responsible for his strange condition.

AND THEN THERE IS A CLOSE-UP SHOT OF THE SNAKE LOOKING STRAIGHT AT THE CAMERA, SMILING, AND THEN SHAKING HIS HEAD. WTF!?

Brenny wants to go talk to Dr. Herpatropolis and figure out what is going on but Jalopy and Souritha insist on taking the midterm first. Creatively, Souritha sews his pants to his backpack to sneak his ass-snake into the lecture hall. They go to campus to take the midterm in a beat-up VW bus.

No surprise, they ace the test. But immediately afterwards Dr. Herpatroplis calls the three into his office to explain themselves (uhhh... how did he grade the tests that fast?) Hilariously, the meeting takes place with the four of them all standing atop the pile of fallen over filing cabinets, papers and books that is the wreck of Dr. Herp's office (I'm sick of saying the whole thing so I'm shortening it for the rest of the video). Oh, and he says he knew that Jalopy was responsible because of the 'hacker signature' he left on his computer. L-M-A-O. They deny breaking in.

Oh, and at this point Brenny's ass-snake has slithered it's way out of the backpack's zipper. There's a hilarious comedy bit where Dr. Herp asks them to swear they weren't responsible and the camera slowly pans past the three students shaking their head 'no', followed by the snake shaking HIS head 'no'. R-O-F-L. And in-credibly Dr. Herp buys it!

The three are nearly out the door of the professors office when he turns back and asks what he might do if, say, he started growing a snake, for no particular reason. IDLE CURIOSITY! And Dr. Herp replies with a monologue that lasts the better part of five minutes where he just RAMBLES in MONOTONE about the mystical and kabbalistic significance of the serpent in human history and how it's really more of a metaphor than a paranormal phenomenon or the devil incarnate, while Brenny's eyes glaze over and his ass-snake listens intently. LIKE... WHAT. I couldn't follow it and I re-watched the scene like five times. It seems like Dr. Herp is about to summarize things more plainly when Brenny leaves pulling the snake and camera away with him.

Unsure of what to do Brenny and the gang contemplate sawing the snake off his ass, but the snake hears this and gives them sad puppy dog eyes. Brenny gives up getting rid of the snake for now.

Cue montage set to Queen's 'You're My Best Friend' featuring Benny and his snake. Brenny brushing his teeth in the morning, then brushing the snake's fangs with a separate toothbrush. Brenny trying to catch a rat in his haunted house mansion, and the snake darting forward and eating it. Brenny lifting weights in his room, and the snake pulling up a dumbbell in his mouth. The two of them smoking cigarettes and drinking beer together where Brenny has to stop the snake from swallowing the beer can afterwards. Brenny practicing on a pool table (continuity error: there was no pool table in their living room in any previous shot) and the snake wrapped around the cue and shooting it like the spring in a pinball machine. L-M-A-O!

So... weird as fuck and totally disjointed, but not too weird... right? Wrong. Here is where things get FUCKED UP.

So the Queen song is starting to fade and we see Brenny back on campus between classes. His snake is in his backpack and he's at a urinal relieving himself when a jerk of a jock walks in and gets ready to use the urinal beside him. In classic 80s fashion, the jock calls Brenny a faggot for no particular reason and spits onto the floor before unzipping his fly. Brenny gives the jock the lip back and tells him to mind his own business but the snake has other ideas...

So Brenny's ass-snake slithers it's way out of his backpack as the other dude is taking his piss, pulls the guy's jeans most of the way down and then SLOWLY CRAMS HIS SCALY HEAD RIGHT UP INTO THE OTHER DUDES ASS.

LIKE... WHAT.

It's very clearly some kind of totally fucking crazy sexual thing too because we see Brenny panting and moaning all while saying he isn't any kind of homo to the very upset jock. Brenny has some kind of weird 'orgasm' through his snake, except whatever drips out of the other guy's butt is glowing green goo. And, like, a few seconds later we see the guy's pissing penis as the camera slides over it and shows it growing and transforming into a fucking cobra. Fittingly enough, some kind of spitting cobra, not at all bothered by the fact it is STILL PISSING THROUGH ITS MOUTH. WTF.

While Brenny and the jock get into a shouting match over who is more of a homosexual, their snakes start to curl together and exchange fork-tongue licks while making googly-eyes at each other. The argument descends into fisticuffs, but their ability to actually fight is severely hampered by their coiled snakeparts. The jock lands a solid punch on Brenny, but then their respective snakes force their way into their way into their human's mouths and... and like...

Okay, movie fans; I'm gonna admit at this point I actually had to look away because I couldn't watch. There was a lot of gurgling moans hard-core snake-odick-n-dude action and uhhhhh... it was hard to watch. And hear. I went and made popcorn.

When I came back to my TV things had taken yet another turn for the strange. First there was a scene where Souritha and her witch friends were doing some kinda black magic ritual with a Ouija board where it kept spelling out some kind of snake. P-Y-T-H-O-N. V-I-P-E-R. B-O-A. And then... H-E-M-I-P-E-N-I-S. Souritha starts to grow a snake-cock throughout the ritual, and by the time it's over she's straight-up sexually stroking a giant snake that is also a dick while her witch friends are like hypnotically kissing and sucking it. Which is, uh... correct me if I'm wrong but weren't the snake-things supposed to come from that weird goo in Dr. Herp's office? And then all of the sudden Ouija boards can summon them too?

The next scene is just as confused. Jalopy is buying weed from his dealer and purchases a bag of faintly-glowing green marijuana. We see him light up in his room while listening to 'In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida' (side note: whoever this studio is they must have spent a fucking fortune on music licensing, assuming they actually paid for all these famous songs). With each toke we see the back of his pants bulge and stretch out further, until a giant green anaconda splits open the back of his jeans. Jalopy is so stoned all he does is pass his bong to the snake growing out of his ass, and then snake takes an absolutely massive rip. Where did this mystery weed come from? 'The Snakening' does little to explicate.

There's a hard cut to the next scene back in the classroom, and we see the three roommates all struggling to pay attention to Dr. Herp's lecture while trying to hide their snakes. Brenny still has his hidden in his backpack, this time reinforced with a bunch of bike locks. Souritha's snake is coiled around in her trenchcoat. Jalopy, hilariously enough, has his snake dressed up in a tiny collared shirt with a tie slithering around in the desk next to him. And oh boy movie fans, we are treated to yet another disjointed, rambling lecture from Dr. Herp!

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Fifteen more minutes. Fifteen god-damn minutes of a lecture on snake reproduction, delivered straight to the camera. The only part I can remember clearly is that male snakes have a double-dick called a 'hemipenis' inside their 'cloaca', which gives us the only action cut in the whole scene as the camera briefly turns to a surprised Souritha who suddenly understands what her Ouija board spelled out to her earlier. But then it's right back to the master of the monotone monologue. The only creature who seems to be able to follow the rambling explication is Jalopy's smartly-dressed snake tail, not that he can take notes!

Except... it's not just a lecture about snake sex. Interspersed throughout the lecture we hear the good doctor mumble something about "adaptive memetically-propagated parapsychosexual oroboroses". The third or fourth time he says this a student raises her hand and asks him directly what he means, at which point the bell rings and the class disperses. (side note: on re-viewings that same yellow snake from before appears, slithering between the desks unnoticed. Thanks to knowing WAY TOO MUCH about snakes now thanks to this movie I can safely say it is a reticulated python).

After the end of the lecture Brenny and his roommates are in the hallway talking about what they are going to do about their situation when the jock from before come around. This part is actually kind of hilarious because they immediately start to awkwardly bicker while their snake-parts greet each other like old friends. Old friends with benefits. (Side note: how did Brenny's snake-tail get out of his padlocked backpack? Never explained.) Having romantically-entangled snake-parts seems to have an affect on the two of them because the jock awkwardly invites Brenny and his friends to a keg party back at his frat even while dissing him and laying on a boatload of vile homophobic slurs I won't repeat here.

Brenny and his roommates go back to the haunted mansion to nap before the big party, but as they sleep we get an extended sequence of their snake-parts growing. Considerably. By the time they wake their snakes are practically as big as they are, not as thick but much longer. This makes for some priceless physical comedy as they try to put clothes on and stagger down the stairs all while stumbling over the gigantic snakes growing from them. They're so encumbered they actually don't want to risk going to the party but their snakes have other ideas and practically slither them out of the door. The troublesome trio actually try and drive somewhere else but their snake-tails seize the steering wheel and pedals and force them to drive to the frat house (Side note: there are clever camera cuts here and we don't actually see them and the snakes driving in the VW, which is probably because I doubt the three plus three of them could fit in any reasonable way).

The next part is really chaotic as the three of them all split up and the house is a riot of drinking fratboys and sorority sisters. Nobody seems to think that the three people with giant snakes growing out of their bodies are unusual in any way; in fact a number of other people at the party have smaller snake-tails and snake-cocks of their own already...

Okay, so... like... I really can't do justice to just how perverted this scene is. You think 'The Snakening' was crazy before this? Just wait.

Brenny hits it off with a girl and they go to a couch to make out, except the jock who kinda-sorta invited him is there too with another girl. So the guys are making out with the girls, and meanwhile their snake-halves are coiling with each other and making out with each other. And as this goes on we see... something going on with the kissing. It looks like the guys are having trouble with their tongues, like they are growing really absurdly large while they are busy making out.

There's this loooong circling close-up shot of the four of them, the girls eyes going wide as... something... pushes their mouths. But they don't try and pull away or anything; in fact they look like they're *enjoying* it. The snakes certainly are; panting and hissing and rubbing each other's snouts like...

Uhhh...

Look, words are not going to do this perverted shit justice. I don't know how to make this sound any less fucked up than it is. We see what happens when one of the girls pulls away from the kissing for a few seconds to catch her breath and take a drink; Brenny's tongue is, like, a fucking snake's DICK. Well, to be more precise, DICKS. Did you know that a snake's junk is, like, a fucking insane looking double-shafted cock? WELL YOU DO NOW!

I have to give these people credit for the quality of the special effects; the whole scene is just, like, stunning in it's attention to detail. When we first see the effect it's just like his tongue is huge, swollen and rubbery with two fat bulged points, but it slowly, subtly changes further and further as the scene painfully drags on. He kisses the girl more, until she literally cant fit *them* in her mouth and pulls away, strands of snake-slime dripping between their lips. The dude's tongue is all bumpy and crowned with soft spines along the heads of his hemipene-tongue...

Well, there's a phrase I never thought I'd utter in my movie review career.

So uh... Brenny is trying to coax the girl back into making out, but it's clear that despite taking all of this in stride it's just too much for her. Like, it won't fit. She excuses herself to get a drink and Brenny is left alone with his raging tongue-boners. Well, not quite alone because, errrr... the jock next to him is dealing with the same issue with his girl. The two of them have another argument, this one totally unintelligible because their mouths are totally stuffed up by their hemipene-tongues.

Their snakes don't seem to like this arguing, because they coil up around their hosts and hiss threateningly at them. And just because shit apparently *needs* to get any weirder, we have *another* completely indecipherable scene of dialog that goes on WAY TOO LONG where they guys are mumbling through their throbbing snake-boners while the snakes HISS-TALK to them. I'M JUST ABOUT OUT OF *WHAT* FOLKS.

Apparently the snakes get through to them, because I'm pretty sure the guys mumble a sorry to each other and THEN START MAKING OUT WITH EACH OTHER BY RUBBING THEIR HEMIPENE TONGUES TOGETHER. AAHHHHHHHHHH! WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO!?!?!

I can't believe I didn't fast-forward through this part. The things I do for you, dear watchers. I actually watched the whole surreal, supremely painful sex scene, from the first hesitant and awkward 'pene kisses all the way to them blowing loads of snake cum against each other's faces. It was... not easy to watch. Oh, and it goes on from there!

The camera pans away right after Brenny takes a snake-cock past his lips and starts to suck on it like it's a Jamba Juice, cuts through to the next room where a naked Souritha (side note: she has nice tits, at least the movie gives us that much) is giving penetrative snake-cock head to two cheerleaders, and then past a whole assortment of partygoers in various states of undress and transformation. There's a dude and a girl who both have snake-cocks, coiling each other's snakes and stroking them together. A guy leaning over a couch getting rimmed while a snake's muzzle grows out of his crack. There's a guy wrapped up by his own snake tail while the snake slowly buries itself into his ass. There is, I kid you not, a whole group of girls forming a snake-tail fucking circle.

And then the camera circles back to Brenny, who is in the throes of some kind of weird and wild sexual climax at that cobra dick in his mouth starts spewing into him. His eyes squeeze shut and he cums from both his tongue-dicks all over the camera, covering it completely in green-white goo.

[Ad break. Includes an ad for customized reptile terrariums from a company not on record.]

Cut to the next morning. The first thing we see is Brenny's face, which looks almost normal again. He yawns and scratches his cheek, then seems to go back to sleep... except he seems to be moving.

The camera pans slightly back and flips upside down... and we see his face is surrounded by green scales, and his hair is completely gone. In fact, the top of his head is now the wiggling tip of a snake's tail. He's literally *just* a part of the snake now; specifically, the lower part of the snake's tail. His face is the snake's rear opening, what I now know is a 'cloaca'. The camera shifts upward and we see the snake yawning and stretching out it's long body coil by coil before slithering off the couch and out the door, smooshing Brenny's face down against the hardwood floor. Brenny yelps and tries to protest but the snake does little more than glance down then turn away, slithering out of the frathouse and dragging Brenny with him as the human feebly tries to keep his face off the ground with his tiny arms.

Speaking of arms, the snake now has a set of human-like arms and hands, and between camera cuts of him leaving the frathouse he's suddenly dressed in a t-shirt, a baseball cap and a backpack exactly like the one Brenny had him trapped in earlier.

So there's this long surreal sequence with the camera set straight on the naga as he slithers down the sidewalks and across the street crossings, the whole time jauntily humming and wagging his Brenny-tail as our poor protagonist is held up just off the ground, clearly fighting just to keep his hands from dragging across concrete and asphalt. Whoever did these special effects is some kind of sorcerer because I cannot emphasize enough just how eerily realistic this whole awful spectacle is. You really get the impression that there really is a guy struggling to grasp hold of the awful reality that he's been reduces to a snake's tail. The acting, the special effects... as fucked up as this is they are picture-perfect. It's truly eerie, so spine-chilling it almost makes you forgive just how incredibly fucking twisted and weird the whole production is. I can't remember the last time a horror film made me squirm in my seat like this!

I mean I've seen torture, dismemberment, bloody cannibal murder; I've seen *everything* that's been depicted in a horror movie, so much so I'd really become jaded to the whole concept of artificial spectacle. So it really says something that 'The Snakening' actually *got* to me. Scary Harry has to take his hat off; I'd truly *never* seen anything remotely like this.

So anyway we see, in one long cut, the snake-naga-thing has slither onto campus, wait in line for coffee, slowly sip the hot coffee, and then make his way to class, the whole time ignoring the increasingly-desperate and panicked pleas of his tail to stop, reverse, change whatever the naga is doing, completely ignored by both the naga and the various bystanders who seem to notice nothing at all strange in the sight of a fucking *snake-person* being addressed by his own tail. Even weirder is that the snake's voice sounds like a raspy version of Brenny's own voice! Except the naga is like... super polite and considerate to the barista and the other people in line. The naga even pours some coffee into a sample cup and give it to Brenny, who sips it while still crying and trying to talk to the snake.

Eventually the naga-creature make's its way into class, and here's the final scene with Dr. Herp and OF COURSE the weirdest one yet!

The naga-Brenny slithers up to a desk-chair and sorta coils around it before 'sitting' the upper portion of his body inside, except he's so thick that the desk actually *snaps* and he ends up just kinda puddled in his own coils atop the wreck.

The camera pans around to the classroom as Dr. Herp gives opening remarks, and we see that there are more mutated students than there are normal ones. Most of them just have snake-tails but a few are half-snake and Brenny's roommates are as far along the transformation as he is, reduced to being the tail-part of nagas that look suspiciously like them... except not. Jalopy's snake is dressed prim and proper in a dress shirt and tie and wearing glasses like his disguise from earlier; Souritha's snake is wearing a fuckin' girly flowery blouse and holding a purse (even though it's clearly a male naga!) And all three of the naga-snake-things are like, diligently taking notes and paying attention in class. It's like they are literally and figuratively the reverse of the people they had grown from...

But... uh... so...

So, Dr. Herp's last lecture starts out with a long segment on the evolutionary history of Serpentes from the Late Cretaceous to the present, but uh... he keeps breaking off from it in these weird tics, talking about 'It' to which he is clearly meta-referencing 'The Snakening'. How 'they' can't contain 'it', at least not permanently. Again, I cannot stress enough how hard these parts are to follow. Reversal, inversion, upside-down-ness as allegory, as metaphor, as a cursed state of total transformation. The one thing that made a kind of twisted sense is that ironically enough the people most susceptible to the curse were precisely the sort of individuals who lacked moral boundaries... so the grand irony was that the victims usually ended up being a part of a snake who was better than they ever were. The scene flashes over to show Brenny-naga doing his homework, Souritha-naga working in a soup kitchen, then Jalopy throwing his bong in a garbage can and replacing it with a juice machine...

I mean, it makes a sort of sense, I guess. Whatever 'The Snakening' was it turns it's victims into some insane antipodal snake-creature, literally an upside down naga version of themselves.

Throughout the last lecture the camera pans back over to Brenny who is slowly shrinking down into the snake-tail as it goes on, hands and arms eventually just becoming part of the sinuous tip and his face sinking down into a scale-clad cloaca as his snake wags him back and forth. Tears roll down his frantic eyes...

There's a swell of music as a song called 'Snake's Don't Cry' plays by Wham! Which must have been done just for the movie because there's nothing I can find on it anywhere. How did they get George Michael for this. How.

...and jump cut back to a close-up of Brenny's face, only this time his eyes are bulged open with ecstasy as he struggles to swallow up two pulsing hemipenes as they pound into his mouth, while driving his own penises into another orgasmically-writhing snake cloaca he's pressed against with an equally blissed out expression. The camera pulls back to show two naga's entwined with each other furiously fucking on top of Brenny's bed in his room, which has been completely cleaned up.

Cue credits. Pretty normal except the reticulated python from earlier is slithering down the scrolling text, which actually seem to deform under his weight... and there's a last little jump scare when it seems to 'leap' out of the screen right at the end.

Okay! I think that about wraps up this review. 'The Snakening' is a movie that should never have been made, given the totally incoherent skeleton of a plot that strings together a series scenes merely to depict graphic, brutal, pornographic scenes of sexualized body horror. Part of me wishes that I'd simply never opened the parcel that arrived on my doorstep, but the other part of me is simply fascinated by the fact that someone, somewhere actually went ahead and made a film that actually shocked me. Viewers, I thought I'd seen everything after 13 years in the movie review business. And boy, was I was wrong!

[Scary Harry does his usual sign-off at this point, plugging ads for a streaming horror movie service and a bluetooth-linked air fryer. In the background, an action figure falls from his memorabilia-laden shelves as a yellow python slithers across it...]