Struggle (Chapter 3)
#4 of Struggle
Chapter Three
+Sea Sick+
"I hate this fucking ocean."
Laying barefoot and shirtless on my back watching the clouds go by as the ship bobs in the waves. After about a week of waking up, going to the deck of the ship, and seeing nothing but water, the sky became a comfort. Luke lay next to me, napping, Travis had fallen victim to sea sickness, leaning over the railing, sharing his breakfast with the fish. Unlike Travis, I haven't been eating, I was too nervous. Mentally preparing myself for everything we would have to endure once we reached the shore.
I decided to go see what the rest of the squad was up to. I decided to let Luke sleep, not because I wanted to be alone, but just because he looked so masculine laying on his side sucking his thumb. I did however take his smokes, he's asleep, he isn't using them. Travis was in no shape to go wander around the ship. My legs had fallen asleep so I stumbled when I stood up, grabbing the rail to steady myself.
"You getting sick too? Ha! Pussy." Travis finally pulled himself away from the railing. Still looking like he had some breakfast left in him.
"Hey Travis are you hungry? How about some nice pancakes or something, extra syrup and butter, just the way you like 'em." Just like clockwork, as soon as those words left my mouth, he ran back to the railing and continued to heave.
I started my journey down the port side of the ship, lighting a smoke as I went. Looking around and seeing Furs exercising, playing cards, sharing stories and making bets. I took a long drag as I kept walking, passing a group of Furs I over heard part of their conversation.
"So yeah I heard this Sarah Hilford chick is supposed to be pretty crazy. During training, she fought the Drill Sargent one on one and damn near snapped his arm off."
"Yeah I heard about her, she's one tough bitch alright. Does anyone even know what squad she's in?"
That's all I caught before they fell out of ear shot. I began descending into the ship, I checked the mess hall first, no one. Getting down to the common area I headed back to the room. Hopefully I will run into someone there. As I rounded the corner I heard soft spoken voices. I kept moving towards the room only to find out they were coming from the room. As I got closer and closer the voices became clearer and I could make out what they were saying. I could definately tell one of the voices was female and the other was male.
"Well then tell him how you feel. The worst that could happen would be him saying no. I mean he doesn't seem like the asshole type so I wouldn't picture him going off on you." The female sounded consoling.
"I know, but I'm so nervous. I just don't want to up and tell him how I feel and then have him shoot me down. I do really want to tell him before we get to shore though. Just in case one of us doesn't make it." The male sounded really soft, he sounded as though he was going to start crying.
"HEY! Don't talk like that ok. Look, you know I love you and I support you no matter what your heart tells you to do, but you can't say things like that. You have to believe you can make it, be strong, don't let it get to you mentally or it's all over. Enough talk about death, if you want me to help you tell him your feelings, I would be more then happy too."
That's when I walked into the room, as it turns out, the two people I had heard talking were Matthew and Mary. Mary looked suprised, but no where near as suprised as Matthew. As soon as he saw me he turned away and kinda looked off into space. Mary stared for a second, then hopped to her feat to great me.
"Jake! What's going on? Is everything alright? I mean, what brings you down here? I thought you went up to the deck with the guys?"
"Wow that's a lot of questions. I did go up to the deck but I decided to come back down here and see what you guys were up to." The bombardment of questions threw me off gaurd.
"Oh were just talking about what's gonna happen when we get to shore, hoping for the best ya know."
"Alright, I thought I heard something about 'telling someone how they felt' though?" After I said that Matthew let out a little meep, laying down in his bed with his face in his pillow.
"That's ummmmm... that's more of a brother sister kinda thing. Oh hey, why don't you go grab the three of us some lunch, they're gonna start serving here in about 10 minutes. Go, hurry before all the good food is gone." Mary kinda pushed me out of the room and sent me on my way.
Sure enough Mary was right. The bell for lunch rang about ten minutes after she had basically kicked me out. After I had gotten the food I headed back to the room. Matthew and Mary were still there talking. We all sat down and chatted for a while, cracked a couple jokes and just relaxed. Matthew still seemed kind of shy and nervous, but it passed. After we finished our food, I offered to take the trays back to the mess hall. I took the trays but when I walked out of the room I ran into another Fur and got the left of scraps all over my chest.
"Ahhhh damnit. Shit it's all stuck to my fur."
Oh hell I'm sorry. I didn't see you walking there. This is my fault, here let me help you." She helped me back to my feet and took the trays. "Here I will go take care of these, you go get that crap off before it gets all nasty and matted in." She turned and hurried off towards the mess hall.
"Thank you." She was already gone but I figured I would say thanks anyway. I turned to look back into the room. "I'm gonna go wash this off and then I will be right back. By the way, do either of you two know who that was?"
Matthew and Mary looked at each other, then back at me and shrugged.
"Alright, anyways I will be right back." I made my way down to the shower room. A good 10 - 15 minutes walk, but when I got there it was empty, first time for everything.
I walked in and stripped off my pants and boxers, tossing them aside on a bench as I turned the water on. As soon as it warmed up, steam began filling the room. It got kinda hard to see, but I really didn't care. I just wanted to get the food out of my fur. Grabbing the soap and lathering it up in my paws, rubbing it into the food stain on my chest. Most of it came out rather quickly, the rest I had to really scrub.
The warm water felt good running through my fur, all the way from the tips of my ears down to my footpaws. The water was making my fur all shiny and sleek, the rest of the food was gone but I had decided to enjoy the shower anyways. Looking up into the rising steam, thinking about that faithful day when we reach the shore. What horrible things I would see, what horrible things would happen, and what horrible things I would have to do. I must've gotten lost in thought because I didn't notice the person who had crept in and was watching me. At least not until they slipped.
I turned around quickly as I snapped back to reality, they had slipped on the water and were laying on the ground looking up at me. They stood up quickly and stared, not sure what to do.
"Who's there? Who is that? Come closer." The figure stepped closer to me, as it got closer it came into form. It was a little shorter then me, moving very nervously, thin, but most importantly, it was a housecat "Oh, It's just you Matt. Why are you sneaking around in the showers?"
"I was uhhhh... I was looking for something... I think I lost my dog tags in here." He kept looking down, trying not to make eye contact with my, or any contact at all for that matter.
"Matt your wearing your dog tags."
He looked down at his chest at his tags. "Oh there they are, well I guess I don't need to be here anymore, see you back at the room." He turned and tried to hurry out of the showers.
"Matt stop." He froze dead in his tracks.
"Come back over here." He stayed still.
"Please." He turned slowly and looked at me, he started walking back towards me and stood a few feat away staring at the floor.
"Matt... Tell me what's going on. It's not like I haven't noticed. Hell you were just spying on me in the showers." He looked up at me, his eyes tearing up. Something clicked in my mind, and i knew what he was talking about with Mary. "Matt... Is there something you want to tell me?"
"I... Yes... Yes there is... But I..." He was more nervous then I had ever seen him before.
I walked up to him and placed my paw on his shoulder. "Matt you don't need to worry, please just tell me. Please."
"I... I really REALLY like you... ever since we first met in training... I don't know what it is but when I saw you I just felt all warm inside. I felt like I needed to get to know you more. Now were in the same squad together and it's been so hard for me to hide it. I mean... Your the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen. I envy everyone you have ever been with. Even Luke, I know you didn't do anything with him, but just because he got to be so close to you all the time. If I even had a chance with you I would consider myself to be the luckiest cat in the world. Who am I kidding though, look at you, then look at me, what kind of chance do I have with someone like you. I guess I was just fooling myself." He started to cry and sat down on the floor, the water from the shower soaking him, but he just sat there.
I sat next to him and put my arm around him, holding him trying to comfort him. He seemed to jump at my touch. "Oh Matt, why didn't you say anything sooner? You should already know by now that I'm an easy person to talk to. Besides, it's not like I haven't been tossing a look or two your way."
"Really!" His head perked up instantly, staring directly into my eyes. His eyes were the most beautiful shade of blue. For once, it wasn't him who was blushing. He noticed that almost immediately.
"Yeah, I mean your pretty damn hot Matt. You know, your pretty silly thinking you didn't have a chance with me. From my point of view, you have more of a chance then anyone else in the FurNation."
"You really mean that?" His scooched a bit closer to me, kinda snuggling into me, making me blush even more.
"Yes I do, why would I say it and not mean it silly." I placed my paw on his chin. "If this doesn't prove it, then nothing will." I leaned forward, almost like he knew what I was going to do he leaned forward too. Our lips connected as we both sat together in the showers, and even though the fight was close and getting closer, it felt so far away.
The showers turned off, I had re-dressed, and we had made our way back to the room. Matthew couldn't help but tell his sister the good news. A short time of hugging and joking, and then the dinner bell rang. We had made our way to the mess hall and met up with the rest of our squad. More jokes and random chatter. After we finished it was pretty late, so we all headed back to the rooms. Hopping into our bunks, getting ready for a night of rest. Well, most of us went to our bunks. Matthew stayed with me in my bunk that night.
The night was calm and quiet, the ship swayed in the water, but you get used to that pretty quicky. Snuggled up with Matthew in my bunk, warm and cozy, he began drifting off to sleep.
"So Matt, I guess seeing me naked in the shower was like a dream come true to you huh." I whispered to him.
In the softest whisper you could ever imagine, his sweet voice rang through the silence like a bell in the night.
"Shut up."