my thoughts for the day
thoughts flying through my head of where im going, what to do, who to love. will it last? who knows? is she in love with me or is she just toying with me? her friends tell me not to hurt her. i would never do that. they say dont hurt her, what about me? i dont want to get hurt but i feel as though i already am. a feeling in my chest says that i am afraid, afraid of what? my own feelings? others feelings? i have no clue. where am i going? what am i going to do? i feel like i dont know shit and i think im right, but if im right about that then i do know something, but how do i find out what i dont know? do i write it down on this paper without thinking? feelings and thoughts cant be kept inside to build up and grow into somehting that tears out my body from head to toe. im lost. i need guidance. guidance... if i dont have a god and everyone else does am i an outcast? or am i the only person thats right? writing seems to help me get feelings and thoughts out but if no one reads them how can they know me? do they know me? do i know me? i am still lost. help me find an island while im floating in the ocean. every choice i make seems wrong. im so lost. i love her but she seems to me like shes hiding something. why cant she open up to me? fear of being hurt? her friends seem to like me. am i the only one that thinks this way? i feel retarded but i also feel beastly smart. i need to tell people who i really am and how i really feel. think of me all you want. call me names, critisize me, judge me, hate me, love me, tell me what you think. i care not what you say, all i care about is that other people feel the same as me. is there something wrong with me? i think sometimes that were not really here. what if were all someone elses thoughts? am i the only person that truly exists and everyone else is a figment of my imagination? am i even real? do i exist? what are feelings? emotions? thoughts? conciousness? i feel so alone.