045 - The Fool pt.05

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#45 of Beastiary Beas Part 1 - A Valentines Story


As Ell came back with Butters 2nd milkshake of the night, she plopped herself down the now cleared up mattress to hear the rest of Butters story. In the time Ell had been downstairs Butters took the time to at the very least clean up their immediate area, with two filled bin bags now sitting at the back of the room. Butters parks their keister on their desk chair as they gaze down at the Axolotl and began to tell her... Well, everything honestly. Their time at the Evermore, meeting Gor and Ideas', getting fucked in that alleyway, their dissociative day dreaming, grappling that MERH, meeting Sawyer and Tyard, the whole summoning the oceans themselves to sweep the Huntsman to god knows where and the ride home.

Surprisingly however it was the brief mention of Butters' flashback to the house that had piqued Ell's interest. Ell asked if Butters could recall exactly what the flashback was about? Butters was hesitant at first, but eventually told Ell about that evening too. Butters breathing got heavier with this recounting however, as it seemed to be stirring the same emotional state as it did the first time, just make this loneliness Butters was grappling with feel more pronounced.

Ell though? She was having a great time hearing this recounting. For her this was a great chance! She had always been curious about the town where Butters and Chloe had moved from, they always spoke of it as if they'd clawed their way out of the slums. Ell wasn't too sure what made Nottingham any better mind, but she deffo didn't know any other monsters as curt or as rude as Butters and Chloe, but that's what she loved about them! Ell gets exhausted having to navigate other people's pleasantries, not really knowing if they're being honest or not, having to put up with little comments about them being weird. Butters and Chloe wern't like that, they're both ni- Well Butters is ni- hmmmm... Well they were both KIND, at least to Ell, but they don't have any time for people they don't like and they just let you get on with whoever you are. Ell always wondered what kind of place would produce monsters like that? All these stories Ell hears about them both seems to paint a clearer picture.

At any rate Butters had recounted everything, there was a bit of a silence before Butters flipped both of their paws outward, as if inviting Ell to ask any questions they had. Ell played their head between their finger and thumb as they looked upward, before asking their question:

-How did you find it? Asked Ell

-Well uuhh what do you mean? Like all of it?

-I mean hanging out with the Human! Was it alright?

Butters leans back in their chair as they think, I mean they did recount the night I guess they didn't like... Imply an opinion during?

-Well yeah I mean... It was nice, I mean clearly I can still remember it so clearly even after all this time. Answers Butters. Like it wasn't just a Valentines piss up like it's... THE night I remember every year that convinces me to go out again you know? It's just nice to be a room of Humans but like... You're wanted, like. It's addicting man, like you wanna just chase it every year.

-But what about the Human herself?

Butters looks to the ground and gives a small sigh before answering:

-Ugh, it sucks to admit it but... Yeah! I mean I liked her, Rosie seemed cool and witty. Like god she were dead gorgeous. The kind of person even when we're standing side by side it doesn't feel like we coexist, she breathes different air then you and I. Dead talented too like she's an actress, like been in actual things people have chosen to pay for to see with their eyes and everything.

Butters sits up a little straighter, to coincide with their gloating. Although a more solemn postured returned not soon after.

-I dunno I'm trying to come off cool in this story but it was a huge deal to me, like she was my first human too. After feeling looked down and spat on by these people for so long, there was just this person, she's there and she wanted me there and then even when I was visibly a monster. Like god I can't explain how that felt, after years of sapians taking the piss out of how I look and act...

Butters sensing they were gushing a little too much took a sip of their milkshake to get themselves under control.

-Oh my gggguusshhhh. That sounds so rommmaanntic~ Exclaimed Ell, flapping their hands over her watery eyes. So what happened? Gasp! Did she have to choose her career over you and your destined to meet again at an undisclosed time and place?

Butters then started to softly pinch the webs of their paws

-We um, I mean we met up on and off for a bit, sometimes for sex and just hanging out but... Well I mean I thought it was going well but... she ghosted me, followed by some text about her uncle being sick so she couldn't see me.

-OH NO! Did he die!?

-Um, as far as I know he didn't. He was just ill.

-Like... Chronicingly? Canceryyy?

-Nah, just ill

-Okay but he got better tho right?

-I dunno Ell, she didn't say.

-...I don't get it, that sounds fake.

Butters' nostrils flair, as something had clearly been triggered in them. They got out of their seat and began to shout:

-You're right Ell! Cos it is fake, it's bullshit. Let me tell you what she meant: She ment "Oh fuck I fucked a Monster ew, better had get away from the freak." Cos that's what it's like with these fucking 'sapian cunts, nah even monsters like! They just wanna remind you in all the ways you ain't normal, how you're a freak. Cos I am, and how they will never let me forget: Little shitty comments about your gross paws, your bulbous tail, your huge fuck off nose, my gross teeth, but thank fuck at least they're gone! Not like m-

Before Butters could rant anymore, Ell wrapped her arms around theirs. Ell hated this, she hated every word coming out of Butters mouth. She hated how she noticed Butters' eyes get more misty and they spoke. Ell decided to put all of their big brain power into letting Butters know something:

-No please stop. Ell pleas I don't like you talking about yourself like that!

Butters looked gobsmacked at Ell's outburst. Ell continues:

-These people are absolute DINGLES, you shouldn't let them get to you!

-I know, I don't let them. I know I'm great but sometimes, when the world keeps telling you that you're not, every single second of every day...

-Well fuck the world!

Butters fists started to clench, as they pushed Ell away and paced the room

-Oh yeah, so is it my fault Ell huh? My fault? Am I too much of a vain cunt, cos after being told ever since I was a fucking kid that I'm an abomination, better off dead and that I'm a hideous affront to humanity, that I start to believe it too? Is that all my fault? Am I stupid cunt for it huh!? Dead fucking easy for you to say init? You spend the night fucking your girlfriend, who's probably letting you know you're alright everyday. People take the piss out of you, naaawwwhh it's fine you're a phone call away, who the fuck do I have!?

Ell, equally frustrated, Ell starts pacing her side of the room too.

-YOU. GOT. US! YOU BIG DINGUS! I'm sooooooooooorrrryyyyyyyy, we're not exactly what you want, but we're still pretty good!

Ell scrambled hard to find the right words to say, but sometimes the right words are the simplest ones you think off, such as:

-SO... SO, FUCK YOU!!!! We wanna help you Butters!

-Oh iissiiiiiiittttt? Then wherel were you tonight!? When I was on my jack jones, coming out of the bar, having to deal with Speciest Monsterphobes and getting attacked by friggin' MERH and Huntsman alike?

-I'M! SORRY! If you just told us you were feeling this bad... Well least, I would've stayed!

Butters drops their head down as they sit back on the mattress and mutters.

-...I didn't know, I didn't know I felt this bad, I don't know.

Ell slumps onto the mattress too, her head also dropping down

-Butters, you and Chloe you're like, the coolest people I've met and it's rare I bother to stick around anyone!

-Well, what's so good about us?

Ell assumes her thinking stance, 90 degree angle head turn, thumb and finger resting on her chin.

-Well Lousid, Seb and Amber are cool in their own ways, but you two specifically, I dunno! You just seems so ready to tear the world down at any point!

Butters smiles a little but professes:

-I dunno if that's a good thing.

-Nuuh uuhhh, course it is! You're willing to give any stinkin' human giving us lip both barrels, you know lots about these scary political things I have no clue about, you're just super cool! I kinda wanna be like you a bit. That's... Not embarrassing to say is it?

Butters laughs as she goes to sit back down next to Ell.

-Nah it's cool, well I guess it's rare anyone tells someone that. But I mean they should.

-Okay!

Ell assumes a power stance without actually getting up from her seat and continues.

-Then I promise I'll start to tell you! Every now and then, you deserve to feel all nice about you y'know?

Butters didn't really react to hearing that, but Ell could tell that had really gotten to them. Butters icey core has been thawed completely, their eyes started to get watery again.

-But you have to promise me one thing.

-Yeah? What would that be?

-When you're feeling super poopy, you gotta let us know! Ca-peeesh?

Butters turned to Ell with a little smirk.

-Yeah Capiche.

Ell throws her hands over Butters who reciprocates, squeezing Ell as tight as they could they softly lets out:

-Thank you.

The two Monsters untangle after a little while, Butters reaches back to the desk they were originally sitting by to grab the last of their milkshake.

-This was incredible by the way, how did you know to use the extract? Asks Butters. I don't think I ever tol-

-OKAY YOU GOT IT OUT OF ME: I ran into Chloe while I was downstairs and it was her idea!

Butters' face lights up, like the spark of god had entered their body hearing this.

-Oh? Is she up? I thought she'd be still in bed, asks Butters.

-I think she was re-heating some food or something? But yes she said something like: She really cares about you and that she loves you.

-Awwwh, did she really tell you to say that to me?

-Well it was more I walked in on her talking to herself about how she's madly in love with you, but it was probably not the time to tell you that.

A brief silence falls in the room as Butters looks stunned at the Information Ell has just casually dropped into the convo.

-...Oh I probably shouldn't of told you that, but you know what? I did and now we're here. Ell proclaims.

Butters looks at the wall as they take a minute to process this information, they look down at their knees, before putting their hand in their paws as they start to cry.

-Wha- whaaaaa, no no no no no I thought we were done with the emotions, what's going on!? Ell panics.

-It's just I'm such a fucking fuck up! I'm awful. Butters says between sobs.

-Noooo, we just went over this that you're not, were you not listening?

-Yes! I was but I'm such an ungrateful little shit. What the fuck is wrong with me!?

-Hey. Hey. Hey! Ell says as they grabs Butters shoulders. None of that! You deserve niceness cos I want to be nice to you, so that's that! No more thinking!!!! She demands.

Butters tries to collect themselves, grateful for their friend coping with their fluctuating state. They felt like an idget, but it wasn't cos the power of friendship cured them of all loneliness, bitterness and desire or owt. More they should've been honest deep down, about what this was. Even Ell's kindness and Chloe's devotion left Butters bittersweet, they needed this more than they needed to be in some two-bit sapian's bed, sure. But they had to wonder how long it'd be before Ell would forget this promise and things just go as they did before? That's the fickle nature of platonecy, but how Butters would've adored this kind of care and intimacy from Ell on the reg, but that's just not true is it? Because how exactly have they reacted when Chloe had given them this attention in spades?

Butters asked earlier 'What changed?' But they were wondering if they had stumbled upon exactly what had changed. Maybe what changed is that these Valentines nights out, hell every night out, used to be for fun, but now they were about looking for something. What was Butters hoping to find? Some comfort? Someone to support them? Just a little bit of evidence someone could love them. Maybe people could sense that? At the bar, everyone they talked to, maybe they could tell. Tell what? Tell that Butters was desperate for something and whatever that was; they couldn't give it to them.

But that something mattered so much to Butters, and thinking about how much it mattered made them sink even lower. Why? Why did what other people, what Humans thought of them mean so much? Even sitting here with one of their closest friends being so sweet to them, this should be the best way this night would have ended. Knowing despite how much shite humans can fling at them, there are monsters out there to let them know they are loved. Even after the Monsters who loved them before have long since been burned and faded away...

Yet all they could do is think how much it still hurts when humans don't embrace them. Butters slowly came to realise how they don't deserve the friends they have.