FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

The car forged a lonely path down the unplowed street, the crunch of tires on snow muffled by the foot of powder that had accumulated over the last few hours. The car's headlights illuminated bright cones of thick flakes still falling from the dark sky, making it difficult to see much of anything.

Diego hated driving in snow. The Sonoran coyote still wasn't used to these Midwestern winters, and even with snow tires and all wheel drive, the occasional loss of traction, even fleeting, caused his heart to skip a beat and his grip on the wheel to tighten. If it were anyone other than Fay, he would have already turned back.

He ignored the doubt in the back of his mind that reminded him that they were no longer a couple, and that they hadn't spoken in the six months since breaking up. They'd been friends long before they'd been a couple, and even though Diego was still furious at how their years together had ended, some sense of obligation pushed him onward.

Harder to ignore was the worry about why Fay had called him for help. The marten had no shortage of friends. Diego did live near Fay's work, so it may have been simple convenience. But, what if Fay had an ulterior motive? What if this was his attempt to reconnect so they could finally repair some of what had been broken all those months ago? What if he wanted to get back together?

By the time he pulled into the lot, the defogger was struggling to keep up with condensation creeping up the windows. Fay worked at one of those massive pharmacy chains where every building looked the same no matter what corner they occupied. Diego pulled up next to the only other car in the lot. Before he'd even finished putting the vehicle in park, a diminutive marten, bundled in a bulky white coat and knitted had rushed from the darker car, a cloud of condensation briefly obscuring his features, before he climbed into Diego's passenger seat and let out a relieved sigh.

The other male's scent - a mingling of floral deodorant, a breath mint, and the natural musk accumulated through a workday - reminded the coyote of nights spent curled up together, his nose buried in the marten's chest or the back of his neck.

Fay had reddish-brown fur covering most of his body, with an alluring patch of creamy orange across his throat and chest. He had bright green eyes that were deceptively innocent, large and kind, concealing a sharp wit.

Next to Diego, Fay shivered and rubbed his delicate paws in front of the middle vent. The coyote cranked the heat, though the windshield began to quickly fog.

"You all right?" the coyote said, unsure what else to say.

Fay glanced at him from the side. "Not really. But I'm glad you came."

He hesitated, then gestured to the pharmacy. "Why are you even working in this? Most of the city's been shut down for hours."

Fay blew into his paws and rubbed them together for warmth before moving them back to the vent. "It's not like I set the hours. Corporate keeps us open as long as they think we can make money. The only reason we're closed now is because the power went out and the pharmacist went home."

"It's hard to imagine you putting up with that," he said after several beats of silence.

When they were teenagers, Fay had made a habit of walking out on jobs with little provocation. To help ends meet, he'd shoved some of that rebellious streak aside while Diego worked on his degree, but he'd still gone through three jobs in as many years.

Fay shrugged. "Can't lose the money. Fuck knows what this is gonna cost," he gestured at his car through the window. Most of it was obscured by a blanket of snow.

"From what you said on the phone, it sounds like a bad alternator. That's not so bad. I'd guess around 400, give or take."

Fay leaned against the car window and let out another f-bomb. "That's... still a lot for me. Most of a week's pay."

A silence lingered between them as Diego checked his phone. "We're not going to get a tow truck out here any time soon, and I don't think it would be worth trying to jump you right now. If you break down on the road it'll be a lot more dangerous."

More silence. As a teen, Diego had spent a few sweltering summers working at his uncle's garage by the highway. He'd mostly answered phones and run errands, but he'd still learned how to do a lot of basic repairs. Fay knew that, and Diego wondered again if this was all a performance. Not that it mattered. This was Fay. He would help if he could.

"I'll... give my uncle a call. He might know a place where I can get the parts for cheap, and I can probably do most of the work in my garage."

Fay's transparent reflection on the passenger window lowered its eyes. He looked tired, older than he was. "That'd be really sweet of you. I'm sorry for making you drive in this."

Guilt tugged at Diego. He'd expected bubbly excitement or flirtatious teasing from the marten. This... this was a shadow of the Fay Diego had grown up with. It reminded him of the time they'd spent in this car during the move. The drive had taken three days, and Diego had been anxious and uptight most of the way. Neither of them had traveled far from home, and the further they got from the familiar scenery, the more certain the coyote grew that they were making a terrible mistake. He'd gotten through that, in part, because of Fay's energy and optimism. The entire thing had been an adventure for him, and Diego had been able to lean on that. This felt like a reversal.

He forced a smile and put a paw on his friend's shoulder. "It's not like I was gonna let you freeze out here. Ten bucks an hour isn't worth it."

Fay's half-chuckle was darker than Diego was hoping for. "I'm up to thirteen, but... yeah." He tugged his hat off and ran a few fingers through his disheveled headfur. It was jarring to see the natural reddish-brown color after he'd been dyeing it for so long. "If we're not going to be able to get the car running tonight, would you mind taking me home? It's been a long day."

Diego considered. "You still in Taylor's old apartment downtown?"

Fay nodded.

"Where's he, anyway? I assume you would have tried calling him first."

"Oh. I suppose I would have, but Tay's down in Cedar Key visiting his mom." Clawed fingers poked at a cracked phone screen until a picture appeared. He held the device up for Diego, showing an athletic, cheery racoon with perfect teeth on a sunny beach, wearing nothing but too-short swim trunks. He had some kind of tropical drink in one paw and wore the kind of practiced grin of someone who spent a lot of time posting to social media. "Ninety degrees and sunny!" The faux excitement in Fay's tone made for a passable impression of the raccoon.

Diego regarded the image for a moment. He'd nearly forgotten how attractive Taylor was. He wasn't a professional athlete, but he'd gotten close and he still had the body to show for it. Beyond that, he had a way of carrying himself that just made you want to be around him, like the warmth of a fire on a cold night. "By himself?"

Fay tucked the phone back into his pocket and looked outside again. "His mom would only pay for one ticket. Not that I could have gotten the time off anyway."

Diego ignored a slight churning in his stomach and instead focused on the conversation. "Well, from what I heard on the radio, the power is out through most of the city. Not sure heading into the center of all that is a good idea."

Fay had curled his long thin tail around his thigh and was plucking at some of the longer strands of fur. "I know you've got room at your place, but I didn't want to suggest it."

"That doesn't sound like you," Diego said, half-teasing. "Think we need a chaperone?"

Fay forced a smile. "Taylor gets jealous when I spend time with guys I used to sleep with. Even if it's just hanging out."

"Really?" He didn't quite restrain the bitterness in his tone.

Their relationship had always been open. Growing up in the desert, more than half an hour from the nearest city, hooking up was more of a rare adventure than a regular part of their lives. After the move, that had all changed. Available sexual partners were no longer a rare commodity and Fay... indulged.

Tall and handsome, with striking yellow eyes and fur that looked almost golden in the right light, Diego got plenty of interested looks, but he was more of an introvert. He struggled to meet people and not feel awkward. Fay's popularity helped him to overcome that, and it hadn't taken Diego long to appreciate those benefits. At the time, he'd been satisfied by that dynamic. Now, as with many aspects of the last two years, he wondered if he should have been more cautious.

"Diego..." Fay's eyes shined and Diego forced himself to look away.

He almost apologized, but stopped himself because he doubted it would sound sincere. "Well, it's your call then. There's plenty of room, and I can get a fire going to keep us warm if you want to stay with me. Or I can also drop you off at a hotel, if you're worried. About Taylor, I mean."

Fay considered for a moment, putting a paw back in front of a heat vent. "No, we're adults. We can handle being together in the same house for a few hours."

Diego paused to let Fay change his mind. When nothing more was said, he put the car in reverse and pulled away from the pharmacy. "Fair enough. It's not like anyone needs to know."

Fay was uncharacteristically quiet as they slowly pulled onto the road, and he said nothing more for the fifteen minute drive. Diego didn't blame him for the silence. If they spoke, they would have to address what had happened. And while Diego wanted to have that discussion, he also dreaded it. Given the conditions they were driving in, he thought it best to let the conversation wait.

As they turned into the neighborhood, Fay watched the houses pass with more interest than he'd ever shown while living near them. Not much had changed, but a few homes had been painted or re-sided, and even in the dark and snow, those differences seemed to catch his attention.

Despite the cold, Deigo's pawpads felt sweaty against the steering wheel. As they got closer to home, that only got worse. He let out a slow breath, hoping some of the anxiety would go with it. That didn't work, but he felt some sense of control, at least.

They pulled into the driveway of the modest bungalow they'd shared before the breakup, and the coyote opened the garage with a click of a button. The door opener beeped loudly as he pulled in, closed the garage, turned off the car. The power was still out.

A moment later, the silent chill of the house was broken by the click of the coyote's claws on ceramic tile. He held the door open with one paw, his phone held in the other for light. Besides the phone, the only illumination came from a battery powered lantern he'd raided from his camping supplies. It now sat on the counter, casting long shadows made eerie by the howls of the ongoing blizzard. His sensitive ears lowered as if to protect him from the absence of noise.

Fay entered with the careful movements of a child trying not to be noticed sneaking into the back pew after church services had already started. His gaze lingered briefly on the dirty dishes in the sink, the scattered clothing left in the living room, and the cardboard boxes piled on the back half of the dining table. Diego hadn't let the place go, exactly, but he hadn't been diligent either.

The marten draped his coat over the back of a chair. The light blue polo shirt he wore looked a size too big and the plastic name tag on the left side of his chest had his given name, Lafayette, written out in all caps.

"The place smells nice," Fay said after a moment of awkward silence passed.

"I was baking when the power went out. Didn't quite finish."

Fay didn't do a good job of hiding the lewd comment on the tip of his tongue, but he held it back. "I'm glad you're still doing that kind of thing. I miss your cooking."

Diego didn't know what to say to that, and, like a sudden sneeze, the snark was out of his muzzle before he'd realized it was coming. "Oh? It's nice to know there's something I was good for."

Fay's faint smile faltered and he looked down and to the side, tugging on his loosely tucked shirt. A part of Diego was satisfied that he'd landed a blow. Fay had the sharper tongue, and was generally better at hiding his feelings. Still, Diego had invited him to come back here. He shouldn't have let his anger get the better of him. He sighed.

"I'm sorry, Fay." He faltered as the marten made eye contact. "Listen, I know this is awkward. I can still just take you to a hotel, it's not a big deal."

The marten's eyes dropped again, but not as deeply. "I told you, I can't really spend money on something like that."

Diego shrugged. "You can pay me back."

Now the marten frowned.

"Puchica. I'm trying to make this less awkward. Work with me."

"Then how about you stop pretending. I know you're trying to be. . . a good friend or something, but it's just making me feel worse. Can we just talk about it so we can get it out in the open. If that's too much, then fine, I guess a hotel is probably best."

Diego glanced across the room to the large front window, curtains still open. Other than the furrows his tires had left through snow, everything was covered in white powder so deep it was hard to discern where the driveway ended and the street started. Even with snow tires and all wheel drive, it would be dangerous to go back out for even a short distance. Feeling trapped, he forced himself to make eye contact. "Fine. You really want me to say it? You're a pinche idiot. An asshole."

Fay regarded him with an almost dead expression that just made all the pent up emotion of the last six months boil to the surface, and Diego was laying it all out before he could second guess himself.

"After everything we've been through together - fourteen years as friends, eight of them as a couple - you dumped me to be with a guy you'd known for all of three months. And rather than give me a chance to talk to you, or to even understand why this was happening, you ghosted me and left me to figure it all out on my own."

Fay didn't flinch at Diego's temper. If anyone was used to seeing it like this, the marten was. His lack of reaction just stoked the heat Diego felt in the pit of his stomach.

"And, you know what, yeah, I'm still fucking mad! I mean," He gestured around the room. "After months of ignoring me, the first text I receive from you is asking for a favor."

Fay did look away then, eyes shining in the reflection cast by the lantern.

"Then there's this." Diego stepped around the table and pulled a piece of mail from where it was poking out under a stack of boxes. A few of them tumbled to the floor. The embossed ivory envelope had his name written in calligraphy across the front. He waved it in Fay's direction as he spoke. "I mean, what the fuck was this? One last kick to the huevos, just to make sure I knew?"

Fay shifted, slightly, then forced himself to look back at Diego. "You really think I'd send that to be cruel?"

Diego threw his paws up, pacing across the kitchen. "I don't fucking know, Fay. I didn't think you'd leave me either. If not to hurt me, then why? I mean, you always said you didn't want to get married. And you'd been with Taylor for what, eight weeks, and suddenly you changed your mind?"

He didn't even realize he was breathing so heavily until he found himself panting, waiting for Fay's response. His ex-boyfriend stood in stoic silence for nearly a full minute while Diego waited for something. The coyote couldn't read his ex's expression, and that bothered him. He'd known this marten for most of his life, and he felt like he was looking at a stranger. Finally, Fay spoke again.

"I'm... sorry, D," he said, voice low. "I've been wanting to talk to you for a long time. I wrote letters and emails and texts I could never bring myself to send. I thought about just coming by or calling. I just... I didn't know what to say."

"So you decided to ignore me instead?"

"I..." He swallowed, shadows flickering across his muzzle as he dropped his gaze. "I was embarrassed by how badly I fucked things up. I knew you were pissed, but you were so calm about all of it. Even when I told you... that I was with Taylor." He sighed, "At first, I just thought I should give it some time before we tried to... you know, talk again. Then Tay started getting suspicious of all our old friends. And given our history, I worried he'd get the wrong idea if I started talking to you again out of nowhere."

In hindsight, the breakup shouldn't have blindsided him like it had. Diego had been focusing on a new job and trying to ignore the lingering issues in their relationship. His parents had argued constantly, but they were still together. He figured that these kinds of things were just normal and that the key to a good long term relationship was to learn to live with the problems.

The end of their relationship had come after Diego had been away on a work trip for a full week. When he'd finally gotten home, near midnight on a Saturday, he didn't notice that most of Fay's things had already been taken out.

Diego had found Taylor and Fay sitting quietly together in a mostly dark living room, holding paws. That didn't concern him. The two had gotten close since they'd met a few months earlier, and it was clear Fay enjoyed the intimacy of that relationship. But until that day, Diego had thought of it as a fling. He'd had his own such relationships over the years, after all. They were fun, but he'd never felt as close to one of them as he had Fay. What scared him in that moment was the tired but frightened expression Fay wore when he and Diego made eye contact. There was a palpable atmosphere of death. He immediately thought about his parents and close friends, and feared for their lives. How could he have known that it was their relationship that Fay was mourning?

"Oh, I'm so sorry I kept my temper," he said, voice backed by another squall from the storm. "Should I have been throwing things?"

"Maybe! At least it would have been a reaction!"

"I was exhausted! And stunned. You ambushed me at the worst possible time. Should I have punched your new chichifo? Perhaps if he'd lost a few teeth you'd have changed your mind?"

"For fuck's sake, Diego. It was like you didn't even care!"

Diego swallowed down another spiteful retort and softened his voice. "You know me better than that."

Fay looked away again, absently picking at his tail while staying quiet. He always brooded when arguments didn't go his way.

After a moment, Diego sighed and decided to ask about something else. "You mentioned Taylor getting jealous about your friends. What do you mean?"

Fay shrugged, but didn't look at him. "It's just a little complicated right now. He's dealing with a lot and I've been having a hard time with..." he trailed off and didn't finish the sentence. "Anyway, if he finds out I came here, it will start some drama that neither of us needs right now, and it's not like we're going to have sex."

Diego felt a dueling sense of relief and disappointment at that last sentence. "So you and Taylor are closed?"

"For now, anyway. He says he wants to just enjoy being a couple for a while."

"And you're OK with it?"

Fay did look at him then, a ghost of mirth in his expression. "Why? Are you disappointed?"

Diego rolled his eyes, mostly to keep Fay from seeing the truth in them. "I'm surprised you would agree to that."

"Are you implying something, Diego?"

The coyote folded his arms. "Remember last year when you got sad because you only got to blow five of the six guys you invited over for our New Year's party?"

Fay blinked as if he was surprised Diego would remember that. "He teased me all night, then hooked up with Trisha," Fay murmured. "Dick."

"So, yeah. I guess I am implying something."

"Fine," Fay said, though his tone suggested he wasn't. After a brief pause, he spoke in a more conciliatory tone. "I'll admit that I leaned into my... slut phase."

"And that's over?"

The marten shrugged. "For now. To be honest, I wasn't in the mood as often after..." he swept a paw in front of him as a way of finishing his sentence.

The quiet that passed between them was punctuated by the steady ticking of the kitchen clock. Finally, Fay spoke again. "Listen, do you mind if I take a shower? I probably smell."

"We all have our talents," Diego said, turning away to pull a bottle of beer from the dark fridge. If he'd ever needed a drink it was now. "If you want them, I put a box of some of your old clothes in the guest room closet, and I'm pretty sure you left some of your musk spray in the medicine cabinet."

"Really? I know I forgot a few things but I assumed you threw it all out."

Diego shrugged. "Never got around to it."

"So... the shower?"

"You know where the bathroom is. The water might be cold."

Fay started to turn, but his eyes drifted to the beer in Diego's paw, then looked at him as if he was disappointed. He'd always looked down on Diego's preference for cheap domestic brews. As a concession, the coyote mostly bought expensive craft beers while they were together. It had been fun to try the different types together and to find the ones that tasted best, but sometimes he just wanted something simple. Now that he was on his own, Diego had reverted to buying his father's brand.

"You're a real snob, sometimes."

Fay smirked, then directed his gaze towards the liquor cabinet on the far end of the living room. Three shelves behind glass doors held a dozen bottles, most of them slightly dusty after months of being ignored. Diego didn't drink much besides the beer.

"Looks like you still have most of the basics," the smaller male said. "Why don't I make us something a little more exciting when I get back. Maybe a hot toddy?"

Diego stared at him with a slight smile.

"What?"

"Power's still out. Not sure how you're going to boil water."

"Oh."

The marten didn't say anything for a moment, and Diego sighed. "I was going to get a fire going anyway. I'll see if I can find my camp kettle. I might want some coffee later anyway."

Fay's smile was self-satisfied. "Thanks, D. It'll be worth it."

***

Forty minutes later, Diego was tending to a healthy, but controlled blaze. Repairing the fireplace had been a significant expense when they'd first moved in, but he had long since decided it had been worth the cost. Even though he wasn't in the mood to use it often these days, he still had a significant amount of wood stored behind the garage for nights like this one.

The amber glow of the fire broke through the darkness that had settled into the house, and the chill of the storm had been pushed back towards the bedrooms. Some time earlier, he'd seen the movement of a phone light - Fay making his way into the guest room. Now, the subtle clicking of claws across the floor marked the marten's return to the main part of the house. In meeting his gaze, Diego felt an unexpected sense of comfort, contrasting what he'd felt when they'd returned from the storm. Even after so much time, having him this close made Diego feel as if he'd found something important that had been missing.

Without electricity to power the autodryer, the marten's fur was still damp in the thicker parts, but he still looked more like himself than he had all night. Or, at least he resembled the marten Diego remembered from their high school days. He'd changed into a loose-fitting sleeveless shirt and a pair of hip-hugging jeans that had seen better days. A slight smell of dust tickled Diego's nose, even from several feet away. Still, seeing Fay dressed like this was another reminder of what their life had been before they'd left home. How differently would things have turned out had they stayed in the desert?

"So, that box is mostly old summer stuff," Fay said while holding up a green-checked flannel shirt Diego recognized from his own closet. "Do you mind if I borrow this?"

"Take it." Diego forced his tail to stop wagging as soon as he noticed it, though Fay's flicking eyes told him that effort had come too late. He felt heat in his ears that had nothing to do with the fire.

The shirt was at least two sizes too big for Fay, but the look reminded Diego of nights they'd spent half-dressed back in their old apartment.

"I called Taylor. If he ever asks, I found a cheap hotel and used some emergency cash to pay for it."

Diego narrowed his eyes.

"It's a white lie. If I tell him I'm here, it'll create drama."

Something about that stung, and Diego was speaking before he'd even considered the words. "Did you discuss something like that when you decided to leave me?"

Fay flinched, then looked down. "Do we have to talk about that more?"

The anger that had been tamped down now flared in his stomach. "Don't act like this is some trivial thing I should just forget about."

Fay held out his arms. "I'm not asking you to forget about it. Just... put it away for a few hours. It happened. It sucked. I'm sorry. I was scared, and confused, and I was trying to find a way to tell you so that it wouldn't hurt so much."

Diego turned his attention back to the flickering flames to hide the moisture in his eyes. He shifted the burning wood with the metal poker. "I need to talk about it. But if you're not ready, I can wait. Assuming that you don't disappear again when you go home."

The marten sighed. "No. No, I think it's clear that only made things worse."

Diego nodded. "You were saying something about your fiance?"

In the kitchen, the clock continued its steady beat as Fay hesitated. "He wants to catch an early flight back." As he spoke, he was pulling a pair of bottles from the liquor cabinet. "How's that water coming?"

Diego eyed the iron kettle. The metal grate it rested on was awkwardly placed to allow the kettle to get heat without being directly in the fire. Wispy trails of steam were emerging from the pointed spout, so Diego grabbed the oven mitt he'd placed nearby and carefully hoisted it out. "Looks hot to me," he said as he made his way into the kitchen and set the thing on a folded dish towel he'd set out. "Don't burn yourself," he added.

Unfazed, the smaller male confiscated Diego's mitt, and began pouring bourbon into a pair of mugs decorated in a colorful southwestern pattern - an old housewarming gift from Diego's mom.

"Do I need to worry about Taylor showing up in the middle of the night?" Diego asked. Again, he found his gaze lingering on Fay's body and forced himself to stop.

"I doubt it. From what I can tell the local airports are going to stay shut down at least until tomorrow morning. Probably longer. There's no reason for him to give up the beach for this," he gestured towards the window. "Besides, he should spend time with his mom." He was stirring the drinks with a metal spoon. When it was done, he passed the steaming mug, garnished with a cinnamon stick, towards him.

Diego sniffed, licked, then recoiled at the heat. "Is something wrong with her? Taylor's mom, I mean?"

Fay cradled his mug, eyes low. "Yeah. Cancer. I don't have all the details, but she's been trying to reconnect with Taylor."

"They don't get along?"

"She caught him with one of their neighbors when he was just out of high school. I mean, it's hard to imagine anyone confusing Taylor for a straight guy, but I guess that was how she found out. Tay ended up homeless for a couple months and they didn't talk for years."

Diego gritted his teeth. Family was such an important part of his life, but even when things had been at their worst with Pa, he'd never worried that they might throw him out. As much as he'd come to hate Taylor over the last few months, no one deserved that kind of treatment.

"Makes you appreciate our parents a little more, huh?"

For a moment, Diego was sixteen again, sitting next to Fay on the old living room sofa with its yellow floral upholstery. The spicy scent of the pozole still simmering was making his stomach growl even as it twisted in knots. Pa had just gotten home from work, later than usual. Ma was trying to finish dinner. But when he'd told them he wanted to talk, they'd both sat down in the chairs across from them and waited patiently while Diego found himself fidgeting and second guessing the timing.

Just when Diego had been about to back out, Fay reached out a paw and squeezed his. Ma's eyes widened. Pa's ears went back. But Diego's resolve returned, and he sat up straighter. "Fay and I have something we need to tell you."

In the present, Fay had taken his mug and moved closer to the fire, sitting on the end of the sectional directly across from it. Diego took another tentative lap from his own cup, which had cooled while they talked. Satisfied, the coyote made his way to the opposite end of the L-shaped sofa.

Fay had dug out a coaster before putting his drink on the coffee table. Diego hadn't bothered, and briefly felt self-conscious about not treating their things well. Fay had picked out most of the furniture.

A few moments of quiet passed as they nursed their drinks, the crackling of the fire and the occasional blast of wind from the storm as their only backdrop aside from each other's breathing. Diego was deep in thought, trying to understand exactly what he was feeling, while Fay seemed to grow restless, staring at his phone.

"You should probably turn that off if you want to have it for calls later."

Fay sighed and put the device in his lap. Glancing around the room, his eyes fell on the neat pile of colorful boxes on top of the bookshelf. "How about a game?"

Even in the dim lighting, Diego could see the thin layer of dust. "Really? Don't think I have many that are much fun with two people. Maybe that dice game?" He made his way over and started looking. He'd had most of these since childhood, and even then they'd often been missing pieces.

Fay shook his head quickly. "Didn't you have that capture the flag strategy thing?"

Diego rubbed the back of his neck. "I think that was yours."

"Oh."

Diego chuckled as his eyes settled on an worn red box with gold lettering. "There's always Scrabble."

Fay, who had looked slightly deflated after Diego's last comment sat up straighter. "Whoa. Is that the same one from when we were cubs?"

"Heh. Yeah."

Another memory came to him in surprisingly vivid detail. This time, he was nine years old, sitting at the flimsy antique table with the folding legs his family had eaten most of his childhood meals on. Light poured from a dangling glass globe, stained yellow by years of cigarette smoke. His mother's vase and few other items had been pushed aside and a colorful grid on a game board was splayed out in front of them. The younger Fay was meticulously arranging rows of letters across the board, fang poking out as he concentrated. He was dressed in dark slacks, a yellow bowtie, and a blue button-up. Diego didn't even dress that nicely for church, but Fay always wore things like this to school back then.

The fur under Diego's eyes was still matted. That afternoon, their class had taken turns reading passages from a reader. Their second grade teacher - a stern, old vixen - had forced Diego to stand at the front of the classroom and stutter his way through several long paragraphs. He spoke Albion and Sonoran as well as any cub his age, but he couldn't read or write either, at least not well. With great effort, he'd managed to keep this from being known by the class at large. That day, the teacher had decided that humiliation might be the motivation he needed to improve.

His ears and cheeks burned as the vixen corrected his slow attempts to sound out words and by the time he'd gotten through the second paragraph, he'd been in tears and unable to continue because his voice kept breaking.

The rest of the school day had been a haze of cruel laughter and whispered taunts from cubs he'd spent most of the previous year trying to impress. As soon as the bell sounded, he left quickly, and was soon walking slowly towards home, his head and tail down. When a second shadow joined his on the sidewalk, Diego didn't know what to say. Just days earlier, he'd joined his "friends" in bullying the marten. Now, Fay insisted on walking home together. It turned out they lived in the same neighborhood.

Without even asking, the marten began tutoring him after school. At first, Diego had found it annoying, but Fay was persistent. At some point, he'd started wanting to do well just to show Fay it was worth spending time together, and by the end of the year, he'd been reading at grade level. Even twenty years later, those days were some of his favorite memories.

In the fire-lit living room, Diego retrieved the faded cardboard box. "Come on, it will be fun. Remember when you used to play my letters too?"

Fay sounded embarrassed. "I was just trying to help you."

"I know," Diego said. The contents of the box slid across the inside as he lifted it from the shelf. "I used to like it cause you'd sit in my lap."

Fay choked on his drink, and Diego smiled to himself, glad he could still get that kind of reaction.

"Jesus. We were what, ten?"

Diego set the game on the coffee table and shrugged. "I mean, it's not like I knew why I liked it."

They set up the game from memory and began to play. Diego sat with his back to the fire while Fay sat on the short end of the sectional. Every so often Fay went back to the kitchen to get them another round of drinks, and Diego would carefully add more wood on the fire, which kept the room cozy, despite the creeping cold in the rest of the house.

Fay won the first game easily, and halfway through their second game, he added a "Z-I-F-Y" to Diego's "Quiz." The Y was on a triple word score.

"That's bullshit. I don't care what the rules say."

"There's the sore loser I remember," Fay said, flipping through a yellowed rule booklet.

"Ya valió madre," he growled, raising his arm as if to swipe the board clean. Fay stopped him.

"Oh come on, D. I'm sure you've got something you can play."

The marten stepped around the coffee table, his long tail flitting side to side, it's end brushing the ground. Before Diego realized what was happening, the slight marten had settled into his lap and was pawing his remaining tiles as if they were cubs again. Except ten-year-old Fay had never deliberately wriggled his hips to make sure Diego's sheath was nestled against the curve of his ass. The sensation mixed with the marten's familiar scent was almost as intoxicating as the alcohol that was starting to make the pads on his fingers tingle. Shit, had Fay gotten him drunk on purpose?

"What are you doing?" he managed, trying to sound stern.

Fay didn't even look back at him, but he did shift his hips the way Diego had always liked. The coyote closed his eyes and a nearly inaudible groan slipped from his muzzle. Hook ups had lost their appeal over the last few months, and it had been weeks since he'd had anyone over. Now, his body was urgently reminding him of his neglect.

"You've got another Q here. Bet we could do something with that, at least. Too many vowels though."

"Fay..."

The marten leaned back against him, sending a warm shiver through Diego. "Maybe... 'queen?' You could play it-"

"Fay, stop."

The marten did stop, but there was hurt in his voice. "I thought you said you liked this."

"I do... I did. But..."

Fay shifted his position, turning his body to lean against Diego's while one paw softly ran along one of the coyote's arms. He could smell the alcohol on the marten's breath. "It's like you said in the car, no one has to know."

The nearby fire seemed to resonate through him as a paw slid down his arm, then across his torso. When he didn't resist, fingers pressed under the woven fabric of his sweater and began tugging at the fine tawny fur of his stomach. Diego breathed out, a soft whine of longing escaping his lips. Their muzzles met as the marten shifted. They kissed. The coyote's flat tongue slipped against Fay's as if from muscle memory. Emboldened, Fay's second paw drifted between the coyote's legs. It took a great deal of effort for Diego to grab the marten's slender wrist before it could finish that journey.

He pulled back from the kiss, muzzles still inches apart. "We can't, Fay." he swallowed. "I can't do this to someone else."

The marten looked at him, green eyes staring into his. Slowly, Fay withdrew his paws and offered a barely perceptible nod. He refused to make eye contact then.

Diego let out a soft breath, trying to ignore the scent of their combined arousal. "I still love you, Fay, but I'm not going to turn into a drunken hookup. It cheapens everything that came before."

"You're right. Sorry, I..." Fay stopped. "I just let myself drink too much." He stood, using the back of one paw to wipe at his eyes. "God, I'm such a mess."

The coyote was paralyzed for several breaths before he stood and slowly pulled Fay into a less heated embrace. They could both feel each other's physical want, but that subsided as Fay's body began to shake and Diego felt warmth against his chest. He didn't know what else to say, so the coyote just held him and rubbed his back in slow circles.

They stayed like that for several long minutes. Fay just leaned against him as he regained his composure, and the coyote eventually eased him back onto the sectional so he could lie down. "You should have some water."

A moment later, he placed a glass into Fay's paws. He had to coerce the marten to gulp down a few sips, but he eventually acquiesced. That done, Diego retrieved as many blankets from the bedrooms as he could manage. Fay had already drifted off to sleep when he returned, but Diego draped a few of the warmer blankets over him anyway to make sure he'd be comfortable overnight.

He made up his own sleeping spot on the sectional, head towards the fire and feet towards Fay. He doubted there would be any more temptation that night, but he didn't want to take any chances. Even the thought of what they could have been doing was enough to stir the latent arousal he'd pushed aside. He wasn't sure he could do that again if Fay did try anything. He wasn't even sure he had made the right decision in stopping him. It took him a long time to finally get to sleep.

***

Early in the morning, Diego woke to the startling sounds of the house coming back to life. The worst of the storm had passed, and the gusts of wind had finally subsided. The silence was now broken by the thump and hiss of the furnace and the more subtle combined hums of electronic appliances and devices throughout the house now creating a comforting symphony of familiar sounds.

The coyote glanced at the ball of fur on the other side of the couch. Fay had curled into a near-fetal position overnight, but was still breathing in the even rhythm of sleep. He thought about waking him now that the power was back, but after a brief consideration, decided they could both use a little more sleep. So, Diego quietly fed the fire then curled back into his makeshift bed.

As he drifted back to sleep, he was surprised at the sense of catharsis he felt simply by being on the other side of the storm. He'd been through a few blizzards like this one since they'd left home, but he apparently still hadn't gotten comfortable with them. He wondered if he would ever fully acclimate to this new life, or if a part of him would always long for the arid heat of the desert.

***

The sizzle of bacon on a hot griddle was what woke him a few hours later. The mingling scent of cooking food and freshly brewed coffee soon followed, and though Diego was still groggy, he shook it off with a stretch as he stood, then shook out his fur.

Fay had broken out an electric griddle, yet another thing Diego hadn't used in the months since he'd left, and was busily cooking enough breakfast to feed four people. Not that Diego was complaining. The coyote was a good cook, but the marten's torrejas - egg-battered fried toast - was something he'd never been able to replicate and he'd missed it. He would never tell her this, but it was even better than his mother's.

The scents of butter, spices, and honey transported him to a happier time, if only for a few moments. Noticing him, Fay was all smiles as he quickly shifted his attention to the counter behind him and produced a ceramic mug. "You still take your coffee with milk and sugar?"

Diego's answer was to take it and down a few swallows. It was the perfect temperature. Not that he was picky about his coffee first thing in the morning. "Ugh. I really needed that."

"It was a long night, but you always say that."

The coyote shrugged. "It's always true."

He cleared the table while Fay finished cooking, and soon they were eating across from each other as if the last six months hadn't happened. Fay didn't eat much, but he did make small talk while Diego had his fill. He did try to talk about what had happened the night before, but Fay stopped him. "Not yet, D. Just... let's enjoy this for a few more minutes."

And so they did.

But when it was done, Fay was the one to push things along.

"I'm... really sorry about last night. I swear that this wasn't some elaborate scheme to get you to sleep with me or something."

Diego exhaled. "I'd be lying if I said I hadn't wondered."

"That's fair."

"If I didn't know that you and Taylor were closed, I might have let it happen," he confessed.

Fay's smile was small but genuine. "Still, I think we need to talk about it now. And, probably some other things too. Did you mean what you said last night?"

"Which part?"

Emerald eyes met his. "When you said you still loved me."

He considered a lie. But he knew Fay had already seen the truth in his eyes. "I... don't think I could ever stop. Loving you is a part of who I am."

The next breath the marten took was shaky, and his eyes glistened. "Why," his voice caught and he had to start again. "Why couldn't you have said things like that when we were together?"

Diego felt like he'd been slapped. "What?"

"God. I don't know. I'd convinced myself that you didn't really love me and that we were only together because it was convenient. It's not like there were a lot of dating options growing up. We were friends. It makes sense that we'd be together for a while. But up here... I don't know, I worried I was holding you back. And, I guess a part of me thought you were doing the same to me."

Diego looked at his former partner, stomach sinking. "Why would you ever think that?"

Fay ran a finger pad over the surface of the table. "It's just... you were always so... laid back. Most of our nights out together were with people we were sleeping with. It started to feel like we were just each others best fuck buddies or something. You only brought up marriage once."

The coyote's ears dropped. "You said there was no point and I agreed - I don't need some county clerk to give me a certificate to tell me that we're family, but I would have done it in a heartbeat. If you changed your mind, you should have said something."

Fay's finger flexed and the tip of his claw extended into the wood just enough to leave a small dimple before he stopped and pulled his paw back. There were several similar pockmarks scattered across the surface that had accumulated over time.

"I tried, D. Every time I tried to get romantic or talk about our feelings, you'd put up this macho facade. You'd make jokes, and grab my ass, and then we'd laugh and fuck. And it just seemed to be the same thing over and over."

"So that's it? You just decided one day that we were done? Without even talking to me?"

"What was I going to say? 'Thanks for eight years, Have a good life.'"

"And dumping me for our friend was better?"

Fay's shut his eyes, a tear seeping into the fur of one cheek. "Things with Taylor started to get serious. You were traveling for work all the time. And he was... passionate and open with me. It reminded me of how I felt in those early days with you, when everything was fresh and new. We tried things I'd never done with anyone else. And... you didn't even seem to care that we were getting close. When he told me he had feelings for me, I should have ended it. But I couldn't deny that there was something between us. I was still trying to figure things out when he asked me to move in with him, and that was right when you were getting ready to leave for yet another fucking conference."

Diego had reflected on those weeks over and over again over the last six months. The signs that something was wrong had been there. Fay barely talked to him most days. Taylor had stopped showing up to events that Diego was going to be at while Fay still spent most weekends away at the raccoon's apartment. Hell, with all his traveling, he'd encouraged the two of them to spend more time together so Fay wouldn't be lonely. The thought that their relationship might be moving in that direction didn't occur to him until it was already over.

"I appreciate you finally talking to me. But it seems a little late, doesn't it?"

Fay sighed. "Probably. But, fuck, back then, I went with what my gut was telling me and," his voice cracked again, but he pushed through, "Now I can't stop thinking that it was a stupid, stupid mistake. I miss you every day. Driving home from work, I have to stop myself from just coming back here and begging you to take me back. And now whenever I go home to Taylor, I can't help but wish I was seeing you instead."

"So those feelings you thought you had for him just disappeared?"

"God, that's the thing, D. I don't think they did. I think I might love both of you. Is that... selfish of me?"

"I... really don't know. I can see why it would be confusing."

"I don't know what to do, Diego. Would you even want me back?"

The coyote considered. More memories of their time together made it hard to think realistically about what a future with Fay might look like after everything that had happened.

"Maybe. But that would be helping you make the same mistake again. I was friends with Taylor once too, remember? You need to talk to him about all this, yeah?"

"After a visit with his sick mother? Doesn't that make me even more of an asshole?"

"You can't stay with someone out of guilt. That wouldn't be fair to either of you."

Fay gave him a faint smile. "I guess. Would you consider being th--"

He was interrupted by the distinctive sound of a vibrating phone. Diego looked to where it was plugged in on the kitchen counter. The marten swore, but hurried to it. There was only a second of hesitation as he stared at the screen, then answered. "Hey, hun." A pause, then, "Yeah, power just came back a few hours ago."

Diego knew what Fay had been about to ask. Would it be fair for him to be there? As angry as he had been at the raccoon, he was surprised to realize he still cared about him. They hadn't known each other long, but there were good memories mixed in with the bad. Fay wanted him there, but he didn't want to repeat the scene that had happened across the room just six months earlier. Was there a way he could be there for both of them? Or was that just a way to justify being at Fay's side once more?

"Yeah. I'm going to call Diego and see if he can give me a ride to the airport. He's the only one I know with all-wheel drive." A pause. Diego couldn't quite make out the voice on the other end of the call. "I'll text you... yeah, it's OK. There's just something I need to talk to you about when you get back." Fay sniffed quietly.

Diego and Fay shared a look across the table. They both seemed to know what the other was thinking. Diego made his decision.

"Yeah, love you too, hun. See you soon."