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Beyond the backline

Soundtrack-

Metro Exodus-Teardrops Pt.1

Alexey Omelchuk-Into Sunset

It was time to die.

I just simply couldn't take it anymore. The repeated mugging, the ostracization, the loneliness, had gotten to a point where I could no longer handle it. I hadn't eaten in two day's, because for the past few bus rides home I got mugged, and my mother was too busy drinking to care. Better to let her son starve than to run out of vodka.

I was in the woods a few miles from my rundown house, in the city. I was walking to the edge of the forest, or what we called 'The Backline'.

The Backline was a large chain link fence with barbed wire on top. Nobody knew what was on the other side, and anybody who tried to go over simply disappeared. So, because of that, people stayed away. Nobody wanted to vanish so suddenly that it would make their closest relationships wonder whether they even existed.

Well, nobody but me at least.

I suppose before I go, I should at least mention a few things about myself.

My name is Drake, better known as 'Whitey', as I am the only person of white skin on my side of town. Trailer park trash, I'm called, even though I live in a house. You think it's bad for a black person, in a neighborhood of whites? It's even worse to be a white in a neighborhood of blacks, especially in a town like mine. The people here have been oppressed, and they don't take kindly to people who look like the ones who oppressed them, even if the said person doesn't hate em'. I sure don't, and I can't blame them. They've gone through hell, so imagine a white coming into your neighborhood, when you thought you were safe from them? I can't imagine what you'd feel.

Because of all this, I get mugged often, without warning. I've made a point to carry ten percent of my money in my front pocket, and the rest in an inside jacket pocket, so I can eat, but today and yesterday I had gotten beat unconscious twice, and stripped and searched to the seam. I was bruised, battered and just exhausted. So, they wanted me to die? Might as well do it for them!

I was carrying a heater to do the deed, a .44 I had looted from an abandoned apartment across the street from school. It has been on the verge of collapse, sure, but I had been desperate to die anyways, so it falling would have been compassion in the eyes of luck, I'm sure. But luck spared me none, as usual. Maybe in finding the gun, it did, but there wouldn't have been any shame in suffocating in a building collapse. With shooting myself, provided they ever found and identified me, I couldn't even bear to think of the reactions of everybody who had heard of me. I had nobody who cared about me, so I knew it would all be met with ridicule and scorn.

That's why I was going into the forest as far as possible, to the fence and maybe even beyond. I wanted peace as long as possible, and hopefully moving beyond the Backline would guarantee it.

I walked past an old, rusted car frame, a marker that I was about a few dozen yards away from the fence line. How it had gotten out here and why somebody had left it here, I had no idea, but at least in the end it served some use. More than I could say, sadly.

Finally, after tripping over a few tree roots and splashing through a few trees, I saw it- The Backline. A ten foot fence, with wicked sharp razor wire strung along the top. Despite how long it had been here, it was all only a little rusty. Twenty years, I remember hearing from kids in the cafeteria- twenty years since it had been built, and still, nobody knew why it was there.

It had been built years ago, silently by the government, to contain a secret. What 'secret' exactly nobody knew, but it had been more than enough to attract a few thrill seekers and curious interlopers, none of whom ever returned. Not a single one.

While that may have been terrifying to an average person, it was an opportunity to a young adult like me with no will to live. I was 19 now, and I had realized ever since I was 18 that life sucks. To have an opportunity to do something worthwhile when all I wanted to do was die, was well... glorious. I was going to kill myself once I got over, but I was at least going to be the first to get to the other side.

I took out a small shovel I had tucked into my old, white hoodie pocket, one of those tiny hand shovels that you can find at a gardening store, and stuck it in the dirt. My plan was to dig a small hole, and crawl under the chain link fence, as I was sure that the government had built the fence, they probably hadn't bothered to build the fence underground.

I kneeled down in the mud (Thank god for blue jeans.), and began digging. It had rained recently, so the dirt came up easily, almost like digging into a pie. Because of this, a task that normally would have taken me twenty minutes took me only five, until I had a good sized hole underneath the fence. I crawled into it, careful not to scrape against the fence. I had no idea if it was electrified, and I didn't want to be the one to find out.

I squeezed through, gasping for breath, (I'm claustrophobic, okay?) and took a look around. It was a typical dense forest of maples and spruce trees, with a small stream running through a ditch nearby. I followed it, because dying by a nice pond sounded better than on an ant mound that I knew I would be lucky enough to die on.

I followed the stream, hiking for a good twenty minutes, until I reached a large lake. It was beautiful, and I wished I had somebody to show. There had been debates on what was here for years, and I knew I could have easily bought a car with the amount of bets I could have won. I smiled grimly. Like that would ever happen. I would get denied them, robbed or worse if I went back.

I sat down on a large rock, gazing at the lake. There was nothing notable, besides the clean, blue water and the large trees, that was it.

I took the gun out of my pants pocket. It was huge, and had five shots in it, I'd checked.

I pulled back the hammer, debating. Was it the right thing to do, or should I use the thing to gain some respect?

I shook my head. Gun or not, I was white. I would never gain respect, even if I blew up a tank or robbed a bank.

I raised the barrel, up to my chin, like I'd seen them do in the movies. I was about to pull the trigger when I heard singing. Singing?

It was close, but far enough away that I couldn't make out the words. However, it was getting closer, as if the singer was coming my direction. After a few minutes, when I could make out the words, I realized it was a woman singing, and it sounded beautiful.

"A promise to keep, a place to go, a promise to seek, a world to know..."

Then the singer moved out of the woods, and I (and them as well) got the shock of a lifetime.

Imagine one of those stupid disney cartoons, okay? Let's take that old robin hood one, and imagine the robin hood fox, okay?

Imagine the robin hood fox, but female, very realistic and lifelike, and wearing only a red bra and a red pair of shorts.

It stopped singing, and stared at me silently. I did the same, putting my gun down. We locked eyes. It had very human eyes, with blue irises.

It glanced at the heater. "You weren't going to shoot me with that, were you?" It asked.

I shook my head, like I had normal, everyday conversations with fox people. "Nobody but myself. You don't have to worry."

It raised a brow. "That seems cause enough to worry."

"No, everyone I know will be happy for once. I just came here to have some peace. Of course, I didn't know the lake would have residents when I came."

It gave me a look over, taking in my bruises, my cuts and scrapes. "I've never met a human before, nobody has as long as we can remember. Is... all that natural?"

I laughed dryly, without humor. "Which? The knife cut on my leg, the black eye? I get them so often it might as well be natural."

Its eyes seemed to become saddened. "How did this happen?"

"Ah, neighborhood stuff. I get mugged a lot. Not a big deal." I said, shrugging.

To my shock, the fox teared up. "I'm so sorry." It said.

I shook my head incredulously. "What are you sorry for? You didn't have no part in this."

It sniffed quietly. "I still feel bad. Would you like a hug?"

Now it was my turn to raise an eyebrow. "What's that?" I said in confusion. After all, I was a stranger in a strange land, so maybe this was a culture thing it was giving me, or some sort of food?

(Future note: Okay, I'm stupid, alright? I had never been hugged before, never told what it was, even, so I thought it was some sort of drink or drug or something, not a friendly gesture that people did.)

It smiled. "Why don't I just show you?"

I raised my eyebrow higher, until it disappeared into my beanie. "...Okay?"

The fox walked over, leaned down and wrapped its arms around me. I stiffened in surprise, and almost pulled out my gun on instinct. The only reason I didn't pull it out was because of the feeling of the hug- not malicious, not aggressive either. It honestly felt like somebody had infused the fox's fur with tiny little heaters, the heat from which infused my whole body.

It was... well, as ridiculous as it sounds, life changing.

It held the hug for a good ten seconds, then let go. It looked slightly embarrassed, if I was reading the expression correctly. I didn't know why it was feeling that way, because that ten second 'hug' was one of the greatest things I had felt in my entire life.

"I'm sorry," it said, looking down. "I get too emotional sometimes, and I don't think before I do something."

I looked at the fox incredulously. "Why are you apologizing? That was...amazing."

If it could blush, I'm sure it would have. Its voice certainly grew heated. "Well...that doesn't excuse me not thinking..."

I shook my head. "That doesn't matter. I think that's a good and a bad thing. In fact, why don't we do another one?"

It smiled. "You liked it that much?"

"For my first time, yeah."

It smiled again. "Well, I won't protest. You sure look like you could use it." It sat down on the rock. I moved over to make room, and in return it rested its head on my shoulder, and hugged me.

We sat there for god knows how long, simply staring out into the lake. The sun began to set.

The fox coughed. "Well, I should probably leave soon."

I nodded. "You have a family?"

"Yes. I'm the eldest, and I have a few younger siblings. They are probably at home right now, playing. What about you?"

I shook my head. "If you count a constantly drunk mother as one."

It looked at me, confused. "Drunk like...loopy from ale?"

I chuckled. "Yes, but much worse."

The fox looked even more confused."What about your father? Your sibs?"

"He got killed robbing a grocery store, because we'd been out of food for weeks. And I don't have any siblings, I'm an only child."

I didn't look to see its expression, but I felt my shirt sleeve starting to get wet. "I'm sorry." The fox said quietly. "I know very little about life over in the human world, but I know humans can't be that terrible-"

"I assure you, there's far worse." I said.

It nudged me with its head, in an almost doglike manner. "I remember now...you were going to kill yourself? Because of all this?"

I nodded, careful to not knock its head. "Yes, but now that I've met you...I don't know what to do."

"Why? Don't you just want to be done with it?"

I hesitated. "Yes, and no. Before, I had no reason to live, but now..." I looked at the fox, who was looking up at me in curiosity. "Now, I do."

It smiled, its blue eyes shining bright. "You really mean it?"

I nodded. "I do."

It leaned over and gave me what I assumed was the equivalent of a kiss for a fox- muzzle touching my cheek, lips slightly open, and the feeling of soft flesh coming in contact with mine.

For the first time in months, I smiled. I kissed it right back, and it was more than happy to wrap its arms around me again into a warm embrace.

I knew from then on, everything was going to be alright.